Thanks to Leckadams for purchasing this fic. We're getting there Lauren!
Sorry about the wait. I had finals, I went to Vegas, and there was an unexpected death - non-relative, but a punch in the gut so fiercely that I lost all mojo for reading, writing, or watching boy sex. I'm slowly catching back up, but this is only half the chapter I'd planned on giving you. But hey, that just means that you are getting another chapter. Yep, 3 left…I know…I said that last time, but this time I mean it.
Whenever I got downcast, I just went back through the reviews from last chapter - and it made me so happy that I was able to trick almost every single one of you with the twist at the end. Anyway, it lifted my spirits enough to get me back on track, so thanks again for all of the support.
ANNOUNCEMENT! My beautiful beta Layne Faire and I are hosting a contest. The Summer it All Began Contest. It's completely slash and completely ANONYMOUS. That's right. We've leveled the playing field. Among other prizes the winners will receive gift cards to either Target or iTunes, and the value is determined by how many submissions are received. Judging the contest is Arcadian Maggie, MistyHaze420, HarryTwifan, Sue273, and myself. Check out the page for all of the details! www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net (slash) thesummeritallbegan
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter 13
I stride out of the school building on the adrenaline high of a lifetime.
I'm moving to Bon Terre.
I'm home! Oh my God… so unbelievable.
I elect to walk to the inn instead of having Alice pick me up. I take the familiar gravel road, and though it's full daylight, I still maintain a watchful eye on the perimeter of the wooded area – but I don't expect visitors this time.
I've come to fix this.
After my dismal stay in Chicago and the pep talk from Alice, we'd planned this. I'd made copies of everything I intended on taking with me to my interview with Principal Uley at Stevenson Elementary and sent it via FedEx to Principal Cope.
After my interview at Stevenson, they made me an offer instantly. Although I'd have received a substantial raise, it wasn't enticing enough to accept the position straight away. I'd advised them that I needed some time to consider the offer.
I'd waited (impatiently), giving Principal Cope sufficient time (two and a half days) to review my letter and materials, before I made the call. I was sure that if Bon Terre Elementary had a music teacher, he or she hadn't been doing their job very well. I'd definitely been astonished by all the enthusiasm I'd witnessed at the music competition this summer, but the kids' talent hadn't been nurtured or developed adequately.
After speaking with Principal Cope, that theory had been confirmed. The school had only one teacher who taught both Art and Music, even though her degree focused solely on Art. Half of the semester is spent teaching the students art, the other half music. I spoke with Ms. Cope – Shelly – over the phone, in length, explaining the importance of exposure to music, and the necessity for separate music and arts programs that run yearlong.
She called back the next day to schedule the interview.
Alice and I flew in this morning, and went straight to lunch. We made a pass by Rosalie's place and I'd been ecstatic to see Jasper's truck fill the narrow passageway down by the marsh. I'd figured there'd been a good possibility that Rosalie had lied about Jasper being gone to discourage me from returning – and thankfully, that appears to be the case.
God knows I don't want to waste another second to see him – or be with him. I won't deny it – I'm worried and scared. I'm sure there'll be crying and begging involved, and the prospect of that isn't very exciting. But hopefully, there's a light at the end of this bleak tunnel, making all of the predicted turmoil worth it.
I inhale the Deep South far into my lungs – the fresh, intoxicating scent of Cardinal flowers and Great Blue Lobelias fill my nostrils. Finally, I'm able to breathe normal again.
I'd decided to try my hand at fate, let this interview decide whether Jasper and I belong together. For two weeks, I've tried to curb the desire – tamp down the slightest optimism, not wanting my hopes to surface only to be shot down by someone I didn't even know. But now that it's said and done, I can't be sure if I'd have halted my pursuit of Jasper, even if Ms. Cope hadn't given me the position. It would've been extremely difficult looking for a job in such a remote area, but I'd sweep floors if it meant I'd be closer to him.
Sixteen days.
It's been sixteen days since I've eaten a proper meal, had a good nights sleep… breathed.
My head falls back, and my hands clench into tight fists recalling the pain I've been dealing with – heartache I've barely survived, nights the world seemed to be crashing down on me – curled in a cold bed – while the walls closed in around me. Tortured by daydreams of innocent lovemaking, tender touches and sweet kisses, only to be chased by horrific nightmares of stinging accusation, unforgiveness, a cruel indictment, and a final heartbeat.
Yes, in those dreams I cease to live.
I'm ready to let all that go.
As the Louisiana sun beats down on my face, I feel a trace of vindication – a subtle victory in my return from perdition.
Sixteen days.
It's been two weeks and two days since I last saw Jasper.
I pray that I'm not too late to remedy this, but it makes me infinitely happier knowing I don't have time constraints. Residing in Bon Terre affords me precious time to win Jasper back. It's not a problem if I don't win him over today, or tomorrow, or even next week, because I'll be here next month and the month after.
I'll wear him down – I'll make him see that he's it for me, and I'm it for him.
Now that I've experienced life without Jasper my determination has risen tenfold, and like this interview, I'll make a case that'll give him no other alternative but to forgive me for the mess I've made. After I've managed to accomplish that feat, I'll be able to forgive myself for everything I've done to him.
"Hey Mister, I remember you. You stay at Miss Rosalie's place… right?" I'd been walking like a man on a mission, but a boy I'd guess to be around eight years old coasts next to me on his dirt bike – no doubt one of my future pupils. I slow down and give him a relaxed smile. His clothes are dirty, his shoes have holes, both knees are skinned, but he looks as happy and carefree as can be.
I know why… I feel it too. It's this place.
"Yep," I reply blissfully, grinning into his smudged face. He's obviously enjoying the last days of his summer freedom.
"I'm Billy, I live two doors down from you," he snorts when he laughs. "Well, Miss Rosalie's – but you prolly knew what I met."
"Yes, I did… but it's "probably knew what I meant." Billy eyes squint, his head tilts to the side – perplexed. I shake my head, giving up on the grammar lesson. I'm not the English teacher – that'll be his or her challenge. "I'm Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you, Billy."
His smile is back. "What're you all dressed up for?" Nosy little sucker.
"I had a job interview."
"What do ya need a job for if you're just visitin'?" The curiosity raises his voice an octave.
"I'm moving here. In fact, I'm the new music teacher at the elementary school."
His eyes light up, and his chest puffs up proudly. "I play the piano, and my sis sings."
"I'm looking forward to hearing both of you."
"Well, we ain't none too good, but we sure like to do it. Say, do you have a place to live yet?"
"No, not yet."
Putting on the brakes a few feet in front of me, he poses motionless, maintaining a delicate balance with minimal trembling. When he finds motion again he laughs, but his expression turns matter-of-factly. "Ole Miss Josie is movin' south to live with her sister. Ma says she has a real bad heart, and's goin' there so she won't be alone for her final days." He looks sad, but there's a trace of confusion… clearly much too young and naïve to understand the intricacies of death. He shakes it off, grinning again. "Her place ain't too shabby. She keeps it up real well, and it's right in town, not too far from school."
"Thanks Billy, I'll have to check that out."
"If you want me to show ya where the place is at, maybe you can borrow one of Miss Rosalie's bikes, and I can take ya." He looks too hopeful for me to deny him.
"That sounds like a great idea," I concede. The thought of looking at houses makes my smile grow.
A large horn sounds, causing Billy to roll his eyes, "That'd be my ma. See ya later, Mister Edward."
Chuckling, I watch him speed down the road. Before disappearing down a long dirt driveway, he twists his torso, waving back at me.
I return the gesture, feeling like I've just made my first friend here.
Ten minutes later, I'm at the mouth of the long pebbled driveway that had come to be my home the last few months. Never has The Stormy Haven Inn appeared as foreboding as it does at this moment. Our rental car is parked in front, so Alice is here, like we'd planned.
Hopefully, she's buttering Rosalie up for me, but I'm not kidding myself. Alice is masterful, but she'll only be able to accomplish so much – this is all on me. It's imperative that I have Rosalie's support. When it comes time to confront Jasper, I'll need as many people in my corner as possible.
Dinnertime looms, as the smells permeating through the front screen door suggest. A thick aroma of cinnamon and basil waft onto the porch, my stomach quivering with promises of gluttonous gratification.
The hinges still creak, just like they'd done sixteen days ago when I'd walked out this door. I guess Jasper hasn't gotten to the task yet. The screech alerts everyone to my arrival, and several faces glance my way. I recognize the couple in the living room from my last visit, but my attention is immediately diverted to the duo in the dining room.
Alice is smiling hesitantly… Rosalie, not so much.
Shit.
She's looking down, staring into a bowl she's mixing ingredients in.
"Hey Edward, it's nice to see you. Did you get the job?" I turn my head to address the woman who'd asked the question, Claire…I think. She's referring to the job prospect in Chicago, not my new job here in Bon Terre, but the question stuns me nonetheless.
"Umm…" I can't do it.
Polite conversation eludes me more than ever.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I raise a hand – an imploring gesture, hoping she'll forgive my rudeness when I simply turn in the direction of the dining room. Alice, who'd observed the scene, begins a conversation with the woman in lieu of my wretched behavior.
Rosalie's gone, but I pass the threshold into the kitchen, where I find her at the sink. She hasn't turned around, ignoring my presence, which means she'd expected me to follow her.
If she'd found me to be someone else – a courteous guest perhaps, she'd turn around, kindly excusing her barefaced negligence as preoccupation, and with her southern grace and infallible hospitality, she'd beg forgiveness, which she'd have earned within seconds of her first smile.
However, it's just me – lowly Edward. I'd witnessed her hospitality first hand, and crushed it with careless disregard.
"Rosalie, can we talk?"
"Sure Edward," she says with forced cheer. Wiping her hands on her apron, she plops down at the small kitchen table.
I slide into the chair across from her, watching her hands turn into fists. She looks up then, her tearful eyes stab me, with angry jabs. "Why'd you come back?" she accuses.
I go for it.
"I love him Rosalie. I love him with all my heart. I know I screwed up, but I'm here to fix it."
She scoffs, "Please, Edward... you don't do that to someone you love. It's lust – get over it and move on. There's nothing here for you anymore." Her tone is scathing.
It's not true. "Don't say that. I do love him – so, so much." Tears well, and I force them back, choking on their bitter taste.
"I don't believe you, but even if you do – it's too late. Sorry." She sounds anything but sorry; the last word spoken with such malice. But it's the words just before that cause my heart to miss a beat.
It's too late?
"Wh – ?" I can't bring myself to ask what's happened. Is he gone? Is he with Jacob?
Concern is written all over my face. She notices, smiling in crude satisfaction, while I stumble to ascertain whether I've made the right decision accepting the job in Bon Terre. However, I only waver for a second. This is where I'm meant to be… with Jasper. I'll get him back regardless of what's occurred in my absence.
Instead of addressing the issue of what Jasper's been up to, I focus on her unwillingness to believe that I love her brother. I proceed to tell her everything I'd told Alice. At first, she doesn't even look at me, but by the time I'm finished, I know she's affected. Her eyes have softened, but I can't mistake the pity filling her eyes.
"You just can't ignore what we have Rosalie – believe me, I know. I – I've tried." My watery gaze pleads for her understanding.
She sighs, "Jasper won't get over this. He's stubborn that way. Once he's got something his head, he won't change his mind. And I know for a fact – he's done with you."
"I have faith Rosalie. I know he loves me too."
"You don't understand. He was really hurt when Alec snubbed him in town. He didn't do it to him once Edward; he did it all the time. Sometimes, Alec would pretend like he didn't even exist when others were around. Jasper'd come home pissed off, yellin' up a storm. But this time, he's different. He's… quiet… too quiet. He's scarin' me." She gets up, stirring something that smells heavenly on the stove.
"Since you left I've barely seen him. When he does come around, he looks like death. He isn't sleepin', and he isn't talkin'. I tried to persuade him to visit mama, but he refuses to go. He says there's nothin' wrong, but you'd have to be a blind fool to not see he's hurtin'. I could kill you for doin' this to him, Edward."
"I'll make it up to him. I promise. He'll never doubt me again." I rise, and tentatively move closer to her. "Wh – where is he?"
She sighs deeply – and distressed. "He goes to that goddamned island every night. Most times, he doesn't even bother comin' home. Last night was no exception."
"Where's he staying?"
She turns from the stove, leaning against the counter, tiredly. "I don't know."
XXXXX
Stay Still by Edward M. Cullen - cont'd
"Hey Vicki, I brought din…" James voice trails off when he turns on the light, and takes in the ominous scene.
The ashen look on James' face makes it clear to Jeremy that he had no idea what his wife has been up to. Shocked doesn't even come close to his reaction, but Jeremy gives him credit for pulling it together quickly.
"What's goin' on here, sweet?" he asks, feigning nonchalance.
"He knows what I've done," Victoria states, menacingly, and with that, James façade crumbles.
"Vicki…what're you sayin'?" Are you saying you killed those girls?" His eyes widen at her apparent expression. "Why… why would you do that?"
"You should have been the Sheriff – not this moron," Victoria heatedly exclaims, every word causing the needle to scratch at Jeremy's throat.
James is an easygoing guy, and happy with his current position. He hasn't been in law enforcement long, and isn't looking to climb the ladder anytime soon. This is all her.
"When he couldn't solve the case, I knew they'd be demanding his badge and that you'd finally get what you deserved. I knew I shouldn't have tried to pin the murders on that faggot, but I couldn't resist."
"But you killed people, Vicki – young girls."
"Don't ya know? I'd do anything for you baby," Victoria coos. "Why don't you look pleased?"
"No, no…sweetie. You've made me really happy. Thank you so much."
Luckily, Victoria doesn't sense the desperation in his voice. "Once he's dead they'll definitely give you his job, don't you think?" she predicts. "I could have just killed him to begin with, but the town needed to suffer. How dare those assholes overlook you?" She laughs, and the needle jabs, digging into his skin. One false move and Jeremy knows he's a dead man. "I showed them, didn't I baby?"
"You sure did, how about you let me have the honors this time? I'd love to take care of this one," he asks, his head inclining toward the needle.
"No baby, not this time. See, you have to know exactly where the vein is, and it needs to go – right – here."
Jeremy feels a pinch, then hears a loud bang before the world goes black.
XXXXX
I stare out the window of my room, my knees drawn up to my chest, and my arms wrapped around my legs, watching the sun disappear behind the clouds, waiting hopelessly for Jasper to come back.
I won't lie, it hurts to know he's been back to the island, but I'm determined not to hold anything against him since I've been gone. I can't deny it'll be painful if he's been with others. It's only been a couple of weeks, but we all deal with grief in different ways, and I know I broke his heart, along with my own.
Regardless, I'd made the call to Stevenson High to let them know I won't be accepting their offer, but I haven't told anyone else that I'd gotten the position here. I want Jasper to be the first to know. If he gives me another chance, he'll always be the first to know.
The sky darkened some time ago, and my chances of seeing him tonight are dwindling. If he's not going to come to me, I have to find a way to get to him, and there's only one way I can think of to get me to Sinner's Island.
I just hope I'm not too late.
XXXXX
Emmett drops me off at the wharf, and I race along the pier. After fifteen minutes of scouring the entire dock, I'm ready to give up. Just as I'm about to slink away, I see my unlikely savior coming out of a cabin on one of the boats.
Thank God.
"Jacob, you're gonna take me to the island," I demand, leaving no room for argument.
Unfortunately, he doesn't agree. In fact, he looks at me like I've got two heads. "Are you insane? Why makes you think I'd do that, couillon?" I have no idea what that means, but by the way he hisses the word, I'm guessing it's not a term of endearment. I ignore the attitude, keeping a level head. I need one if I'm going to convince this jackass to let me hitch a ride to the island.
"Because you care about him, and you want him to be happy. He loves me, and I love him." My attempt at appealing to his sense of compassion proves to be utterly wasteful. His scornful expression doesn't falter in the slightest.
He scoffs, "What do you know of love, pale boy? You've messed with Jasper badly. You steal his heart and then you trample on it. He doesn't need to be seeing the likes of you anymore."
Precious minutes tick away… and I feel my patience wither.
"Please. I'm begging you. If you care about Jasper at all, you'll give me this opportunity to make it better. I'll do anything for him. Can't you see that? I'm here, asking for your help."
"You'll do anything for him on the island, but not on the mainland, I hear."
Dammit… nobody believes me – but why should they? Fortunately, Jasper knows better than that.
"That's not true," I defend, vehemently – angry that I have to explain myself to Jacob.
"He speaks of you when he's drunk. Everyone knows you're just another Alec," he reproaches.
"No! I've told my family about him, and now I want everyone else to know."
"You've told your family?" I want to smack the skepticism from his face, but I hold myself in check. I need his help, I remind myself.
"Yes, and some of Jasper's too. I want the whole world to know I love Jasper Hale." My voice has escalated, so while people stroll by they stare at me strangely.
"Sorry gens, he's over you. He's proven that." He looks disgusted, and it causes my chest to quake violently. Jesus, what has Jasper done?
"It doesn't matter…please," I whisper brokenly.
Jacob huffs, "Get in. But don't mistake my intentions – they aren't honorable. I'm only taking you so that you'll realize that he doesn't want you anymore."
XXXXX
From the wharf it only takes ten minutes to reach the island. The mood in the boat is solemn. I shut my eyes, lulled by the humid Louisiana air sifting through my hair and the low hum of the motor.
"Did you sleep with him?"
I didn't mean to ask the question, but it's killing me. I shouldn't have. I can't guarantee Jacob will answer honestly, and I've no doubt he'd lie just to hurt me.
I'll ask Jasper - eventually, when I'm ready to face whatever he's done.
Opening my eyes I find Jacob's smiling – wide and mischievous.
I can't deal anymore. Grabbing him by the shirt, I pull him into me – our faces inches from one another. "Tell me! Did you? And don't you dare fucking lie to me."
He smiles again, but a flicker of emotion passes through his eyes, and his grin dies. "No," he says quietly.
It seems like the truth, but adrenaline forces me to shake him, stretching the fabric of his tee. "I said don't lie to me."
He sneers, wrenching my hands from him. "I'm not lying," he declares, smoothing out his shirt. When he looks up I see the validity in his eyes.
"He's no good to me anymore," he states, avoiding eye contact. "The night you'd left I tried luring him to the back – promising just to talk, but fortunately for me, he wanted nothing to do with conversation." He gives me a sideways smirk, then stares back out into the starry evening.
He sighs, his smile fading. "He kissed me. It was hard… ravaging - I was into it… but he wasn't. As fast as he'd pulled me to him, he'd thoroughly pushed me away. Before I could reason with him, Seth stole him away. I gave Jasper a few days, then tried to talk to him again, but Seth is always near – swooping in and hanging all over him. It's disgusting."
"Seth? And Jasper?" Flabbergasted can't even sum up my emotions.
"Jasper's been going home with him… almost every night."
"What?" My heart hurt. Seth? My friend? I've already deduced that he'd told Jacob that I was keeping my relationship with Jasper a secret, but I'd hoped he done it accidentally or unknowingly. I'd never suspected he told Jacob so that he could be the one to comfort Jasper when the bottom fell out.
That bastard!
"Did Seth know what you'd do with the information he gave you?"
"He knows me well, so I suppose."
"So you conned Seth to get info to break us up and then it backfired on you?"
"It would appear so," he agrees, testily.
"I guess it serves you right for using people."
"You can't defend every guy I've ever deceived or used, gens, besides I've already paid for that particular faux pas." He says rubbing his jaw, where I see the faint yellow mark from a diminishing bruise. I wonder how he got it – but not curious enough to ask.
I shut my eyes – attempting to calm my breathing, heartbeat, and temper.
I don't open my eyes again until I hear the sound of music.
Please be here.
XXXXX
Jasper's here all right. He's occupying a table in the corner, facing away from the action on the dance floor. He's sitting with one other person – someone who's holding Jasper's hands atop the table. That someone is Seth.
I'm going to kill the fucker.
And to think I considered him a friend.
Seth spots me, and his eyebrows shoot to the ceiling. He says something to Jasper, jumping up from his seat. I wonder if his sorry ass is going to make me chase him down, or if he's going to take it like a man, but he surprises me by making a beeline right for me.
"What the fuck, Seth?" I say when he's close enough to hear.
"Edward, so glad you finally decided to show up." His words are sarcastic, and his stance is aggressive. "Tell me it's not true what Jasper says. Tell me you didn't snub him like that shit of an ex did."
I can't deny it, because it's true. I open my mouth to explain, but I don't feel like wasting one more moment talking to him when Jasper is almost within my grasp.
Seth interprets my silence as an answer. "I don't believe it," he chides, appalled.
"I don't owe you anything Seth." I attempt to pass him to reach Jasper, but he grabs a hold of my arm, jerking me around, and I'm so close to taking a swing at him, but I can't afford to get kicked out.
"Ed…"
I twist away from his grip. "This would have never happened if it wasn't for you. And you did it all so you could get…"
Garrett steps in, spreading his hands across Seth's shoulders, momentarily distracting me from my rant. There's a familiarity between them that leads me to believe they've gotten a lot closer.
"You're right, I made a mistake – one that will never happen again. But Like Hell you don't owe me an explanation!" Seth yells, tears swimming in his eyes.
He stabs his finger over in Jasper's direction. "When he's so fucking sloshed that he can barely walk, and picks a fight with someone twice the size of him – or an entire group – I'm the one that steps in and keeps him from getting his ass kicked. And when he's so down and out that he just wants to forget for a second – lose himself in someone else – I'm the one that stops him from going to the back and doing something with a fella that I know he'll regret. I'm the one who takes him back to my house, because I'm afraid to let him back in his boat."
Garrett squeezes Seth's shoulder, visibly comforting him, but the wrath continues.
"You owe me a goddamn explanation because I'm the one that keeps telling Jasper he's wrong, that he must have misunderstood you – that you wouldn't do that to him – that you'd fucking come back!" He has to calm himself before he can continue, "But you hadn't come back, and each day it's been harder and harder to say those things to him because I'd stopped believing them myself."
We've drawn a crowd, the patrons of the bar stop dancing and mingling. Circling us, their eager eyes and ears witness the scene with a savage hope of a brawl, or at least a good story to pass, but it means little to me when the love of my life is just a few short feet away. My determination is boundless, and nothing or no one is going to stop me from claiming the joy that's mine to have.
But I'm not so absorbed in my intent that I can't concede an explanation where it's undeniably due.
"I was wrong Seth. I thought informing my family that I'm gay before anyone else was the right thing to do, but it was stupid… I was stupid. I did it… I shunned him, and the look on his face… killed me." I blink back the tears, furiously; there's no way I'm crying now. "I hate myself for making him feel like that, and I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to him. I will not give up."
Compassion settles in Seth's eyes, and that of his companion.
"Well, isn't that too damn bad?" I swivel toward the angry voice. Jasper's standing right behind me – arms crossed over his chest, looking mighty pissed.
My eyes feast on him. His face looks pale and gaunt, and there are large, dark rings under his eyes. And I hate myself a little more for putting him through this.
Seth stands between us, ready to stop Jasper if he decides to launch himself at me.
"Didn't I tell you to stay home?" Everyone else can be fooled by his cool insolence, but not me. The deepest depths of his blue pools relays a different story – a story that maybe only a lover could discern accurately – the pain, the longing, the love. If he weren't so blinded by his fury, he'd see all of those emotions reflecting back at him.
He can say whatever he wants – and these people can believe the lies for all I care, but not me… never! He loves me, and I'll make him say it… if not today, then on another.
"Jasper…"
"How did you get here?" There's a sudden emptiness in his eyes that frightens me. He callously looks right through me, as if I'm an inconvenience – dirt under his fingernails.
"Me, and I'm not taking him back," Jacob says, as he struts passed. He stops at the bar –not close enough to listen, but near enough to be a witness if the situation becomes more… interesting… for spectators.
"Jasper, please hear me out, I…"
"Stop. I don't wanna hear it. It doesn't matter anymore."
"Yes it does!" I press on, not giving him another opportunity to shoot me down. "I told you that I always thought there was something wrong with me – that I felt like the outcast, even in my past relationships. I could never figure out what was missing, why I was so unhappy. After my divorce, I just figured I'd be better off alone. But Jasper… changed all that for me. I love you. You are my heart and soul and everything else that has been missing in my life. I'm proud of you, I'll be proud to be with you, and I want everyone to know it."
"I already told you Ed… I've heard it all."
"Have you?" I whisper, stepping closer, invading his personal space. "Have you heard that you're gorgeous – absolutely beautiful, inside and out? You're strong, and so secure with you're identity. I admire you so much for that. You always mean what you say. You taught me how to make love… and be in love. I cared about you – loved you – wanted to make you as happy as you made me. But-"
"Stop." His voice is just above a whisper. His body is rigid, but I see trembling.
"But I-I didn't understand how deep I was. I knew I loved you and cared about you – but I should've worshipped you. I should've kissed the ground you walk on, I should've thanked my lucky stars everyday that I found you – had you in my life. I-I just didn't realize until after I left… after I'd used up all my chances. I'd never make that mistake again. I love you so much that I can't stand it, Jas."
"I don't want you anymore." The words were barely uttered through lips that barely part.
Gasping, I almost fold right there, but I see a sliver of his desperation to save me from falling – he's not immune. The flurry of emotion disappears when his eyes pinch shut and a strangled breath is forced between his supple lips – it's a fissure in his armor.
It could be a figment, but I use it as encouragement.
"Please tell me I'm not too late to make this right. Give me a second chance to show you that I would never do that to you ever again. Please Jas. I love you." I'm so close I can touch him, and so I do – just a light touch on the arm, but it's an error in judgment. He wasn't ready for it, and he backs up several steps – a safe distance, but it might as well be miles by the look in his eyes.
He's shutting down again.
"You don't love me. You love what I did for you." It sounds like he's trying to convince himself. "I showed you that you were into men and not women. I just happened to be your first one."
You know what? That fucking did it. First Alice, then Rosalie, even Jacob and Seth – but not Jasper – how dare he doubt my feelings for him. I guess being reasonable isn't the way this is going to be played out.
Swell. I guess its dramatics then.
Yet another person doubting I know my own feelings shoves me completely off the edge. "You think it's as simple as all that, Jas? So, you're saying that I don't love you; I just love being touched by a guy? So, any man will do? All I need is a dick up my ass to be happy?" I turn to find several gawkers still observing us. I grab one of them, kissing him hard and quick.
"No, his lips are too thin."
I grab another. Having to stand on my tippy toes, I kiss him full on the lips.
"No, he's too tall."
I turn to find Garrett standing right next to me, but Seth quickly steps in. "You are not using my man to prove your point." I see a slight smile on his face, and I almost return it, but that would ruin the effect I'm going for, so I suppress it.
I grab another male lurking in the vicinity, kissing him harshly. "I guess you'll do. Take me to the back and let's see if I really just need a man."
I half drag the poor guy through the draped door, and into the shadows of white billowy curtains beyond. He puts his arms around me, grabbing my ass, and begins kissing my neck. I silently pray that Jasper hurries.
I don't even consider the possibility that he won't come.
He has to.
The man goes for my lips, but I turn my face away, not bothering to contain my blatant non-desire, but ignorant as all get out, his kisses travel down to my neck again.
It's been almost a full minute and there's still no sign of Jasper. Worried that he may have recognized my bluff, I'm ready to stop the guy and call it quits for the night. I start to pull away – tell this guy that he's doing absolutely nothing for me, just as I suspected (because I know my own fucking mind), but in that same second, the man is whisked away from me and Jasper is towering over me… livid.
"Didn't I tell you that you don't belong back here?" he rages, his eyes blazing.
He came back for me.
"You told me that we don't belong back here," I reply, with a blinding smile, and unshed tears brimming in my eyes.
In a matter of seconds, I witness his shock wipe any hint of his anger away, and his defenses come crashing down.
"Then let's go home," he whispers, fervently.
I throw my arms around his neck and hold him closely. Unmoving, it takes a moment for his shaking form to catch up to my enthusiasm, but when he does, he crushes me against him with stunning force.
I try to kiss him, but he dissuades me. Confused and hurt, I look up into his heavenly face to see a storm brewing. "If I kiss you now – I won't be stopped."
His eyes are brighter, more coherent, but there are no smiles. Jasper's wound up so tight, that I know if I don't try to extinguish the blaze, whatever happens when we get back is going to be explosive.
We don't say one word on the way out of the bar, or on the way home.
One thing I am certain about – before Jasper takes me to his bed I want him to have no doubt what my intentions are toward him, so as we exit the boat and he pulls me toward his cabin, I deter him.
"Wait… come with me for a minute."
His hesitation and frustration is palpable. The control he's exhibiting to keep himself in check is insurmountable. I understand – I'd love nothing more than to skip this little detour and get right to the good stuff, but this is important.
"It won't take but a minute," I promise.
There's someone special he needs to meet.
Walking up to the inn – hand-in-hand with Jasper, I feel an overwhelming happiness wash over me. Each step I take is more surreal than the last, as I realize I'm in the very midst of the most profound moment of my existence. Everything I've ever wanted for my future – as a child, a young boy, a man – a great career, a wonderful home, the love of my life – it's all been attained in a single day. And every day I'm allowed to live in this dream will just be icing on the cake.
What a fucking day!
I was oh so close to making Seth the bad guy. That would've been evil of me, and a decent twist, but I like him too much for that.
Do you think Jasper gave in to Ed too soon? It's true I could have dragged this out, but what can I say? The boys are in love. Do you think Ed should have forgiven Jasper if he'd been with someone else during their 'break'? It was a short break, yes, but Jasper was still entitled to see others…right or wrong?
Next chapter Jasper will be meeting Alice and he'll finally spill. Yay! It was supposed to happen this chapter, but the fact is, due to the issue I mentioned in the beginning AN I didn't have the heart for the lemon, and this was the best place to cut off the original chapter.
Anyone want a sample of the next chap? It's gonna be juicy. ;) Leave a review!
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Deb xoxo
RIP Matthew~