Chapter 3

The End

I woke up with the familiar sound of the heart monitor filling the room.

'Great.' I thought, 'I'm in the hospital again.'

Looking over to my left I saw that everybody's parents were by my bedside… but the guys weren't. Where were they? They should be by my side as I laid here dying.

"Where are they?" I asked, not really talking to anybody. All I wanted was an answer.

"Oh, honey." Mrs Way exclaimed, "You're awake. The doctors said that you wouldn't."

I asked the question again. I wanted an answer to why my friends weren't by my side like they were the last time.

Before anybody could answer my question, a loud, clear voice came from one of the hospital tannoys around the hospital.

"Code blue in Trauma one. Code blue." And it went dead.

The pain in both Mr and Mrs Way's eyes told me exactly where they were. The look of 'Oh God. We've lost them'. They were in Trauma one.

I immediately took off the pressure monitor from my finger, the pads from my chest and the IV from my arm before bolting from my hospital room.

When I got to the room that had 'Trauma 1' on the door, I didn't hesitate for a second before bursting through the double doors. The sight that met me was not one that I ever wanted to see.

Five beds filled the room. Four of them had white sheets coving something, or somebody, from head to toe. The other bed had doctors and nurses surrounding it. It looked as if they were trying to revive the person in their care.

"We've lost him. Let's call it." One of the doctors announced, looking at the clock, "Time of death… twelve twenty pm."

Although I didn't want to admit it to myself, I knew that all my friends were dead.

I slowly walked up to the bedside; standing next to the doctors. I knew it was one of my friends, just which one I didn't know.

On the bed before me, I saw the angelic face if Mikey. He looked like he was sleeping; only he was covered in cuts and bruises, blood and scars.

"How did this happen?" I asked, making everybody jump. They hadn't realized that I was even in the room.

"He was in an accident." One of the doctors told me.

I clenched my fists into balls. "Well no shit Sherlock he was in an accident. What I wanna know is how it happened to him and my friends?" Pointing to the four other beds at the other side of the large room.

The doctor looked at me dumbfounded. He hadn't expected me to react like that.

"They drove right into the path of a lorry. It's a miracle that they lasted as long as they did. All of them lasted until the got to the hospital and most people with their kind of injuries would be dead by the time the paramedics got to the scene." He told me, ushering the other doctors and nurses out of the room, "We'll give you a minute with them."

Why would I want a minute? My best, and only, friends had killed themselves cause they thought I was dead. That was the only answer I could come up with.

"Why?" I asked, knowing I wasn't going to get an answer; I just wanted to speak, "Why would you do this to me? Leave me alone to die without my best friends by my side to tell me that it was going to be okay.

"Not only do I have to die alone… I have to live the rest of my short life with the guilt of knowing that it was my fault that you died. So thank you for that."

I didn't like the idea of dying alone or living with the guilt of 'killing' my friends, so I was going to do something that I hadn't done in months… Cut. I grabbed my dog tags.

Nobody knew this, but I kept razors on the back of them so that Gerard, Mikey, Bob, Ray and Frank couldn't find anything that I could harm myself with. They knew that I self-harmed, but didn't know where I kept the sharp objects.

I'd almost died once and this time I was going to do it right. I was actually going to die. Nobody was here to save me like Mikey had the last time.

I held the razor in my hand and was just about to cut when…

"Hey, Hells." It was Mikey. Shit I had to do this fast. "The guys are just grabbing a few things from our house and then coming straight over for movie night."

"Okay. I'll be out in a few minutes." I shouted from the bathroom, just a few feet from him; holding the razor against my skin.

He laughed. "Don't stay in there too long though. The guys will get antsy if you do. They really want to get to watch the movies."

The razor went across my skin with little pain. It was just the relief I needed at this point.

I heard some faint laughter coming down the stairs to my room in the basement. They were here.

"Common Hells. We wanna start." Frankie shouted.

"Just start without me. The DVD is loaded and in the player. I might be a long time."

"Suit yourself." Gerard said, "Let's get this party started."

The blade went across an already made scar and straight through the vein. I didn't want to live anymore.

It started bleeding profusely and I fell to the floor.

The people on the DVD were screaming, so none of the five boys in my room would notice the quiet thud as I hit the floor.

I placed the razor behind the dog tag again and just lay there, waiting for my fate to come.

I looked back on that scar and got the razor from where it was carefully placed.

"I'm gonna join you guys. Don't think you can get rid of me that easily." I said, running the blade against the partially faded scar on my skin.

Knowing from experience that it wasn't going to be enough, I went to my other wrist and went straight into the vein again.

It still wasn't going to be enough. Although I was feeling woozy from blood loss, the doctors could still save me if they found me in time and got it under control, so I went to my thigh.

I knew that the femoral artery was there and, if cut, you'd bleed out in a couple of minutes with no hope of being saved.

Running the blade against the thin skin of my thigh, I knew I had hit the artery when it started bleeding heavily.

I dropped the razor and fell to the hard, hospital floor; which was covered in my fresh, red blood.

"See you soon guys." I whispered, closing my eyes; feeling my heart slowly stop beating.