Arthur was in the courtyard, waiting with a group of knights for King Donal and his retinue to arrive. Arthur knew the retinue included the boy's parents, his brother, and his Aunt Princess Mithian.
He didn't know why she had to come. It was embarrassing enough remembering his stammeringly nervous courtship of her, but worse to think about how he had broken off their engagement with little finesse and an inadequate apology.
It seemed she did not mind, though, as she continued to come back to Camelot. This was her second visit in as many months.
Arthur regretted not letting Merlin join him in the courtyard to wait for the party for probably the tenth time, but it had just seemed too much like before. Merlin was no longer his manservant, and he did not need to be at this kind of official occasion. He had allowed Merlin to work as a sorcerer in an official capacity, but having the man by his side on state visits was a bit much. It would be too much acceptance of magic, too fast.
However, the entire visiting royal party knew Merlin and probably would have been put at ease by his presence.
When the party rode up Arthur tried to tell the royalty from their servants and couldn't. No one was dressed shabbily, but there was no overt display of wealth, either, not even crowns. They had not let sudden royal status go to their heads, apparently.
"Greetings, King Arthur," the boy Arthur presumed to be King Donal said.
"May I present my nephew, King Donal?" Mithian said, stepping in.
"Very nice to meet you," Arthur said.
"My servant can show you to your rooms. I hope you will join me and Queen Guinevere for some refreshments in the feast room when you are finished freshening up," Arthur said.
Arthur fled the scene before anyone could speak to him. He retreated to the feast room, to see how preparations were going. The room looked excellent, and it might have been old times. Merlin and Gwen were off in a corner chatting about something, just as they always had been.
Arthur went to join them.
"And how does it look?" Gwen asked Arthur, gesturing toward the room.
"It looks wonderful. I wish you would have come out to greet the guests with me," Arthur said. "I never seem to be at my best where Nemeth is concerned."
"I hope you're not talking to me. Because I was expressly told not to attend," Merlin said.
"And you choose now to start listening to me?" Arthur complained.
He knew Gwen didn't have any particular problem with Mithian, but she reminded both of them of a time when Gwen had been banished because of her betrayal. And Merlin had since told Arthur about the spell that Gwen had been under that made her seem like a deer–and the fact that without knowing it Mithian had shot her. Arthur understood that Gwen's feelings for the girl were complicated, so he chose to pretend he had been speaking Merlin.
Merlin laughed and looked around for someone else to talk to, apparently preparing to leave Gwen because Arthur had returned. Arthur almost protested–he should like to talk to Merlin for a time. It was his own fault, he knew, for having avoided Merlin since he had gotten rid of the pixies. The entire time Merlin had been gone Arthur had been thinking about ways to get him back without compromising who he was, and what the kingdom was, and now that Merlin was back, all he was doing was pushing him away.
Merlin walked away and joined a group of knights who were chatting together. Arthur was amazed at the easy way the group opened to include him and then they were soon all laughing and talking together. It seemed Merlin had finally found a place he belonged in the kingdom, the equal of anybody, and everyone's friend. No other sorcerer could have gone from being a figure of terror and fright to such blanket acceptance so quickly.
Arthur wished he could change his thinking where Merlin was concerned, but it wasn't just the lying. It was the fact that Merlin had played a fool–and Arthur had believed him. He had cared for that fool, and now, it seemed, the confident, able, wise, person that Arthur had seen occasional glimpses of was the true Merlin.
Arthur sort of missed the fool.
"You could just talk to him," Gwen said.
Arthur realized he'd been watching Merlin since the man walked away. He could hardly deny missing him. "Do you ever miss the boy who used to trip over his feet and drop everything and get locked in the stocks?"
"He's still there," Gwen said, "Just as I am still the girl who used to scrub this floor."
"You don't think that was just an act?" Arthur asked.
"Please," Gwen said, "how could it have been? He couldn't have been acting all the time. He really was a terrible servant. I think he'd still be a terrible servant even now, if you want to see him fumble around and get himself in trouble again."
"Oh, our guests have arrived," Arthur said.
He started to join them, but they had spotted Merlin. Princess Mithian, who Arthur had previously thought of as cool, reserved, and in control of her emotions, ran to Merlin and hugged him tightly. Merlin smiled in his friendly way and hugged her back.
"Poor girl," Gwen said. "She's obviously in love with him."
"What? No, she's just grateful to him," Arthur said. "That's just a simple hug. Gwaine hugs Merlin all the time. Do you think Gwaine is in love with Merlin?"
"Oh, I see, that's why there's tears in her eyes and she won't let go of him, even though her nephew wants to talk to Merlin, too," Gwen said.
"Would it really be such a bad thing if she was in love with him?" Arthur asked.
"Merlin wouldn't hurt her on purpose, but he obviously doesn't love her," Gwen said.
"How can you possibly know that? Has he told you that?" Arthur asked.
"Just look at them, Arthur!" Gwen said.
Arthur saw nothing to justify Gwen's little noises of sympathy, but he nodded his head as though he did. The couple were talking animatedly together, and now the rest of the party had joined in the conversation.
"Oh the poor thing! I really should talk to her. Merlin is a tough one to get over," Gwen said.
"Wait, how would you know?" Arthur said, following her.
"Did you seriously not know I had feelings for Merlin at one time?" Gwen asked. "Sometimes I think he threw us together so much in the past simply to help me get over him."
"I was very happy pretending I didn't know and never thinking about it," Arthur grumbled, following his wife.
Well, at least it seemed that Gwen and Mithian had something in common other than him, which made him feel marginally better about the visit. The fact that Mithian could possibly be in love with Merlin–he couldn't contemplate it. He wouldn't. It would go in the same category as Gwen having had feelings for Merlin at one time: Things about Merlin he didn't think about. He should probably add the fact that Gwen thought of Merlin as the one who had brought the two of them together. It was so obvious–and yet he'd never let himself think about it before, and he certainly wasn't keen to start thinking about it now.
But he couldn't put everything he knew about Merlin that made him uncomfortable in some inaccessible corner of his mind, could he? He had to actually know Merlin as he really was, because not seeing the man clearly was what had gotten their friendship in this mess in the first place. He was not like Gwaine, who could simply accept Merlin's magic as if it changed nothing, or the other knights, who Arthur suspected were willing to let things go back to the way they had been because Arthur seemed to trust Merlin.
He had to know who Merlin really was, because despite what Arthur had told Merlin, he did trust Merlin, with his family, his kingdom, and his life.
Without Merlin, Arthur would probably be married to Mithian right now, and a thorough prat, too, if he hadn't actually died years ago. That being the case, he had to trust Merlin, or admit that he had allowed a charlatan to shape who he was and what he did and thought, and even who he loved. No other friend had had more influence, and no other friend had ever taught Arthur so much about what it meant to be a good friend, and a good person, and a good king.
He should be spending as much time with Merlin as possible–learning everything there was to know. After all, only a fool would allow a stranger to shape his destiny.
Arthur had allowed Merlin to return because he wanted him there, but it wasn't a good enough reason. He was a king. Any man who had as much influence with a king as Merlin did was already in possession of a frightening amount of power–but then there was the magic, too.
Arthur looked over at Merlin, who was shadowboxing with the young king's older brother. He could not ignore Merlin any more. And Merlin could no longer cling to his secrets.
Otherwise, there was no way Arthur could in good conscience allow Merlin to remain in Camelot.