This... insanity... is alternate alternate Crossfire fic for Nire-chan. She likes fluffiness, and if this isn't ridiculously fluffy, I don't know what the hell is...
She wanted to see that wacky dynamic duo, our friends Johnny and Yosaku, and I was already thinking of writing a drabble about them, but her request was slightly different than what I had in mind, so I pretty much crazy-glued both ideas together and this is the result. I hope she likes it. XD
Alternate alternate. So if you read this and you're wondering what the hell's wrong with me... sorry, but I don't really have an answer for you, 'cause I'm still asking me what's wrong with me. All I know is that what I pictured in my head while writing this is really goddamn cute, and I'd probably spontaneously combust if one of the lovely ladies who've been inspired to make me Crossfire-based fanart actually deemed this sketch-worthy.
xxx
"Awful lotta ships... so which one-?"
"Huh... maybe if we ask that guy over there- OI! Yeah, you! Know where we can find Roronoa Zoro?"
Neither of them is particularly surprised when mentioning Aniki's name makes the cheerfully whistling deck-hand flinch and drop the sailcloth he's unraveling - they've been acquainted with the Pirate Hunter long enough to expect such reactions, and now that he's become the World's Greatest Swordsman, it's little wonder their request usually produces blanched faces and looks of terror - but this pirate's degree of agitation is somewhat peculiar.
He's making frantic cutting motions across his throat, grimacing as his gaze darts around like he expects the green-haired swordsman to drop out of the sky and cleave him in twain. "If you're looking for our first mate, you'll want the Sunny over there-"
He gestures to a nearby brig sloop sporting a figurehead carved to resemble an enormous caricature of a lion, and both bounty hunters' mouths form into round o's of admiration, because that's one awesome-looking-
"-not taking any challengers right now, although he MIGHT be willing to talk to you if he's in a good mood and you don't get too pushy or interrupt him playing with Ace. Just don't try to give him a hard time unless you wanna get sliced up or sling-shot face-first into the nearest foremast by the Captain, and whatever you do, DON'T call him Roro- THAT. The Admiral's the only one who can get away with calling him by his surname, and it still pisses him off."
The two men exchange a bemused glance, wondering why in the world their old friend's so particular about anyone using his name, because seriously- it's his NAME, but after a moment they both shrug and turn their boat in the direction of the ship with that bloody spectacular figurehead. They'll just have to ask him when they see him.
xxx
The Straw Hats spot them coming, and their role model and personal hero's waiting for them when they board, and he looks even cooler than his most recent wanted posters, what with the missing eye- which they've agreed hasn't slowed him down one bit and suits him perfectly 'cause it "adds character" as Johnny once stated with smug satisfaction.
"Zoro-aniki!" They cry in unison, drawing muted laughter from Usopp and a rolling of the eyes from Nami before the sniper and navigator wander off to give them a few moments of privacy.
"Damn, that was quick," Zoro snorts, fending off their over-enthusiastic attempts to hug him and doing his best not to end up squashed between them. "I knew you guys didn't have a portable Den-Den, and Nami said Noriko hadn't seen you around Cocoyashi for a few months, so we tried sending a letter through postal. The gull only picked it up a few weeks ago and we figured it'd take a while to find you, but I guess good news travels pretty fuckin'- OOF!"
The older pirate grunts as he's plowed into from behind by a small dark-haired boy, and Johnny and Yosaku stare agape as the kid slides around and squeezes his way between them, scowling ferociously as he plants himself in their way with his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest, and there's something very familiar about that expression, as though they've seen it-
"You better not be here to fight Daddy, 'cause even though he'd beat you in like ten seconds, he's not allowed to fight right now. Everybody says so." He eyes their weapons suspiciously, considering, and then grins cheekily. "You can try and fight me instead, but I'll kick your asses and throw you overboard!"
"Shit- 'scuse me a second," Zoro grumbles, reaching out to haul the child back by the scruff of the neck. "Ace! What the hell did I tell you? These guys are okay, but if you jump in front of the wrong person, you're gonna getcher goddamn head accidentally - or maybe even PURPOSELY - caved in by somebody's sword-hilt getting in the way like that."
"But I wanna-"
"They're not here to challenge me, and they're not gonna fight a six-year-old, so settle down already, okay?" He ruffles the boy's hair, and Yosaku's a bit startled by the familiarity in the gesture, because Aniki is SMILING down at the boy, who's now sulking and clinging tightly to the Pirate Hunter's coat and glaring up at them. "You never met 'em before, but I told you about Johnny and Yosaku, right?"
Ace's face brightens. "The guys from Arlong Park? The ones who traveled all over the place with Daddy?"
"... Zoro-aniki?"
"..."
"Yeah, those two." The swordsman nods, ignoring the duo's confusion, and his acknowledgment opens a floodgate.
"Daddy told me tons of stories about you guys, how you met him and how you went looking for bounties together, and you're really cool-"
They exchange a look, grinning enormously, because whatever's going on here, Aniki's been telling STORIES about them and saying they're-
"-even if you usually ended up getting your butts kicked and Daddy ended up having to rescue you, and he told me all about how you helped him after he got the big cut on his chest from Hawk-san and how you tied him up to keep him from fighting and that's how he got caught by the bad guys, and Chopper says HE'S gonna tie Daddy up if he doesn't stop spending so much time in the gym 'cause it might be bad for the-" He pauses, blinking, and abruptly turns back to Zoro. "Daddy, Daddy, I almost forgot! Chopper said I'm 'sposed to give you these!"
The first mate's smirk of amusement becomes a bit forced as several damp, slightly sticky capsules are shoved abruptly in his palm. "Wha- oh. Gah."
"I'm 'sposed to watch and make sure you don't hide 'em or try to spit 'em out," Ace explains, clearly taking his assignment to heart, because he's watching very, very closely. "Daddy says you better take 'em, 'cause if you don't he'll make you sleep on the sofa and share the bed with me instead BUT if you're good and take 'em, he says I get to sleep in the boy's cabin tonight so he can keep you up all night. I dunno why Daddy wouldn't let you sleep- I think he was being silly 'cause he started laughing when Sanji-ani yelled and threw a pot at him."
The swordsman raises an eyebrow. "Luffy said all that, huh? Guess I better be good then."
"Not fair... I'm good and you make me go to bed- I wanna stay up all night too! Robin-aneki says you and Daddy do all kinds of fun stuff without me, but she wouldn't tell me what, and Nami-aneki got all red and spit out her tea and started freaking out," the kid mutters, prompting snickers from Johnny and Yosaku.
"Bloody woman," Zoro coughs when he's finally choked down the pills and can speak again, glaring sidelong at the chortling pair. "Oi, knock it off- you guys are such assholes."
"You're not gonna throw up again, are you, Daddy?" Ace asks suspiciously.
"Nah, I'm fine- I just tried to breathe the fuckin' vitamins is all. No more throwing up." He grimaces, offering his puzzled nakama a wry look. "It was pretty bad. We actually weren't gonna tell anybody 'til we knew it'd stick, but the whole frickin' fleet figured out what was going on in less than a week or two. I guess I kinda gave it away. Goddamn morning sickness."
"..."
"... Zoro- ...aniki-?"
"It was really GROSS," the little boy tells them in a loud whisper, one hand cupped to the side of his mouth as though he's sharing a secret. "Daddy kept throwing up over the side of the ship and after he puked on Sanji-ani's feet-"
"Swirly-brow cook pitched a fit and Nami made me replace his fuckin' shoes, but shit- the look on his face-"
"-made him carry a barf-bucket around the ship with him."
"Don't worry- I won't puke on you guys, I promise. Hit second trimester and it was like a switch flipped- I haven't gotten sick since."
"Zoro-aniki...?" Johnny asks slowly, removing his sunglasses, "... who's the kid, and why are you talking like you're gonna have a baby? I'm pretty sure guys don't have babies."
"..." Beside him, Yosaku is nodding woodenly in agreement.
"That's what Chopper says, but Daddy's special," Ace pipes up before his father - now that they've seen him and kid both scowling, there's no question of the relationship between the two - can answer, turning to wrap both arms around Zoro's middle and burrowing between the unbuttoned front flaps of his coat, and their eyes start out of their sockets and their jaws drop open because there's a distinct CURVATURE to the haramaki that's been revealed as the little boy presses his cheek against it.
"...!"
"...!"
"Uso-ani says Daddy keeps getting abducted by aliens, but Sanji-ani says-"
"-fuckin' Eyebrows-"
"-IS an alien, from Planet Marimo, and maybe he's right 'cause Daddy's the only people- uhm, I mean, the only PERSON I know who's got green hair, but even if his head's a funny color 'cause he really did come from outer space, Daddy and I love him anyway, and the baby's gonna love him too when he gets here, and I'm gonna be a big brother!"
He turns his face towards the gaping visitors with a very Luffy-like grin. "Nami-aneki says Daddy should have a girl, and she and Robin-aneki keep talking about dresses and pink bows and crap, but I want it to be a boy so I can have a little brother."
"..."
"..."
"Yeah, well, I got a funny feeling Nami and Robin are gonna be disappointed, 'cause Sencho keeps going on about it being another boy, so odds are good you're probably gonna get what you want. I dunno how the hell he thinks he knows, but-" Zoro shrugs. "Whatever. He was right about you, huh?"
"Zoro-aniki's not pullin' our legs?" Johnny asks cautiously, eyes still glued to the swordsman's round belly, which Ace is cuddling and prodding curiously.
"Zoro-aniki's really-?"
"Twenty weeks yesterday and- oi, don't poke! You're as bad as Luffy," the older man grumbles, swatting gently at the small fingers exploring his abdomen.
"Aww, but I wanna feel him moving!"
"You and everybody else-" He makes a face. "If your great grandfather tries touching me again, I'll take his fucking hand off- I don't care if he's family or not. Luffy made the mistake of mentioning that we're gonna hang around East Blue 'til the baby's born, and now that goddamn pushy Marine bastard won't stop calling and asking if he can be here for the delivery, and I don't want the stupid old fart anywhere near me when- ANYWAY, you can feel your brother move later, okay? He's not kicking or doing that weird flipping around thing right now anyway- I'm pretty sure he's asleep and I'd like him to stay that way for a while."
"..."
"..."
"Although knowing my luck, Law and Chopper are gonna show up any minute to drag me off to the sub. Everything looked okay last time," Zoro quickly assures them, "-but they wanna do a mid-way ultrasound to make sure, and once they start in with all the scans and tests and shit, the baby's probably gonna get all pissy and start wiggling around again. Little bastard's jumpin' around more every day- they said the placenta's attached in a better spot than it was with Ace, so this kid's a lot more active 'cause there's more blood and oxygen and stuff going through."
"..."
"Aniki-"
"So, what's new with you guys?" The swordsman asks nonchalantly as he strokes a hand through his son's hair as the child shoots a quizzical look at Johnny and Yosaku before he resumes hugging his father's stomach and mumbling quietly to his unborn sibling.
The bounty hunters exchange a stunned, wide-eyed glance, and Zoro blinks.
"You got the letter, right?"
"..."
"..."
"... I'll take that as a no. Uh, well, if you guys wanna stick around 'til I get back from getting poked and prodded and jabbed with obscenely large needles-"
"I'm not gonna watch that part," Ace announces. "Needles are yucky."
"-fill you in on all the crazy shit. Unless this whole thing's totally freaked you the fuck out, and you'd rather just-"
"ZORO-ANIKI'S HAVING A BABY!"
"ZORO-ANIKI HAD A BABY!"
"..."
"Wow, you guys are really loud... I get yelled at when I get that-"
"Yosaku-!"
"Johnny-!"
They look at each other, then back at their nakama. "ZORO-ANIKI~!"
"Oh jeez," Zoro groans as he suddenly finds himself trapped in the rather claustrophobic embrace of two sobbing, wailing and utterly overjoyed men. "Get the fuck off me, you idiots!"
"Oi, you're squishing me!" Ace protests, squirming as he's flattened against his father's belly.
"UNCLES! ZORO-ANIKI HAD A BABY AND HE'S HAVING ANOTHER ONE AND WE'RE- WE'RE UNCLES!"