AN3/

*Sigh*
Must I repeat myself?
Fine.
I don't own anything, even the deliciosity that is *Captain* Jack Sparrow.

-

"So is all this stuff yer tellin' me true?" Asked Jack Sparrow as he took another swig of rum. "'Cuz, if it is, then we're in one hell of a mess, mates."

Snape's lip curled in disgust."Yes. Do you think we would make all of this rubish up? It's too idiotic to not be real." He snarled as the pirate smirked and gulped down some more of the dark liqour from the bottle.

Jack glanced at the bottle and swirled the remaining liquid around thoughtfully. "Alright, mate. I'll join ya." He said casually.

"We never asked you to." Snape sniffed haughtily.

Jack laughed. "Ya didn't have to!." He waved a dismissive hand around wildly. "I could tell 'ow much ya need me." He winked at Marie, who blushed furiously and scooted closer to Gimli. "Espcially the liddle lady."

"We need you about as much as I need a pain in my arse." Growled Snape.

Jack grinned widely and held up his bottle. "When d' we leave?" He downed the last gulp of his drink and searched around him for another. When his quest came up empty, his expression was pouty. "Why is all the rum gone?" He jumped up and began in-depth rant about how 'the rum was *always* gone.

Snape pressed his tapered fingers to the bridge of his aquiline nose. "Merlin's beard, chest hair, and pubes!" He cursed loudly. "What is wrong with that asinine dunderhead?"

"He's right though." Interrupted Marie with a regretful glare at the ranting captain. "We really do need him. We need everyone we can hope to come across." She made a low sound in her throat. "Even if they are a dunderheads."

Snape smirked at her with approval. "For once, Miss Radcliffe, you are accurate." She bit her lip against a sarcastic retort, telling herself it was technically a compliment, however insulting it may have been. She nodded and got up to grab ahold of Jack, but he pivoted on his foot just as she leaned forward to tap him and she fell right into his arms.

Jack caught her with ease and righted her. "Ya seem to 'ave a disturbin' 'abit o' fallin' around me, luv." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Ya might say that yer fallin' *for* me, eh?"

Gimli simmered and seethed. How dare he? How dare he touch her? He got up, axe in hand, and was just about to show Jack what it was like to be a eunich, when he was stopped by several hands grabbing at his person. He glanced around him and saw that his friends as well as Snape were restraining him. "He isn't worth it." Murmured the professor. "Mister Sparrow is a flirt, he means nothing by his advances."

"And how do you know all of this, Snape-"

Snape's onyx eyes narrowed."I didn't work as a spy in my Canon for twenty years to not be able to read body language, Mister Gloinsson." Gimli sighed, stroked his axe longingly for a moment, then nodded. But not without a surly grumble or two.

eyed Jack Sparrow. Then he leaned over to Willy and whispered something. The chocolatier giggled quietly, then nodded and reached inside his coat. He brought out a bottle of something very fizzy and placed it in Gimli's calloused hand. "This is a Fizzy Lifting Drink." He whispered in Gimli's ear. "You can get your revenge in a non-violent way."

"What does it do?" Asked Gimli with a grinchy grin.

"It'll make him fly high as the birds in the sky. But it could send him to the moon if you refuse to tell him how to stop." Gimli fingered the bottle lovingly with that scary grin still on his face.

"How does he get down?" He inquired with his mad grin.

"All he has to do is burp. Then he'll float gently back to the ground safe and sound." Willy replied with a proud look at the tiny bottle. Gimli's wild grin was quickly wiped off his face and he ran off to Jack.

"Sparrow, I believe I've found some of your...erm..." He paused, trying to remember what the pirate had ranted about the lack of.

"RUM!" Jack tackled him and wrestled the bottle from him and gulped the whole thing down. He frowned. "Tha' didn' taste like rum." His feet began to lift slowly off the ground and twirled around in mid-air in a panic. " 'elp! I'm bloody pulling a bloody Peter bloody Pan!" He glared down at his hands. "I should have been Cap'n Hook!" He cried remorsefully as he rose like a pirate-shaped balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. "At least he 'ad a great hat!"

Gimli was rolling on the sand, tears of mirth escaping his eyes. The others couldn't restrain a chuckle or two and Snape actually smiled a tiny bit. Marie stared pointedly at him. "Who are you and what have you done with the sourpuss?"

"Excuse me?"

She pointed her finger at him. "Take me to your leader! ET phone home!"

"Errrr.." Snape took a step back and glared coldly at Aragorn. "Would you mind explaining why your friend has suddenly gone barmy?"

Aragorn didn't answer, just shook his head and squeezed Arwen's shoulder gently. "This is getting stranger with every AC that we visit." Far above them, they could barely make out the salty curses flying from Jack's mouth. "Gimli." Aragorn said sternly. "Get him down."

Gimli got up and 'humphd' a bit, but yelled the instructions on how to get down to the unfortunate captain. Soon, Jack Sparrow was back on the beach and glowering at the Dwarf. "Never make a pass at Marie again." Growled Gimli. The captain nodded, smiled cordialy at Marie, then took a spot far from her.

Gandalf tapped his foot, his arms crossed impatiently. "If we are all finished here..." The oddball-ish, mismatched group nodded simultaneously. "Well, then." He stepped back to reveal the portal he'd been opening during the 'Pirate Incident'. This one was different from all the other portals. For one, it spun in the opposite direction and for another, then colors were indecisive about what they wanted to be. One moment they were electric green and bright orange, the next they were blue and white. "Who want's to go first?"