"Jack? You wanted to see me?" Daniel dropped into the seat across from his friend and let out a breath.
"Vala's in the infirmary for a good while, isn't she?" Jack asked finally.
"Carolyn says until the baby's born. She wants Vala to stay close in case of, well, in case of emergency. What's up?"
Jack took a deep breath, steadying himself.
Daniel realized this boded no good towards him, and with sudden clarity he understood why Jack was asking about Vala.
"Jacek?" he asked quietly.
Jack nodded once.
"He says it's military intel, or something. Says he knows where we can get a ZPM. I just hung up with the President, who has authorized me to make the necessary arrangements to bring the temporary ally to the base." He explained.
"And by 'authorized', I suppose you mean…?"
Daniel could feel the rage simmering under his skin as Jack aimlessly pushed a stack of papers into some semblance of order before setting them back on the desk.
"I was ordered to allow him back on Earth." He finally admitted.
"Great. Just…terrific, really. While we're at it, why not just really screw us all and detonate a nuke in downtown Colorado? You know it's going to hurt her to know that we're trusting him again." Daniel groused.
"Calm down Daniel. I've arranged for Vala to be guarded while he's here. It was something I negotiated for quite strenuously. In the end, the IOA agreed after I had explained a few things to them. By the way, the IOA wants to talk to you regarding a certain young woman and her pregnancy. Something about dressing you down. So, if they get a hold of you, we talked about this. And not in a good way. Stuff about responsibility. You're a linguist, make me sound good." Jack smirked.
"So, who's guarding Vala?"
"Three female SF's were pulled from off world teams, those will be inside the room and bathroom with her at all times. Two more will be outside the door in the hallway. The IOA wasn't happy, but I pulled a few strings, and they were suddenly more than happy to accommodate my wishes."
"Should I be worried? You didn't promise to name the kid after them, did you?" Daniel asked suspiciously. Jack rolled his eyes and shuffled the stack of papers once more.
"Jack?"
"I threatened to quit. I told them I'd take you and Carter and Teal'c, and of course Vala and the baby, and go to Russia, where my general knowitallness will be put to good use, and the info stored in every inch of my wife's brain will guarantee us a nice little chunk of real estate, possibly with a pond for fishing even. They go real quiet, asked what it would take to keep me from going to that extreme. I told them that I wanted access for Carter to go any speed on any road, they agreed. Then I said I wanted a presidential pardon for any and all stunts we may or may not pull in the future. They agreed Oh, and, you know that pesky thing called taxes that you always forget to do until the night before the due date? Well, I told them we didn't want to have to pay up anymore. They balked at that." Jack paused, a grin lighting his features.
"And?" Daniel pressed.
"I told them I was calling Russia and hung up. They called back and I hung up again. They called again and, well, agreed after that. The baby has a sizable chunk of money gathering interest in a bank account under your name, they're calling it a college fund for the squirt. My kids too. And, from the looks of it, Ella will be going to the most expensive party school we can find her."
"And what are you calling it?"
"Bribe. Plain and simple. They want me to stay, they gotta' pay the piper." The two were silent for several seconds before Daniel looked up to meet his friend's eyes. "Thanks for sticking up for me. For us." he finally murmured.
"'Bout time fate stopped kicking you around." Jack replied.
"No, I mean, I feel -"
Jack stopped him with a wave of the hand.
"You got feelings, you take it up with Carter. Or Vala. Not me. You want to say 'thank you Jack, you're the best', then punch me in the arm, that's a guy thing, we can do that. No feelings. I don't even talk feelings with Carter unless there's alcohol involved. And even then she's gotta' be wearing something…revealing." Jack sighed, his gaze turning reminiscent of the past feelings talks with his wife.
"Okaaay, and on that note, I'm going to go find me and Vala something to do while Jacek is here. By the way, how long is he going to be on base?" Daniel asked.
"At least three weeks while we find him a place. Carter suggested a cell down on level thirty-seven. I'm inclined to agree until he leaves, but Landry says we gotta' be diplomatic or some such. Speaking of which, he'll be wearing an ankle monitor until the day he dies. He's got a five mile radius, he goes to the store, the library, and possibly a strip club. Any further than that, he's hauled in and placed in the holding cells until the day he dies. No hope of parole, no appeal. He takes the monitor off, he goes to prison under the exact same penalties."
"Great. Just, really great. Tell the IOA that all they've done for the SGC is appreciated. Oh, and, Jack?" Daniel had stood and was pacing the room as his older friend spoke. With a sudden lunge, he grabbed O'Neill into a crushing hug, pinning the man's arms to his sides.
"Thank you, Jack! You're the best!" He grinned, then added a loud smooch against Jack's cheek before bolting for the elevator, Jack's "Daniel!" echoing in his ears, accompanied by the sound of the rollaway chair bouncing off the wall behind the desk. Swiping his access card in the reader, Daniel surged into the elevator and furiously jabbed the button to close the doors.
"Daniel!" Jack shouted, halfway to the elevators. The doors finally closed in the barest nick of time, leaving an enraged Jack O'Neill behind.
Payback would be hell, but it would be worth it.