PRESIDENT WITHOUT PRECEDENT!

'I may not be a judge (within the common law tradition)' grinned the Japanese Richard Nixon lookalike who had suddenly apparated, (New Sodom contained the seeds of Harry Potter's backstory), behind Miroku, 'but I believe that I know a thing or too… about a PRECEDENT!'

Everyone in the cafe started laughing spontaneously and naturally. Are you? Good. Then lets continue.

'I thought I was patient,' replied Kagome 'but you sir, are a true wAITER!'

No one laughed, because that joke was so lame that if anyone mocked it they would justly earn the wrath of disability activists. Are you laughing? Good, then lets continue.

'It is true that I have more weight than you and have often been associated with beaches and made of wood,' said the pseudo-Nixon to Miroku, 'but compared to you I am no WEIGH-TIER!'

All there café patrons who aren't character in the story climaxed with hilarity, and several heads exploded in delight. Has yours?

'Sir,' said Miroku in a deadpan tone, 'I believe I have encountered some enjoyable joints between thigh and calf, but you are truly FUN-KNEE!'

The exploded café patrons reaseembled themselves with groans.

'And get me a bloody salad!' Miroku shouted and slammed both fists and feet on the table.

'Sir, I am no cook.' smiled pseudo-Nixon. 'I am Ferris Fremont. I heard one of you mention me?' Words seemed to howl from the stranger's bulging iris. 'Something about a weird ass goat?'

'Sure.' Kagome took the lead, and kicked Inu Yasha and Miroku under the table. Comedy Hour really annoyed her. 'Me and a coupla associates of mine are lookin' to go bust up the aforementioned weird ass goat on the assumption that it has a shard o'the magical Shikon jewel wedged up its-'

'Not the mention Naruku probably is implicated in all this.' quickly spake Inu Yasha, feeling that Kagome was going to say something inappropriate.

'-ear.'

Feris F Fremont fiddled with his tie and commented. 'The local government isn't too happy about the goat hanging around Pigpimples, but we can't do anything about it, not being protagonists. I do, however, have two things that could help.' He pulled two spray cans out of his suit. 'Ubik.'

'I know this stuff!' burst an excited Inu Yasha. 'Ubik practically funds the Quibbler! it's the only thing that gets advertised there! It turns back time, or makes things more real, doesn't it?'

'Something like that.' said Fremont, noticing Kagome's obvious discomfort. 'I've also got this. A wub.' he bought out a small piglet from his jacket.

'Allo, allo.' said the wub.

'Whatever you do, don't eat it. Or you'll BE it.' the president informed the gang. He shoved the Quibbler under Kagome's eyes. 'What does the second headline say?'

'It talks about a military man investigating a crash site, who realizes that he is in fact an exploding robot.' Kagome told him.

'Don't tell me what the headline talks about, repeat the exact words it uses.'

Kagome's eyes focused on the letters which danced to the beat of her thoughts. She knew what the words meant, but not what they were.

'Sorry. Can't help you.' she apologised as a concerned Inu Yasha and Miroku looked on.

'Hmm. Don't worry about it. Look at this coin. Whose face do you see?' fremont showed Kagome a quarter, as they say in America.

'It looks like… James Dean? Yep, definitely James Dean money.' evaluated a mystified Kagome, who you should remember comes up against the unheimlich on a daily basis.

'Don't worry about it.' echoed Ferris F Fremont, who blinked away like a television picture.

Miroku finished his Sake. 'Well, let's go get some Belial.' he burped.

'Nahh…' said Inu Yasha. 'Itsabit late. Lets do it tomorrow.'

In the schoolyard, Naruku, Sakura Tape and Belial in a cage were standing perfectly still. 'Don't move.' said Belial out of the corner of his mouth. 'Until the heroes are here.'