AN: Thanks to Leckadams for spending her money, so I'd write this.
I had a couple banners made for me this week, but I don't have them on my profile yet, I'll mention them and the creator's next chapter when you're able to actually see them.
I skipped out on my homework to write this chapter, because you guys have been truly amazing to me. I appreciate all the support. There were a couple of you I couldn't reply to the last couple chapters because you have your PM's turned off, so thanks for all the support.
I couldn't ask for a better beta – Layne Faire is the bomb.
So, I told you last chapter we'd be picking up the pace. Here we go…I hope you guys are ready…
AND have been paying attention. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter 11
The boat ride is wickedly intense. My skin prickles with excitement and thrill.
It's silent, but our eyes lock, and this time it doesn't bother me in the least that he seems to navigate blindly.
I analyze the last word he'd spoken. Home. Such a harmless little word, but with it carries the possibility of such monumental consequences. I pick the simple, but complex, term apart – dissecting it, considering each context, on every different level, scale and angle.
Of course we're going home. But is he referring to my temporary residence – possibly to hang out – play a game of cards or pool? Does he mean the backyard again, for a little forbidden rendezvous, hidden in the sumptuous blackness to continue what began on the island? Or to his home, at last placing my virginity at stake?
He docks the boat quicker than ever, grabbing my hands to help me exit the swaying boat. His grip doesn't relent; in fact, it's tighter – as if he thinks I'll flee when my feet hit solid ground.
Fat chance.
The only thing discernible in the darkness is the light from the Stormy Haven Inn's windows. Even though midnight approaches, they shine with continuous effervescence. Jasper doesn't hazard a glance in the structure's direction when we pass by, striding determinedly through the enchanted forest, directly up the porch of his cabin.
This is enormous for us, and I'd love to hesitate at the door, savoring the special occasion. But Jasper doesn't bat an eye, not pausing for a moment, simply swinging the door wide open and hauling me inside.
Indoors, it's cozy warm, just like you'd expect a log cabin to be. He doesn't allow me any time to look around before I'm being kissed – and pushed – and kissed. His mouth is so fucking delicious…absolute best thing I've ever tasted in my life.
The hands on my chest are an insistent force causing me to stumble backward several steps, directly into the landing of the stairs that lead to his loft.
The stairs are steep, almost like a ladder. The pressure Jasper is applying relents, but I refuse to break our connection. Awkwardly, I take each of the small steps slowly and carefully, while our kiss never loses its momentum. He presses against me while I climb, ensuring my safety, while I slide up each narrow rung.
He does pull away when I reach the top, letting me situate myself so I don't fall on my face.
His room…oh, my God.
So beautiful, so comfortable, so sexy.
His bed paints an erotic image…a king-sized bed in the middle of the back wall, centered between two large picture windows. It's unmade…slept in – his pillows are strewn about, the stark white sheets are rumpled and inviting.
Unlike the rest of the cabin, his bedroom has drywall, tinted a deep pea green.
The clothes that he'd been wearing yesterday hang over an oversized chair that rests along the railing on the opposite side of the room, a guitar propped up against it. A closet is tucked into one corner, and a door, slightly ajar, reveals a bathroom in the other corner.
"This is…I can't…," I don't even know what to say. All I know is my skin is buzzing, my heart pounding. I picture leaving my shoes next to his chair, and my toothbrush in his bathroom.
Jasper sidles up behind me, peeling my tee over my head. "This is…what?" he asks of my unfinished statement.
He pulls me close, my back colliding with his bare chest.
"This is – incredible. I can't believe how lucky I am to be here with you."
Agile fingers circle around me, loosening my belt and unbuttoning my jeans. He's not wasting a second. Lowering my denim and boxers, he opens his mouth against my back, neck and shoulder.
"Your drivin' me crazy Edward." He whispers against my shoulder.
He sucks and nibbles the skin right underneath my ear, distracting me enough that I'm startled when he grasps my cock. His other hand fills with my sac, fondling and cradling it, while he jacks me slowly. "You're wrong. I'm the one who's lucky."
I'm hard...so hard, and he's stroking me, oh…so good. My senses are on hyper-active overload; my emotions - stripped bare. I'm in his house, in his bedroom, where he sleeps, where he's fantasized about me…
He's kissing me, touching me…and if I have my way, he'll be making love to me.
Removing the remainder of my clothing, I turn, watching hungrily while he disrobes. His gaze never falters from mine when he kicks his jeans to the side. He stands before me—exceptional beauty, unashamed and fully aroused.
Swiping his fingertips across my leaking dick, he captures the cum that dangles from the tip. "We can't be wastin' any of this, now can we?" he says licking my essence from his fingers. "Have you ever tasted yourself?" he asks, softly.
His velvety tenor is hypnotizing, and I can only stare, shaking my head from side to side.
"No?" He presses two fingers against my lips. "Suck," he commands.
I do as I'm told, slurping on his fingers, tasting my flavor on his skin. I can't tear my eyes from his, while he watches what I'm doing. His stare flickers up, and stays – blatant desire stirring thickly between us. A keening whimper emanates from his chest, and I suck harder needing to hear the primitive sound again.
But even better, one fluid motion and I find myself flat on my back, trapped underneath Jasper's strong frame. He licks and sucks at my lips until I find the wherewithal to open them. Instantly, his tongue fills my mouth and tangles with mine.
What seems like minutes later, I pull away, frantic for air. Feeling close to fainting from the heat our bodies are creating - the scorching desire, and the enormity of the entire situation…I gasp the oxygen necessary for continued consciousness.
Unfazed, Jasper looms over me, biting and licking my jaw, tracing down the column of neck. I tilt my head, providing him additional access, while burying my face in a soft, crisp pillow. The coolness of the fabric offers a slight reprieve from the hellacious firestorm we're generating.
I can't take any more.
"Jasper…Jasper?" I pant, cutting off his access to my neck and lifting his head by the only means at my disposal, grabbing a fistful of hair - and pulling. Once his questioning eyes meet mine, I make my demand – or entreaty.
"Please don't make me wait anymore. Make love to me."
This isn't all about lust.
It's true. I'm dying for his touch, and I get incredibly hard merely thinking about his body – his beauty, his mouthwatering collarbone, his sinewy muscle, that chiseled "v", his thick cock. There's no doubt that I want to ravage it all, but this joining means more than that. It's about being with the man who holds my heart in his hands, in the basest way. I want to share, experience, and celebrate everything with him.
This is a void I'm terrified only Jasper can fill.
He wavers only for a moment, before capitulating.
"Are you sure, darlin'?" His expression is a mishmash of hope, worry, and joy.
I'm giddy with excitement, and can't help but snicker at his nervousness. His brow furrows, but he lets go of any trepidation, joining in my amusement. Our foreheads meet and our noses brush, smiles embedded in both of our faces.
After some time, his merriment fades, his expression becoming serious again. "Edward, it's…I'm gonna hurt you," he states, regrettably.
I brace his face in between my palms. "I know…and I can't wait," I say, smiling. "I'm not scared," I whisper.
Our lips fuse, and it's breathtakingly gentle. He lays on his side, his fingertips trailing lightly over my face, grazing my chest and stomach, gliding over my erection before fisting the length. He pumps my shaft, evoking moans, pleas, and soft cries that reverberate throughout the room.
Kissing down my chest, he circles my nipples with his tongue, flicking and sucking the hardened nubs into his mouth. I squirm from the intense pleasure his mouth and hand provide. His lips travel down the planes of my stomach, swirling and lapping every inch – sucking on each protruding hipbone. He moves between my legs, lying with his face directly over my pulsing cock. He skims his nose along the silken skin, breathing deeply.
"I love your smell," he murmurs.
"Jasper…please."
My hips shift on their own accord, pressing my dick against his teasing mouth. He smirks, knowingly, grabbing the base of my shaft and lifting it to his open lips. I watch his tongue twist along the crown before his soft, pink lips curl around my skin, sliding down my length, then back up – leaving a slick trail of wetness behind. He rocks a scandalous tempo, his head bobbing, while his hand caresses the underside of my ball sac.
It seems like only seconds later, but when a slippery finger locates my hole, I'm screaming for him to stop.
"Jasper…please. I don't want to cum like this," I beg.
He sits back on his heels, studying the situation, while he idly strokes me.
"Have you ever…y'know…touched yourself…?"
I nod, aware of what he's trying to ask. It's embarrassing for sure, but I figure honesty is the best policy at the moment.
"I've been experimenting. I've only got in…uh, two fingers, before I…um, cum." I finish, lamely.
"Okay…that's good. That makes me happy, darlin'. I was pretty sure you were gonna tell me you'd done no such thing." He appears to be genuinely relieved.
"I always imagine it's you when I do," I admit, shyly.
He chuckles, grasping his own shaft, giving it a few solid pumps.
"Well, I'm a lot bigger than two fingers Edward, so we're going to work on stretching you some, okay?"
I nod, fully trusting him with my body.
He stretches across the bed to gather the necessary supplies from his nightstand. He lubes his fingers generously, warming the liquid in his hand before rubbing it along my entire crack. He holds the bottle high, squirting a little extra on my cock, and winking at me when my dick jumps in anticipation.
Tender kisses serve to sidetrack me while the first two fingers enter me with little consequence, but when I'm ready for the third, the burning invasion I'd experienced in the beginning of my experimentation comes back in full force. I stiffen under the severe pressure, feeling like I'm being tore open.
Jesus, how is he going to fit his cock in there?
Jasper finally pushes three fingers all the way in. He wiggles infinitesimally, helping me stretch while he waits patiently for me to acclimate to the intrusion.
"Breathe, Edward," he instructs quietly. It hurts, but I focus on him…
He grounds me. Jasper's my center…my strength.
My body reacts by gradually relaxing – muscle-by-muscle – and he notices. "You're doin' fantastic," he breathes. His gaze wanders over me – my body in full sheen under the strain. "You're amazin', Edward." His emotion-filled eyes confirm the truth of his words.
And just like that, a sensation blooms deep inside me that infiltrates and destroys any lingering unpleasantness. It's like I've turned a dark, dismal corner, to be met with sun, green pastures scattered with large daisies, and…Jasper.
I stare deeply into his blue depths.
Do you see it, Jasper?
I love you.
He resumes stroking my shaft, but my erection had withered down to a semi from the stress of stretching my ass, and I wonder if I should have come down his throat when I'd had the chance. Then, he changes the position of his fingers, hitting a spot that sends a different kind of burn spiraling throughout my body.
"Ahhhh, God," I moan, pushing back into his fingers, urging them to repeat the magical gesture. I'd tapped the area once or twice during my own times of exploration but never had it felt so sinfully divine.
He slowly thrusts in and out, pressing deeply and stretching me.
My body overflows with an indomitable demand I haven't been able to conquer yet, but Jasper is a master – exceptionally talented. He meets the crisis with ease, manipulating the demand to bow to its aggressor's prowess; not by subsiding, but blooming into one of hopeful, keening bliss. A promise of righteous ecstasy.
"Jas, I'm ready, baby," I breathe out. His fingers remain inside me, while he leans over my body, kissing me hungrily. Insistent hips push into my side, showing me how ready he is, too.
He sits up quickly, reaching for a condom in his bedside table. He watches me closely while he sheathes himself, soaking the rubber with lube.
He spreads my legs wide, pushing them up toward my face.
"Hold onto your knees, darlin'," he instructs, huskily. I do as he says, leaving me in the most vulnerable position of my life. He sits back on his heels, and just stares.
"God, Edward…so gorgeous. I want you. So fuckin' much." He scoots closer, lining himself up. Rubbing my calf with his free hand, his eyes dart from the task at hand to my eyes. "You gotta tell me…"
I simply nod once, but the motion is filled with admiration and awe.
I love you.
The lube supplies the slickness desirable to get the crown of Jasper's cock in, but taut muscle prevents a smooth entry. His hands secure my hips, his thumbs sinking into the hollow of my hip joints, stabilizing me for deeper penetration. He pauses to breathe for a moment before he jerks his hips forward, overcoming the obstacle. Pain strikes hard and fast, my body freezing along with Jasper's. He's breathing heavy; I'm not breathing at all.
"Breathe darlin'. Try to relax," he encourages, massaging the inside of my thighs in a soothing pattern, but it's no immediate consolation to my mutilated ass.
Over the next several moments, the instantaneous burn and sting that radiated at his entry, slowly ebbs. I do as he bids – breathing, trying to relax while my body adjusts around his length. I'm not sure if I'm ready for him to move yet, but I start to unwind, beginning with my core and spreading out through my limbs, which assists in alleviating the pain.
I finally open my eyes to tell him, but I'm speechless when I find his eyes pinched shut, his head thrown back, and his jaw clenched tightly shut. His body is quivering…literally shaking, and I realize how staying idle, waiting for me to adapt, tortures him.
I love you.
"And you say I'm exquisite...," I manage to grit out. His eyes pop open, and he stares down at me – so much going on in that expression that I don't even know where to begin defining it. Insurmountable tension and restraint cause his body's rigidness, his thick veins protruding, thumping violently under slick, tanned skin. "I've got nothing on you."
He attempts to smile, but it doesn't work. I'd rather show Jasper that I'm ready rather than verbalize it, so I study him while I move minutely. I feel his dick twitch inside me, and he moans, lithe muscles rippling while his control is brutally tested.
I stir more, causing Jasper to groan, and his hips to fall into a short, slow rhythm. He places his hands under my calves, holding them up, allowing me to release my knees and stretch one of my arms lazily over my head, and the other hand to grasp my dick.
His shallow movements rapidly become longer and quicker. He's going at a steady pace, switching his attention between watching me and being entranced by his dick gliding in and out of my hole. I wish I could see it too, but the feeling of Jasper filling me is like nothing I could have ever imagined, and I'm glad that I'm able to experience this without a visual to cloud the sensations.
The heat is deliciously intense; the pressure is everywhere.
Everything changes when he twists his hips, focusing his efforts in a different direction. I cry out from the intensity that seems to multiply with each thrust. I grope at my hair, the pillow, the sheets…anything I can get my hands on, knowing I'm teetering on the edge of the something wonderfully sublime.
He's moving oh so fast now, his hand on my cock, and I lose all train of thought.
All I can do is feel. My balls draw up, the tingling in the pit of my stomach coursing it's way throughout the rest of my body.
Jasper is right there with me.
Beautifully salacious words are accented with grunts and guttural moans.
"I-I can't hang on…so tight…so perfect. God, please…"
His hand blurs over my dick, but it's like I'm frozen in time, watching Jasper's eyes widen before they pinch shut. His body stiffens and he cries out my name.
He throbs and pulses inside of me, triggering my own blinding orgasm.
The endless spasms finally subside, leaving me weak and tired, but elated and in love.
Jasper falls on top of me; his mouth is open, taking deep gusts of air into his lungs.
"I love you."
His eyes snap open, and he blanches.
Looking ill, he scrambles off the bed. "You need to get cleaned up," he mutters, walking stiffly to the bathroom, eyes downcast, his lips set in a thin, grim line.
Well, this isn't exactly how I'd envisioned him reacting after I'd admitted my feelings, but what choice do I have but to just go with it, and hope for the best?
Returning with a warm washcloth, he spends ample time carefully and meticulously wiping me down, his eyes follow his every movement – dire is his concentration.
Once done, he doesn't seem to know what to do with himself. He looks everywhere but where I am. And like his eyes, his hands also fidget, the meaning devastatingly clear.
I've made him uncomfortable – in his own home – in his own bed.
"Do you want me to go?" I whisper, when it's really the last thing in the world I want to do.
His blue eyes pierce mine. He decides not to answer my question, but instead ask one of his own. "Why did you say that?" he probes, breathlessly.
I never waver, peering straight into his eyes…wanting him to see the truth. "Because I meant it. It wasn't a 'heat of the moment' thing, Jas. I've wanted to tell you for some time," I clarify.
He gazes out one of the windows overlooking his backyard, lost in troubling thoughts. His expression is tattling – serious and despondent, it says.
"I don't expect you to say it back. It's just how I feel. I love you." It's liberating to say the words that appear to stifle him, so my emotions conflict, warring with both joy and desolation.
"Don't say that," He growls, standing up, pacing back and forth.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin…"
He stops in front of me. "It's not fair, Edward – it's not fair – to say it when you have no intention of stayin' with me." His voice rises near the end.
"You're right. I'm sorry," I apologize, attempting to bypass an imminent, and abrupt termination of this night, and our brief romance.
He leans over the bed, cupping my face. "I thought we were just going to enjoy this time together without puttin' names and feelings to it."
"Okay. I-I just…can I stay tonight?" Knowing the best possible resolution is to drop the subject altogether.
He doesn't answer with words. Climbing back into bed, he sorts the blankets that lay in disarray, adjusting them, then covering us both. We automatically gravitate toward one another, and there's a long pause, followed by a deep sigh, from the man in my arms.
"Thank you, darlin'…for tonight. You were…it was…" He doesn't complete his sentence, but the insistent grip that he has on me says everything I need to know.
"I know."
I don't sleep much while my mind spins. I count the weeks I have remaining in Bon Terre over and over again, thinking I have it wrong.
How can I only have four weeks left?
How the hell am I going to be able to leave him? We can work something out.
My heart depends upon it.
XXXXX
Stay Still by Edward M. Cullen - cont'd
The town is small, and gossip's leaked that Tony is not only a prime suspect in the serial case, but that he's been attempting to locate a young man, five years his junior, to corroborate his alibi.
Ignorance spreads like a disease, and the community's turned against Tony overnight, ostracizing him for his homosexuality, and labeling him a killer before any real evidence has been revealed.
Jeremy sees Tony and Maria in the local grocer, trying to hold their heads up while people glare and hurl vicious slurs. It kills Jeremy to witness his friends' torment.
Yes, he still considers Tony a friend…his best friend, but when they make eye contact, Tony looks right through him, as though he doesn't exist. Jeremy knows him too well, though, and Tony can't hide the pain in his eyes.
If that were the case – he wouldn't have been able to hide anything else from him either.
He didn't do it. He couldn't have.
Jeremy knows it to be the truth in his gut – and in his heart.
Oh God, Jeremy thinks, what have I done?
XXXXX
"Jas, listen to me…I'm serious. This'll work," I persuade, running the soap down his trim back.
I woke up this morning in the same position I'd been in yesterday morning – with Jasper sprawled across my chest. I hadn't waited for him to wake up this time. Nuh-uh, instead I rolled his ass over and swallowed his big dick – and all of his cum – for the very first time.
I'd resisted the urge to pat myself on the back right there in front of a tired, sexy, spent Jasper, but I did a mental happy dance. My skills seem to improve with each and every encounter.
I wanted to have sex again, but he said I'd be too sore. I'd tried to disagree, but he told me to go take care of my morning duties, and then we'd see. Rising from the bed I'd felt a twinge, and I'd barely taken two steps before I felt the ache, and another two before I felt the throb. When I heard him chuckle behind me, I realized that he'd known this epiphany would occur. I flipped him the bird over my shoulder, and he just laughed harder.
By the time I brushed my teeth and took a piss, I had to admit he was right. Even performing simple operations, like bending over the sink to rinse my mouth, caused pain.
But hell, I still felt magnificent!
"I am listenin' Edward. I told ya, I'm just a little skeptical of long distance relationships." While Jasper pivots to rinse his back he steals the soap from my hands, and slides it along my chest, rubbing it in and creating lather.
He glances up and it's enough to see the spark in his eyes. He's listening…and there's hope.
I'd analyzed the situation well into the wee hours of the morning, contemplating our circumstances, and looking for a feasible compromise. I know, with a little effort, and patience on both our parts, we can make this work.
"I'd be here all summer. We also get a winter and spring break at school. You can come visit me for a couple of weeks here and there, too, and there are weekends... We'd barely go a month or so without seeing each other."
A month still seems like a really long time, but I'm not planning to advertise that point when I'm trying to plead my case.
"I don't know Edward. I just…I don't want either of us to get hurt, is all. It's gonna be hard enough with you leavin' now." He winces, and I know the feeling.
"It'll be worth the risk. I promise you, Jas. Just th-think about it," I stutter, when he slides his soapy hand over my dick.
"Alright, well, while I'm thinkin' on that, let me give you something to think about."
I relent…for now, but it's not like I have an alternative when he drops to his knees, returning the favor.
Leaving Jasper in the morning so he can do a few chores for Rosalie before he meanders into town to finish some odd jobs; I saunter (limp, really) back to Rosalie's, on top of the freaking world. I sneak back in, not wanting Rosalie to become suspicious, slipping back to my room unnoticed. While I wait for my laptop to load, I twirl around the room, before falling back on the bed with a huge grin.
Yeah, it's a total girl move, but…so what?
I just had sex for God sakes! With a man who just so happens to be what dreams are made of, and who is also considering having a long-term relationship with me.
If that isn't something to turn into a girl over, then I just don't know what is.
What more can I possibly ask for?
The ding from my computer informs me that its booted up. I check my emails first – there are a couple from Alice and one from…Robert Banner? The name sounds familiar, but I can't place it. So, I open that one first, unable to believe what my eyes are seeing.
XXXXX
Mr. Cullen:
Thank you for taking the time to send in your application and resume to Stevenson Elementary School for the Musical Arts teacher position. We've just been advised that our current teacher will not be returning for the 2012 school year.
I am proud to say that Stevenson Elementary is a premier educational establishment. It's the most sought after private school with the longest running waiting list in the history of Chicago's Northern district, and we only hire the most skilled, knowledgeable, and caring staff.
With that being said, I'm very impressed with your qualifications, and have checked your references, as well as spoken with your current principal at Glendale High. We find you a more than suitable match for the position. I'd like to set up an appointment with the Principal at Stevenson, as soon as possible, to interview and review some of your ideas for the program we have here at Stevenson Elementary.
Please call me at your earliest convenience.
Robert Banner
Superintendent - Naperville schools
630-222-5551
XXXXX
It's my dream job.
My hands are trembling, I can barely breath, and my thoughts are – everywhere.
I'll have to leave early…prepare for my interview, review my lesson plans. I can't bomb this interview. It's all I've ever wanted…it's time to go home.
It's time to go home.
I begin to forward the email to Alice, but quit the message when I realize this is news I want to share with Jasper first.
I call Mr. Banner, phone the airlines, then head out to see if Jasper's still around.
Racing downstairs, I notice him through the front window tending to the creaking swing on the porch. I pull back a moment, admiring him from afar. He's bent at the knees, concentrating on his task. He's wearing a dark t-shirt with some old jeans. His hair is tied back again, and there's substantial scruff along his jaw. He hadn't shaved today –
Because I asked him not to.
The screen door creaks alerting him to my presence, and a wide smile spreads across his face when our eyes meet.
He's working, so I don't waste too much of his time telling him my – our – good news. I'm hoping that he'll recognize that this affects him, too – if…when – he accepts my proposition.
"That's awesome darlin'. It's the opportunity you've been waitin' on." He smiles, genuinely happy for me. "When do ya leave?"
"Tomorrow morning," I say, and suddenly I find myself trying really hard to stay happy.
The smile leaves his face. "So soon?"
"Well, my interview is Monday morning, so that only gives me the weekend to come up with a few sample lesson plans, and some ideas to present. But I'm coming right back Jas…to finish out my time here. I'll only be gone a couple of days."
"Oh, okay." He seems satisfied with this information, which causes my happiness to return.
"We'll have to celebrate tonight. Let me take you out to dinner."
"Can we try the seafood place on the pier - then maybe we can go back to your place…" for sex… I finish silently. I won't see him for days, so I'm not going to allow a little soreness stop me from making love to him again before I leave.
"Whatever you want darlin'." I scan the area, and because there isn't anyone around, and I'm becoming a little braver, I give him a quick kiss.
It's well worth the risk, watching his eyes light up and his smile become brighter.
XXXXX
Rosalie is perched at the dining room table, peeling potatoes for a delectable potato salad she'll be serving with lunch. Emmett's been backed up at the shop and working long hours, so I keep her company, advising her that I'll be leaving for a few days for the job interview of my lifetime.
It's hard to say, but she seems genuinely happy for me. She's been looking a little haggard lately, and I worry that she may be coming down with something. I just hope that I'm not in any way contributing to her glumness.
Back in my room, I emailed Alice, packed a bag, and went through the lesson plans I had available on my hard drive, deciding which ones I should present to the principal at Stevenson Elementary. Most of the plans have to be completely altered to accommodate the big differences in age and life experience.
Most teenagers that attend my class have already had some level of knowledge with certain instruments, and they always gravitate toward those that are familiar to them. Young students don't usually have preferences, though, and are more open-minded to try new things.
I can't wait. This is exactly what I'd been hoping for.
I almost have my man, now I'm going to have my dream job.
There's a constant niggling in the back of my mind that persists all day long. It doesn't come into focus until I'm in the shower, readying myself for our celebratory dinner, and it hits me like a ton of bricks – this job will make it a harder for Jasper and I.
I'll definitely be more established in Chicago now, and I'd never ask Jasper to move. He belongs in Bon Terre.
How long can we survive with that type of relationship?
I shiver under the steaming water – the somber thought making my blood run ice cold.
XXXXX
I try not to spoil our supper with my melancholy attitude.
Similar ideas that had sprouted while I'd been in the shower are taking root, obliterating my happiness. I'm already dreading being deprived of Jasper for a couple of days, how am I going to survive months at a time without seeing him?
Jasper's fear that either of us could get hurt if we tried to have a relationship that ended up failing is becoming more real to me, and I'm wondering if my bright idea wasn't such a good one after all.
Maybe we'd be better to sever this affair at the end of the summer.
I'll still have four weeks with him. I'd make every day count, and try to be satisfied with the amazing memories we created. I wouldn't have to tell my family right away. I could put it off a little longer – getting settled into my new job first.
"What's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours, darlin'? You've hardly touched your meal, and now you're startin' to shake."
I drop my hands to my lap, hiding the trembling underneath the tabletop. Jasper's eyes are concerned, and he doesn't deserve this.
"I'm sorry, Jas. I'm thinking about my interview on Monday. It's huge for me."
"You're worryin' for nothin', Edward. They'd be fools not to see what you can offer them and those kids."
God, but I do love him.
After dinner Jasper wants to take a quick stroll down the pier. We'd walked the short distance from the inn to the restaurant, so I'm not sure why he feels the need to enjoy the weather from the dock, when we'd be walking home. Truthfully, I'd rather just go back to his place, spread some blankets out, and cuddle up in front of the fire. But, it's a gorgeous, cloudless night with millions of stars over the water, so I follow him.
The pier is quiet, though several people are walking along it enjoying the warm, summer night. Jasper stops at the edge of the boardwalk, looking out into the water, glistening from the moonlight. "I wanted to talk to you about what you mentioned earlier."
My heart beats wildly in my chest, and every ounce of misgivings I'd had fly out the window.
Please say you'll try.
Worries be damned. If he's willing to try, I'll do anything to make it work. It'll be hard, but we can do it, because I don't know if anything in my life will ever be worthwhile again without Jasper being a part of it.
He grabs my hands and I let him, but it doesn't escape my notice that there are numerous people around, and I try to quell the feeling that everyone is staring at us, or identifying me.
"Hey guys, what're you doin' here?"
And it's my worst nightmare, hearing Emmett's voice behind me. I pull my hand back from Jasper's with a little too much haste for him not to take note of it, and I mentally scold my inability to be subtle in this particular situation – but what's done is done.
I school my features so when I turn around I don't look guilty as hell, but it's all for naught, because there's nothing that could have prepared me for what awaits me.
"Hello, chéri."
"What are you doin' here, Jacob?" Jasper asks, tightly.
"Emmett just delivered some parts for my truck, and I thought I'd recognized you down here. I see you've brought your boyfriend."
"What're you talkin' about Jake? Edward's a guest at the inn," Emmett explains.
"Am I mistaken, Eduard?" Jacob asks, putting me in a horrible spot.
"We're not boyfriends." It's forced, and doesn't feel right…at all.
"You aren't seeing each other?" This time Jacob looks at Jasper. I hazard a glance just in time to see Jasper's devastated expression, before it becomes a mask of disillusion and repulsion.
I just blew it.
I blew any chance I'd ever had with him.
I want to take back my lie, but my voice has fled the scene, and so I stand there mute, utterly fucking useless, while I lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.
"If he says they're not seein' each other than they're not," Emmett demands, angrily. "What's goin' on here?"
"Nothin'…absolutely nothin' is goin' on here," Jasper says, already halfway down the boardwalk.
Like my voice, my legs seem to be incapacitated, up until Jacob's sickening chuckle restores my physical functionality. At that point nothing matters, except catching up to Jasper and explaining my predicament to the best of my ability.
"Jasper, wait," I call out, running after him. He's almost back to the restaurant by the time I finally catch up to him. I grapple for his shirtsleeve, but it's his turn to act like he's been burned.
Except he has been burned.
By Alec, and now by me.
How could I have been so insensitive, remembering his past love? Why couldn't I have explained why it's so important for me to tell my family first?
"Jasper, I'm sorry…you don't understand."
I can see he's holding onto a very thin thread - his body is quavering with emotion. "No, I do understand Edward. I've known people like you. You're gonna make some guy real unhappy if you can't learn to face people with your true self. "
"That's not it, Jas. I want to tell everyone…"
He snorts, "Are you kidding me? I've heard all this before, Edward."
"I just want to tell my family first, then I'll tell anyone you…"
He comes to a crashing stop, and swivels around. "Fuck you, Edward. I'm not goin' back there. I let you in – I knew it'd be a mistake. But I couldn't stop it from happenin'."
"I'm not like him!" I yell.
Jasper's eyes widen in disbelief. "Like who?" he asks, venomously.
"I'm not like Alec." I spit his ex-lover's name.
He's visibly taken aback. "You know about Alec? You knew about Alec…yet – you…" He begins walking backward, pulling further and further away from me, physically and mentally.
"I'm not him," I plead.
"Like hell you're not. You're exactly like him."
He turns, intending to flee, but I make one last ditch effort to stop him, but he wrestles free. "Go home, Edward, and stay home."
The look of pure hatred on his face stuns me, and I'm left watching his retreating form disappear into the distance. Passersby watch in fascination and concern, but I pay them no mind.
What have I done?
I just lost the love of a lifetime – that's what I've done.
How could I have fucked this up so thoroughly?
I don't even know how long I stand there – minutes, hours?
Slowly, I begin to move, forcing my legs to take steps back to the inn. I walk along the winding road, in state of shock.
What the hell happened?
I think back, going over each aspect of the evening in great detail, wondering how something so wonderful had turned out so horribly wrong.
Had it been a coincidence that Jacob and Emmett were on the pier at the same time as us? Why would Jacob mention a relationship between Jasper and I when what happens on the island - stays on the island?
Seth.
I'd told Seth that I'd been keeping our relationship a secret until I informed my family. I confided in him.
He told that asshole. I thought Seth was my friend.
I finally crash. Bending at the waist, I puke my guts up on the side of the road, while massive sobs rack my body.
I'm still hunkered over when I hear the ominous sound.
A sound that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
I'm careful to move slowly, but I lift my head, and gasp.
Two wolves – they're identical in appearance, and most likely from the same litter.
Ain't this a night for surprises, I think wryly.
Two wolves had left the safety of the forest and were mere feet away from me.
One looks skittish, not thrilled with the idea of being out in the open. It doesn't want anything to do with me, but the other one…the other one wants to rip my throat out.
Barring its fangs, it snarls, inching ever closer, and it's not until it's practically atop me that I really get a good look at the feral beast.
I'm arrested by the depth in the hound's vivid, pale - yellow eyes. Yellow...
I have no idea why I just stand there and stare, why I don't try run or protect myself.
I definitely can't fathom why I drop to my knees in front of the violently, furious beast…
Maybe I have a death wish…I don't know.
I'm sure if I'd given it more thought I could have thought of a better way to die besides being mauled by a rabid animal, but I possessed no logic, only thinking with my heart.
My heart is what drives me to look square into those angry, yellow eyes.
And it's my heart that finally breaks, forcing the words from my chest in a gut-wrenching sob.
"Tell him I'm sorry."
AN: So, a little heartfail here. Same drill: Review = Sneak peak (If you'd prefer not to have the teaser just let me know and I won't include it)
Would love, love, LOVE to hear what you have to say about this chapter.