Posting early due to a busy weekend which will be spent moving and crying over my lack of a real job. Apparently you can't get paid to write fanfiction. More's the shame. Normal ratings, though I am at a crossroads about potential sexy times for Xander which may lead to a change in ratings. As always comments are welcomed and lead to productive writings. At least in theory.
Chapter Four
"-okay?"
Standing over him with looks of motherly concern and slight annoyance was Willow and Buffy. For a second he thought it had been a weird, demon smacking him against a tree induced dream. Just another night patrolling with his girls, just another head injury, just a weird dream where he had been turned into a girl and forced to wear high heels. But when he reached to press against the throbbing pain located at the back of his head he felt the make shift ponytail that held his too long hair.
Well crap.
Pulling himself up Xander realized the girls were still waiting for a response. Or at least Willow was. Buffy was looking away from him and towards where the thing that went bump in the night was busy bumping. But she was still there, waiting patiently while Willow helped the stupid girl who'd almost been killed. Just seeing them was enough to make him want to cry but big demons meant crying would have to wait.
"Are you okay?" Willow asked again, helping him to his feet. Xander felt a strange sense of joy at seeing that he was still taller than her. Oh, he missed his Willow so much. The redhead must have misinterpreted his staring and with a start she introduced herself and the slayer to their old friend. "Oh, hi! I'm Willow and this is Buffy."
Glancing over towards the demon, which was being engaged in an intense battle with the blond vampire commonly known as Spike, Xander figured he had time for a quick introduction. Babbling would at least help cover his panic over seeing his friends. "Nice to meet you. Name's Lexi, which is actually just short for Alexia but I hate that name so I invested in a nickname early. I mean, I wanted to do Xia, kind of channel my inner Xena but my dad was like 'You might as well shave your head and move to Lesbianville' and I was just seven at the time so I thought Lesbianville was near Pleasantville where my grandma lived so I figured let's not and say we did which is a shame because Xia's a pretty cool nickname when you think about it but no way can I pull that off now."
The Slayer and witch both raised an eyebrow at the strange girl before them who only seemed to realize something weird was being said halfway through the statement.
"Oh, jeez. Sorry. Babble brain over here." Xander laughed, attention returned to the demon and vampire fight which seemed to be getting nowhere. As much as he liked seeing his girls, as much as their perplexed expressions made his heart clench, he really was exhausted from work and Spike didn't look like he was in any hurry to kill his opponent. "So, could I borrow that axe?"
Perhaps it was the strangeness of the situation which prompted Buffy to hand over her axe. But he knew it wouldn't be long before the confusion gave way to concern so he offered a hurried thank you before moving off the sidewalk and away from the girls.
"Oi, ugly!" He smirked when the demon turned towards him. "Do mirrors break when you walk by or do they just laugh?"
Sure enough the demon decided it would be more fun to kill the mouthy girl than the master vampire. Yet another reason to not have a big mouth and not much to back it up. The massive beast threw Spike aside and ran after Xander who was already in the process of running away. Xander's get away was intercepted by a large tree but with all the training he rarely (more like never) got to use Xander jumped against the tree, redirecting his energy towards the demon following him. The axe imbedded into the monster's largest eye, forcing it to the ground.
He didn't have much time if the angry groans were any indication so Xander pulled the axe from the eye, grimacing at the sound it made. No time, he had work to do. A quick few quick slices and off came the demon's head. The big scary things of Sunnydale may have a hundred different weaknesses but Xander knew beheading worked on almost everyone.
With one last vicious smack of the axe Xander laughed a slightly hyena-ish laugh. He had actually manage to not kill himself with his impressive jumping off a tree. Of course no one knew it was him, but it had still be pretty cool. "Oh wow, that almost never works."
Like any gentleman, or lady, Xander returned the axe to the waiting Slayer. He noticed that Spike had pulled himself together and was watching from the shadows of a crypt, the only sign of his presence being the glow of his cigarette. It was composed and badass and it only served to irritate Xander. But he couldn't call him out on it without revealing himself.
His bright smile turned to the girls who were staring at him in shock. Yeah, that was a look he'd never get to see again.
"Well, this has been fun but I'm exhausted. You ladies have a nice night."
And before they could ask any questions he was off, almost skipping towards his apartment. Oh yes, that had been wonderful. He could protect his girls better when they didn't know who he was and didn't expect him to fall over his own feet. Which he did, plenty. But sometimes, when the girls weren't paying attention mostly, he could manage a kill on his own. Sometimes he could even be impressive. Who was he kidding, it was all dumb luck. But dumb luck seemed to like him so no complaints. Hell, it was actually fun to be the impressive one.
Plus the look on Spike's face when he called the demon out had been hilarious.
He could have, should have, stayed. How could they figure out who he was if they didn't know him? But the urge to pull them into a hug and cry had been overwhelming. Even now, with his happy whistle and skip in his step, he felt unwanted tears fall down his face.
As he unlocked his apartment door he was too busy with his internal struggle to notice a dark figure watching with a thoughtful expression.
He only managed to last another day before going to the Magic Box. Since he didn't work, thanks to Tally and her schedule based manipulations, he figured he'd be able to withstand waking early. His job had lead to a lot of sleeping in, which he certainly enjoyed, but was awful for interacting with normal day job having people.
Though before he would have just thrown on jeans and a shirt, any shirt that smelt clean, this time Xander agonized over his clothes. He started with a long jean skirt, tank top and sandals before switching the skirt for green pants that went well with the tank top. But that was too casual. Maybe one of the dresses Anya forced him to wear? Too fancy.
"Why do I even care?" He asked his reflection which failed to give him an answer. He finally decided that his time as a woman had become almost a game for him. Dressing up gave him a chance to be someone he could never be when he was male. And for the first time seeing the gang, even if they didn't know it was him, he'd want to look good. He wanted to impress them.
Or he was just being egotistical.
So finally he settled on the green pants and a black dress. Casual and dressy. Add a nice short sleeve jacket, a necklace and a little makeup and he was ready to be the most not-trying-hard person they'd ever seen. He even put his hair up in a high ponytail, with two braided pieces framing his face.
Yeah, he really did want to look good for them.
As he walked to the Magic Box Xander decided that his attempts to look good weren't just for the girls. He felt better when he put more time into his appearance. His missing muscles were replaced with a well put together outfit and combed hair.
"Maybe I should stop teasing the girls when I get back to normal." He sighed to himself as he opened the door to the shop. As a rush of cool air hit his face Xander felt the need to run. It was too soon. They'd see through him in a second. They would laugh. They would prove they hadn't needed him.
But the door closed behind him and it was too late.
"Lexi!" Anya called from the counter, her eyes trying to use some kind of code that Xander did not get in the slightest. "What brings you here?"
His casual act flew out the window when he noticed Anya was the only one in the shop. "Bored. Lonely. Really, really lonely." His forehead slammed against the counter, knees buckling and forcing him to drop to the ground.
A hand began petting through his hair, careful not to mess up the braids or ponytail. "Oh, Lexi. I thought you had that job at the bar? Aren't you making friends?"
He offered a humorless laugh. "Tons. Pretty sure my boss wants to sleep with me. Both of them, maybe. And I'm so desperate for some kind of human contact that I just might let them. Can I have my junk back?"
"I told you the rules. Besides, you're doing great! Look how pretty you are!" She actually seemed pleased that he had managed to dress himself without looking like a hurricane of clothes had attacked him.
He muttered something against the wood of the desk.
"Once more?" She asked.
"I'll even go back to being errand boy. I miss the gang." Xander tried his hardest not to look pathetic but as soon as he finished his statement he realized he wouldn't get away without a serious blow to his ego.
Anya's mouth opened but before she could either yell at or comfort him she was interrupted by the sounds of people making their way to the front of the store. Xander pressed his head back against the wood for a moment, reclaiming every tiny bit of calm he could before bouncing to his feet and grinning.
"C'mon, not even a little tiny 'stop trying to get into my pants' spell?" He said, enjoying the annoyed expression on his ex-girlfriend's face. "You promised you'd help and it's either a spell or an axe murder but I didn't see any serial killers on your shelves."
The small group of Buffy, Willow and Giles all stopped their chatter when they noticed the shop had a customer. How rare. Both the girls' faces brightened with recognition but Buffy's was quick to darken. Xander couldn't help the feeling of warmth, enjoying her irritation as a sibling would. He had really missed them.
Not that he could say anything about it.
"Oh! Mysterious Axe-Girl!" Willow said. She all but hopped over to the counter, a bright smile overtaking her face. "What a weird coincidence! We've been talking about you."
Xander grinned despite himself. "Is that why my ears have been burning all day?"
Buffy didn't share the joke but Xander was pleased to hear Giles attempting to hide a chuckle behind a cough and Willow's smile got even bigger.
"Yeah, sorry about last night. I should have made sure you got home safely. That late after work and my brain just turns off." He's attempts at casual were getting shaky but no one seemed to notice. Except maybe Anya but she had turned her attention to her stock list and didn't seem remotely interested in anything they were talking about.
The Slayer must have been tired of waiting. "So how did you get so good at killing demons?"
Unconsciously Xander began fiddling with the end of his pony tail. He realized then that if he hair had been longer as a man he would have played with it all the time. Weirdly comforting. "Oh you know, practice makes perfect and all that."
"I mean, how do you even know about demons? Who are you?" Buffy's tone had taken a defensive tone and he knew from experience that she would soon get angry.
"I…I knew this vampire. European, I think. Great guy. He almost got killed and I saved him, you know, not knowing what he was and he was grateful so he taught me about demons and vampires and self defense." The lie fell easily from his lips and somewhere in the back of his mind Xander made note to worry about that later. But as he babbled the mental image of a smirking blond filled his mind and his face flushed in half a second. "Having a crush keeps you coming back for more when self defense lessons end with him shirtless."
Buffy's face scrunched up, probably at the idea of someone being attracted to a vampire which instantly raised Xander's "hypocrite alert." But Willow seemed unbothered by the idea of a sexy vampire teaching self defense and Anya was at least nice enough to hide her laughter behind her hand.
"It's over now, I mean it never began, and with my parents being giant jerks and me having no friends I decided for a complete change of pace and somehow I'm brilliant enough to end up on the Hellmouth. So good for me." He finished with his favorite self deprecating smile, wondering if the girls would notice. It had been his most common expression.
But Willow was off on a tangent about being more careful, especially as mating season had begun for a lot of the more vicious demons wandering around. And the sound of her babble was like water over rocks and it was so comforting he just wanted to fall asleep with his head on her lap.
"Right, right. I'll be more careful. But you should all be careful too." He enjoyed Buffy's expression. She obviously wanted to defend herself but had to hold back her whole chosen one secret. Too fun.
"So did you need a spell or something? I mean, we can help with spells or something if you need one or…or something." Willow finished with a sharp blush. Damn that adorable blush that Willow had mastered back when she needed something from Xander. And damn him for falling for it every freaking time.
And as subtle as possible he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, desperate for just a tiny touch of her skin and just a tiny sniff of the scent that was pure Willow. "Looking for a test subject for your wicked spells? Don't worry, honey. I'll just fall back on the tried and true method of kicking this guy as hard as I can. He might take a hint."
Willow was quick to jump into the conversation about Xander's fake creepy guy, offering advice and positive thinking. And maybe, hopefully, it was that she sensed it was her Xander shaped friend in a Lexi shaped body because soon Xander was sitting with his friends and snacking and joking and it was like being home. Even Buffy eventually warmed to him, enjoying it when he admired all her victories. Getting into Buffy's heart was sometimes too easy.
Hours passed unnoticed and too soon the door to the shop opened to reveal a perpetually irritated and very British vampire. His eyes trailed over the gathering of girls, stopping briefly on the newest addition to the group. And then, nothing. No big reaction, no pointing out that it was the same girl who stole his kill the night before. Just a half wave at Giles and Anya before settling against a wall.
It was weird.
As Willow began introducing Lexi to the vampire Xander realized he didn't often get to see a quiet Spike. It was a nice change. Hell, he could see Spike sweeping any of his coworkers off their feet with just a raise brow and a smirk. Tally would be in love after just seeing the smirk. Of course they wouldn't know about the whole multiple attempts to kill the gang. And as he smirked at Xander he realized he was forgetting about those murder attempts as well.
Shit, why was he smiling?
"Sorry, brain turned off again. What just happened?" Xander asked, going for the clueless but cute routine. Sometimes it had worked when he was a man. And sure enough Willow was brushing right passed the awkward silence and was reintroducing him to Spike.
"You remember Lexi from last night? She's the one who killed that demon." Willow pressed a hand against Xander's shoulder, a friendly but empty gesture. No hidden meaning. No secret recognition. Just the light press of her hand. "She came in looking for a spell so we got to talking. She's really nice!"
Xander laughed and didn't feel any shame when it was a very, very girly sound. "Not nearly as nice as you guys. But thanks. And sorry but I missed your name."
Like a panther, or maybe a cougar or something but definitely a jungle cat of some kind, he pulled himself from the wall and stalked forward to take her hand in his. "Spike, love. Nice to meet you."
A little voice, which sounded suspiciously like irritated Giles, started moaning in his head. Words like 'bugger' and 'blast it all.' British words which he could not let Spike catch him saying. Rejecting his inner Giles he replaced that voice with an inner Anya. Fierce. Sexy. Wait, why did he want to be sexy around Spike?
"Right back at you. And sorry for stealing your kill last night. Bastard hit me across the street and I don't want word getting out that I'm okay with crap like that." He noticed a slight smile behind the charming mask Spike had put on. Not sexy. Not appealing in anyway.
"Obviously you just owe me another demon to kill. Speaking of, you seem human enough. How'd you get messed up with the nasties of Sunnydale?"
Buffy actually spoke up, probably bored and wanting to change the subject to slaying of any kind. "She dated a vampire. Girl's pretty tough. Thought about dragging her on patrol."
That was news to Xander. "Got something big and bad you can't take care of? I mean, I'm sure I'm not that useful."
"Bird makes a good point." Spike's attention left Xander and turned to Buffy. "You dated Peaches and that didn't help your fighting on wink."
"Angel taught me tons of fighting stuff!" Buffy stood, stake at the ready.
"How to fight stuff and how to run to his arms when something scary messes up your hair isn't the same thing." The blond vampire shot back.
And there is was, Xander's favorite time of day. The time when he could distract Spike's snarky comments and save Buffy from having to actually back up her threats. Because really, it was only a matter of time before she reintroduced Spike and Mr. Pointy. But newcomer Lexi wouldn't be able to use Xander's knowledge of Spike's history or his bad habits.
Damn he wanted his normal junk back.
"Buffy!" He called out. "I don't work tonight so I could go and patrol or whatever. I mean, don't have any other plans and I definitely don't have anything to rush home for so I can totally be your useless meat shield."
His ploy worked, dragging Buffy's attention to the new girl and away from her most hated companion. "You're not useless. Not if you can do that axe thing again."
Willow, who had probably been ignoring the fighting, jumped back into the conversation with a grin. "This'll be so fun! It's been uneven since…well since…" She struggled for a second before giving up on her sentence.
Buffy wasn't going to let Willow focus on whatever it was that was bothering her and instead went for the weapons. A shiny new axe for Xander and a few stakes. He was really grateful for that. He hadn't expected to stay at the shop for so long and had left his weapons at the apartment. Xander never realized how naked he felt without his weapons. Like anything could get him at anytime.
That feeling sucked.
"Well, let's go kill some nasties." Buffy said with a grin that could have sent most of the demons in Sunnydale running.