Chapter Twenty-Four: Settling In

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Gilderoy wasn't sure what, exactly, had possessed the people who had created this street to call it Grimmauld Place. It was a cutesy play on words, yes, but it couldn't possibly have been accurate when it was first built nor did it seem like that would be likely to increase the property values or interest in living there. Now, however…Now the title was perfect.

12 Grimmauld Place was a very grim and old place indeed and he would be staying here with Harry and two people who sincerely wanted to re-kidnap Harry for two entire weeks. Needless to say that they would not be agreeing to such an arrangement that summer and would hopefully be able to get out of it next Christmas. He had just been taken by such surprise that he hadn't really had the presence of mind to refuse when he'd gotten this offer.

He hadn't sure what he had expected from this trip, really (aside from constant jibes from Sirius and attempts to talk Harry into wanting to leave him), but already it was rather bizarre.

He had been sent to wait down by the street in front of 11 Grimmauld Place because of all of the enchantments on 12. It was very inconveniencing if you wanted a Muggle to be able to bring takeaway right to your door but apparently this had never been a problem before Sirius had inherited the house and still it was less of a bother to just have them deliver it to the next house over instead of trying to tweak the enchantments.

Finally, just when he was about to attempt a warming charm for the for the fourth time, the food arrived and he could pay the man and go inside.

"You know, it's really weird to have to deliver it down here," the man noted. "Why can't I just bring it to your door? Do you not live there or something? I'm not sure I'm supposed to go around delivering things to people's houses if they didn't order them."

"Well you didn't deliver it to their house and they didn't pay so what does it matter?" Gilderoy said, waving the man off. He wanted to go back inside but he couldn't until the man left in case he saw Gilderoy mysteriously disappearing. Chances were that the Blacks had some sort of spell to stop Muggles from noticing that, either, but in his experience it was always better not to risk something unless you absolutely had to or the potential for reward was just that great. That was hardly the case here, of course.

Finally, casting one last suspicious look at Gilderoy, the man left. He waited until the car was safely out of sight before heading back to the house. It may have been decades now since he'd first discovered magic but he was still amazed sometimes at just what it was capable of. Not that he would ever admit that to the likes of Sirius Black, of course.

The minute he stepped into the kitchen, Sirius grabbed the food from him and started putting it on the plates.

"What took you so long?" he complained.

Gilderoy stared at him. "I had to wait for the man to arrive with the food, Sirius. You didn't order magically delivered food."

"That's because there's no such thing as magically delivered food," Sirius complained. "Everyone always figures that you can either learn the spells to prepare a decent meal yourself or you can Floo or Apparate to a proper restaurant."

"Sirius found that out the hard way after we all graduated from Hogwarts," Remus told them. "Then, just when it looked like he might actually have to start behaving like a normal person, Lily swooped in and told him all about Muggle takeaway and he's been in love ever since."

"It's not that I don't enjoy Muggle pizza, Sirius," Gilderoy said carefully. In truth, he really didn't like it much. It had far too many calories for him to worry about and no one in the magical world had any idea what those even were. "I just don't understand why you had to rely on it tonight instead of asking your house elf to cook. I know I saw him earlier."

"You have a house elf?" Harry asked, his eyes wide. "That is so cool! I always wanted a house elf but Dad doesn't trust them."

"It's not that I don't trust them," Gilderoy claimed. Although, really, he didn't think that he could have a house-elf around and not have them discover his secret and the less people that knew it the better. Even Harry had only been let in on it relatively recently and, while he knew that he could trust Harry, he still wasn't completely happy about that. "It's just that the very idea of another being sneaking through the house and cleaning up after you strikes me as a little…odd. It's not for me, certainly, but I have no doubt that I'm the one missing out."

"You are," Remus confirmed. "And so am I. House elves are some of the most wonderful creatures on Earth."

Sirius snorted. "House elves, maybe, but not Kreacher."

"Is that the name of your house elf?" Harry asked curiously.

Sirius nodded. "It is, yes. Kreacher is terrible, though, so I don't let him cook for people other than me. I figure that he probably won't poison me since I'm the head of the Black family and the only member to still bear the name Black. Everyone else is either a Malfoy or a Lestrange or a Tonks or something."

"Can't you order him not to poison other people?" Harry asked, strangely fascinated.

Sirius nodded. "I could, I'm sure. In fact, I have just in case. But the thing about Kreacher that I've learned the hard way is that he's…well, you know the thing about genies, right?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. What thing about genies?"

"Remus? This is more your area than mine," Sirius told him.

"There are a lot of stories about genies and there are many differences between them," Remus began. "Still, ultimately there are three types of genies. There is the good kind or the benevolent genie. If you wish for, say, a beautiful girlfriend then this genie will give you just a regular beautiful girlfriend. This type of genie is incredibly rare."

"I should say so," Gilderoy said, not unfamiliar with the topic himself. Back before he'd gotten magic and even during some of his Hogwarts days he'd been fascinated by the idea of becoming powerful and successful with just a simple wish. "There's not much of a story if you can make all of your dreams come true with no complications."

Remus nodded. "Agreed. The most common type of genie is a literal genie. They just do their job and while their wishes often end badly it's more your responsibility because you phrased your wish poorly. They might know exactly what you meant but they will only give you what you ask for. Take the same beautiful girlfriend wish. This genie will likely give you a beautiful girlfriend who really has no other attributes. She's beautiful, yes, but she doesn't have a brain and no personality to speak of. That's really not what you were looking for."

"It might not be what most people would be looking for," Sirius objected. "I can think of a few people who would love this state of affairs. And then there's the third kind of genie, the Kreacher genie. He has elements of the literal genie, too, but mostly this third kind."

"This kind of genie – what most people would call the malevolent genie – is actively out to get you. It doesn't matter how carefully you word your wishes because it will still find a way to exploit them and try to ruin or end your life," Remus continued. "I guess some genies really resent their job and those that have the power to order them about."

"How do you ruin a wish like 'I want a beautiful girlfriend' more than the literal genie already did?" Harry asked curiously.

"It's not hard," Gilderoy replied. "There are lots of ways. Maybe she's already the girlfriend or wife of a mob boss or something. Maybe she's a wanted criminal and you're now her accomplice. Maybe she's completely crazy and has killed all of her other boyfriends. And it doesn't matter how specific you try to get because you'll never think of everything and the genie has had a lot more experience with ruining wishes than you've had at making them. The more you try to stop a bad ending from happening the worse your ending will ultimately be because the 'Kreacher genie' will resent having had to have worked so hard to hurt you."

"I'll give you an example," Sirius told him. "One time when he cooked for Remus and I, he added strawberries to the meal. It's not technically a poison but Remus is deathly allergic and he must have known that because why else would he put strawberries in a steak? I'm sure Kreacher does all sorts of nasty things to my own food but he can't try to kill me."

"It probably is a good idea then to just get food from another source," Gilderoy agreed. "But why not just hire a cook then? Or get rid of Kreacher?"

"I can't get rid of Kreacher," Sirius said miserably. "He's magically bound to the house and I have no idea how to undo it. I mostly just ignore him anyway so it works out. And it's just more convenient for me to eat out or have something delivered than to get a cook."

Harry grinned. "Well, I love pizza. Good choice, Sirius."

"Everyone loves pizza, Harry. Everyone but evil Slytherins," Sirius replied jovially.

"I like pizza," Harry said, quiet but firmly. "And I'm in Slytherin."

Sirius winced. "Oh…right."

"Sirius has been regularly repressing this fact," Remus explained.

"There's nothing wrong with being in Slytherin," Harry protested.

"Maybe not for you," Sirius said unconvincingly. "I mean, I know that you're not evil. No child of James and Lily would have it in them. It's just that all of your housemates are just Death Eaters waiting to happen."

Harry frowned and crossed his arms. "They are not. They're very ni-" He cut himself off here and Gilderoy wasn't surprised. 'Nice' was not really the word he would use to describe the Slytherins either and he didn't even have a problem with them. Mostly because people always forgot that he was a Muggleborn and so he didn't have to deal with any Pureblood nonsense. "Great. They're great."

"You have inherited your mother's ability to see the best in everyone," Sirius complained.

"Isn't that, I don't know, a good thing?" Harry asked, puzzled. "Because it sounds like it would be a good thing."

"It led to your mother being friends with Snape of all people for five years before she finally came to her senses!" Sirius countered. "We helped her finally come to her senses, as it happens."

Remus did not look nearly as proud of this as Sirius did. "Let's…not talk about that, shall we? I don't think Harry wants to hear that sort of thing."

Gilderoy rather agreed with this though he had actually told Harry all about it. But then, it wasn't really his concern what Harry thought of James Potter. Still, given what Harry was willing to put up with from him he didn't imagine that the boy would judge his biological father too harshly for being a bully in his younger years.

"Do you think it's true that my biological father only hated Snape as much as he did because Snape had far more luck with my mother than he did?" Harry asked conversationally.

Sirius choked.

So he had made it through three days at least though honestly he had no idea how. It might not have been the best idea to 'accidentally' provoke his godfather and Remus like he had at dinner the first night but the fact of the matter was that he was a Slytherin and happy with that and sick of being forced to defend that part of his life. He got the uncomfortable feeling, the way that everyone always seemed to know and talk about what house at school people were in, that this need for justification would never ever stop.

It didn't actually make any sense to him that people would still obsess over where you slept and who you took classes with at school but apparently the Hogwarts Experience wasn't going to end that easily.

Gilderoy was actually getting on fairly well with Remus. They both read a lot so that was some common ground. Granted Remus seemed to read mostly for pleasure and Gilderoy for inspiration and to make himself seem more worldly and intelligent but it had the same result.

There had been a mishap at breakfast on their second morning there when Gilderoy had tried telling Remus about that werewolf 'he' had cured. Remus didn't really want to know about a werewolf that had been cured when that cure had been lost and wasn't going to happen for him. That cure had only been lost because his father – in an uncharacteristic bit of carelessness – hadn't thought to get it before Obliviating the man who had created the cure. Of course Remus didn't know that and he doubted it plagued Gilderoy's conscience but just the same he had kicked his father under the table and then changed the subject.

Sirius was a different matter. He clearly wasn't happy that Harry was in Slytherin (something about being raised in a dark traditionally Slytherin family had convinced him that they were evil. Seeing many of the Slytherins he had gone to school with flocking to Voldemort hadn't helped) but at least he didn't mention it. Tried not to mention it. Apparently he made offhand references to the evilness of Slytherin all the time even when he tried to catch himself. He actually reminded Harry a little of Ron.

Sirius had also not yet brought up Harry living with him but he did occasionally make snide comments about Gilderoy which Harry didn't really understand. Did he honestly think badmouthing Harry's father would endear him to Harry? Because it really wasn't working. Fortunately, he had dropped his far too close to the truth for comfort theory about Gilderoy and Obliviation (he sort of reminded Harry of Theodore, too, come to think of it) and so they were all breathing easier.

Christmas was in two days and the next day Remus and Sirius were planning on taking him to Diagon Alley to shop for Christmas presents. Harry hadn't had the heart to inform them that he and Gilderoy always owl-ordered everything towards the end of November to beat the rush and get it all over with. They had just looked so excited to get the chance to be doing that with him. Gilderoy was planning on 'not wasting the day pretending to shop for presents I've already bought' and so it would just be the three of them.

Well, it wasn't like money was an issue so maybe he'd buy a few more gifts just to not make it clear that he was just humoring them.

Hedwig flew through the open window then and Harry jumped as he hadn't noticed her flying up. She really was almost noiseless as she flew. She was carrying a letter, probably a reply from Mrs. Longbottom on when a meeting would work for her.

He untied the letter and looked down at it.

Dear Harry,

Thank you so much for your letter and your interests. The 28th of December would work for me, probably at around four. If you would like to Floo over then then that would be wonderful.

-Alice Longbottom

Harry quickly wrote off a reply agreeing and then offered it to Hedwig who looked a little annoyed but still held out her leg.

He was really looking forward to this. He had a perfectly fine dad already but he was still curious about his biological parents. He wondered sometimes why Gilderoy didn't seem threatened by this like he'd heard some adopted parents got but maybe the fact that his other parents were dead had something to do with that. He had heard about his biological parents from other sources but sometimes it was as if they thought his father was his only parent.

And that was perfectly understandable, of course, because they were his father's friends and only really knew his mother through him while they had known his father since arriving at Hogwarts but still. Was it any wonder he wanted to find another source? He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing about his biological parents.

He also really wanted to know what kind of person could be friends with Snape for so many years.

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