Author's Note: Sorry about the long wait between chapters. I hope posting two chapters at once will make up for the delay. Thank you to all who have stuck with this story and who have alerted or reviewed.
As they set out that first morning, Merlin was not aware that Morgana had just decided that she was going to fight—he thought she had been fighting all along.
He was wrong.
The first day all she did was plant doubt in his mind about his decision to support Arthur over her.
She reminded him that he had supported Uther instead of Morgause—and Morgause had only been trying to tell Arthur the truth. She wondered aloud how many magic users had died because Merlin had decided that Arthur wasn't ready to be king, and should not kill his father.
She reminded him that she'd always been someone who fought against injustice, and if she'd thought she had a friend in Camelot, perhaps she wouldn't have tried to invade the place with Morgause. But he'd never been honest about who he was, and he'd tried to kill her, and she'd been convinced that if someone who had seemed so good and so caring would turn on her, then everyone else would, too.
She expounded at length about the loneliness of not knowing anyone else like her, and only being able to follow the example of people who wanted to use her for power. She had no one to tell her what was good and what was evil. She'd thought all magic was evil, and if she had it, she had thought she had to be evil, too. She'd never really known someone who only used magic to help people, and although meeting the druids had seemed like a good idea, it had only shown her the injustice of her father's actions in the end.
It seemed anything good or beautiful or precious in her world was destroyed; if not by Uther, then by Merlin himself.
It didn't really work; but he would always wonder, if he had been told that Morgana was the Pendragon who would bring back magic and restore the kingdom, would she still have done such wicked things? Would he have been able to change her behaviour the same way he seemed to have been able to change Arthur's?
That night as he lay in bed, he found himself thinking of ways he could imprison Morgana long term. He had been able to bind her powers in the past—but there were ways around that spell, obviously, or she wouldn't be able to perform magic now. Arthur seemed determined to kill her, but that could all change. It was one thing to know, as a king, that an enemy was too strong to be allowed to live. It was another thing altogether to cold-bloodedly order the execution of a sister and one-time friend.
His ruminations were cut short by the feeling of steely hands suddenly tightening around his windpipe. It was hard to fight back with one wrist still tied to Morgana's. He struggled to breathe, and sought the guards out with his eyes. The fire had died down, it was dark, and Morgana had been quiet. They were watching, and still awake, but they didn't know what was happening.
Merlin reached out with his mind, the way he had been able to communicate with Mordred. He screamed "help" as loud as he could in his mind before realizing, not only that they couldn't hear him, but also that he didn't need their help. His sleep deprived brain and the shock of Morgana trying to kill him had confused him. He looked over at the fire and willed a piece of firewood to float over and smack Morgana in the head.
This forced Morgana to release his throat, although she was still conscious, and also served to alert the guards that there was something the matter. The guards promptly separated Merlin and Morgana, as much as they were able to with the two of them still tied together, and resumed their post.
Morgana and Merlin lay on their bed roll side by side and looked at each other warily.
"Merlin, are you alright?" Gwaine asked. He had volunteered to stay up for the first shift and watch Morgana. His voice was laden with guilt at not noticing his friend was being attacked.
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Build up the fire, would you?" he said, his voice croaking after the abuse his throat had taken. "It's too dark, and there's a piece of firewood right here."
"Really, Merlin?" Morgana asked. "Firewood to the head? That bloody hurt."
"My throat isn't feeling all that marvelous, either," Merlin grumbled.
"I probably wouldn't have killed you," Morgana said.
"I thought I told you I bound this piece of leather with magic. It will be virtually impossible for you to get it off, even if I am unconscious," Merlin said.
In the increased light of the built-up fire Merlin saw Morgana's eyes narrow in calculation. Had he just given her too much information? Had she only done that to learn more about the magic that bound them together?
She would know now, that if she wanted to get away, she would have to kill him.
But maybe she thought he was bluffing, or she knew a way to get past magic bindings, because the next day she insisted on walking beside the cart rather than on it. Merlin was initially confused as to why she wanted to walk beside the cart, until she started to trip and push Merlin into it, and at rocks, and trees and other objects that could trip him up or annoy him. He reckoned she was trying to knock him out again.
He tried to get her back on the cart, but she made it impossible with her noise and carrying on and fighting, so he let her walk. She would walk nicely for a long time, and then, at the most unexpected time, she would push or trip or otherwise sabotage him.
"You had me almost believing I'd misjudged you, yesterday. You know, before you tried to kill me," Merlin said, stumbling over a well-placed foot.
"I know how you feel. I mean, when you tried to kill me, it changed everything I thought about you," Morgana said.
"My point is, why did you try to convince me to doubt myself, if you were planning on trying to kill me or knock me out, anyway?" Merlin asked.
Morgana looked over at him, and the haunted look in her eye caught him off guard. "I don't have a plan anymore, Merlin. I'm a cornered animal, and even without magic, a cornered animal is dangerous. What I said yesterday, I meant—but I want more than anything to live. I'll take whatever chance I can get."
The day was hard, and even without all the attempts on his life, walking such a long distance was wearying.
He looked at Gwaine pointedly before settling in to bed. "You had better keep the fire up tonight, Gwaine. I want to actually get some sleep tonight and I don't fancy waking up dead or with a crazed witch on the loose."
"I'm hardly crazed," Morgana murmured against his ear.
"Go to sleep," Merlin said.
"Would you sleep if you knew you were going to be dead in a few days?" she asked.
"You might be a lot more pleasant to be around if you had some sleep," Merlin said.
"Because that's what I really care about, Merlin. Being pleasant to my captors," she said.
"It's not as if we hunted you down. You brought the fight to us and you lost," Merlin said.
Morgana said nothing more for quite some time and Merlin almost drifted off to sleep. Then she spoke again. "Have you ever thought about what it could be like, you and me, ruling together?"
Merlin noted she had moved closer and wondered if she was going to try to seduce him or something. Nimueh had tried to use his baser instincts against him and she had almost succeeded.
"Ruling together?" he asked, his voice low.
"You could be my consort and advisor. I would be Queen, but I would listen to you. I would," she said.
"By consort, you mean, I would be your husband?" he asked.
"I could never marry a normal man. He would have to have magic. You're the only one I could marry—the only one I could respect enough that I wouldn't walk all over him," she said.
"I guess you know yourself pretty well," Merlin said.
"And I know you. I know what it's like to have your friendship. You were kind, supportive; caring…I imagine having your love would be even better," she said.
"And what should I guess about your love, from the way you've treated those you claim to love?" Merlin asked.
"I'm loyal, and I can be good. If I had a partner to help me—someone to keep me from becoming bitter—"
"Morgana, I've had this same offer from others who had hurt me less and it didn't tempt me then," Merlin said.
"Someone as powerful as me?"
"Yes, and it was a time in my life when I could have been tempted. When I thought I would never become the man I was destined to be. Now I have everything I ever wanted. All I have to do is help Arthur to see that magic should return to the land, and I will have it all."
"And what will I have? A cold grave? A woman like me isn't made to be cold. I know you find me beautiful, Merlin. I find you beautiful, too," she said, and, to Merlin's shock, she kissed him full on the lips.
The kiss surprised Merlin because it was hardly a kiss of practiced seduction—she seemed unsure, inexperienced…it wasn't what he had thought kissing Morgana would be like. He had thought about it before, imagined it many times before they had become mortal enemies. She had this air of experience…but she was tentative, and Merlin found himself for a moment taking the lead in the kiss, wrapping his arm around her body and leaning in, inhaling her scent and tangling his tongue with hers.
Then he pushed her away, looking up at the guards. They hadn't made a move. He hoped a little desperately that it was because they hadn't seen anything. "Build up that fire," he said, noticing the low light.
"Yes sir," the guard said.
"Merlin you're a fool," Morgana said, snuggling into his shoulder in a way that annoyed Merlin immensely.
Merlin hoped that Morgana had reached her troublemaking limit for the day, and somehow managed to drift off to sleep.