Oops I wrote smut.

15 - Relocation

Mathias closed his apartment door behind him and sighed. The drama at work was over. To be honest, he really was not prepared for that, but between him and Lukas, they handled it quite well, he thought. Extra copies of photos from the shoot he took that morning were tucked in a manila envelope under his arm, given to him for his perusal.

He tossed his jacket on the couch. There was a strange smell lingering in the air as he wandered through his quarters, but he couldn't quite place it. It was almost familiar, he was sure it had been around for the past two or so weeks, but it was strange and gross and no matter how many times he sprayed his entire apartment with the most fragrant air freshener he could find, the smell would always come back within a couple hours. He had already complained to the landlord, but they couldn't find anything wrong. The smell even drove Berg away, and he was Mathias's number-one house guest.

Mathias grabbed his handy air-freshener spray bottle and wandered through his small apartment, trying to cover the stink. As he wandered through his bathroom, that was when he noticed a crack in the tiled wall next to his shower. When did this happen? he wondered, inspecting the crack. Black spots were already forming on his tile, and he knew better than to touch them. Mold spores. I knew it. He spritzed some air freshener on the cracked tile and continued his rounds, or was about to when he slipped on a puddle in front of the shower.

"Fucking hell!" Thankfully, he was able to catch his balance, even as the spray bottle clattered to the floor. I thought I mopped up this morning, what was that? He knelt down to inspect the floor. Water seeped out from under the shower stall. It's leaking...

He exhaled, exasperated. That wasn't the first time he had to deal with a leaky shower stall or a moldy bathroom, but it still sucked. He stood up, using the toilet for support, his hand catching on the flush knob. The toilet flushed, but what caught Mathias's eye was the brown discharge the clear water was being replaced with... And it was rising steadily! He grabbed the dirty plunger next to the toilet and managed to make the water stop rising, but it was still a dirty brown and whenever he tried flushing again, the toilet threatened to overflow and had to be quelled with the plunger.

It was gross.

That, on top of the stink, was steadily becoming unbearable. He shut the bathroom door behind him, plopped down on his bed, and pulled out the printed glossies, his spoils of battle at the modeling agency.

Even though he clearly remembered being photographed in front of a white background, the photos had been expertly doctored to look like he was gorgeously relaxing on a beach in Cannes.

He was so gorgeous that he clearly deserved to be on a beach in Cannes, rather in this shitty apartment with mold coming out of the walls and leaky rotting showers.

Counting back on his fingers, he realized that he had been working at Image as a full-fledged paid model for maybe five months, and on top of that, he had his income from Playgay as well...

Hey, I could move out! was the exciting realization.

I could move into a better apartment, or maybe even a house! Hell, maybe I could even live in Zehlendorf with Lukas! I mean, Zehlendorf is for the rich folk, but...

His imagination was starting to run off. Moving out of Neukölln, one of the not-quite-as-rich neighborhoods of South Berlin, meant moving closer to work, moving into a place that didn't stink of rot, and maybe moving closer to Lukas, he hoped. He was on just about the same income as Lukas, and he lived in the rich neighborhood of Zehlendorf, so maybe...

He winced. The smell was back, and much stronger now. It seemed to be coming from nearby. There was a hairline fracture in the dry wall underneath the window. Simply prodding and chipping at it with his nails was enough to open a minute crack wide enough for him to peer into, and right as the last bit of dry wall fell away, the smell of stank and rot hit him like Thor's hammer. Using the light from his cell phone, he peered into the crevice.

Staring back at him were the cold, dead, half-decomposed eyes of a dead opossum.

Mathias leaped back with a strangled yelp, sending his phone skittering across the dingy carpet. There was a dead possum in his wall.

A dead possum.

I have to get out of here. I don't care where I'm going, as long as it's not here! He reached for his cell phone to call his landlord, who called someone else to break down his wall and remove the carcass. He spent the rest of the afternoon, evening, and part of his night scurrying around his apartment, packing his possessions into boxes, calling friends to see if he could live at their places for a while.

Though, despite all the craziness of that afternoon and night, he was happy. He had a job. He had money. He had the best boyfriend in all of the universe. And as of five minutes ago, he would be living with his awesome, über-kind best friend, Berg Huizinga!

XxX

Lukas's meeting with Tino had taken an upward turn after that. They talked, laughed, reminisced about good times (like that one particular time they were really "glued at the hip"), all dark uncertainties completely dispelled. As they walked down the road back to their cars, the sun setting at their backs, an idle thought crossed Lukas's mind: I have everything I could ever want.

Sure, he wasn't an international model, but now, that job could bite his ass for all he cared.

He had his friends–no, family, he corrected–at Image, a loving brother, a boyfriend who would walk through the fires of Hell for him, and to make things even better, a stable job, varying degrees of fame, a beautiful house in one of the richest neighborhoods in Berlin, and a pretty nice car.

He shouldn't have been whining or bitching to Tino about anything. In fact, counting his blessings made him realize that he was living a damn good life, international model or not.

Why did I even want that job, anyway? he wondered as he drove home, Hell, I forget, he thought with a laugh.

He turned on the radio and sang out loud as he drove home, and as soon as he opened the door of his beautiful house, he ran upstairs, plucked his loving brother out of his desk chair and gave him the most brotherly, bone-crushing, love-filled hug he had ever mustered.

"I love you too, bro, but..." Emil gasped, "Could you put me down...? I'm reading a book..."

Lukas relinquished his brother, and without another word, traipsed out of the room.

"I wonder what the hell's gotten into him...?" wondered Emil, closing his book.

XxX

The next morning, Berg came by Mathias's apartment with his younger sister, Belle, both siblings intending to help Mathias carry his things to Belle's truck, which was parked by the curb outside. Mathias had put in his two week's notice, but refused to live inside that particular apartment any longer, leaving his key on the table along with the address his landlord could send his deposit.

Berg lived in a house closer to where Lukas lived. It was nice and spacious, complete with a guest room where Mathias could stay. Mathias liked it a lot. He spent his day off with Berg, hanging around as best friends do, but there was only one problem.

Berg's house stunk of cigarette smoke. It made sense, because Berg smoked all the time, and Mathias was relatively used to it, but not 24/7. Several times he had to excuse himself for fresh air, as relative as that term was in the city, and several times he wondered whether Berg's lungs were completely made of tar or something. After maybe two or so days, he had to regretfully inform Berg that, while they were and would always be the best of friends, he could not live at his place. Berg smirked. Mathias knew that his friend found his unblemished lungs hilarious and wouldn't stop teasing him as he helped him re-pack and move.

Mathias's next stop? Tino and Berwald's house.

XxX

Tino and Berwald lived in Zehlendorf, the same neighborhood which Lukas lived in, also one of the richest neighborhoods in all of South Berlin. This way, he could be close to Lukas and close to work without intruding on his boyfriend, and the best part was, neither Tino nor Berwald smoked, and Berwald always kept their house smelling like fresh flowers. They had even prepared the guest room next to their own bedroom to look like a hotel, with a vase of fresh tulips on his dresser, a neatly-made bed complete with fluffed-up pillows, and a pair of extra slippers, just for him. Mathias felt so grateful he could cry; Tino and Berwald were such sweet people, going the extra mile to welcome him and keep him comfortable! In return, Mathias was to take part in some of the housework and take turns carpooling with Tino and Berwald to work, a perfectly reasonable sacrifice.

There was just one thing about living with Tino and Berwald, though, especially since Mathias's room was adjacent to Tino and Berwald's, which he found out on his second night of staying with them.

They had sex.

A lot.

And they were really, really, loud.

The first night it happened, he found it slightly awkward, listening to the tap-tap-tap of their bed's headboard against the wall, Tino's lusty screams ("Ah! Nngh! Berwaaaahhhld! Right there! Ohhhh... Don't stop, baby!") and Berwald's awkward exertion grunts which to Mathias sounded more like a herd of stampeding buffalo then erotic moans and groans. The next morning, Mathias couldn't even bring himself to look either of them in the face until they were at work.

He tried smushing his head between pillows, hiding under the blankets, even banging on the wall to get them to at least shut up, a little bit. But nope, they would just get loud again. And they had sex so much! Mathias wondered how any living creature could have sex on an almost-daily basis like Tino and Berwald did!

After a week and a half of this insanity, including a terrifying dream involving stampeding buffalo which sounded exactly like Berwald, Mathias decided to move out. He took his things, a confused Tino and Berwald helping him pack and move his stuff. Next stop (and Mathias wondered why the hell he didn't go directly to his house in the first place)? The Bondevik residence!

XxX

"So, you're living with me because you found a dead opossum in your apartment, Berg won't stop smoking, and Tino and Berwald won't stop having sex while you try to sleep."

"Mm-hmm."

Lukas placed the last of Mathias's boxes in his living room and admired the pile. They had taken the morning of their Sunday off to move Mathias's stuff to Lukas's house. Being summer, the weather was hot and it was awfully sweaty work. Mathias peeled off his T-shirt to use it as a rag to wipe at his face. Lukas watched him intently, not quite as sweaty, but definitely in appreciation of all those muscles. "So... Do you want your own room, or do you want to sleep with me?"

"That's a no-brainer," Mathias spat, grinning, "you think I'd take sleeping by myself to sleeping with my gorgeous, awesome, sexy, totally-cool-for-letting-me-stay-here, boyfriend?" He pulled Lukas close, running his hands up and down the smaller man's back.

Lukas sighed, but made no move to pull away. He was used to Mathias's cheesiness by now. Instead he snaked his arms around Mathias's torso and settled into the embrace. "You've been sleeping with your 'gorgeous, awesome, sexy, totally cool' boyfriend since we've been going out."

"I know, but I get to wake up every day to your adorable sleeping face and make you coffee." Mathias kissed Lukas's hair.

"...And by sleeping together," said Lukas, "I mean sex."

"Sex and coffee?" laughed Mathias, "Okay, I can do that."

Lukas's hands slowly inched further downwards, creeping down the small of Mathias's back to rest gracefully on his bottom. "How about now?" he asked quietly, a devilish smile playing on his lips as he gave Mathias's behind a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sweaty. Should I take a shower?" asked Mathias.

Lukas shook his head, grabbing the sides of Mathias's face and pulling him down into a kiss. "Absolutely not," he mumbled against the other's lips. "Come to bed."

"I'll race ya," teased Mathias, releasing Lukas and rushing to his room, Lukas hot on his heels. By the time he reached his bedroom, Mathias was already on his bed, kicking his pants and underwear off. Eagerly, Lukas stripped off his own clothes and launched himself at his lover. Mathias caught him with an "oof!" and they tumbled about in the sheets, arms and legs tangling, their laughter as intertwined as their bodies.

Lukas sighed, catching his breath. "I'm surprised you didn't come calling to me first when you needed a place to live," he said.

Mathias wedged a leg between his lover's thighs, peppering kisses on his cheeks, lips, and forehead. "I'd rather be a bother to Berg and Tino and Berwald before I be a bother to you."

"Sweet of you," Lukas mumbled against Mathias's lips, "but stop worrying, and... Nngh!" His sentence was cut off by Mathias's hand appearing between his legs, cupping his flaccid member and working it to hardness.

Mathias smirked. "You're the sweet one. What happened to the frigid little bastard who would rather punch me than kiss me?"

Lukas squirmed against Mathias, pressing into the inviting cup of his palm. "He grew up," his breathy whisper puffed against Mathias's cheeks as his lips drew closer, touching gently, a silent request for a kiss, which Mathias gladly fulfilled.

Slowly, sensually, their lips moved with each other, an intimate slow dance of hot breath and slender fingers curling around the backs of necks slicked with sweat.

Desperate for fresh air, they reluctantly pulled away from each other, instead taking to locking gazes–cerulean and indigo, boring into each other, an unspoken declaration of lust, of attraction, of how much they simply wanted each other right now. Lukas parted his thighs, slinging a leg over Mathias's waist, pressing his hips against his lover's, eyes falling shut as their erections brushed. His leg wrapped even tighter around Mathias, shamelessly begging him for more friction.

Lukas's face was the most intriguing thing to watch as he brazenly pleasured himself against Mathias, those ashen eyelashes fluttering open and shut, deep indigo imploring him to do something, dammit, kiss-reddened lips silently pleading with him in a perfect O. Mathias touched long fingers to those jeweled lips, tracing their shape, prodding at their plumpness, committing every detail to his memory, attractive in the way they closed around his fingertips to hide the soft tongue weaving between them, sucking and licking until Mathias's fingers were dripping wet, at which they pulled from the jeweled redness of Lukas's perfect lips to travel down his back and hips to prod teasingly at his entrance, one finger slipping in easily.

Lukas mewled at the intrusion, spurring Mathias to add another finger. With a cheeky grin pressed to Lukas's forehead and a subtle grind of the hips, he scissored and curled his fingers, drawing tiny noises from his throat. "Stop..." he choked out, "Want more..."

"Say the magic word," Mathias teased, curling his fingers again.

"F... Fuck..."

"That works, too," Mathias pulled his fingers out, giving Lukas another quick, passionate kiss before flipping him over so they were spooning, Lukas's ass pressed right up against Mathias's cock, Mathias's hands roaming their way over the sinewy planes of Lukas's chest and stomach as he thrust in, reveling in the way Lukas tightened around him. Lukas moaned, throwing his leg backwards over Mathias's body to make more room for him.

He was surrounded by Mathias. He was at his back, inside him, dragging broad hands all over Lukas's body, skating around Lukas's dripping cock, which throbbed for just a bit of attention from those magic hands. "Please, M... Mathias," he choked out, taking one of Mathias's hands and hovering it over his erection.

Mathias's hips sped up involuntarily. Lukas begging him in that lewd voice of his was hot beyond belief. Obliging to his lover's desires, he took hold of Lukas's cock, stroking it in time to the rhythm of his hips. "You're so dirty when you beg me like that," he whispered, hot breath ghosting over Lukas's neck, "you must like it when I do this."

"Nngh..."

"Come on, say you like it." He flicked his tongue over the helix of Lukas's ear.

Mathias's dirty words, touches, and the passionate roll of his hips were surely and swiftly bringing Lukas to climax. He turned his head to meet Mathias's eyes. "Ma... Mathias," the quivering of his own voice surprised him, "I li... I like it..." He came into Mathias's hand, covering those long fingers he loved so much with his own essence. He felt the knots in his stomach relaxing, yet Mathias continued to thrust into him fervently, seeking his own release.

Shit shit shit... The way Lukas looked into his eyes as those pretty lips formed those three magic words... Oh God... "Lukas," he panted, "Lukas... Lukas... Lukas..." Desperately, he dragged his hands over Lukas's body, lips trembling against his lover's heated skin, trying to memorize every detail of the beautiful man pressed against him before he came.

Too late. He released into his lover with a cry, spending himself completely before he pulled out and wrapped his arms around Lukas's waist.

Lukas turned over to face his lover, draping an arm over Mathias's shoulder. "I love you," he sighed, pressing a kiss to Mathias's lips.

"Mmmhh..." Mathias mumbled appreciatively into the kiss, pulling Lukas even closer to him. "I love you, too," he said drowsily, "I would say something witty but..." he sighed, "my energy's all sapped, thanks to you." He nuzzled Lukas's cheek.

Lukas let his eyes fall shut, a smile forming on his kiss-bruised lips. "You don't need to."

AN: YEAAAAH I'M NOT DEEEEAD. SAT's are over, there's like a week of school left and then finals, and then I'll be free to sleep until 10AM and write fanfiction until 2AM! *Partyparty*
Now that the drama is over, have Mathias doing funny stuff. And sex. Because, IIRC, this is a M-rated humor/romance fic, and Mathias doing funny stuff is one of my favorite things to write.
Thanks, everyone, for making this one of the fics I've enjoyed writing the most, because I thrive on your love and I love you all right back!
I've also got a half-written SuFin prequel to this gathering dust in my notebook. Expect that to be worked on this summer.