Phoenix in Arizona

(Chapter Five)

Eli found Rene sitting in the sand leaning back on her arms. She was gazing into the clear Mojave night sky, it's dark blue lit up by countless stars. She seemed to have a wistful look in her eye even though they still smiled. Eli smiled wryly. He much rather be using these cool hours to travel but it was only courteous to follow Boone and Rene's traveling habits. Boone was resting off to the side as Eli had volunteered to take this watch of the night.

"Boone tells me you've been up there, if only briefly." he chuckled, silently identifying each constellation he could.

Rene laughed.

"He means that my mother told me the stars would take me home someday."

"A common motif throughout history. There's something comforting about it, indeed. In the past we would name the stars in the sky. Aldebaran, Altair, Betelgeuse, Arcturus. Before the bombs fell man hoped that he would one day conquer the stars and call each one home." Eli said.

"Hmm."

"...What was it like?" Eli asked seriously.

"What was what like?"

"Dying. I heard you died once. Maybe twice. What was it like?"

Rene grinned, looking over at the man.

"It's... well, when it first happened, there was this huge wall, but it broke to pieces. And this brilliant light flooded in, and it was warm and calming. It was beautiful, just floating there in the light, and I saw a lot of people I once knew. But... they disappeared, but my sister, Anne… she wanted to lead me somewhere…"

Rene's smile faltered slightly, her heart pounding in her chest. It was probably something not meant to be explained to the living, but she felt the need to get it all off of her chest.

"I think she wanted to take me to the stars, but Boone says I'm silly for thinking that because I've already seen what death is like. But there was more, I know", she simply said, her voice shaking ever so lightly. It was hard to talk about death, how much of a temptress it was to see your family lined up and awaiting your return. Rene remembered the whispering of Anne, her ethereal form wrapping around her body, constricting her almost. There was more to death, but she never got the full glimpse… Boone simply wouldn't let that happen to her.

"But when you're not supposed to die… there's this huge wind that casts you from 'up there', and it's a very cold wind that makes you fall in darkness, up until the point you can feel yourself go through.." Rene tried to continue, only attempting to describe what it was like to come back from the dead, "It's a rebirth, basically. But you remember everything, even your moment of death. You know, the saying that people say about 'You got hit so hard you can see stars'? That's what it's like. Falling through a starry night."

Eli looked as if he was completely interested at this point, sitting at full attention to Rene's explanation of death. To his evangelical mind, it seemed nearly like Heaven- the bright light, the people you know, but the Kingdom? There was never anything mentioned about stars within the scriptures about Heaven- or were there? And what about God?

"Did you see a beautiful city, Rene?"

"…It was foggy and blurry past the perception field of where you were currently standing. There was no ground, just light..."

Eli sighed. He could've figured it out at this point, but from the way Rene put it, it was a gracious heaven enough. But the wind, even that description sent shivers up his spine. She was a good example of that there was something left to hold onto if you stayed out in this world long enough, that in the end there was an ultimate reward to all the work put out here-

Oh, that was depressing.

"It sounds lovely, Rene. Do you think Boone wants to hear something that happy though?", Eli chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood, as he usually did to counteract the effects of something so dreadfully serious. Rene cracked another smile to him.

"That's mean. Boone doesn't mean to be so sulky all the time", Rene attempted to say in a serious voice but ended up sharing her laughter with Eli. She wanted to keep it down, however, just to not wake the sleeping soldier. He did deserve all the rest he was receiving, he had a hard life. All of them did.

"I knew a New Canaanite once. She was all sulky like Boone is, but she was very nice at times when she felt like it. Her name was… Catherine. Catherine Nicholas-Raine, and she ran the breadth of the Mojave as a courier for one job and ran a caravan business the next, but she quit that job, I think. Dunno where she is now- but I remember, she always cut her hair with a combat knife she had, and told me that her mother and father lived along the Colorado somewhere".

Eli wanted to know that name- if she was a survivor, then he would've most likely known her at one point while migrating from the salted ruins of New Canaan.

"Oh, she also liked to eat people."

Eli raised an eyebrow but then realized Rene was indeed being serious. Remembering he was supposed to be keeping watch, he gazed around, keeping close to Rene so they could still talk.

"I guess she really did love her neighbors then. I do hope she changed that habit, though. It can bore holes in your brain, and I'm not talking about it in the chemical ballistic sense."

"So, did you ask me what dying was like to compare with what you believe about death?" Rene inquired gently.

"Yes and no. A lot of people think New Canaanites like me are very singular in our thinking about life, death, right, wrong, heaven and hell. Don't get me wrong, I'll always be basically a New Canaanite in matters of faith, at least I try to be. But I can be a little more flexible. I don't think it's all that worrisome if people have different near death experiences."

"What do you mean that you'll always try to be a New Canaanite?" Rene inquired with furrowed brows.

Eli smiled sadly as he watched the evening horizon.

"I'm not a good New Canaanite."

"What makes you say that?"

"...Well, sometimes I doubt. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I don't forgive. And sometimes, actually a lot of times, I make really crappy jokes."

Rene continued to watch the stars overhead as the constellations slowly started to move in their courses. Left in his own darkness, Eli quietly rubbed the water out of his eyes. He needed to keep watch. He was less worried about the knot in his throat since it seemed the conversation had died a bit.

He was remembering New Canaan.

"…I doubted my tribe's faith. I get angry, insensitive, and intolerant. I don't forgive a lot, either… take the Legion for example. I was a slave for them for 13 years, and I killed every single one of them at Fortification Hill for my own reasons, and for Boone's sake, because he had a woman he loved that I knew, but she's gone now, because of them. But religion is the mystery that is never solved, to be human is to feel every emotion possible, and forgiveness is like your faith- you have to keep reviving it. So test your Religion regularly, and if you truly believe in it, then it doesn't have to make sense", Rene put a gentle hand upon Eli's shoulder. He hurt like Boone did, however, it was a simple fix for Eli, as he wasn't very grudging, it seemed.

She did pay attention to the stars a lot, but yet, she cared more for the current and living people- because life is for the living, and that's the sole purpose. Only if she could teach Boone that quality, only if he could listen to her for once and realize, he shouldn't be all sulky no matter his past. Maybe if Boone could overcome his past life, there'd be a new star in the sky to count.

Boone overheard Rene's and Eli's conversation, wondering how the hell Rene had the nerve to talk to people in such friendly measures, even if she just met them. It made things awkward if you got to know someone well enough you can talk like that to them. Shifting only slightly, he kept his eyes closed until he knew he had to take shift because Rene usually never slept until 1:30 in the morning, and when she did, it was like staring at a rock. He almost envied how well she slept without thoughts plaguing his mind. Without Carla plaguing his mind.