Author's note: After posting that dreadful "Smoke And Broken Mirrors" drabble around 2 or 3am EST and then getting only four or five hours of sleep (no actual nightmares, thankfully, but lots of tossing and turning and watching the numbers change on the clock), I decided I needed to write something a bit more cheerful. Here's some snippets from Sabo's birth, during which Zoro inadvertently makes a complete nuisance of himself and Luffy discovers that he's actually a little more squeamish than he ever realized. No beta for this one; I'm going to surprise him with this when he gets home, since I made him read that other thing last night.

xxx

"No- no fucking way! If he tries to stick me with that thing, I'll fucking kill him, and I'll kill you too, if you try to help him!"

"But Zoro said he wanted to stay awake this time," Luffy offers helplessly, petting his agitated swordsman's shoulders and upper back despite the fists bunched tightly in his vest flaps and threatening to drag him down to where the older pirate's seated on the edge of the infirmary's single bed. "-and it'll really hurt if he's not-"

"I know, and I don't care! I did it before- I can do it again!"

"Look, Roronoa-sa-"

"Shut up, you asshole!"

Law's pleasantly neutral expression doesn't change as he meets the Straw Hat captain's distressed gaze over Zoro's head, although the surgeon's fingers tighten reflexively on the slim needle and iv line he's grasping. "Come on, Mugiwara-san. I haven't got all day- just hold him still for a few seconds and it'll be over before you both know it."

"..."

"You wanna die?" The swordsman growls, glaring balefully up at his lover with one narrowed eye. "-'cause I swear I'll-"

"Go ahead. He won't be killing anybody- not when he can't feel the whole lower half of his body and won't be able to stand up, much less chase either of us around your ship without falling flat on his face."

xxx

Law doesn't blink when one of the tissue retractors slips, sending a stray spatter onto the front of his t-shirt, but Chopper utters a horrified squeal of alarm despite his Heavy Point hands remaining steady as they quickly re-secure the loose clamp and Luffy flinches and makes a faint whining noise that sounds somewhat like Brook's guitar when several strings need replaced, face going a rather unlovely shade of green.

"Oi, Mugiwara- if you're gonna hurl or pass out, go sit outside," the Heart Pirate's surgeon warns, swiping his forearm across his face and leaving a bright smear of blood on one cheek before he diverts his attention to snap yet again at the swordsman who's craning his neck and cautiously trying to prop himself up on one elbow to peer at what's going on at the other end of the table.

"-'m fine..." the rubber man mumbles to himself, looking slightly dazed.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

"Settle down- no harm done. But that's why I wanted to completely sedate- OI, RORONOA, HOLD THE FUCK STILL AND STOP TRYING TO SIT UP BEFORE THE TANUKI CUTS YOUR GODDAMN LOWER INTESTINE IN HALF!"

"I told you to gimmie a fuckin' mirror!" Zoro snarls back, ignoring the way his captain's just gone from green to white and is now clutching his arm in a death grip. "I can't see what the hell you're doing!"

xxx

"Okay, Mugiwara-san- c'mere and hold your kid where Roronoa can see him better so the stupid bastard doesn't roll himself off the table and dump his guts all over the floor before we get the chance to sew him shut."

"Zoro-! Zoro, look-" Luffy breaks off to stare down at the wailing, fist-waving newborn cradled in his arms, nose wrinkling as he takes in the slimy mixture of blood and vernix coating his younger son from head to toe and the still-pulsing umbilical cord that's trailing over his elbow from the baby's abdomen to the incision that the two doctors are examining as they discuss the best method for extracting the placenta. He swallows hard before he glances up again. "Ah, Zoro-? He's okay, right? He's- he's, ah, kinda gross..."

"Ace looked worse. Trust me."

"Luffy-?"

"Huh?" The Straw Hat captain asks, still eyeing Sabo with consternation.

"-y-you wanna cut the cord?" Chopper asks, and his nakama looks up sharply and goes pale at the sight of the medical scissors and folded towel being offered shyly in his direction.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Zoro grumbles, motioning for both reindeer and lover to hand over their respective bundles. "I'LL do it. Luffy, give him here before you drop him."