A/N: I'll be completely honest with you, this was a tough one emotionally to write. I love the idea of Chuck and Sarah so much, that's why I write and hopefully its evident in how I write. To step out of real life and imagine what one of them must have gone through, it breaks my heart.

I know they really didn't go into much detail about Sarah's handler but I delved a little more into what it must have been like.

I know Chuck has some issues and it seems like a continuous circle, but at the heart, Chuck always wants to do what's best. So hopefully you can cut him a little bit of slack.

I really loved writing this chapter and I hope you love reading it.

Thanks as always to Gladius for beta'ing and I still don't own Chuck.

Chapter 41 – You can Count on Me

Chuck was laying down in their bed, doing his best to feign sleep. He knew Sarah always had a tendency to let her guard down when they were in bed... okay maybe not letting her guard down like normal people, but Chuck knew she wasn't always apt to shoot someone when they were both safe and secure in their warm bed, snuggled up close together.

Chuck tried to control his breathing as to give the appearance of entering REM sleep. Sarah, although most of the time always wanted to sleep in his arms, it had been becoming increasing uncomfortable for her to sleep in her normal position. Even though she may not always be snuggled up close to Chuck, of course the baby determined that, but she always required his touch, whether it be holding hands, or what Chuck's favorite thing was to place his hand on her belly. Sarah preferred that the most too because even though Chuck had a hard time believing it, Sarah was convinced that the baby always calmed down when it felt its father's touch. Mother like son, Chuck mused.

Chuck peeked one eye open just to make sure Sarah was still asleep. They had a pretty exciting day so Mom and baby were obviously tired. This was Chuck's opportunity to sneak over to Casey's. Praying for his life and even calling on the Intersect to provide him with stealth mode, Chuck secretly snuck out of bed and quietly made his way over to Casey's.

. . .

Casey just stared at Chuck, standing nervously in the doorway, as he knew something was up. Luckily it was still early all things considering and that was why the kid was still alive. But if he had to deal with a hormonal pregnant spy, wondering where her nerd of a husband was, he was going to take it out on the kid. Making sure the coast was clear, Casey shuffled Chuck into his apartment.

"This better be good kid. Last thing we need is for Spy mom to come storming over here."

"Shhhh. Keep it down Casey. You know how her super hearing is." Chuck quickly scooted in turning abruptly once Casey shut the door.

"What did you do this time Chuck?"

"I need your help. We've got a mission." Chuck was scanning the surrounding area. Making sure windows and entryways were clear of any gorgeous blond pregnant spies.

Casey just looked at him as if he had only seconds to explain.

"You need to help me find Sarah's mom."

"Hell no!" Casey was heading for the door as he quickly opened it, a look of sheer terror on his face.

Chuck had to admit, he'd never seen Casey quite so scared.

"Are you out of your fuc..." Casey lowered his voice as if somehow a certain soon to be mother would hear. "Are you out of your fetching mind? Do you know what she'd do to us if she found out?"

Chuck was still confused. What is it with spies and their families? "Listen Casey, just please for the love of everything good in this world, just shut the door, and let me explain."

Casey was not opposed to running away himself. It was bad enough Sarah had kicked his ass way back when they first worked together. He didn't want to think what she would do to him now if she even remotely thought he was enabling her misguided husband in any way.

Chuck could see Casey starting to sweat. That was odd, Chuck thought to himself. He couldn't remember ever a time seeing Casey sweat without it involving some kind of strenuous activity. "Before you get your panties in a bunch." Chuck had to smile, thinking of how many times the NSA Agent used that saying on him. "Let me explain why this is important.

Casey paused at the door, trying to decide what avenue to take. Run away like a chicken, throw the kid out the door and pretend like he never saw him, or give into the nagging feeling that maybe there was something more to this. After all, he could tell this must be very important for the kid to put both their lives on the line like this.

With possibly the biggest sigh of his life, he looked at the kid and slowly shut the door. He swallowed deeply at the relevance of the door shutting on the two. He was hoping this wasn't some sick metaphor for what was coming.

. . .

Casey just sat there, stogie in hand, Johnny Walker in the other, contemplating everything Chuck had just told him. He couldn't believe he was now siding with the kid. Sarah was just like family, and it finally hit him how much this might mean to her. But he was an NSA agent and one of the best for a reason. He knew why you didn't keep in contact with family. He didn't have to look much farther than what happened to his own family recently. That's why if they were to do this, they had to be at the top of their game.

"Casey. Please, tell me what you're thinking." Chuck just wanted his friend, his partner to say something. He'd been relatively quiet through the whole story and Chuck's own interpretation of what might of happened to Sarah's mom.

"Well kid, we have to have faith that there is a very legitimate reason Sarah didn't want to tell you. Knowing how fanatical she is about you, it either was to keep you safe, or it was to keep her mom safe knowing you wouldn't stop till you found her."

Well that was both ends of the spectrum Chuck thought to himself. He really wasn't sure if that was a compliment or a jab.

"And since she's never mentioned anything to me, and from my own recent experience with family, I believe she's trying to keep her mom safe. She's never mentioned anything about her mom has she? Only her dad."

Chuck honestly could never remember her ever saying anything about her mom. And from how she treated him around her dad, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he had to agree with Casey that she didn't tell him to keep her mom safe. Even though that hurt a little, he was for once going to take a step back and not go head first without thinking. "Casey, something must have happened before she met me that put her mom in danger. I don't want to do anything that would put her in more danger so we do this off the books." Chuck was never more serious. "And we do this smart. Which is why I'm going to rely on you for this. You need to be my blind spot Casey."

Casey knew that when Chuck put his mind to something, there was no stopping him. Thank God the kid was going to think this through first, but he knew he had to help Chuck with this. Both their lives depended on how this went down. He had contingency plans, Sarah wasn't the only one that had an escape plan for Chuck. If it came to it, he'd take the kid and run. Anything to avoid the wrath of Momma B. "Alright kid, first thing you need to do is flash on Sarah's file."

"No!" Chuck shook his head, no way was he going to do that.

Casey was taken back. "What do you mean, No? It's the fastest way to find out the back story here."

Chuck was practically shaking his brain loose as he vehemently repeated, "No way Casey. I made a promise that I'd never do that to her, or you for that matter. Not unless she asked me to so... No. We do this the old fashioned way."

"What do you mean moron? Digging through government computer archives so that someone out there can be flagged that Sarah's file has been cracked open?"

Well that was sure something he had never thought of. Leave it to Casey to be the voice of reason. Chuck let out a deep breath. He knew he could control his flashes now and the amount of information accessed, but he still hated the thought of flashing on his own wife. The one and only time he'd ever flashed on Sarah didn't turn out so... "Casey."

"Yeah kid?"

Chuck felt like a tsunami of data was about to wash over him, and it had nothing to do with flashing. "The mission where Sarah was sent to assassinate those drug lords. You know the one where she was wearing that blue diamond ring."

Casey remembered Chuck mentioning something about that a long time ago, maybe not the ring, but he did remember Chuck freaking about Sarah poisoning all those people. He just couldn't understand what it meant now. "What about it Chuck?"

"In relation time wise from when she was assigned me, when did that mission happen?"

Casey tried to remember when that happened. Sarah never talked about her previous missions but he did recall hearing about the wild card enforcer and her many 'conquests' back in the day. She thrived under one of the most talked about agents in the CIA. He remembered a NSA watch list, that had a long time CIA agent suddenly pop up on it for possibly going rogue. It was actually someone they were investigating before twinkle toes blew up the Intersect. But what was his name? "It wasn't too long before she was assigned your case. She was still working under a handler at that time."

Chuck looked quizically at Casey, "Sarah had a handler?"

"Yeah, a real hard case too if I remember the talk around the government circles."

Chuck couldn't help but feel a strange feeling in his gut. He didn't even know the guy's name, but he had that feeling that something big was about to be explored. "Try to think Casey, what was his name?"

Casey usually was good at remembering everything. Unfortunately since this was one of those CIA squints, he could care less. But he was trying to recall the reports. "Um Wright, Ridden, something like that."

Chuck was about to respond when all the air was sucked out of the apartment as both men felt their hairs stand on end, suddenly realizing they were not alone.

"Kieran Ryker" Sarah spoke the name with barely a whisper, hurt and despair evident in her voice and facial expression.

Chuck never had a chance to look at his wife as possibly the most intense flash he ever had over took him.

Sarah quickly looked to Casey with pleading in her eyes. "You be there for him Casey." And with that she left, not once looking back as Chuck was still in the middle of his flash.

Everything happened so fast that Casey barely had time to register what was going on. He had seen some strange things in his life but this took the cake. But at least they were still alive. It was then he noticed Chuck come out of his flash. It was also when he saw the look of horror on the kids face as the tears flowed from his eyes.

"Oh my God Casey. Oh my God." Chuck grabbed his head as the images consumed him. "My poor Sarah." Chuck was so emotional realizing what this Ryker guy had done to his wife, seeing what this man had made Sarah do for him. He fell to his knees as the sudden urge to vomit overcame him.

Casey quickly ran to his side, bending down as he put a comforting hand over Chuck's shoulder. "Chuck, what the hell did you find?"

Chuck was so emotional he could barely speak. He could barely breathe as the images kept playing over in his mind. The reports, the details of missions this scum bag had Sarah do for him. Chuck could not stop shaking, as every muscle in his body felt as if it was turning inside out.

Casey was beyond worried at the sight of the broken man in front of him. "Son, you've got to tell me what's going on. Come on Chuck, pull it together man." Casey knew it was bad. He'd never seen the kid like this. This wasn't about anger like it was at the ring facility. This was a man whose heart was breaking because of what the love of his life had to go through. It was Casey's turn to feel the anger as he continued to try and coax the truth from Chuck.

Chuck finally turned to Casey, gathering as much strength as he could as his heart felt like it literally burst inside him. "Casey, we have to find this monster."

Oh we'll find him alright Casey promised himself. We'll find him and show this scum bag what happens when Casey Justice is executed.

. . .

It was a little over an hour later when Chuck finally pulled himself together enough to go home. Casey had left, to head to Castle, already mobilizing every resource he had. The big guy was as determined as he'd ever been. Chuck would've helped but he wanted to be with Sarah right now. Also, Casey had forced him to go home, something he did so willingly now.

The trek from the front door to the bedroom felt like the million mile walk. Chuck felt as if he was walking through quicksand as each step took him closer to the person he had let down. The person that had suffered so much and not once asked for help. Not once made it about her. Sarah was always helping others, protecting the weak, never once asking for anything. And this incredible woman, this incredible human being was treated like some piece of trash by a low life scum of the earth that doesn't deserve to breathe air.

Chuck was done with the whole vendetta thing. He'd promised his wife after the destruction of the Ring facility that he wouldn't do that again. Even though every fiber of his being wanted to rip this man limb from limb, he would not do this to his wife. Not with the baby so close to being born. But he promised himself, swore to whatever God was listening that he would not rest until someone extracted justice on this monster and in return, make sure Sarah's mom was free of harm.

He still couldn't believe Sarah had saved a baby; a baby this man wanted to destroy and use for his own purposes. Even though the Intersect didn't contain what happened to the baby, Chuck was able to put two and two together. He could just picture his wife, a lone agent, betrayed by her handler, trying to protect a pure innocent life, not having a clue what to do. He could picture Sarah turning to her mom for help even though it must have been so hard. And then, keeping this inside because the life of the ones she loved were at stake. No one deserved to carry such a burden. He would be damned if his wife would be carrying this alone any longer.

He paused at the entrance to their bedroom. He wasn't sure what to expect but the heart break in his wife's voice when she stormed into Casey's house, was something that he had to fix.

He slowly entered and could see his wife, lying on her side facing away from the door. He stared long and hard at her beautiful form. He couldn't help the tears as he saw the ever so slightly shaking of his wife's shoulder, showing him that she was still crying.

What could he say at a time like this? He felt like such a fool, thinking he would be the great Chuck Bartowski, the bringer together of long lost friends and family. And look at the price it cost, or would have cost if his wife didn't catch them. The sickness once again consumed his stomach as he thought about doing all this behind Sarah's back. Why couldn't he just leave things be? Why couldn't he just give the trust that so many times he asks others to give him. What a freaking hypocrite was he?

He had to make this right, no matter what. He was willing to do whatever it took but he would never betray his wife's trust again, no matter how noble the cause. This seemed like such the broken record and he wouldn't be surprised if his wife never wanted anything to do with him ever again. The sad thing was, if she truly wanted that, he would leave her. She deserved so much better than him.

With a broken heart and contrite soul, Chuck spoke. "Sarah, I know I've done something terrible. I know I've betrayed your trust... again, and I'm breaking apart inside honey." Chuck took a step closer to her trembling form, still with her back to him. "I've never felt this much pain before Sarah, not even when you were kidnapped. I... I..." Chuck was not sure how to put his feelings into words. "Sarah, I know I don't deserve you. I've made so many mistakes in my life, and I realize just how much burden that puts on you. I've always thought the world owed me something, I ran around thinking whoa is me, without ever thinking of what the woman that I love more than life itself had to go through."

Chuck reached the side of the bed and fell to his knees, no longer was he physically able to stand. "Sarah I never knew, I never allowed myself to see what my baby, my sweetheart, my girl must have went through. Big tough Agent Walker was how I always viewed you, you are my super hero Sarah. While that hasn't changed, I now realize behind all that, behind the most beautiful woman in the world, the absolute best spy the world has ever seen, the strongest fastest, smartest person to walk this earth, there is a real girl. I may have always talked about the 'real girl' but I was to enamored with the Super Spy to realize you've always been there." Chuck paused as the emotions were becoming to much for him.

"Sarah this man took the real you from this world. He treated you like, like, oh I don't know, he treated you worse than any human should be treated. And yet you still served this country, always sacrificing yourself for the greater good. And the moment you needed this country to be there for you, nothing. No one, nobody was there to help you when you needed it. But your mom was there, the one person that you needed most, and you had to give up that relationship and live in fear not for yourself, but for the ones you loved." Chuck reached out a trembling hand, and to his surprise, his wife didn't move away when he placed it on her shoulder.

"You carried this all by yourself Sarah, but God help me you'll never have to do that ever again. I will carry this burden for you now Sarah. Give it to me because I can't stand to see you hurt. I can't stand to see you in pain. We fix this together okay. No more behind your back, no more independent decisions. We find this guy, we let Casey take care of him, and then we get your mom and your sister back. I swear to you we'll do this together, Team Bartowski."

There was only a brief moment of silence as the air itself seemed to be exploding with electricity. Chuck was sure she was about to explode when Sarah slowly turned over towards him.

Sarah felt so much love for her husband. If he only knew he had her at 'Sarah'. She wasn't stupid, she knew exactly why Chuck did this. That was why she loved him so much. She never ever wanted him to change. Yes they both had a lot to work through but they would work through it together. And she wanted to see her mom again so bad. She knew it would be dangerous but with Casey and Chuck by her side, there was nothing they couldn't handle. God help Ryker, because they were coming.

"I love you Chuck"

Chuck shot his face up to meet the raw emotion in his wife's eyes. She practically pulled him into bed as they clung to each other like life lines. "Sarah I'm so sorry baby."

"Chuck it's okay. No more talking, just hold me honey."

He didn't have to be told twice. Then, as if the emotions in the room couldn't get any deeper, Chuck Jr. let his parents know that he too was there and he wasn't going anywhere.

Chuck smiled as he felt the baby kicking him. He couldn't help but lean down kissing Sarah's stomach. "I know little guy, daddy deserved that."

Sarah lifted Chuck's face so that she could receive the attention now. She leaned in and captured his lips in hers, tasting of the salt from both their tears. She prayed that Chuck would hold her like he always did when they kissed and sure enough, in seconds his hands were gently holding her head safely in their grasps. This is where she felt safe. This is where nothing else mattered, no former Handler, no former missions, nothing. This was one of the reasons she loved her husband so much. In his arms, she was where she was always meant to be, she was safe, she was secure, she was loved, and most of all, she was home.

"Please help me bring my mom and sister back Chuck. Please."

Chuck thought he was all out of tears but the sincerity, the love in his wife's emotional plea just pushed him over the edge. He pulled her closer to him as he needed her so badly right now. He needed to let her know that everything will be alright. With a pureness of love in his voice, he responded, "You can count on me Sarah. You can always count on me."

A/N: I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter.