Author's Note: Drabble references events of Crossfire Ch. 4 and takes place the night before the crew arrives at the island in the next chapter.

xxx

"What the fuck's their problem?" Zoro demands, yanking at his remaining boot so violently that it pops free and nearly hits Luffy in the nose on its way across the room when it slips from the older pirate's hand. "Why the fuck's everybody gotta TOUCH me? Everybody but the shitty cook, 'cause that bastard fuckin' knows better, but everybody else- even BROOK, and how the hell's that idiot think he's gonna feel anything anyway?"

The nude Straw Hat captain, grinning happily and blatantly ignoring the murderous aura emanating from his scowling swordsman, kicks off his sandals and flops down beside him on the bed. "They're just excited- Zoro's been hiding his tummy all this time and they finally got to see it."

He rolls over on his stomach and wraps one arm around his lover's waist, using his free hand to push the snug-fitting haramaki higher to give his fingertips access to the bare skin beneath. After a few moments, there's a tell-tale flutter against his palm, and the rubber man makes a soft noise of wonder. "It feels kinda like I'm holding a butterfly and it's trying to flap its wings, but it's really the baby moving around, huh?"

Grunting noncommittally, Zoro stretches his legs one at a time, flexing his toes and wincing when his ankles make audible popping noises.

I fucking hate this. My feet hurt and I gotta piss all the time and sometimes I itch so damn bad I feel like I wanna scratch my skin off. And to top it off, my stupid nakama-

"... Zoro?"

"Hmm?" He glances down to find Luffy peering up at him, and although his hand's still resting against the swordsman's abdomen, his touch suddenly feels much more tentative and matches the traces of concern visible in his eyes.

"... if Zoro doesn't want anybody touching him- does that mean me too?"

His sour mood fading, replaced by regret and no small hint of shame because he's allowed his personal discomfort to overshadow his Sencho's strong need for emotional involvement - despite Luffy's intense interest in his growing belly and almost overwhelming attentiveness to his needs, it's still sometimes easy to forget that this isn't just another of the captain's whims - Zoro covers the younger pirate's hand with his own, trapping it firmly in place before he can pull it away. "No. I didn't mean you, Luffy. It's-"

He flushes, looking away. "It's different when it's you doing it, okay?"

"Oh, good," the rubber man sighs, sounding immensely relieved and immediately snuggling closer so he can nuzzle his cheek beside their clasped fingers. "-'cause I really like being able to feel the baby kick when I talk to him. It's like he's talking back!"

"Him, huh?" Zoro asks, unable to keep a hint of amusement from creeping into his voice. "What makes you so sure it's gonna be a boy? It could be a girl, you know."

"Nah, 's definitely a boy." Luffy grins up at the swordsman, wriggling around until his head's resting in the green-haired pirate's lap and he's got both hands free to brace them against the curve above him, one thumb tracing the faint vertical line that's recently appeared on the skin below his lover's navel. "Guys in my family always make lotsa boys."

"Tch. Big deal! That doesn't mean shit, 'cause the guys in mine make lotsa GIRLS- and in case you forgot, we still don't know how the hell this happened, so just 'cause I'm the one lugging the kid around doesn't mean YOU decided what it's gonna-"

"Sure I did- I'm the captain! And I say it's a boy, so it's a boy."

"It doesn't work that way, you idiot!"

"Why not? Like Zoro just said, nobody knows how he got knocked up, so why couldn't it? Trust me, it's a-"

"Girl."

"Boy."

"G- oi, do you really want a boy that bad?" Zoro asks suddenly, feeling apprehensive and not knowing why. "I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me, but..."

"Nah, I'd be happy with either one," Luffy assures his flustered swordsman, wrapping both arms around his hips and leaning up to plant a kiss on his lower belly when he sees the frown lines deepening on the older pirate's brow. "It'll be Zoro's and mine, and that's all that matters."

"Right."

"... but it's definitely a boy."

"Damn it, Luffy! You don't-" He breaks off, inhaling sharply, because his captain's just licked a wet path up the linea nigra dividing his abdomen and is now grinning up at him, legs sprawled wide and doing little to conceal that he's interested in far more than just spending the evening talking. "Oi, quit that- you shouldn't start what you can't finish."

"Zoro's too stressed out. He needs to relax..."

"C'mon, you heard what Chopper said. Until we go to that clinic tomorrow and make sure everything's okay, we shouldn't-"

"Chopper said I shouldn't, but he didn't say ZORO couldn't," the rubber man corrects, rolling them both over and tugging insistently at Zoro's unbuttoned trousers as he pulls the swordsman down on top of him. "Besides, I want my turn on the bottom now, before Zoro gets too big, 'cause I might stretch, but that doesn't mean I like getting squashed."

"... are you calling me FAT, you little shit?"