A/N: Back from WTF! Back from "The Shipping That Should Not Be"! Comes a new chapter of Hotel Sonic! I wrote this song while listening to Beatallica (mainly "Hey Dude"). So anyways, this takes place during that pointless chase I mentioned last chapter.
BEING FOR THE BENIFIT OF MS. CREAM! DEPT.
"So you're using your 360 one more time before you get that imported one?" Knuckles asked Shadow.
"Yep," Shadow replied quickly, not taking his eyes off of his game. "Once my imported one comes in, I'm giving this one to Sonic as a spare."
Knuckles nodded and continued to watch Shadow. Until Cream crashed through the door.
"YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU MORONS ARE DOING?" Cream exclaimed, going right up to Shadow. "YOU'RE RUINING MY REP!"
"How?" Shadow and Knuckles asked at the same time, exchanging confused looks.
"Well, it's pretty simple, really," Cream spat. "THIS place is in HIGH debt and I'M being BLAMED for THIS MESS for some ** reason!" Cream looked at Shadow. "YOU'RE FAULT!"
"It is NOT!" Shadow shot back. "You're the one who announced to the media that you'd pay us!"
"That's only because Ultima forced me to!" Cream retorted. "I want you two to get me out of this mess!"
"How in the world are we supposed to do that?" Knuckles enquired.
"Start a lawn mower service," Cream replied sarcastically, "I don't know!"
Knuckles crossed his arms. "Why don't YOU help since you're the one who wants to get out of this so bad?"
"Because I'm more important then you," Cream answered calmly. "You two are just my cronies."
Shadow paused his game and looked at Cream. "I will find that video you made and make it available for public download," he started calmly.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE," Cream growled.
"I already have the file on my computer," Shadow said.
Cream gave another threatening growl and said," Fine. I'll help you two twats."
Knuckles and Shadow nodded and three went over to the table they had.
"So let's think," Knuckles told the group, all of them sitting down at said table unless you didn't know they would. "Anybody got any ideas?"
"I have an-" Cream began, but Knuckles cut her off.
"Ah, ah, ah, Cream, you must raise your hand first," Knuckles said like he was the teacher or something.
"I don't have to do what you say!" Cream argued.
"The video," Shadow reminded Cream.
Cream gave an angry sigh and raised her hand.
"Yes, Cream." Knuckles pointed at Cream.
"I have a damn good idea," Cream said, standing up, "and it is to destroy the competition!"
"That's kind of what we're trying to do," Shadow informed Cream.
Cream gave a wicked smile and said, "Literally."
"That would just make your rep even worse!" Shadow shouted.
"Well, if it did, I would just destroy the media as well," Cream explained. "So, in the end, I win!"
"Well, we can't do that," Knuckles told Cream. "You may sit down."
Cream muttered something under her breath and sat back down.
"Now, I have an idea myself," Knuckles stated proudly. "This one is foolproof!"
"And what would that be?" Shadow enquired, knowing he'd regret it.
"If you look outside," Knuckles continued, motioning towards the window, "You'll notice it's not the best. So my idea is to take this hotel AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
Shadow and Cream stared at Knuckles for a moment.
"That will NEVER work!" Cream exclaimed...
-SIX HOURS LATER-
"...And it never will!" Cream finished, leaning against the building.
"I'm just surprised you waited that long to finish you're relatively small sentence," Shadow pointed out.
"I'm just more dramatic that way," Cream explained. "For example: It's everything for me..."
Shadow looked at Cream for a second, before looking back at Knuckles, who would still pushing. After two minutes, he gave up, sitting down with his back to the hotel.
"WHY HATH SPONGEBOB LOGIC FAILED ME!" Knuckles yelled, looking skywards.
"Because you didn't believe hard enough," Shadow muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing," Shadow said quickly.
"So, you haven't given your-" Knuckles began, but was cut off by Cream.
"...And justice for all," Cream said. "See how dramatic that was? I got that from Harry Potter!"
"-Idea yet..." Knuckles slowly. "So what is it?
Shadow cleared his throat. "Propaganda!" he told Knuckles.
"That's old," Knuckles commented.
"But's better then your dumb idea!" Cream added. "And better yet, it's my forte! I say we do it!"
"But-" Knuckles started, but Shadow slapped him.
"MAJORITY RULES AND YOU SUCK!" Shadow exclaimed.
"Ow..." Knuckles murmured, before picking up his voice. "But what are you gonna do exactly?"
"Well, all propaganda is, really, is just spreading lies to make yourself look better," Cream explained. She then quickly added, "Which is why it's my forte."
"But how are you gonna do that?" Knuckles repeated himself. "And we're really only over 800 words in? Wow, he must've wanted to get to the propaganda fast..."
"Never mind that," Cream said. "We must start lying!"
"You mean propaganda?" Shadow asked flatly.
"No, I mean we're gonna tell people to stay at Days Inn," Cream answered sarcastically. "Of COURSE we're doing propaganda! What, are you stupid?"
"The tape..." Shadow murmured.
Cream growled for about the ninth time that day. "Well, I'm gonna Facebook lies," she stated. "You two think of other ways."
Knuckles & Shadow nodded.
Cream nodded back and pulled out her iPhone.
-FACEBOOK TIME AGAIN, MOFO!-
Cream: Don't stay at any other hotel but Hotel Sonikku. All the other hotels offer horrible service.
~Comments~
Michael Bay: Well that's a flat out lie.
521 people like this.
Cream: There aren't any explosions.
Michael Bay: HOW DARE THEY!... Are there explosions at Hotel Sonikku?
Cream: There have been.
Michael Bay: ** YEAH!
-FACEBOOK TIME'S OVER AGAIN-
"So what did you guys come up with?" Cream, putting away her iPhone, enquired Knuckles and Shadow.
Knuckles and Shadow both turned around all dramatic like.
"Out idea is very simple," Knuckles began.
"And it's very simple," Shadow continued.
"All we have to do is write a song supporting the hotel," Knuckles went on.
"We'll hand them out for free."
"And people will listen to it and want to stay at the hotel!"
"See how simple it is?"
"We have a small sample if you wanna hear it," Shadow finished.
"Sure," Cream muttered. "M'impressionner, connard."
"OK then, here we go!" Knuckles exclaimed as the two broke out into song. It went like this...
-SONG TIME!-
Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
Parody of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" by The Beatles
New lyrics by Knuckles and Shadow
It was twenty years ago today
That the hotel got any mon-ay
The place is still in style
And it really ain't that vile!
So lemme introduce to you
The band who wants your money here
It's Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
You have money, we know
Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
This is where you family'll go
Sgt. Shadow's Empty, Sgt. Shadow's Empty
Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
-SONG TIME'S OVER!-
"Stop, stop, stop," Cream told them, laughing like a maniac. "T-that was... That was AWFUL!"
"But we spent two minutes on it!" Knuckles whined. "Please record it. We'll be your best friend."
"I don't need you two," Cream snapped, her laughter dying down. "So, what else have you thought up?"
"Well..." Knuckles and Shadow looked at each other.
"No I Need You parodies," Cream said.
"Aw..." Knuckles murmured.
Later that night, Knuckles Shadow and Cream were watching the news.
"Blaze the OOC Cat is still on the loose, Sonic the Hedgehog in hot pursuit," the announcer, well, announced. "This chase has been going on forever, so we're not covering it any more."
"Man, the news sucks nowadays," Shadow commented.
"Yeah, because you OBVIOUSLY saw the news on ARK," Cream half-agreed.
"Well, you know, back in my day, we didn't have in depth coverage! We just had our imagerations," Knuckles joked, imitating an old man.
"Those **holes were lucky," Cream muttered. "THEY didn't have Keith Olbberman."
"We need to focus more on fanfictions then politics," Shadow said, to which everybody agreed.
A few moments later, the commercial came on and the trio shut up.
-COMMERCIAL BREAK-
A piece of cardboard was held up by Shadow with the words "Why Other Hotels Blow" on it. Shadow put the cardboard down and zoomed the camera in on Knuckles, dressed as a manager for Days Inn, and Cream, dressed as a tourist. They were both in a mock lobby with cardboard extras... Yeah, they had a thing for cardboard.
"Excuse me, may I have a room?" Cream asked Knuckles in a more innocent tone then recent years. In fact, it almost sounded like her old self.
"I'm sorry, we're just too full," Knuckles replied in a snobby and posh accent.
"But I need one!" Cream begged. "I'm nearly broke-"
"YOU'RE NEARLY BROKE?" Knuckles exclaimed. "I'm sorry, that just won't do." He then picked Cream up and threw her off of the set.
The scene cut to Cream wandering a random street, earning stares from random passersby, their minds freaking blown.
"Oh, where am I going to find a reasonably priced and nicer hotel then all those others, one preferably endorsed by Cream the Rabbit," Cream wondered aloud.
"That isn't in the script!" Knuckles whispered to Cream from behind the camera.
"Well excuse me for taking a creative liberty," Cream hissed in her normal tone, before clearing her throat, going back to the innocent tone and asking, "Where oh where will I find one?"
Shadow then walked up, dressed like the manager for Hotel Sonikku. "Did somebody say they needed a hotel?" he demanded Cream in a Chinese accent.
"Yes, sir!" Cream chirped.
"Well, then, stay at Hotel Sonikku!" Shadow said, giving a sweep of the arm in the hotel's direction. "Not only are we cheap, but we have a ton of rooms available!"
"Thank you, sir!" Cream said.
Knuckles then help up another piece of cardboard, bearing the hotel's logo (a parody of the Jurassic Park, just in case you want to know). "Hotel Sonniku, the only hotel to house Michael Bay, a couple Gods, a demon, Winnie-the-Pooh, a ton of Mary Sues/Gary Stus and the most awesome person ever – me!" Knuckles announced. Knuckles was about to say more, but then re-runs of Cheers came on.
-ENJOY IT? I DID-
"Why did it cut to Cheers on the new channel?" Shadow exclaimed.
"This guy," Cream replied, giving Shadow the phone.
"-AND IN ALL MY YEARS, I HAVE NEVER SEEN A COMMERCIAL SO CRAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY DESTROYS THE FINE ARTS, IT OFFENED MY ENTIRE FAMILY! MY SON COMMITED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMERCIAL! WELL, HE ACTUALLY DIDN'T, HE LET ME USE HIS PHONE, BUT IT STILL COUNTS BECAUSE IS VERY MAD... Wait, he's posting it on YouTube and it's got over ten thousand views already BUT IT WAS STILL A HORRIBLE COMMERCIAL! YOU THREE CAN COME AND SUCK MY-"
Shadow hung up on the guy. "Wait a douche," he commented.
Cream nodded in agreement and grabbed her phone back.
The very next day, Cream decided to give it one more try, which was VERY unusual. She was down in the lobby talking to some random guy when Knuckles came by.
"Where the ** where you last night?" Cream demanded as the random guy walked away.
"Putting the commercial on YouTube," Knuckles explained. "Can you believe some douche did it before me? And somebody already autotuned your innocent tone?"
"Well, he's gone now," Cream said quickly, putting a button away. "Anyways, we're sure to get more **ing business now!"
"And how would that be?" Knuckles was expecting something smart.
Cream took out some blueprints and showed Knuckles it. "OK, so that guy I talked to is going to replace out 9th floor, wait for it, a McDonald's!" she said. "It was kind of hard to get his permission to do, seeing as how I had to get the manager's permission first, but he seemed willing to do so after I killed his family." Cream put the blueprints away. "Anyways, think how much business we'll get!"
"That sounds smart," Knuckles started slowly, "Except for the fact that there's a McDonald's right next door, a McDonald's a couple blocks down, a McDonald's on the highway leading here, a McDonald's across the street, a McDonald's in the mall, a McDonald's right under the gym and a McDonald's already our 10th floor."
Cream's eye twitched. "I GIVE UP!" she shouted, storming out. "YOU GUYS CAN LOSE MORE MONY FOR ALL I CARE!"
Knuckles was silent for a moment. He then decided to speak up. "Actually, I recycled the cardboard at a recycling plant and it added up to over $50! We're way out of our debt!" he exclaimed.
Cream stopped dead in her tracks. She very slowly turned to face Knuckles, looking VERY angry. "ALL WE NEEDED WAS $50?" she snarled.
"Nope, all we need was $5.21!" Knuckles exclaimed.
Cream took out a pistol. "I'm giving you five seconds to get back to your room," she growled.
Knuckles nodded and very quickly ran up the stairs.
The fame-obsessed rabbit gave a grunt of satisfaction and walked out of the lobby. And in the background, a song was quietly playing on the radio...
-MORE SONG!-
We'd love for you to stay here
And if you will
We'd like the entire audience
To sell their only home
So they can stay here alone
This here is the place to go
Even though we got nothing to show
Maybe a God might come a long
But we gotta end this song
So may I introduce to you
For a second time to make it clear
It's Sgt. Shadow's Empty Hotel Club Band
We're still here
-END CHEEP-TER!-
A/N: And that's that! I hope you enjoyed my-somewhat propaganda spoof! Join me next time for when Blaze the OOC Cat finally outwits the Blue Blur! By the way, the b-side to the Sgt. Shadow single is "The Shipping That Should Not Be", just in case you're curious. So anyways, as Edward R. Murrow would say, "Good night and good luck!"