Author's Note: This one's for Pamplemoose. I couldn't resist more Zoro and Sanji interaction. They make such awkward attempts to get along, but it's tough for them to stop bickering when they've been doing it for so long.
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Okay, I changed my mind- I think this just might be even more bizarre than when Marimo had the huge belly and the kid was making it do that weird rippling thing, Sanji muses as he stares across the hallway to where Zoro's sitting cross-legged on the floor outside the door to their Galley-La rooms, frowning down at the squirming infant nestled in his lap. "Oi, shitty swordsman- only you could make something like feeding a baby look like a chore. No wonder he can't eat, with that grumpy face scowling at him."
"Fuck off, ero-cook," the swordsman grunts, although his eye never leaves his son's hungrily working mouth as he cautiously adjusts his grip on the nursing bottle he's holding, stubbornly resisting the urge to flex his wrist to disperse the pins-and-needles sensation that's working its way up his forearm. "This isn't as easy as it looks."
"How the hell can it be that hard?" The cook demands softly, recalling the crack Law made about the similarities between newborns and lampreys. "He sure latched onto you pretty good that time."
Cheeks flushing, the green-haired pirate opens his mouth to utter something scathing and groans instead as Ace somehow loses suction, forcibly rejects the nipple and immediately starts fussing and waving his fists. "Oh, come on- not again! Can't you just take the damn bottle so we can both go to bed?"
He slumps back against the wall, eyeing the barely-touched bottle as though he's seriously considering hurling it down the hall, but when he shifts his gaze back to the indignant baby, Zoro can't keep a pleading note from entering his voice. "It's three in the goddamn morning and I'm tired and YOU'RE tired and we gotta do this all over again in just a few hours. And you're gonna wake everybody up if you don't stop crying..."
"Why don't you just kick our captain's lazy ass out of bed and make him feed the kid?"
"I would, but last time Luffy was half-asleep and made the formula too damn thick, and Ace spit up all down my back when I tried to burp him, so I told Sencho to stick to doing the daytime feedings. He says they're going alright- I dunno why we gotta go through this bullshit every night." The swordsman sets the bottle down on the carpet beside him and scoops the now-wailing infant from his lap, cradling him in one elbow and rocking him carefully back and forth, and the expression of desperation and exhaustion on his worn face is so intense that Sanji can't help feeling slightly uncomfortable, because his normally stoic nakama actually looks close to tears.
"Oi- let me try?"
Zoro raises his gaze to glare at him, and the cook's dismayed to see that there ARE tears glinting in the corners of his eye.
"Don't get huffy with me, Marimo- I'm just trying to help. You're barely sleeping and being so goddamn tired probably isn't helping. You look like a fuckin' zombie."
"... Nami's not around to moon over you making a fuss over him. And he might spit up on your-"
"I know that!" Sanji snaps, and then he sighs, gesturing. "It doesn't matter, alright? Give him here."
The first mate stares at him for so long that the blond's about to give up and tell him to just forget it - and forget he even asked in the first place - when Zoro abruptly looks away.
"... just don't drop him or I'll kill you, shitty ero-cook."
"Don't be an asshole." Sanji holds out his arms, expectantly, and abruptly feels like an idiot when Zoro frowns at him.
"I'm not crawling over there just 'cause you're too lazy to get up and come over here."
He doesn't mention that he can't stand up without holding onto something, which is impossible with Ace in his arms, because his sutured abdomen hurts like a son-of-a-bitch and he's still getting used to the fact that his center of gravity's changed yet again, and he's grateful when the cook doesn't call him out on it and just scoots across the hallway to his side.
Watching his crewmate shuffle over on his knees is rather amusing, and the swordsman's smirking faintly despite his fatigue and about to make a snide comment, when the other man's shadow falls over him and something clicks inside his head, tightening his throat and chest and sending a wave of irrational terror sweeping through his brain. He flinches backwards, smacking his head against the wall behind him.
"Don't-!"
Sanji freezes in the act of reaching out to take Ace, who's registered the sudden tension in the arms holding him and has started howling at the top of his small yet prodigious lungs.
Although he's involuntarily flattening his body against the wall as though he's trying to shove himself through it, Zoro's just coherent enough to realize that suffering a flashback with his son still cradled to his chest will put them both in a very bad and potentially dangerous situation, and the idea of injuring the baby, even accidentally, scares him even more than the increasingly vivid sensation of phantom hands groping and clawing at him.
"Take him, Sanji, oh god, please, take Ace before I hurt him-!"
He can't hold back the sob of relief that bursts past his lips when the cook obeys without question, easing the infant from his grasp, and he tries to gasp a hurried thank you but by then it's too late and he's drowning in his own fear and smashing the back of his skull repeatedly against the wall as he digs his bare heels into the thick carpet and struggles to escape the sudden pain lancing through his rectum and lower body.
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"Zoro-?"
His head aches abominably and there's the distinct coppery flavor of his own blood in his mouth when he comes back to himself, momentarily confused when he registers the soft texture of synthetic fiber beneath his cheek because he feels hideously tired but doesn't remember lying down.
"Zoro..." A familiar voice says again and fingers gently brush his cheek, and he opens his eye halfway to find his captain's anxious face peering down at him.
"S-Sencho-?" The swordsman asks thickly, wincing because his tongue feels heavy and swollen inside his mouth, and he supposes he must have bitten it. "What ha-?"
Ace squeals, and Zoro bolts upright so fast he nearly pitches face-first into Luffy's chest, his face paling and his eye wide with panic. "Oh fuck- what did I- is he-?"
"Ace is fine."
"Are you sure he's-"
"He's fine," the rubber man insists, cautiously drawing his lover into a careful embrace and tightening his hold only when the older pirate relaxes against him and wraps trembling arms around his neck. "Sanji's got him, and he just finished his bottle and he's fine."
"Little bastard dribbled formula on my shirt," the cook snorts, although his smile takes the sting out of his words. "You're buying me another one if the stain sets."
"Whatever," Zoro agrees without argument, gaze locked on the baby tucked securely in the blond's arms and wrinkling his button nose as he yawns widely, blinking sleepily. "... are you sure he's okay-?"
"That moss on your head growing into your ears now? YES, he's okay."
"If you hadn't been here, I might've-" He can't finish, because the words are caught in his throat and Luffy's suddenly squeezing him too hard.
"Zoro wouldn't do anything to hurt Ace."
"But I could've-"
Sanji looks away. "... shut up, Marimo. You didn't hurt him. You were more worried about him than yourself, anyway- even said 'please' and you're NEVER that polite, especially to me."
"... thanks for-"
"Will you stop that already? You're freaking me out, being so nice. And here, take your damn kid back before he falls asleep on me."
The swordsman hesitates, and the cook utters a growl of frustration and pushes Ace into his arms so he's forced to grab for the bundle to avoid dropping it.
"Oi! What'd I say about dropping my son? I'll kick your ass, you shitty dartboard brow!"
"Okay, that's more like it," Sanji grins, although he's looking at the captain when he says it, and as Zoro grumbles and starts circumspectly inspecting the baby to assure himself that everything really is alright and they weren't just saying so to make him feel better, his crewmates share a moment of perfect understanding.
We gotta get Zoro some kinda help...
I wonder if Iceburg-san knows any decent therapists...