A HOLEY MAN!

Aslan stepped out of a wardrobe at Boarbumps and grinned at the readership. 'Surprised?' he growled. The anthromorphic lion stalked into the shadows of the schoolyard, watching, waiting, commiserating.

The first character to wake up today was Miroku, because a demon had shined a torch on the park bench where he was sleeping. 'What gives?' he moaned, uncharacteristically. This city has that effect on people.

'Oh, nothing really.' smirked Sakura Tape. 'Just a little temptation.'

'Eh?' woke up Miroku. 'Aren't you being, well, a bit blatant?'

'You've never been one for subtlety. Or at least, you're too subtle for our tiny, tiny, microphones to notice.' sneered Tape. He really didn't have a good bedside matter, which was effectively a glorified chthonic penpal. Big deal. Tape had volunteered to tempt Miroku because he reminded him of the man who'd suggested to the father below that he be take out of the field, the Emperor of Noumaria, a monstrous clever fellow.

'You've' yawned Miroku, 'got me there. What's the bait?'

'I'm sure you've knocked around this fic long enough to become aware of its post-modern nature. One post-modern concept is intertextuality.' Tape let the sensual word roll within Miroku's cranium before continuing. 'It means that texts speak to other texts, as opposed to reality, I think. Miroku, I can get you to speak, nay, participate in any text you want.'

'Like the Lotus Sutra?' he said, as a committed Buddhist.

'Like the Karma Sutra.' grinned Tape. 'I can hook you up with all sorts of genres.'

'Hmm…' audibly considered the monk. 'so not only are you a demon who wakes up the homeless at unseemly hours, you're also some sort of multiversal pimp.'

Sakura Tape laughed. 'I don't see myself that way, but I'll put that on the back of my card from now on. All you have to do is bow down to our lord and master Belial.'

Miroku suspected that the demon offering gifts was working with Belial, but he'd be an idiot not to be convinced smell the whiff of goat now. 'I dunno… seems a bit undignified.'

'Ýou drive a hard bargain, Miroku-san. I can call you Miroku-san can't I? We're all good friends here. Alright, for my buddy Miroku-san all you have to do is unlock a tiny lock. With this key.' Tape summoned a key into Miroku's hand.

'A convincing pitch, I'm sure. But I'm a man of faith, it takes more than general statements to convince me. I've read of these deals. I'll only do it if you produce the portal, or pathway or whatever in advance.'

Poor Tape. There Emperor of Noumaria had a point. 'Sure.' he snapped his fingers and a window opened in the air, to Miroku's favourite work of fiction.

Like a flash, Miroku whipped a can of Ubik out of his bag and sprayed Tape all over. The demon screamed as he rapidly de-aged millennia.

'I did a comparative religion course as a part of my Buddhist training, friend,' monologued Miroku as he sprayed the flailing beast, 'and I reckon you're some kind of import from Christian mythology, and if my understanding of that religion is correct, you were a member of a faction cast out from the pantheon after an attempted coup.' he said this as Tape began to emanate light. 'I also figured you'd be operating on an inverted moral system, so good is bad and bad is good flopping through the midnight air, why you'd even say low is good and talk about your father below and a lowerachy'- the newborn angel screamed as Miroku bore on. 'am I right? And so being holy, kosher even would be torture for you. Torture so much you would be incapable of movement.' Miroku was right, the celestial was only capable of twitching. 'We all become the thing we hate.' the monk put the can down and unwrapped the hole in his palm… 'and we all come across an irresistible force.' … and sucked the screaming archangel, a Dominion to be precise, into his hand.

Talk about saving the world before breakfast! Miroku was proud. He left the key by Inu Yasha and leapt into the portal. He figured he'd deserved it.