Opening Author's Note
Before you start reading this one, please be advised that there are warnings for the following: death, gore, implied torture, and far too many unpleasant and emotionally-upsetting themes. And if you're familiar with Crossfire already, you're already well aware that there's also mpreg involved.
This is not like any of the other drabbles that I've written for CF, and I'm going to tell you right now that you may not like this one, because this is pure darkfic that goes into further detail regarding psychological responses to the traumatic events mentioned in the main fic. If I had to categorize it, I'd probably say it fits more into the horror genre than anywhere else.
There will be a closing author's note following this drabble, because unlike my other drabbles that stray into dangerous territory - like "Gross Conjecture" and "Made To Be Broken" (not to mention the entire original ending to CF itself) - this one leaves me downright uncomfortable and feeling as though I need to rationalize its development. Also, I apologize in advance for any typos, mis-spellings or just plain incorrect vocabulary; my beta did his best, but we're both rather tired, and I can't bring myself to keep reading this over and over for editing purposes.
In any case, consider yourself warned: here there be monsters (and some insanely crazy run-on sentences).
xxx
His head is aching abominably when he opens his eyes, squinting painfully at the fierce throbbing in his temple, which feels as though someone tried to drive a steel beam through his skull.
Ungh... Wh-What happened and where-?
He's too disoriented to recognize his surroundings even though they're dimly lit by what looks like glowing orbs floating somewhere over his head; his vision's still too blurry, although he does register that he's sprawled face-down on a hard, flat surface that's extremely uncomfortable beneath his belly.
He rolls slowly onto his side to relieve the pressure on his abdomen - thankfully, he's not that far along yet or it'd be a hell of a lot harder to breathe - with one hand cautiously cradling what's finally becoming a noticeable bump even as the other darts to his hip to grasp Kitetsu's hilt.
His fingers close on empty air.
What the-!
He reaches for Shusui, then Wado, and to his dismay and growing alarm, he's left empty-handed and only now realizes that he didn't even feel the katanas' sheaths banging against his thigh when he rolled over or hear them scraping against the floor. He's not only at a loss to where he's found himself or how the hell he got there, but he's also unarmed.
He clenches his teeth, struggling to squelch the panic rising in his chest, his nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily through his nose.
Calm the fuck down, right now or-
He inhales again, more deeply, and that's when the smell hits him. The coppery reek invades his sinuses and makes him gag, forcing him to brace splayed fingers against his stomach as his diaphragm heaves insistently enough to tug on the already stressed ligaments.
Not gonna puke- I'm not gonna-
He's turned his gaze automatically towards the source of the strong odor, unconsciously seeking to locate and thereby avoid what smells like a slaughtered animal, and by now the swordsman's eyes have adjusted to the darkness, but at first he still doesn't quite comprehend what he's seeing. Frowning as he stares into the shadows, he turns the shape over and over in his mind, and when the last puzzle piece finally snaps into place-
It's now apparent that he's below-decks on the Sunny, lying on the floor of the corridor that runs between the central room containing the ship's capstan and the entrance to the energy room one level above, but he doesn't take much notice. He's too busy scrambling clumsily to his hands and knees to avoid choking on the vomit that's surging up his esophagus and splattering the Adam wood planks beneath him with horrible intensity, causing an additional smell that conspires with the already existing stench of blood to keep him dry-heaving long after his stomach has emptied itself.
Coughing and retching at the acidic taste burning his mouth and throat, he scoots backwards to put some distance between himself and the mess - two messes now, really - and one hand comes down on something sharp that slices the edge of his palm before it slides away under his weight. His body reacts automatically, lunging for what might be a potential weapon while he continues backing away, completely unaware of his vocal cords producing a deep groan of denial and disbelief.
He struggles upright on his knees, fingers wrapped so tightly around the handle of the knife that he can feel his heart pulsing in his knuckles as he flattens his body against the wall closest to his back, unwilling to leave it exposed while he moves towards the heart of the Sunny at what feels like a snail's pace.
There's a second piece of cutlery near the base of the capstan. He retrieves it and tucks both Santoku into his sash with trembling hands, cursing brokenly as he nearly stabs his own thigh in the process before using the ship's steering mechanism spokes to pull himself upright.
This is not- this is not happening!
But the knives now strapped to his hip make it very clear that he wasn't mistaken, and there's something utterly wrong and almost profane about discovering those knives in their current state, scattered haphazardly on the floor - abandoned - with their blades dull and chipped and caked with-
He's seen them before, of course. Many times. Secured in the big wooden block sitting on the kitchen counter, dicing leeks and slicing daikon radishes into neat rounds. He's even handled them before while standing at the sink, affecting an expression of boredom and disdain while he listens to the cook bitch at him to make sure he dries them well and doesn't leave his shitty marimo fingerprints on the steel before returning them to their proper place, because if he finds one speck of rust or careless smudge-
Cook- Sanji, you-
The cook's not going to be complaining about Zoro's dish- and cutlery-drying skills again. Or his incessant weight-lifting. Or his being rude to the women. Or anything else for that matter.
The green-haired pirate sways unsteadily, darkness swarming the edges of his vision, and only his desperate grip on the capstan keeps him from toppling over and spilling to the floor. He wants to close his eyes, make it go away, but he doesn't know who or what might still be lurking on the ship, and he knows it doesn't matter anyway.
Because if he closes his eyes, he'll still see it imprinted on the insides of his eyelids: his nakama's matted hair, gold now muddied strawberry-blond with drying blood, torn shirt unbuttoned and pulled askew to expose the gaping partially-empty chest cavity and dangling viscera. And resting in the cook's hands, which lay folded neatly in his lap, with her long raven locks artfully arranged so her hair looks like some large, crawling web that drapes over Sanji's wrists and trails across his thighs, her eyes still open and wide with unspeakable pain and anguish, Robin's-
There's a harsh noise escaping him, a low whine barely capable of escaping his tightening throat, and the swordsman staggers as his knees buckle until he's hanging onto the capstan with both arms, fighting to keep his consciousness and his footing.
DON'T YOU DARE! A cold, angry voice shouts at him from somewhere inside his head. DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING FAINT ON ME, SHITTY MARIMO!
He's losing his mind, going absolutely mad down here in the bowels of the ship. He must be, because he can't possibly be hearing what he thinks he's hearing, not when he can still make out the shadowy figure of the cook's eviscerated body slumped against the wall at the opposite end of the hall with the historian's severed head cradled in his lap.
Kenshi-san. Listen to me, Kenshi-san. You can't help us now. It's too late for us- but there are others onboard this vessel, and some of them may still be alive.
Her tone is calm and collected, and Zoro finds himself on the verge of hysterical laughter because what else should he have expected but for Robin to continue being the crew's voice of reason even after she's dead?
But she's right, as usual, and he stumbles around the capstan towards the bow with one hand pressed firmly against the side of his lower belly, where an insistent cramp's now spiking relentlessly through his abdominal muscles. It must be from throwing up and then moving too quickly, he tells himself, because considering the alternative is unacceptable.
Just keep walking, asshole. You stood up too damn fast and pulled a bunch of muscles, that's all.
He glances back briefly, feeling a surge of self-loathing for leaving Sanji and Robin behind. It doesn't seem right, even though they're beyond caring.
Dead. They're DEAD.
Zoro almost wants to turn around and go back, take another look, because he doesn't completely believe it. Some part of him's convinced that he was mistaken, it's not real- just some stupid prank concocted with smoke and mirrors and far too much theatrical blood, because he's seen some of the guys playing around with the shit before. If so, it's an incredibly bad and tasteless joke.
But he doesn't stop moving, because his instincts are telling him otherwise - that it's all far too real - and his throat and chest are getting tighter and tighter with the growing fear that the historian might be mistaken - she might be WRONG - and he might be the only living creature on the Sunny aside from the baby he's carrying tucked out of sight beneath the haramaki encircling his middle, but even the thought of his lover's unborn child provides little comfort, because while Law and the Straw Hat's own doctor keep insisting everything is fine...
Without their word, he'd never even know it was still alive, because he still hasn't felt-
Chopper said it's probably too early at fifteen weeks. He said it's too early, but- but-
But he doesn't want to think about what it might mean if Chopper's wrong. And even if Chopper's right, if Zoro's the only one alive on the ship, then Luffy and Ace- his captain and his son-
No. No, no, no, no, NO.
Despite his adamant rejection of the very idea, he can't get it out of his head - the things he's terrified he might find behind the bedroom door at the far end of the corridor - and the distance between him and his goal seems to stretch out for miles before him as he makes his way down the hallway, leaning heavily against the wall because the twinges lancing through his stomach are now severe enough to hamper his movement.
He's pausing for a moment that feels like an eternity, light-headed because he can't seem to catch his breath no matter how much he berates his laboring lungs, when SHE slips out of the shadows beside him, emerging from a void of darkness where only moments ago there was nothing.
There's no time to chide himself for dropping his guard, although the very notion of being caught unawares is ridiculous - he NEVER drops his guard, not for anything or anyone - and the sense of wrong, the sense of unreality, prods him yet again but he brushes it off without a second thought. It's as though she's appeared out of nowhere, which is impossible because so far as he knows there's only two other people in the world capable of doing so and one is unmistakably male and the other pink-haired and far too petite and he hasn't seen either of them for years, but he hasn't seen HER for years either - or so he supposes - and he's too busy fighting the loathsome sensation of his skin crawling in revulsion at the very sight of her, and he can't move even though she's stalking towards him, tongue darting from the corner of her mouth to slide suggestively between her lips.
What the hell is wrong with you- RUN! His brain is screaming at him, and he swears he hears Sanji and Robin screaming right along with it even though that's impossible, but the woman slinking closer and closer is now grinning sadistically beneath the thick mop of hair obscuring her eyes and from somewhere inside his skull floats the insane but absolute and inexplicable knowledge that she hears the screaming too - she hears all three of them shrieking in unison - and that's why her lips are curling open wider to reveal sharp white teeth and transforming her knowing smile into a jubilant leer.
He can't look away from her bared canines, remembering the damage and pain they're capable of inflicting, and that triggers a flood of other equally vile and hellish memories, and all coherent thought leaves him then, leaving only hate and fear and blind panic as he swings a fist directly into the gloating countenance of Impel Down's Chief Guard, who should be dead and reduced to nothing more than rodent-gnawed bones in the remnants of the World Government's now-defunct prison, not reaching for him with brightly-colored, viciously hooked nails and murmuring "Roronoa" in a husky voice that drags a howl of distress and indignation from him as he strikes.
The blow catches Sadi-chan full in the face. And it does absolutely NOTHING.
He's lashed out with enough force to snap her head back, fracture cartilage and shatter bone and send a fountain of blood erupting from her nose, but the impact doesn't even knock her off-balance. A pillow would likely do more damage- at least send her staggering backwards a step.
It's impossible. It's unreal, it's wrong- it's WRONG, just like everything that's happened since he regained consciousness and found himself prone on the floor, and somewhere behind him in the dark are the defiled corpses of two of his nakama and he's alone in this corridor with the only enemy he's ever truly feared and this time no one's going to save him - them - because he knows with absolute certainty that he's the last living soul riding a ghost ship, that everyone else is dead- the crew, his captain, even-
He loses control, uttering a roar of rage and pain and loss that echoes through the Sunny, tears streaming down his cheeks as he ignores the increasing intensity of the spasms seizing his insides and attacks. He'll kill her if he's allowed the opportunity, but there's no way he'll let her take him alive, and if that means his own death, he doesn't care because he knows who's waiting for him on the other side.
Although he's too far gone to truly consider appropriate battle tactics, that innate sixth sense that's served him well for so long is still operating on some primitive level, and it recognizes that pummeling the Chief Guard with fists is merely a waste of energy, and he goes for the knives - how, how, for fuck's sake, has he forgotten that he's armed - but what he pulls from his sash are not the cook's Santoku but two blood-smudged and slightly-nibbled sketching pencils.
For a moment, Zoro's stunned into sanity, firmly aware that none of this makes any sense and maybe, just maybe, it's NOT real and it's all just a-
That clarity's wrenched from his grasp when his opponent bursts into delighted laughter, which ripples through the hallway and rings hatefully in his ears, and then she tells him what she's done to the bushy-haired man with the long nose and how he pleaded with her so amusingly to spare the others before he died, and the swordsman goes for her veiled eyes with the drawing instruments that he's now clutching in fists shaking with unrestrained fury, completely forgetting the disparities in reality in his desire to end her.
He's on the verge of driving the black point of one pencil through her hair into the socket hidden beneath when she moves, head turning almost imperceptibly, causing the graphite tip to lay open her cheek rather than blinding her, and then she's closer, INSIDE the range of his arms, invading his space and now so near that he can feel the warm gust of her breath puffing against his collarbone.
Vicious pain slices repeatedly across his abdomen, ripping a muffled cry from between his clenched teeth and causing him to drop his unlikely weapons from suddenly nerveless fingers. They clatter to the floor, rolling away as he takes a stumbling step backwards, empty hands clutching for his stomach, and he sees that she's holding the pair of knives that he somehow misplaced. The blades are glistening wetly in the dim light, and as he watches, she raises one and nonchalantly licks it clean, leaving a long crimson smear on her tongue before it disappears behind her lips.
H-How did she-? No, it doesn't make any sense! It doesn't make any-
But his unbuttoned coat's now hanging limply against his sides, no longer restrained by the severed sash that's slipping loose from his waist along with his haramaki, and he can feel something thick and hot spilling down his thighs, soaking his trousers until they're clinging to his skin and filling his boots, and he doesn't want to look down because he knows what the liquid is and what he'll find, but he's helpless to resist and his gaze is drawn down to his belly just as surely as the metal filings he's seen drawn to Franky's magnets.
She's torn him open with multiple strokes, leaving a gaping wound worse than any Mihawk ever inflicted on him, and his hands are full where they're clutching at his torn flesh. Full of blood and his own pulsing guts and - oh god, oh god NO - something else that's squirming weakly in the cradle of his spread fingers.
He opens his mouth to shout for Chopper, desperation forcing him to trust that the ship's doctor is still alive even though he knows better, but nothing emerges but a brief torrent of blood. He can barely fill his lungs to breathe much less shout, but he tries again anyway, because even though he's probably dying - his vision's going dark and he can feel the strength leaking out of him as the pool on the Adam wood beneath his feet continues spreading, lapping at the pointed toes of Sadi-chan's shoes - even though he's not going to make it this time, it's okay, as long as-
Too early, you know it's too early. Not even that cocky shithead Law could-
And while he may not want to believe it, he knows it's true. His captain is dead, his crew is dead, and he's on the brink himself, left with nothing but the half-formed child that's dying in his hands.
"No. No. No-no-no-NO-NO!"
He's still screaming the same word over and over when his strength fails and he falls into the darkness.
xxx
The sudden crash sends Luffy hurtling for the lamp beside him, heart thundering crazily in his chest at being woken so abruptly, and he finds himself fumbling wildly in the dark for several moments before he finally locates the switch and floods the room with light.
For a moment, he's confused because nothing seems out of place, but then he realizes that Zoro's side of the bed is empty and then his eyes settle on the overturned night table at the opposite end of the headboard, and he scrambles across the mattress for a better look.
He finds his swordsman on the floor, sprawled on his back with his flailing limbs tangled in the sheet that he's dragged down with him, and the disoriented older pirate is making an urgent, strangled and incomprehensible noise that sends chills cascading down the captain's spine, because it's been a long time since he's heard that kind of terror in his lover's voice.
"Zoro- Zoro, wake up! ZORO!"
The bedroom door bangs open as Ace bursts in- and immediately freezes on the threshold when he takes in the scene before him: one parent shouting frantically and hovering over the other, who's kicking and thrashing on the floor and repeatedly banging his head against the underside of the bed frame in the process.
"Daddy-?"
Luffy's head jerks up. "Ace, go get Chopper!"
To his consternation, his son takes one hesitant step into the room and then another.
"But-"
"I said go get Chopper! NO, DON'T TOUCH HIM!"
He doesn't mean to shout and regrets it instantly when the six-year-old's eyes go wide and slightly shocked - he's probably just scared the crap out of the kid - but Ace whirls and goes tearing back out before he can apologize or explain that he's not mad but just a little freaked out and not completely awake.
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck, oh-"
Relief floods through the rubber man at the sound of Zoro's voice; if the swordsman's talking coherently enough to swear, he's probably awake. The litany of curses continues, and while it would make him laugh at any other time because it sounds almost like a broken and somewhat profane tone dial recording, he's too concerned with the way his lover's shivering uncontrollably.
Eventually, the breathless and repetitive rambling falters and the spasmodic movements die down to an occasional nervous twitch, and his first mate calms down and squints up at him, raising trembling fingers to brush gingerly at the rising lumps on his forehead. "OW! Shit, that hurts! What the hell happened?"
"Zoro was dreaming and fell out of bed," the captain explains, disheartened by the blatant shakiness of the older pirate's hand but diplomatically pretending not to notice. "I think he probably hit his head on the night table when he knocked it over..."
"Sure feels that way," Zoro mutters, tilting his head back slightly to survey the offending piece of furniture, which is upside down and several feet from where it started. He's got one hell of headache starting, if the ache in his temple is any indication. "What else did I miss? I thought I heard you yelling at somebody."
"Zoro wouldn't wake up, and Ace came in and wanted to help, but-" Luffy fidgets, not wanting to imply that someone might've gotten hurt, but his swordsman's already nodding, face tense with understanding, because they both know too well just how quickly things can spiral out of control. "Yeah, well, Chopper made a really big deal about Zoro being careful on the ladders and stuff, so..."
"You sent Ace to get Chopper? Makes sense. Oi, gimmie a hand."
"Yosh."
He's wobbly once their combined efforts get him on his feet and quickly forced to sit down because his thumping head is now also spinning nauseously, and he really, really hopes he's not going to puke because doing it in the dream was bad enough.
That wasn't a dream- it was a fucking nightmare.
He shudders involuntarily.
"Does- Does Zoro wanna talk about it?" Luffy asks cautiously, dropping into a cross-legged sitting position beside him. "I mean, he doesn't have to if he doesn't, but..."
"Not right now. Later. Maybe."
He takes a deep breath and rubs at the annoying cramp that's started in his side, avoiding his captain's eyes because he can sense the next question and he doesn't know how to answer it. No way he's going to convince Luffy that he's alright if he's not sure of it himself.
Thankfully, he's spared by the clatter of hooves that announces Chopper's arrival, which is accompanied by a noisy tirade of questions and exclamations. "Zoro, Ace said you were on the floor! Were you on the floor because you fell? Why'd you get up- you should've stayed on the floor 'til I got here! What if you hurt your back? You'd need a doctor! Wait, I'm a doctor!"
"Jeez, quit freaking out! I'm perfectly fine," the green-haired pirate grumbles, trying not to wince as he's bullied into lying down by the anxious physician. He doesn't like being on his back- it keeps yanking on muscles that have been protesting loudly since he clambered to his feet. "Where's Ace?"
"Sanji took him to the kitchen for hot chocolate. Now- WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Zoro fell out of bed," Luffy announces, frowning slightly because he can't figure out why his swordsman looks so relieved at the prospect of the cook giving their son something caffeinated, because normally he'd be complaining about Ace bouncing off the walls on a sugar high thanks to the shitty curly-brow.
His words produce a fresh outburst from the reindeer. "You did fall! See, I said you should've stayed on the floor- what if you'd thrown out your back? What if you'd landed on your-? Yes, I did, but-! Of course they're fine- they all went to the kitchen too because Ace woke us all up when he came running in yelling that you were on the floor, having a fit! I thought he meant you were having a seizure!"
Chopper's too annoyed to notice Luffy eyeing Zoro with increasing confusion and concern; he's too busy examining the swordsman and responding peevishly to his snarls of protest at being poked and prodded. "Hold still, damn it! I really wish you would've stayed on the floor and waited for me to-!"
"OW! FUCK! Get your damn hooves off me!"
"Why does your head hurt?"
"There's nothing wrong with- OI, WILL YOU FUCKING QUIT THAT?"
"Luffy, WHY does his head hurt?"
Reluctantly dismissing his curiousity at his first mate's unexpectedly sudden interest in the rest of the crew's whereabouts, the captain scratches behind one ear, sheepishly avoiding the one-eyed death glare aimed in his direction- because while Zoro's scary when he's pissed, Chopper's REALLY scary when he's dealing with uncooperative patients. "Uh, I think he smacked it on there when he fell out of bed. Oh, and he banged it on there a bunch of times when he was rolling around on the floor."
"-goddamn snitch, that's what you-! OW!"
"ZORO-"
"If you don't stop jabbing me, I'm gonna tell the shitty cook to ROAST you," the older pirate growls, coming dangerously close to rolling off the bed again in his efforts to dodge the hooves combing through his hair in search of additional injuries. "With fuckin' mikan sauce and-!"
"Zoro's lucky he's got a really hard head, huh, Chopper?" Luffy asks weakly in an attempt to diffuse the growing tension, because the reindeer's starting to look as though he'd like to add a few lumps of his own to the ones raised by the furniture. "I mean, he's gotten hit in the head lots of time before and it never-"
Zoro's thinly-stretched patience finally snaps and he shoves the livid doctor away so he can sit up and climb out of bed, only to find himself unable to move when the sudden intense pain spiking up and down his belly and through his upper thighs paralyzes him as the ligaments on both sides tug sharply enough to make his eye water.
He's felt it before, when he coughs or sneezes - the crew's gotten used to both events being followed by loud and intense cursing - and sometimes when he straightens up or leans over too quickly, but usually only on one side at a time. This is both, and it fucking HURTS.
"Zoro? Zoro, what's wrong?" Chopper demands, their squabbling immediately forgotten, because the swordsman's gone white as a sheet and rolled onto his side, grimacing as he tries to curl himself into a ball. Luffy's crouching beside him in a flash, fingers gripping his shoulder.
"I-Is Zoro okay?"
"Fuckin- cramp. Bad. Kind like- somebody just- stabbed me with a goddamn-"
Neither of them are prepared for the flash of alarm and fear that darts across their nakama's face.
"Is it your back?" Chopper asks nervously. "I said you should've stayed on the-"
"No, not that- not my back." He's trying to stay calm, but the cramping isn't getting better- it's getting worse, and his breathing goes slightly ragged as he recalls his dream, where the pain kept getting worse and worse, until- "I think it's- I think there might be something wrong with-"
He hesitates, and he knows it's stupid and he's probably getting himself worked up over nothing - he's complained about the whole cramping thing before, even asked Chopper about it and had to endure Nami snickering loudly about men finally experiencing menstrual cramps when the damn reindeer forgot to keep his voice down - but part of him's afraid that saying it out loud will make it true. "I thought I was dreaming, but-"
"Zoro-" Luffy scoots closer, hand moving to brush his swordsman's side tentatively. When his action goes undisputed, he starts stroking tentatively, hoping to sooth his uneasy lover before his thoughts stray into territory better left unexplored. Although the doctor beside them looks more confused than worried, it hasn't taken the captain more than a few seconds to put two and two together, and he doesn't like it.
He knows why Zoro's starting to look so distressed. Unlike Chopper, or any of their other crewmates, he knows what kind of nightmares the green-haired pirate's been plagued with since Impel Down and- well, everything else that happened before Ace was born. While they know more than enough and are fully aware that there have been dreams and that they've been far from pleasant, their fellow Straw Hats have never learned the full extent of just how badly those dreams have emotionally damaged their nakama.
There are some things that the swordsman's never shared with them, not even after all this time, and Luffy's dutifully kept his own mouth shut, because he knows that if Zoro hasn't told anyone else, it's not his place to break the silence.
"-it's-" He keeps petting Zoro's side and stomach, applying a little more pressure because he can feel the older man starting to shiver slightly under his touch. There's a lump growing in his throat that he's trying to speak around, and he's forced to swallow hard before he continues, because that expression of dread and uncertainty is killing him, and when he meets Zoro's unsettled gaze, he can almost see the switches flipping inside his head, shutting down everything right and normal and leaving nothing but fear and disorientation. "It's okay- it was a just a bad dream, kinda like the one Ace told everybody he had after the time he walked in on Sanji trying on Nami's skirt."
He mentions that incident deliberately, knowing it's never failed to make his swordsman laugh at the cook's expense and hoping like hell that it might distract him now, but to his dismay, Zoro's not listening.
"I-I tried, but she-"
"NO. She's dead! She's dead, and Zoro's okay, and Ace is okay too, and-"
Chopper's looking back and forth between them sharply now, because there's only one deceased woman that could be causing the mounting agitation in Luffy's voice.
"No- no, it's not okay. Not just me, not just Ace-" Zoro's mouth is unexpectedly dry and it's getting harder and harder to think, harder to breath, harder to keep himself from shattering and flying apart into a million pieces. "Not just us- she killed everybody on the ship. EVERYBODY. And-"
He grabs for the hand rubbing his side and presses it tightly against his belly. "This one too. Luffy, she-!"
"No. No-no-no, everybody's okay, and the baby's okay too," the captain insists, shooting a horrified glance in Chopper's direction only to find the reindeer staring back with enormous, panic-stricken eyes, because they both understand what's happening. They both understand that their nakama's confusing reality with his memories, with the dream that sent him crashing to the floor just a short time earlier, and he's moments- maybe seconds away from lapsing into a full-blown flashback. The first in three, almost fours years.
"I tried to kill her, but she-! She-!" The swordsman releases Luffy's hand, uncurling as he starts batting frantically at his lower torso and thighs, then yanking them away to stare fixedly at his sweat-dampened palms, and he's increasingly convinced that he's no longer imaging the crimson coating them. He's not hallucinating, he's not seeing things- it's really there and-
Blood and my own guts and-
He thinks he's remembering the dream, but he's no longer entirely sure if it's a dream at this point, because even though there's two nakama right here with him, he's having trouble convincing himself that they're really there and he's not really just lying in the corridor outside with Sadi-chan standing over him and the life leaking out of him as he-
"Oh god, I tried- I tried but I couldn't stop her and I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!"
Recognizing the loss of control creeping into Zoro's voice and the glazed look in the dilated pupil that's staring at him without seeing him, Luffy makes a decision and throws all caution to the wind, hauling his swordsman into his arms and hanging on tightly to keep him from breaking loose. Kicks - and punches, if the older man manages to free an arm - won't hurt his rubber body, and if Zoro tries to bite him- well, he'll deal with that when and if it happens. "Zoro doesn't need to be sorry because he didn't do anything wrong and everybody's okay- Zoro just had a really bad dream. Just a dream and-"
It's too late. His lover arches, flailing and trying to twist himself sideways, and the captain panics, convinced he's going to injure himself or even unintentionally stress his own body into miscarrying the baby that he's persuaded himself into believing he's already lost. "CHOPPER, DO SOMETHING!"
In his trepidation, he inadvertently backs the order with Haoshoku Haki, which sounds like a whip cracking in the reindeer's sensitive ears; the doctor flinches, badly shaken as he struggles to force his whirling mind to come up with something- ANYTHING that will snap Zoro out of his delusion. The other pirate's fighting Luffy's embrace more and more wildly and-
Why, oh, why didn't they TELL me- Chopper's eyes, helplessly roaming the room as though he expects to find a solution written on one of the walls, fall on his medical bag, still sitting on the floor and he dives for it. Where- where is it, I know I put it in here before I came down here and why, WHY the hell didn't I think of this BEFORE he-
"Zoro- Zoro, no-! C'mon, look at me and- OW!" Luffy yips, wrinkling his smarting nose, and he can't help thinking of another time when Zoro head-butted him in the face and he's shocked when he realizes that was more than six years ago because right now it seems like only yesterday, but he doesn't let go.
Please, oh please, where- THERE!
"CHOPPER!"
"HERE, HERE!" The doctor wails, throwing himself back towards the bed and nearly crushing his crewmates because he's transformed into Heavy Point, terrified that his hooves won't be able to hang onto the tiny Den Den he's now cupping carefully between his huge hands. "HERE!"
He's forced to sit on the swordsman's legs because - despite Luffy's best efforts - Zoro keeps lashing out and kicking him square in the chest and stomach, and he's afraid of losing the snail in the bed sheets if one of those blows knocks his arm astray.
"WHAT IS THAT?" The captain hollers, and the physician cringes because that commanding edge is still there, making him want to clap both palms over his ears even though he doesn't dare.
"STOP YELLING!" He roars back, and it's eerie, because while they're shouting back and forth at each other at the top of their lungs, Zoro's silent except for his shallow panting and the sporadic low growl that escapes his tightly clenched jaws.
"Chopper, what-?"
"Hold on, hold on!" Chopper's fingers slip and he yelps, fumbling to keep his grip on the Den Den, unsure that it's capable of keeping its balance if his patient keeps flailing and bucking despite their grasp on him. Unsure that this is even going to work. But it's better than doing nothing, so he braces a hand on the squirming swordsman's chest to hold him down, slapping the snail foot-first against his lower belly.
Straightening up, it glares murderously at him for handling it so roughly, but he doesn't notice, distracted by the bursts of static it's emitting as he nudges it along with his fingertips.
"Chopper-?"
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon- shut up, Luffy!
Zoro thrashes violently, forcing them to scramble to avoid being dumped to the floor, and then there's a faint whooshing sound from the speakers embedded on either side of the Den Den's shell, and Chopper utters a cry of triumph. He ignores the captain's perplexed expression - and continuing demands to know what the hell's going on - because his ears are also picking up another noise, faint and rhythmic, that's barely audible in the static-filled background. Another nudge or two, and the sound's now loud enough that he doesn't need to strain to hear it.
"What IS that?" Luffy asks, head tilting slightly and then jerking back to prevent the top of Zoro's head clipping him in the chin.
"Baby's heartbeat," the doctor explains, and despite the heel kicking him repeatedly on the rump, he can't suppress a smile at the amazement and sheer delight dawning on the rubber man's face.
"Really? Whoa- it sounds so fast! Zoro! Oi, Zoro, listen! Listen! That's- eh, why's it getting all quiet again?"
"Because it's moving away from the-"
"Moving! So it really is moving already? Zoro said you told him it was, but he keeps getting mad 'cause he says he can't feel- Oi, oi! There it is again!"
The swordsman pinned under their weight is gradually looking more and more dazed and less combative, struggling becoming more subdued as though his energy's evaporated - or maybe, they're hoping, because he's also listening - he gives a sudden heave that's strong enough to nearly dislodge them and, to Luffy's dismay, also causes the rapid thump-thump-thump to fade out again.
"OI!" The captain protests, index finger prodding carefully at his lover's side. "Get back over there so Zoro can hear-!"
Two events happen simultaneously: there's an exceptionally loud WHOOSH from the Den Den, and the swordsman twitches, exhaling a startled-sounding "oomph!" as the frantic thumping noise resumes, and they realize Zoro's now peering up at them, his good eye blinking groggily. "Wh-What the hell-?"
"That's our kid!" Luffy declares gleefully as he and Chopper move away to let the older pirate prop himself up on his elbows to get a good look at the Den Den- which has apparently decided they're all insane and is currently feigning sleep regardless of the static still issuing from its speaker.
"Great. Another one of those damn snails."
"I got it from Law during his last visit," Chopper explains quickly. "It's a Doppler Den Den! They work just like the one he used for the ultrasound, but they've got speakers instead of screen, so if the pregnancy's far enough along, you can hear the-"
"Ah, there it goes again! Oi! Stop runnin' away while we're listening to you!"
"Goddamnit, Luffy, will you quit poking- OI!"
"I wasn't touching Zoro!"
"I know that, you idiot! I think-"
"..."
"..."
"Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Did Zoro just-?"
"... Shit, that does feel just as frickin' weird as I remember..."
Luffy gives a squeal and plasters both hands on either side of the Den Den, happily dodging the half-hearted swat his lover aims at his head. "Me too, me too! I wanna feel it too!"
"Not yet," Chopper giggles. "Not for a few more weeks, anyway. It's too early!"
Zoro flinches. He recovers almost immediately, lowering his gaze to study the snail perched on his abdomen with casual indifference, but he's not quite fast enough to escape his nakama's attention, and they exchange a wary glance.
The doctor's opening his mouth to make a hesitant inquiry when he's interrupted by the disembodied speaking mouth that's just sprouted on the wall above the headboard, accompanied by an ear and one blinking eye. "Sencho, Zoro? I'm aware there was a bit of excitement earlier and while I certainly don't mind keeping an eye on him, I'm afraid I'm running out of distractions to prevent your son from charging straight back to your quarters. He's quite concerned, so unless you need a bit more time-"
"Nah- s'okay." Luffy waves a hand in dismissal. "He can come back down."
"Alright. We'll be there shortly."
Chopper watches as the facial features dissolve, biting his lower lip because he knows there won't be enough time to pry answers out of his nakama before their child returns, and he's got a sneaking suspicion that Luffy's fully aware of it. Ace isn't likely to agree to going back to bed anytime soon, and his parents have already made it abundantly clear that there are certain topics that aren't appropriate conversation in the presence of the youngest crewmember.
Second youngest. As long as-
"Well-" he offers, feeling somewhat disheartened as he stretches out a hand to retrieve the Den Den. "-if you need me for anything else, just let me-"
"Oi, leave it here?" Luffy asks in a surprisingly quiet voice, flushing slightly when Zoro grumbles and looks away. "Just for tonight. I mean, Ace didn't get to hear it and he'll probably think it's really cool, so..."
There's an awkward silence as Chopper studies them, noting how the first couple of fingers on the swordsman's damaged hand are tapping unconsciously but steadily in time to the fast-paced clip of the baby's heartbeat. It's possible that he's just annoyed with their fussing over him, but the reindeer's fairly certain that's not the case.
"Okay." He fixes them both with a firm stare. "For tonight. But then I think we need to talk."
This time it's the captain's turn to drop his gaze, but then Zoro sighs. He closes his eye momentarily, hand rising to rub wearily across his face, and when he lowers it again, he meets the doctor's eyes directly, without blinking or diverting his gaze. "... Yeah. I think we do."
xxx
Later, after Chopper and Robin leave, and after Zoro dozes off to the steady beat produced by the increasingly sleepy-looking Den Den, Luffy moves the snail to the night table, where it closes the orbits on the ends of its drooping eyestalks even before he can reach for the lamp switch.
Ace has also fallen asleep curled against his green-haired father's chest, worn out enough to be blissfully oblivious to the faint snore rasping beside his ear, and when the arm wrapped around him tenses slightly, he just snuggles closer.
Tucking himself firmly against his first mate's back, the captain slides the palm of his hand over the older pirate's hip until his fingertips encounter the warm curve of belly and stop there, delicately tracing the thin ridge of scar tissue and the taut abdominal muscles that have started stretching beyond their normal boundaries during the last few weeks. The same ones that, according to Chopper, have also been causing the discomfort that sent the swordsman into outright panic a few hours earlier.
While Luffy's glad they've agreed to go see him tomorrow morning - no, later today, he reminds himself tiredly, since it's already well past midnight - because the doctor might find a solution for dealing with Zoro's increasingly vivid and problematic nightmares, he's also frustrated that he can't do more himself.
Years of training, three forms of Haki, One Piece, an entire fleet sailing under his own Jolly Roger, and although he doesn't regret any of his accomplishments, in a way they're all worthless. Absolutely useless. Because while he can easily afford to spit in the eye of the World Government's offer to make him a Shichibukai, and while he can spend the rest of his life riding the Grand Line in an endless loop in pursuit of new adventures, he can't protect Zoro from his own dreams.
He tucks his chin over the swordsman's shoulder, stretching a little as he reaches over his lover to run his fingers briefly through Ace's hair, and then he curls his arm around them and pulls his whole family closer into his embrace, listening closely until the resulting unintelligible mumbles and mutters fade into deep, even breathing as he stares into the darkness.
It's a long time before he finally falls asleep.
xxx
Closing Author's Note
Congratulations. If you're reading this, I'll assume you made it to the end of the drabble- so I'll let you in on a little secret. I hate this thing. I absolutely hate it, and there's a very good chance that I may never read it again (unless I'm feeling overly masochistic some day) because writing it was extremely unpleasant. It may be Zoro's nightmare, but there's too much of me in it.
Now, I absolutely love the horror genre - books, movies, you name it - but I recently discovered that I should probably start being a little more selective with what I read and watch, at least for now.
Nobody makes a huge deal out of dreams during pregnancy. Yes, the books and so forth mention that you might have some weird ones related to the anxiety of impending parenthood; I've read accounts where a woman dreamed about being chased around a BabiesRUs parking lot by a vending machine. And then there's the ones about going to work and realizing that you accidentally left the baby strapped in the car seat instead of leaving him or her at daycare. My own husband dreamt that he somehow lost ours in our own house.
But for the most part, people don't mention just how insanely real or just how unpleasant the damn dreams can get- probably because they're usually too busy complaining about morning sickness, weird cravings, constipation, gigantic aching boobs and all the other unfortunate side effects of pregnancy.
However, it turns out that you can dream some pretty god-awful stuff. This drabble is cobbled together from some of my own nightmares, which were disturbingly easy to work into the Crossfire storyline. Now, they've obviously been altered to fit the One Piece universe, but many of their elements remained largely unchanged, like the bit where Zoro arms himself with kitchen knives that somehow turn into drawing pencils when Sadi goes after him (IDK what was wrong with me that night). And then there's the part where- well, let's just say I'm goddamn glad I decided to rent my own doppler (which, while it's wonderful, is sadly not a Den Den) because I had that thing out and turned out as soon as I stopped freaking out and realized I'd been dreaming.
Anyway, I wrote this to get everything out of my head, and I figured that since I wrote it, I might as well share it too. If you don't like this one, that's fine. I don't like it either, and I sure as hell never want to write anything like this ever again.
I think I'm going to shelve my Richard Laymon novels until AFTER the baby makes its debut.
Oh yeah- if you haven't already guessed, this is a prequel to the other alt alt drabbles and takes place before all three of them. Apparently talking with Chopper, having access to the Doppler Den Den and dealing with a squirmy baby that he can actually feel moving helped a lot with reducing the intensity of Zoro's nightmares and his paranoia that's something wrong, because he's obviously pretty settled down and nowhere quite as flightly when Johnny and Yosaku turn up a month or so later.