Mithian looked out the window of her room, spying Merlin walking beside Gaius, carrying a heavy bag for him. He really was a natural gentleman.
She was a little embarrassed about the way she had greeted him. Princesses were not supposed to throw themselves into the arms of men they weren't engaged to. It had felt good to have his arms around her, though.
Her hopes for the visit, such as they were, had been thwarted. She had hoped that either Merlin would have a change of heart and that absence would make his heart grow fonder—or that she would see him again and he would once again be the awkward, cranky servant she remembered meeting on her first visit, and that her love would disappear like morning mist. Neither seemed to have happened. Her love still beat as fiercely as her heart in her breast, and his feelings seemed decidedly lukewarm.
Mithian had been hiding in her room for most of the morning. She had broken her fast with the royal party, and made sure Donal was happily engaged in an activity with Gwen. Many of the knights had offered to keep her entertained through various means, but, not seeing Merlin, she had declined all offers and returned to her room.
She was tidying a little obsessively; rearranging her belongings every few minutes. Her maid had thought her mad. She'd had to send her away.
Why did she have to feel this way about Merlin?
Why did she only seem to give her heart to men who could never love her back?
She looked up suddenly at a knock on her door.
"Mithian?" Merlin asked through the door.
Mithian braced herself to look normal—unaffected—calm—as she opened the door. "Merlin!" she greeted, smiling perhaps a shade too widely.
"Hello Princess," Merlin said, smiling a little too widely himself. Mithian felt herself blush under his appreciative regard.
"Come in, please," she said.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. How are you, Mithian?" he asked.
Mithian looked at the door awkwardly. Should she close it? No. But keeping it open would make Merlin think she thought he wanted to kiss her, and that she didn't want to kiss him. No he wouldn't. It was only proper to keep the door open. If he was any other man the door would stay open. She shook herself slightly and invited Merlin to sit on the comfortable chairs by the fire, and he sat down in the chair opposite the one she took.
"When you left, things returned to normal—well, as normal as things can be when your father has been murdered and you've just acquired a new grown brother with a family," Mithian said.
"And a ten year old has been made king," Merlin added.
"He's surprisingly good at the job—and the regents have made the transition easier," Mithian said.
"And, well, I know you had little time to grieve when I was with you in Nemeth. I hope you have been able to say goodbye to your father," Merlin said.
Mithian looked at her lap, trying to fight tears. Surely this insight proved he cared for her? He was the only one who'd asked her about her grief. She tried not to read too much into it. "I finally felt like I could let him go just a few weeks ago. I felt so close to him, as if he were with me all the time, and then, one day, out on a hunt in the summer sun, the feeling of oppressive grief simply vanished and was replaced by love for the man who was, and gratitude for the time we had together. I suppose all grief fades with time. I still wish my father's death had not been so ugly and tragic."
She looked up and saw sympathy in Merlin's eyes. "Your father is at peace. He would be glad to know that you have let him go."
Mithians thoughts rebelled against the idea that Merlin had actually gone into the land of the dead and spoken to her father, and could actually say such a thing, not as a platitude, but as a fact. She pushed the thought away. "And it looks as though you have moved on, too. You and Arthur seem much less at odds then you did before."
Merlin grimaced. "It does seem that way, but I don't know how long that will last. There are still things I haven't told him—things he might never forgive me for."
"He's let you back in. You two were so close—as close as two friends could be—he will not be able to shut you out for long," she said. She couldn't resist putting a comforting hand on his arm, for which he seemed grateful.
"So Gwen says. So Gwaine says. But the whole kingdom is so against magic. Even my closest friends refuse to look me in the eye when I perform any kind of spell. Gaius is the only one who isn't frightened of me," Merlin said.
"With time they will see that you can be trusted. I know you've served the kingdom for years, but they didn't know you were using magic then. They'll have to learn to trust you as they see you now, not as they saw you then. That gangly boy no longer exists for them," Mithian said.
"Gangly?" Merlin asked, pretending to be offended. Mithian's heart started beating faster. First they exchanged confidences, and now Merlin's tone was decidedly flirty. Don't read too much into it, she told herself again, taking her hand off his arm.
"Wiry," she amended, smiling.
"Sleek like a cat," Merlin added with a goofy grin.
"I've missed you," Mithian said, cursing inwardly at her inability to prevent the words from spilling out. She was going to ruin this easy rapport.
Merlin looked at her with an intensity that surprised and thrilled her. "I've missed you, too. I didn't realize how much until—well, it's been, oh, forever since I've talked to anyone like this. Sometimes I feel like I've never been honest with anyone in my life."
"If you let me, I could be the one person you never have to hide anything from," Mithian said.
"I would like that," Merlin said. "You must do the same with me."
"I already do," Mithian said. She hesitated for a moment, and then reached out her hand. Merlin took it without hesitation, and then lowered his face and kissed her palm.
A small sigh of pleasure escaped her lips at this gesture of affection. Perhaps he wasn't down on one knee proposing, but he was moving forward. He was moving slowly—because he'd loved before, and lost. He was going to be cautious.
But for the first time, Mithian felt hope, and it warmed her to her toes.