Alone...
Kurt couldn't deal with it. Sure he and Blaine were back together but... How could Blaine ever trust him again!
No Kurt couldn't get back to thinking like that... the last time he started thinking like that he disasters consequences! Kurt stared down at the faded scars on his arms all the way up to his elbow on the soft skin of his wrist!
He had promised himself to stop and he had ever since he had met Blaine except ... Once. Kurt looked the newest cut... He had to get those thoughts out of his head after all Blaine loves him right! RIGHT!
Kurt had to phone Blaine and he had to tell him... Now! Kurt quickly presses speed dial 2 after Burt of course and when Blaine picked up sounding happy all Kurt could say was "I need you... now" Very flatly before hanging up without ever a goodbye.
From Kurt's morbid tone Blaine knew something was wrong. Very wrong. He got in his car and drove! He didn't stop driving until he reached Kurt's front door where he jumped out quickly locked his car and ran to the door knocking loudly.
When no one answered Blaine grabbed the spare key under the mat he and Kurt frequently used when they came here afterschool. Blaine ran down the stairs to Kurt's basement bedroom in double time tripping down the last few steps he didn't care.
Then he noticed Kurt across the room his arms crossed and for the first time ever he was wearing a short sleeved tee. Blaine stared at Kurt's arm muscles in awe but as he got closer he saw a white line on his gorgeous boyfriends arm! After spotting it he ran to Kurt who slowly uncrossed his arms to show the many white crisscrossed scars up and down Kurt's arms there must have be 15 or more scars on each arm he was relieved to notice they all looked relatively old...
Blaine couldn't help but gasp when he noticed a dark pink cut that looked deep and a lot more resent that the others on Kurt's left arm... on his wrist he almost broke down in tears when he noticed not only was it resent but it was the only vertical scar...
this showed that whatever sparked that one was really awful for Kurt as the vertical lines are more dangerous. Blaine reached out and gently ran his finger down the newest scar to his horror Kurt winced it must have been fresher than he thought... Kurt noticed Blaine staring at it and simply states "Chandler" Blaine breaks down at the thought that Kurt had and probably still was cutting himself even after they had started to date!...
"I've stopped! I swear Blaine!" Kurt said his eyes burning into Blaine's
"How can I trust that you have when you didn't even tell me about these?!"
"I haven't told anyone Blaine! My dad doesn't! Rachel doesn't know! You are the only one!"
"I'm sorry I yelled" said Blaine calming slightly "I just can't believe you tried to kill yourself Kurt!"
"WHAT! Tried to kill myself! I've never tried to kill myself in my life!"
"Then what's this!" said Blaine pointing to the most prominent scar with looked the deepest!
"That was..." Kurt started to cry at the memory
"That was what Kurt! Please just tell me!"
"That was when my mom died ok!" Kurt screamed
"What! But that was when..." Blaine said surprised...
"Yeah! I was 9!" Kurt said collapsing to the floor
"I can't believe it's been that long!" Blaine said clutching the table in fear of fainting
"No! Blaine you don't get it! I did it once when I was 9 and I had to go to hospital and I promised my dad I would never do it again and I didn't... until last year..."
"OMG Kurt all of those in one year what... Karofsky!"
"Karofsky" Kurt replied with a whimper
"But then I made you do that!" asked Blaine crying harder
"No! Blaine you didn't! I did! I felt so awful!"
"When!" Blaine asked shakily
"After you sang it not right but it's okay and was worried you didn't love me anymore! I never had any real feelings for chandler he just..."Kurt whimpered
"You think I don't know how this feels!" yelled Blaine angrily
"How can you know how it feels!"Kurt snapped hysterically pointing at Blaine's arms
"This is how" whispered Blaine rolling up his shirt showing the many scars crisscrossing Blaine's perfect olive chest... he knew they were scars from his dad!
"I know what your dad did to was really awful but you've never done it to yourself! You've never had this! The anger and self loathing!"
Just then Blaine removes his watch now that Kurt thinks about it he had never seen Blaine without it... And now he knows why a small resent looking set of scars around Blaine's entire wrist like some kind of sick band as the newer scars simply trace the older scars underneath! Its clear Blaine has been doing this for a very long time! The one in the centre looks like it was extremely deep...
"See I know how you feel!" Blaine screeched
"You did all those!?" asked Kurt although he already knew the answer.
"Yes!" Blaine yelled before mumbling "and that..." Blaine said pointing to the deepest cut "Was the day... I almost died!"
"What! Blaine you tried to kill yourself!" Kurt screeched shakily
" Yeah! And you wanna know why!" Blaine screamed angry tears in his eyes.
Kurt slowly came to his senses. Realising. "No! Blaine no! Not that anything but..." Kurt screeched in a broken whisper
"Chandler..." Blaine snapped his eyes filling with tears as he realises that he was free. He no longer had any secrets. He felt like a weight had been lifted. He felt... Awful! How could he have told him! How could he have done this to Kurt?!
He watched his boyfriend stagger and land on the ground; he had just broken his own heart at the thought that he had made Blaine try and kill himself. "I'm sorry" Kurt whimpered "I'm sorry I..."
"That's what I get for loving you so freaking much" said Blaine with a slight laugh and small smile. But he couldn't hold it in any longer... Blaine broke down. An abused and broken man. But as long as he had Kurt at least he would never be alone.