Chapter Three: Taking Your Son To Work

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: I love writing Lockhart. He's such a horrible person and yet he doesn't even realize it and if he ever did he wouldn't even care. For all that people haven't been pleased that Sirius and Remus just accept Dumbledore's orders on Harry...that does seem to be pretty much their attitude in canon. Dumbledore told them to do or not do something and they listened. (Also, it's my birthday! Hooray!)

Gilderoy Lockhart was, in his own opinion, a decent father. There were plenty of little things that he couldn't stand doing (he was never potty-training anyone ever again, for one) but Harry had managed to grow up in one piece and he loved to travel. It was a good thing, too, because it wasn't like Gilderoy had really stayed in one place for longer than a couple of months. Just because he hadn't heard anything about Dumbledore realizing that Harry wasn't really with his muggle relatives didn't mean he was willing to take any chances after all.

Harry had just had his tenth birthday and that meant that it was only going to be another year before they could finally reveal him to the world. Gilderoy had been a bit apprehensive about letting him know who he really was because if Harry started bragging or innocently confided in someone, it could cause a lot of trouble but fortunately Harry seemed to take the threat that if he told anyone then someone might take him away and force him to lead a very dull life in the same place in muggle Britain seriously and so hadn't said a word.

Now he was about to take an even bigger risk but it had to be done. He had been putting it off for as long as he could so that he could see how Harry was with secrets and because it was absolutely essential that Harry didn't even accidentally tell someone but he was running out of time. If Harry didn't learn the truth about Gilderoy before he went to Hogwarts then he might try to emulate the stories and do something stupid and Gryffindor-ish and get himself killed and then where would they be? Gilderoy might be of the opinion that generally all press was good press but being known as the kind of guardian who got the wizarding world's hero killed was not really something he aspired to. His life would be so much easier if he could manage secrecy charms.

"Harry, we need to talk," Gilderoy said solemnly across the breakfast table.

Harry looked up from his pancakes. "You said that that was one of those things you never ever wanted to hear, especially from a girl."

Gilderoy nodded. "That is absolutely true. It usually means it is something bad but it always means that it is something serious."

"Is what you have to say bad?" Harry asked curiously.

Gilderoy hesitated. "That…depends, really, on how you look at it. Last night, there I heard of a werewolf that had been defeated in Soviet Armenia."

Harry frowned, puzzled. "That doesn't sound like a bad thing."

"It's not," Gilderoy assured him. "The information about what happened has not yet gotten out." A pause. "The world is going to hear how I defeated him and saved that little village."

Harry blinked. "But…you didn't. You've been with me and we didn't go to Armenia."

"That may be, strictly speaking, true but that doesn't really matter. I am going to tell people that it is true and I am going to write a book on the matter. I'm thinking either Wanderings with Werewolves or Walks with Werewolves for a title. Thoughts?"

"Definitely the first one," Harry said automatically. "Wait…are you telling me that you are going to lie to people and say that you did this when you really didn't?"

Gilderoy nodded. Moment of truth. "I am. What have I always told you about truth?"

"That you should think long and hard about whether telling it will help you and if it doesn't then why in the world would you tell it?" Harry replied.

Another nod. "Exactly. If I tell everyone that some old Armenian witch or warlock killed the werewolf then I wouldn't get another book and I've found that many of these folksy heroes don't even want their own fame. They just want to be left alone and if people found out what they did, they never would be. I'm doing them a favor, really."

As difficult as it was for him to comprehend the idea that someone might not actually want their own fame, he had seen it happen often enough that he accepted that some people were just strange that way. They did their heroic deeds because 'somebody had to' or 'it was the right thing to do' so why should they be punished for their heroism by being forced into becoming heroes when that was the last thing they wanted? Why not let someone who actually wanted that fame take it off their hands? If he ever gave any of the people whose accomplishments he claimed for his own any advance warning of what he was about to do, he liked to imagine that they would thank him for it.

Harry was biting his lower lip and Gilderoy valiantly resisted the urge to remind him that doing so would damage his lip and thus his physical appearance because Harry did have a lot to think over. "Does this mean that you didn't actually do all the stuff in your other books, either?"

"No, I have not," Gilderoy admitted. "It's a system that works for everyone. My memory charms are easily the branch of magic that I am best at and I'm a talented writer as well. The people who actually did these things do not want their fame and I do. Being famous is one of the nicest things in the world, Harry. Everywhere you go, everyone knows who you are. Most of them love you and those that don't are often just jealous. People listen to what you have to say and are just tripping over themselves to give you money just for paying attention to them. Yes, privacy is a little hard to come by but I think the fact that I've managed to conceal the truth about my 'great deeds' and your real identity from them for years means that it's not impossible to retain some."

"So how does it work, exactly?" Harry wondered. "You find out about someone being a hero and then, before people find out who, you erase their memory and claim that you did it?"

Gilderoy chuckled at his naiveté. "You make it sound so easy! You're forgetting about Obliviating anyone else who knows what really happened – and sometimes there are quite a few witnesses – and conducting a lengthy interview with the person who did the deed so that I can write up a convincing and compelling account of the event. I have to get all of my facts all at once, you see, because anything I don't think of during that first interview I will have to make up as the person who actually did the deed won't have the answer anymore."

"I see…" Harry said slowly.

"Does that bother you?" Gilderoy asked, hoping that the answer was no. He would really hate to have to Obliviate his own son and then he'd be back to worrying about Harry doing something stupidly heroic and getting himself killed.

Harry was quiet for a moment as he thought it over. "I don't think so," he said finally. "At least not enough to think you should stop. It might not be fair but it doesn't really hurt anybody, does it? And if they really don't want the fame…"

Gilderoy beamed. "That's the spirit! Now, I'm going to take you to Armenia with me so that you can see the process in case you ever need to use it yourself one day and after we get back, I'm going to teach you how to Obliviate people."

He figured that they could practice on animals until Gilderoy was fairly certain that Harry had it down and then eventually they could hire poor locals for Harry to test and refine his charms on…they would have to be Obliviated of the whole affair afterwards, of course, but he didn't think they'd do any permanent damage and the money would be well worth it to them.

After asking around – and silently Obliviating where required – Gilderoy and Harry found out that the man that they were looking for was Gevorg Hagopian. That was not nearly as fame-worthy of a name as Gilderoy Lockhart so was glad that soon the fame would go to him.

"Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me, Mr. Hagopian," Lockhart greeted, shaking the man's hand. His translation spells weren't anything special but they did get the job done and in his line of work, they were indispensible.

Hagopian was a truly ugly man with robes so patched and frayed (and covered with stains!) that it was clear that he had no fashion sense. Gilderoy always felt like he was doing the world a favor when he stopped someone this ill-suited from gracing the covers of magazines and newspapers. Hagopian had a snaggletooth, hair thick grey hair growing out of his ears, and a very pitiful comb over. His pale blue eyes were watery and unremarkable. His skin was blotchy and scarred – and not even a semi-decent one like Harry's – and his nose was short and crooked.

"It is no problem, Mr. Lockhart," Hagopian returned and Gilderoy had to stop himself from wincing. Dear God, even this man's voice was hideous! If this kept up, he might actually have to start pitying the man. At least he was here to save him. Imagine how embarrassed he'd be if opened up to the world's ridicule… "It is an honor that a big hero such as yourself would want to hear about my little werewolf problem."

"I must confess that I do not have much experience with werewolves," Gilderoy admitted. "It's a rather embarrassing gap in my familiarity with dark creatures but somehow or other I've just never really encountered them when on my travels and so I would love to hear from the expert."

Hagopian reddened making his already unattractive skin even more unappealing. "Oh, I am hardly an expert Mr. Lockhart."

"You are compared to me," Gilderoy pointed out, his words far more honest than Hagopian knew. "So please, tell me all about it. You faced down the Wagga Wagga Werewolf, right?"

Hagopian nodded. "That is correct. I had gone for a walk earlier in the day and fell asleep by a tree near the river. When I woke up, it was dark and so I decided to head back home. That was a real comfy spot to rest when I was younger but now I can't nap there without getting a real crick in my neck. It's just so peaceful there, though, that I keep on doing it."

That was so incredibly stupid that Gilderoy was glad that he wasn't expected to actually given an honest opinion. No matter how peaceful something was, if it kept causing him pain he should stop doing it. "That sounds nice," he lied.

"It is," Hagopian agreed. "On my way home, I ran into Yeva and Vosgi Chilingirian. They were fleeing from the werewolf. They shouted to me that there was a creature chasing them as they ran past me. I didn't the werewolf to hurt anybody and this is a mixed village so some of the villagers are extra vulnerable."

"And so you decided to help," Gilderoy prompted.

"It was the only decent thing to do," Hagopian replied. "I had never faced a werewolf before and from what I've heard if you do not have a Wolfsbane potion then the best thing to do was contain the beast. We were out in the open and I had no plan. Fortunately, right as the creature came barreling towards me I remembered a charm and cast it, stopping the werewolf right in its tracks."

"And what charm was this?" Gilderoy asked, careful not to sound too eager. He couldn't be bothered to take notes himself so he was quite lucky that automatic recording quills had come out a few years back. They were strictly banned at Hogwarts and several other places but for these all-important interviews they were absolutely essential.

"The Homorphus Charm," Hagopian answered. He glanced over at Harry. "That is a charm that forces transformed objects to return to their true form. It can be used to untransfigure something but it's usually used to check for Animagi. As you can imagine, it's a pretty rare charm but my sister's ex-husband was an Animagus and it was a rather messy divorce so the family thought it best if we all knew it."

"And did it work?" Gilderoy pressed. "Did the werewolf resume its human form?"

Hagopian shook his head. "Oh, no. If that could happen then it would practically be a cure for lycanthropy."

"Then what did it do?" Lockhart inquired.

"It caused the werewolf to regain his mind," Hagopian explained. "And then it ran off. I'm not sure what happened to it after that but it certainly didn't bother the good people of this village and I suppose that's good enough for me. I'm hardly an Auror, you know."

So Hagopian had just cast a spell that made it regain its mind and then it ran off? That was so un-compelling. Why was it that so many people were so incapable of telling a decent story? Even if what Hagopian had said was technically true, nobody wanted to hear about that!

Gilderoy began to rewrite the story in his head. Wrestling with a werewolf was very stupid for two reasons: it would make it very easy for the werewolf to bite you and it was far stronger than the average man. Thus, wrestling with it successfully was very important. He decided that he would have narrowly won the match – had to keep it realistic – by slamming its head against the ground and then holding it down. His wand would be at the werewolf's throat and he would summon the very last of his strength to cast the Homorphus Charm. He'd need to emphasize just how difficult and rare that charm was. The best thing about that charm was that if one of his faithful readers tried it against a real werewolf one day (assuming they could actually do it but he would mention the complexity of it) then it would actually be enough to save them and it would be all thanks to him! You couldn't buy that kind of publicity...not that he hadn't tried. Sure, the charm wouldn't work the way he had said it would but they could all just assume that they were doing it incorrectly or weren't putting enough power into the spell.

"So who else knows of your daring escapade?" Gilderoy inquired. That in and of itself might sound suspicious to the paranoid mind so he followed it up with, "I was asking people about you earlier and it took me awhile to find someone who knew anything."

Hagopian shrugged. "I suppose the news will get out sooner or later." He gave Gilderoy the names of the people who he thought might know anything. One of them, in fact, was the person who had told him where to find Hagopian and who he had already used a memory charm on. When he tracked down the other people on Hagopian's list he would need to see if they knew of anyone else who knew what really happened so that he could make sure not to leave anyone who could contradict his story. Then, he would need to be sure to go to the tavern or somewhere else packed with people and brag about his defeat of the Wagga Wagga Werewolf. That was a really stupid name for a werewolf but what could you do? If he tried to change it, people might doubt that the werewolf even existed and that much of his book would be true.

Harry spoke up suddenly. "Mr. Hagopian, do you want to be famous for this?"

So it seemed that Harry was still having some doubts. With any luck, Hagopian would confirm that he really didn't want any fame. If not…well, it might be foolhardy to think he could go forever without needing to Obliviate the boy.

Hagopian chuckled. "Oh, no, not me. Once you're famous for something, folks don't ever leave you alone. I drove off the Wagga Wagga Werewolf because I didn't want anybody to get hurt. If those reporters following me around is the price I have to pay for it then I will pay it but don't expect me to do so gladly."

"So you'd be happier if you could have driven the werewolf off and nobody even knew that it was you?" Harry asked intently.

Hagopian nodded. "Oh, if only that were possible…"

That was as good a lead-in as Gilderoy had ever gotten and it was nice to have it confirmed just how much he was doing everyone a favor.

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