One chapter goes up early, the other chapter goes up very late. Sorry about all that but I'm busy with graduating, getting a real job, and various friend related dramas. I'll try and be better about updating but again, life is unpredictable and at the moment very busy. Thank you to everyone who's submitted a review or added this to their favorites! You make for a happy author-beast.

Chapter 5

Xander decided two things after patrolling with the gang as a girl. First, he was never going to wear something he liked near a graveyard again. It had taken an actual spell from Willow to get the strange demon blood out of his green pants and they would probably never recover completely. He was almost tempted to return to the store and claim they had come with the mysterious stain. Anya had done it a few times and always seemed to be returning with brand new clothes. Then again he hadn't quite mastered sexy the way she had, or demanding, so it seemed mysteriously stained pants were in his future. But secondly, and more importantly, he decided he wasn't ever going to patrol with his girls again. Or Spike for that matter. Because Spike wasn't one of his girls. Or his.

"Seriously, when did my train of thought derail?" He asked his dinner which was nice enough to not answer. Talking food would have pushed him over the edge.

It had been painful watching Buffy as she ran around slaying and trading banter with the villainous undead. Same old Buffy. It seemed like her fighting style had always been witty comments, posing heroically, and ultimately kicking ass when it was getting boring. As far as Xander was concerned things were only serious when Buffy stopped the banter. Although that wasn't always true. Case in point, the battle with Angelus.

It was painful watching Willow cast spells and even manage a few direct hits with her stake. Okay, a direct hit with a stake that she's put a spell on. Willow hadn't inherited the Slayer gene so he couldn't really blame her for taking advantage of what she did have. Which was magic, and Slayer strength in the form of a best friend who was more protective of the red head than she often admitted. Xander had seen it before. If a vampire was going after him and another was going after Willow, the witch would be saved first. He'd be a close second though. But after watching Willow and her magic he was beginning to think the order needed to be reversed. Willow could take care of herself.

It was painful watching Spike utterly destroy everything in his path. Which, if he was going to go all deep thought about it, made a ton of sense. After losing his bite to a piece of government plastic, or whatever vampire stopping chips were made of, Spike had gone above and beyond in patrols. It probably helped that Giles had come up with a weird system of dead demons for blood but Xander suspected a lot of it came from a feeling of helplessness. Not that he'd ever say that to Spike. Chip or no chip, if Xander ever said Spike was feeling helpless he'd be able to get a glimpse of his own intestines before his death. Oh, he said plenty of things similar to that, but actually confronting the former Big Bad about his inabilities and how they made him feel were not a good life plan. So Spike would go around killing things with a fury and Xander, well, he'd keep being Xander.

Weak and useless.

Which is what he was during patrol. While Buffy and Spike fought, and Willow threw spells, Xander was left being useless. Like always.

He managed to stake a handful of vampires, most of which were freshly turned and not that smart. Really he hit about his average for a good night of patrolling. And when the knee high demon who squirted berry blue blood attacked him he managed to kill it easily. Okay, really he could have accidently fell and killed the damn thing, it was that small and that fragile. The demon's only weapon, a tiny sword, felt like it had been made of plastic. Sure it had hurt, but no more than running into a coffee table. Really the high pitched scream had been the worst. Killing the ugly little bastard had mostly been so he'd shut up.

And yes, he may have gone a little overboard but that was Buffy's fault for giving him an axe.

But they had been so impressed with him.

Not Spike, of course. He had returned to the shadows to smoke and look mysterious. But Willow and even Buffy were so damn impressed with him. They wanted him to start patrolling with them and Buffy even wanted to train with him.

"If I was still a guy they'd have criticized me for all my mistakes." He told his dinner. He should have been eating the spaghetti instead of complaining to it, but no one else was around to listen. And when he was done complaining he could eat the food and it would never be able to share his secrets.

"The only thing that's changed is my gender and suddenly I'm Ms. Awesome with Fighting. That would be my superhero name. But I'd have to wear low cut tops and maybe even a skirt to fight evil." As an avid reader of comics he knew this was true. And it really sucked.

"Maybe I'm just moaning because I know as soon as I turn back to Xan-man they're going to think I'm useless again." Oh, and when that happened he'd have to tell them he'd been Lexi the whole time. And wouldn't that be a fun conversation? And the real cherry would come when Spike finally figured out because there was absolutely no way he was going to last an hour without being teased to death. Literally teased to death.

It was going to happen.

Luckily the blue blood had given him an excuse to leave patrol early and hurry back to his apartment. And while at first he had started planning how he was going to get them to realize who he was without actually being around them his thoughts had morphed into wondering if he could just live the rest of his life as a woman. He could just run off to a city like Cordelia did. Could reinvent himself as a woman, work in a seedy demon bar because if they had seedy demons bars in Sunnydale they had to have a couple in LA. Life would be easy after that. Get married, adopt because even if he had the equipment he didn't feel the pressing urge to experience the miracle of birth, and get old. He could do that. And then Spike, and the rest of the gang but mostly Spike, would never be able to tease him about his time as a woman.

It was a stupid idea. Not his dumbest but still up in the top ten. Eventually he was going to have to go back into the shop and start dropping anvil sized hints about who he really was.

In his funk he didn't realize he was staring at his answering machine. His machine full of reprimands from Willow for disappearing without notice. It was also starting to get messages where she sounded worried. And while it touched him that she kept calling he couldn't help but notice there had been no mention of his disappearance at the store or during patrol. Not even a joke about having to get their own snacks. And yes, he noticed the lack of sugary snack foods in the shop. Didn't take a genius to figure out what his main contribution to the group was.

And if he was honest with himself, which anymore he had to be, that was what bothered him the most. Not the unintentional critique towards his abilities while patrolling and not the fact that they had known him for so long they probably expected ineptitude from him, even when he could be a decent fighter. No, the real problem was it was nearing three weeks and he couldn't see a difference in their lives without him. The people he considered family, the people he loved and couldn't live without seemed just fine.

Hell, it almost seemed like they were better off. Without him to set Spike off the patrol had been peaceful, if he ignored the vampire attacks.

"Fuck it." He threw his food into the trash, no longer interested in dinner, and settled on the couch with cartoons to distract him from the ache that was forming in his chest.

He was most definitely not avoiding his friends. As a bartender he just operated at different hours. So if he needed to get something everyone needed, like food, it would make sense that he did so at three in the morning when even the most dedicated of the gang was already in bed.

That was just logic.

And if he had been watching the cooking channel for hours before work to distract him from thoughts he'd rather not think it wouldn't be his fault that he needed to load his cart with tons of food he'd never dared to look at before. Because if he was going to be hiding from his own life he was going to do it while eating delicious food.

The actual cooking programs weren't as helpful as he imagined they'd be, mostly because the bubbly hostesses made him want to slam his head against a wall. But there were the occasional cooking oddballs who introduced him to the world of improbable food combinations. So with visions of bacon wrapped mushrooms and spicy hard boiled eggs covered in seaweed he cautiously entered the only store in Sunnydale that would be open at three in the morning.

But if there was a god watching over Sunnydale it was a childish and mean god. He sent an irritated though to that god when he found a familiar blond standing in front of the tea section at three in the morning.

Damn Spike and damn his British need for tea.

Before he could sneak away Spike's eyes caught him. Caught her.

"Well, fancy seeing you here." He called as way of greeting.

Xander, lacking anything close to a backbone, pushed his cart towards the vampire with a forced cheer. "And you. Didn't realize late night tea cravings could get so serious. Have you thought about going to a tea support group for your addiction?"

Spike frowned for a moment before laughing. It was a deep laugh that startled the night clerk mopping further down the aisle."Don't know if you noticed, love, but I'm British. Our tea addicts support groups serve tea at the meetings."

Xander found himself laughing that same girly laugh he'd been trying to hide. But Spike didn't know it was him so why not indulge in some girly laughter.

"Now what's all this. Fancy stuff for a late night food run." The blond began poking through Xander's cart, pushing aside lamb and herbs and some fruits Xander hadn't even heard of until his cooking channel marathon.

"Cooking channel. They're the monsters you should blame." He grabbed the lamb and mango chutney and held them side by side. "Doesn't this seem like a wonderful, awful idea?"

Spike nodded with a raised brow. "Truly awful. So, I'm actually glad to have run into you. How you feeling?"

"What?" An unexpected turn in the conversation.

"After the other night, with all the slaying and what have you. Seemed a little jittery at the end." He did a weird little twist, like he didn't want to look Xander in the eye.

"I'm fine. You'd be surprised how normal that all was." A million complaints rose up his throat, bitten down at the last second. "I've just been a little off since the move I guess. New town, new people, same fighting for your life after work."

The joke must have fell flat because Spike didn't even smile. "You need someone to walk you home I can do it. Not like I sleep at night."

It was only then that Xander realized Lexi had never been introduced to Spike as a vampire. No one had said a word about it. And of course innocent little Lexi wouldn't know a vampire when she saw one. At least not one who was more interested in tea than attacking him. Or would she? Hadn't he said Lexi sort of kind of dated a vampire once? Yes, so she would be able to recognize Spike for what he was. Maybe. But would Lexi care?

And of course his brain chose a perfect moment to short circuit on what Lexi would or would not care about.

Refocusing on the conversation at hand Xander offered the same bright smile he'd been working on mastering. One of Willow's smiles. Sweet, friendly and open. "Night job too?"

He actually seemed startled at that. Maybe he hadn't realized Lexi was someone who wouldn't know what he was. Maybe he didn't expect as much from a normal little human. Wasn't he always the normal one? "Er, no. No, love. The slayer didn't tell you?"

"Slayer is…Buffy, right?" Xander wrinkled his nose. "She said lots of stuff about you, I'm sure not all of it true, but nothing about your job."

He laughed again. It was becoming a sound Xander wished he could hear more of when he wasn't pretending to be someone else. "Sorry, it's just, I can't believe they didn't tell you. Or that you didn't figure it out. I'm a vampire."

Without thinking Xander shrugged easily. "Oh that. Knew that when I saw you fighting with that demon the other night."

Spike's raised brow, the one with the scar, did nothing to reassure Xander that he'd given the right answer. He'd have to remember to write down everything he'd been saying in case there was a pop quiz in the future. He seemed to be rather inconsistent with his Lexi-answers.

"You've known and haven't said anything? Haven't tried running away?"

He shrugged again, hair falling off his shoulder and tumbling down his back. "You haven't tried to eat me."

Spike's grin turned naughty. "Not yet."

And off the brain went. His brain was so turned off he couldn't even think of a good metaphor to show how off his brain was. But he wasn't Xander right now. He was Lexi, damnit. Lexi didn't shut down at vampire flirts. She channeled her inner Anya so she could rock that vampire's world.

Not that he wanted to rock Spike's world. Never. No way.

No.

"If you even try to take a bite out of me don't think I won't bite back." He showed off his teeth before losing the intense stare to giggles. "Besides, if you ate me I'd be forced to haunt you."

"Don't mind a cute ghost following me around." Spike said. He even ruffled Xander's hair playfully.

And off went the brain again. Quiet and empty and hadn't he been able to banter with the vampire just weeks before without feeling stupid? But those fights, hardly fights after forced cohabitation, had been sharp and hard and only occasionally friendly. None of this 'cute' nonsense floating around.

In fact the whole 'cute' thing distracted him so badly he didn't even realize he'd arrived at the register until Spike began putting his things on the line for him.

"Whoa, why does my brain keep emptying like that?" Coy and cool. Coy and cool. He could do it. "Must be from weird hours, you know?"

Spike grinned at him, at her. "I've some idea."

"No really, I'm blaming the job. Can I get worker's comp for this? This brain turning off business."

"What's the job, love?" Spike asked, still putting Xander's purchases on the conveyer belt.

"Bartending. Just started so I'm still adjusting, you know?" Xander was quick to pay for his items, and quicker at hiding his credit card from Spike. While he had Lexi's information for work he didn't have a bank account for her and if Spike found out Xander Harris was buying Lexi Hart's groceries there'd be some questioning. No need to reveal himself at three in the morning.

And no, his desire to be undiscovered had nothing to do with how nice Spike was being to the girl Xander had become.

He didn't remember just how Spike had talked him into letting the vampire walk him home but it was only a few blocks away and there wasn't any real reason for Xander to say no. Spike had never seen his new apartment, at least he was pretty sure the blond hadn't, and Anya had girl-ified the place about a week ago. Well, mostly the living room, and only with a few potted plants and some girly magazines. And not the girly magazines he would have been reading before the change.

Well, he still flipped through that kind of magazine and was pleased to know his attraction to women hadn't waivered.

But it wasn't an apartment that screamed "Xander" anymore. Instead it spoke "Lexi" and whispered "Xander." And he could live with that.

Spike helped him carry in the groceries and even helped him put the various foodstuffs away and Xander was convinced he had missed out while a man. Where was all this nice guy business when they had lived together? Sure, Xander still wanted to stake Spike, but that was no reason for the vampire to refuse the basic roommate niceties like putting groceries away.

Forcing himself away from those thought he settled for smiling bright and being cute. "Thanks for the help. Can I offer you a drink or something?"

"Not unless you're hiding some blood behind your milk." Spike joked.

Casually Xander shrugged. "Had to throw my blood supply out. Got old and gross and you wouldn't have wanted it."

And there was that pleasantly shocked look that Xander was starting to really enjoy. Why couldn't he have shocked Spike more before this mess? It would have made their arguments so much more fun.

Eventually Spike had to call it a night, a morning, as the sun was rising. Xander didn't even feel weird hugging the vampire in front of the door or asking him to stop by the club sometime. But he did feel weird when Spike paused to stare at his closet.

"Something wrong?" He asked, fighting the urge to open the closet door. He knew there were only jackets and shoes in there, but all his Xander shoes and none of his Lexi shoes.

"Nothing, pet." Spike said after a long pause. "Must just be tired from a long night."

And before Xander could catch his movements Spike leaned down and kissed him. Just a soft, good night kind of a kiss but a kiss none the less.

"Ta." And he was gone.

The blush on Xander's face remained there until long after he fell asleep, strengthened when he realized he wasn't upset that the vampire had kissed him.

He was upset that he hadn't kissed him back.