AN3/

"Hey guys. It's me Melda. I don't-"

"Downal wit th' bluddy begh hid!"

"Hatter?

"Yes?"

"I'm trying to write a disclaimer."

"Really? That's interesting, you know, I've never interrupted a disclaimer before. There was this one time with Mally that I interrupted her and she pricked me with a hatpin...*big, electric green puppy-dog eyes* you won't prick me with a hatpin, will you?"

*Rubs temple* "No, Tarrant."

"That's good. Melda?"

*sighs* "Yes?"

"Do you have any idea how a raven is like a writing desk?"

"Ummmm..*thinks* because both of them will always have a flat note?"

"Really? I didn't know."
*Sigh*

Melda?

"Yes?"

"You forgot to finish your disclaimer.*Shakes finger* Naughty girl."

*Bangs head against the nearest available table.* "I own nothing."

One by one, the others woke. Jack was up, and by the time he figured out that Barbossa had not marooned him on another island, they were all subjected to learning some very colorful new words.

"Has he stopped?" Asked Charlie as his father finally took his hands from his son's ears.

Tarrant nodded and handed the man a cup of tea. "I'm so excited to have so many tea guests." He continued to give out tea to everyone. "Since the White Queen was restored to her rightful throne, I've had only Mally and Thackory for tea. Mirwana is simply so busy these days."

"You have a Queen?" Asked Aragorn as he stirred the sugar into his tea and bit into a teacake.

"Yes, don't you? It would be quite strange if one didn't have a queen. What would be in her place? A fish?" He grinned. "Actually that may not be so bad. We'd all have to eat fishfood of course, but that's-"

"Hatter!"

"Fez."

"You're rambling again." Mally accused, sounding slightly amused.

"Really?" He mused. "I hadn't noticed."

Mally sighed and nibbled a scone. "You never do."

Snape butted in. "If we could just get done with the nonsense and hurry up to stating the real perogative that has urged us into this insanity."

"Insanity is the best policy!" Countered Marie hotly. She'd grown very fond of the madman while waiting for the others to come back to conciousness. "Where would we be without the people called 'mad'?

Snape scowled. "Regardless of the mental state of *some* of the people present.." He eyed Hatter and Marie especially. "We need to discuss the current events that have occured in Mister Wonka's factory, King Jareth's castle, and King Elessar's realm."

Tarrant jumped up. "We're in the company of royalty!" He exclaimed and bowed.

"Really, *must* you fall prostrate before them at this inconvienient moment?"

But Tarrant wasn't listening. "Bring out the cabbages!" He yelled to Thackory, who ducked underneath the table to retrieve said leafy vegetables. Two heads of cabbage were tossed heartily to Hatter, who caught them with ease. Then he strode reverently up to Jareth and Aragorn and presented one to each king. "For you."

"Ummm..thank you?" Both of them said and he nodded with a wild grin. Jareth examined his with shock and confusion. "Why did you give us cabbages?" He asked.

"Because it's tradition! Here in Underland we always give our kings cabbages." He puffed his chest out proudly. "Since you are both kings, as your host, I am required to provide this sign of respect and hospitality."

"I could get really used to this place." Marie said with a giggle at Aragorn's bamboozled, but honored expression.

"You could stay." Offered Hatter hopefully. "Alice didn't want to, but you could."

"I'm afraid I can't." She said with no small amount of remorse. "We're fighting a war. Plus I'm a postmaster for the Fel-"

"You're fighting a war?!" Hatter's eyes widened with surprise. "With who?" He gritted his teeth and his eyes started to glow orange around the edges. "Et's th' bluddy begh hid, isn' i'?" He grimaced. "Sh' can' kip 'er fa' 'ead outta nothin'! No' e'en other Canons!" He continued on in a scottish brogue. "That shukm juggling urpal! Sh' deserved less than wha' Mirwana gave 'er!"

Mally climbed ontop of a teapot. "Hatter! Calm down!" He stopped pacing and his expression softened.

"Thank you." He said weakly.

"This place is going to make me go madder than Mister Hightopp." Snape growled under his breath. "Bluddy begh hid, indeed."

"Actually, mate.." Jack Sparrow looped on arm around Hatter's shoulders. "We're here t' ge' rid of th' Sues."

"Sues?" Repeated Hatter.

"Disgustingly pretty demons hell-bent on the destruction of all things Canon and the ferocious groping of various Canon characters due to hormones." Clarified . She shivered, she still had scary flashbacks of the Stu that had grabbed her. held her tighter.

Willy wrinkled his nose at the memory. " will probably want to wash your mouth out with soap after even mentioning them." He handed her a small bottle of portable mouthwash. She nodded gratefully and then gave it back when she was done.

Hatter seemed to come back to himself. "Then we had better go see the Queen. I'm sure that she'll be more than happy to grant you assistance."

"How do we get there?" Asked Boromir. "We can't go walking through this forest without a guide."

"I'll be your guide!" Hatter volunteered happily.

"You?" Groaned Snape, his face dark with loathing.

"Yes! Who else? Poor Thackory would rather throw teapots at your head." He said fondly as he ducked yet another bit of tea-ware. "Of course, you could always ask Absolum, but he's a bit flighty these days now that he's a butterfly." He chuckled at his unintended pun. "Did you all catch that? I made a pun!"

"Whoopie." Intoned Snape flatly. "Shall we give you a medal?"

Hatter giggled. "Well, aren't we the Sulking Sally." He teased.

"Actually, we call him The Sourpuss." Marie said, she helped herself to another scone.