Dark figures moved freely around them in the shadows. Waves of smiling faces, the sound of laughter and... The music pulsed endlessly, drawing her under it's spell as the alcohol met her blood stream, making her bold, and happy, allowing her to overlook reality for several long moments at a time, to imagine that these happy hours would last forever, that the smiles she saw on the faces around her would never melt away.

One minute she was sitting at a small candlelit table, chairs crowded around it to accommodate all five of them, and Sirius was handing her another shot of firewhiskey and James was frowning at her but she was leaning against his shoulder and his arms were around her, his fingers twisting in her hair... She didn't remember standing up but next thing she knew they were on the dance floor and he was holding her waist and the music was inside her head and when she turned in his arms the whole world passed her by in slow motion and fell away and he was doing his best to keep her on her feet, laughing and then the warm evening air hit her face and she was outside. She had the impression that some time had passed but it was all a blur and she was beginning to feel things again as she moved down the stone steps and away from the school, away from the noise and the hordes of people, the friends she would never see again.

"Lily."

He was standing at the top of the steps looking down on her with that irritating look of concern that he had begun to develop after the incident in Hogsmeade. His dark hair was mussed and his white shirt was creased, several of the buttons undone, probably her doing. His sleeves were shoved up to his elbows and she could just make out the long thin scar that wrapped up his arm from his wrist, the light catching it as he made his way down to her.

"What are you doing out here alone?" he asked, clearly on edge, and he sounded angry, but she read it as fear, because one thing they had learned the hard way was that even Hogwarts wasn't entirely safe for someone like her, and she could see it in his eyes, that she should know better than to wander off on her own, and for a moment she wanted to yell at him, to tell him that she had a right to feel safe there, that she couldn't always have her guard up because it was exhausting and anyone who wanted to could bring it on and it was all so unfair, but she didn't say any of it because she was drunk and because no one knew any of these things as well as James did, but none of it changed anything so she just turned away.

"I'm going for a walk" was all she said and she didn't need to glance over her shoulder to know that he was right there behind her because he was always there, and she moved farther away from the party with James trailing her like a shadow, the tension in her whole body lifting as they put distance between themselves and the castle and she had no idea where she was leading him, nor did she care.

"Lily, stop."

She didn't like it when people told her what to do, even though she was feeling lightheaded once more, her last few drinks finally coming to meet her. She heard James say her name once more. To her right she could make out Hagrid's darkened cabin and she wondered vaguely how late it was. Ahead of her...

James grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her around to face him. She stumbled and collided with him so that he was forced to steady her, still gripping her arm.

"You're not going in there" he said in a commanding voice, which was confusing, and it took her a long moment, looking around in surprise, for her to see that they were on the very edge of the forbidden forest. She hadn't had any real intention of entering the forest, but James' words were like a challenge to her drunken mind and it seemed as good a plan as any because she was feeling reckless and out of control.

"I need to do something please" she said, but she didn't wait for his answer. She was looking up at the stars and pulling away from him and then she was spinning in circles because she couldn't concentrate and all she wanted was to smile again as the tiny specs of light moved in unlikely circles high above her head and she was hearing laughter which could only be her own as the dizziness wiped her thoughts and she kept spinning faster and faster until she inevitably lost her balance, and, unsurprisingly, was caught by firm hands and set upright. Her eyes kept spinning for a moment but then she was able to focus on James' face as he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer, and he seemed to be smiling in spite of himself. She shivered involuntarily. She hadn't noticed the chill until she was cocooned in his body heat.

"We should go inside" James said, rubbing her back, but she shook her head vigorously. She wasn't ready to go back in just yet.

"Well at the very least stop with the spinning" he ordered, "You're going to make yourself throw up" he said, cocking his head to the side. "You're very strange when you're drunk, you know. You don't make a lot of sense."

"At least I don't get all serious and moody and uptight" she said, curling her fingers into the collar of his shirt.

"I'm not drunk" he told her lightly, unphased.

"Would you like to be?"

She had felt the flask that he kept in his back pocket on special occasions and fished it out quickly, noting the full weight in her hand and dancing away as James groaned and came after her. Laughing, she fumbled with the cap but she was too slow, his fingers closing tightly around her wrist.

"I think you've had enough" he said in a low voice, advancing on her. She was stopped by something solid behind her and she realized that he had backed her into a tree, flattening her to the trunk. His eyes were dark and narrowed and he held her wrists above her head as he leaned in, pausing at the point where she could feel his hot breath against her lips and she raised her head to meet his, her lips parting eagerly.