The first of the prompt-based drabbles. I'm really looking forward to doing these, because I've gotten quite a few excellent suggestions, and some of you may be pleasantly surprised to find me filling more than one of your requests if you hit me with multiple ideas. This one's for RobotInTheRoom, who asked for pregnant Zoro with "insane meat cravings that rival Luffy's." I'm not quite sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but this popped into my head at work and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down during my lunch break.
Luffy doesn't know the meaning of TMI and probably never will.
xxx
"Get your goddamn hands off my food!"
The unexpected outburst effectively kills the animated chatter around the dining table as Zoro's crewmates stop to watch him fending off their captain's sticky fingers with the arm now curled defensively around his plate.
"But Zoro ALWAYS shares with me!" Luffy whines piteously, his expression one of mixed puzzlement and distress at the sight of the murderous glare on his lover's face.
"If that's what you call stealing shit off other people's plates when they're not looking," Sanji snorts. "You better watch it, Luffy- I don't know why Marimo's being such an asshole, but he looks like he might bite if you don't back off and leave his food alone."
"But-" The younger pirate stares longingly at the gravy-smothered slabs of meat on Zoro's plate, prompting a low growl of warning before the swordsman starts cramming forkfuls into his mouth almost faster than he can chew and swallow, obviously determined to eat as much as possible before it's snatched away.
"Ugh, slow down and eat normally before you make me sick," Nami grimaces, glancing away from the sauce dripping off his chin. "That's repulsive."
"Stop disturbing Nami-san's sensitive digestive system, you uncivilized neanderthal!"
"Zoro~"
"Let him finish his meal, Sencho," Robin admonishes, disembodied hands transferring a portion of her own overly large entree onto the captain's plate - much to Sanji's horror and subsequent outrage - in hopes of distracting him. "Now that he's eating for two, he's already sharing with someone else."
Ignoring the offering, Luffy utters a greatly exaggerated sigh of dismay and slumps in his chair to rest his chin on the tabletop, gaze locked on the green-haired pirate's narrowed eye, and the historian can't help chuckling softly at his glum expression, because she suspects it's not so much the extra food the rubber man's craving but rather Zoro's attention.
"Somebody's jealous," Usopp announces in a sing-song voice, earning grins from Franky and Chopper and a smothered giggle from Chopper.
"... am not."
"You're a horrible liar."
"Like you're one to talk." Sanji smirks, jogging the sniper's elbow.
"Oi-!"
Robin pats the dejected captain's shoulder comfortingly. "It's probably best you learn to let our swordsman divide his time and energy between you and the baby while he's still in the second trimester, because in five or six months, you'll both be much too busy caring for a newborn to do quite a few of the things you do now."
"Ptthbt-" Luffy pouts, sticking out his lower lip and scowling comically, but then his eyes widen. "Wait!"
"Hmm?"
"What about sex- does that mean we won't have time for sex? 'Cause I really like sex with Zoro, and it's been really, REALLY good since his tummy started getting bigger." His consternation fades into audacious glee as he fixes the older man's reddening face with a self-satisfied and decidedly smug grin. "Zoro yells real loud and squirms around a lot whenever I-"
He's interrupted by a round of agonized groans and strident protests from his nakama, who'd greatly prefer NOT to know the details of their crewmates' sex life either before OR during pregnancy, thank you very much- except for Robin, who is laughing helplessly, but the captain's much too preoccupied with thumping his wheezing, choking and positively crimson-cheeked lover's back to ask the historian what's so funny or pay any mind to the wadded napkins and bits of food with which he's being pelted.