I own none of the characters except for my OC-

"And boy is she a hot one, Oh, yeah, baby! I'd like to do a bit of slap and tickle with her, if you know what I'm sayin'!"

{Throws mug at unwanted intrusion} "YES, I *DO* know what you're sayin, Austin...NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FUDGING DISCLAIMER!"
{Clears throat uncomfortably} Continue on to the story please..pay no attention to the craziness that goes on above that solid line...

Marie banged her head against the wall repeatedly. Gimli was in a hissy fit because Austin had asked her if she wanted a good shag. Snape was laughing his skinny, greasy-haired ass off, Tarrant was holding his stomach and rolling around the floor with tears of mirth in his eyes. Jareth was staring at the ceiling with a knowing smirk and the rest of them were just plain shell-shocked. Poor Willy even looked close to fainting.

Gimli's raised voice could be heard clearly even though he and Austin were in the other room. "...MINE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU ARSEHOLE! KEEP YOUR ROAMING EYES TO YOURSELF AFORE I HAVE THE INCLINATION TO RIP THEM OUTTA YER SKULL!"

"Ye 'ave ta admi' he's bein' quite romantic abou' all o' this." Remarked Jack as he downed a swig of the wine that he'd swiped from Austin's private store. No one knew how he found it.

Marie groaned, her face red as she made retching sounds. "I knew the pink carpet would come back to haunt me, I *knew* it." She quit banging her head against the wall and just crumpled to the floor in a horrified heap. "I think I'm going to hurl..he asked me if I liked it rough...ewwwwwwwwww, ew, ew, ew,eeeeeewwwwwww!" Thing scurried up her arm and began a one-hand massage. She threw him a grateful smile and sighed.

Snape gave a particularly loud guffaw. "I can't..(gasp)..believe..(gasp)...he..you...the *sofa*! Then..he..he...it's too much!" He was bent over double, laughing so hard that he was actually starting to cough. "And in front of your lover, too! PRICELESS!"

Marie pinned him with a glare to rival one of his own. "Gimli's not my lover...we're simply..." She left off, unable to finish.

"Friends with benifits?" Snape prodded unmercifully. "My, my, I'd never thought you were the type."

Marie's eyes went wide and she bounced up with enough force to nearly knock Thing from her shoulder. She stomped her way over the where Snape stood and stared him down. He lifted an eyebrow, but her stance did not change. She was pissed and there was no two ways about it. She poked her finger at his chest. "I've faced a sea of Sues and Stues, I've been zapped by Stunners, I have gone from Canon to Canon being knocked unconcious uncountable times.." She snarled at him and grabbed ahold of his shirt-front. " A pirate made a pass at me, and I was nearly hanged for fun...and now I have had to deal with this shiz!" She gestured wildly at the still-closed door where Gimli could still be heard. "There is a limit to how much a girl can take! And putting up with your sarcastic fuckwit comebacks and crappy attitude is NOT HELPING ME!"

Snape actually took a step back. He regarded her for a moment, then nodded. "I'm impressed." He said with a smirk.

Her jaw dropped. "Huh?" Was her brilliant question.

Snape rolled his eyes. "I would have thought you'd understand such a simple sentence, Miss Radcliffe." He sneered. "I am impressed with your ferocity, I never would have thought it of you."

"Is that...a compliment..an actual compliment?" She asked dazedly. "I need to sit down." She said wearily, making sure to tip-toe across the carpet so that as little of her touched the garish thing as possible. She reached a decked out, swivel desk chair and plopped into it with a sigh. "To think, Severus Snape...giving a compliment and it's not even in the guise of an insult...huh..who'd have thunk it?" She mused.

Snape snorted. "Despite what some would tell you, I *am* human, and therefore quite capable of giving compliments and other such things that you sentimental people take for granted."

"Really?" She grinned half-heartedly. "Never would have guessed."

It was his turn to glare. "Hurumph." He said and sank into an overstuffed recliner in the corner of the room. It was brown, the only color close enough to black that he would feel comfortable with in this gaudy set-up.

They all turned their heads when they saw the door open. Gimli stormed out first. " And remember.." He told a stunned Austin. "No funny business while you're traveling with us or I'll turn you into the International Eunich of Mystery. Got that, Mister Best-Shag-of-The-Year?" Austin nodded numbly. "Good, now, you said you were a spy, correct?" Again a nod.

Snape gave Powers a look of complete and utter disdain. "That man is a spy?" He asked, doubting. He rose. "Tell me, Mister... Powers, is it?" Without waiting for confirmation, he strode up to Austin with an holy glee in his obsidian eyes. "Have you ever been a double agent to two warring geniuses? Have you ever had to sacrifice yourself for the so-called 'greater good' by having your throat ripped out by a snake? Do you know how, exactly, it feels to be the willing pawn of another to make up for some past misdeed?" He inquired silkily as he glided around in a circle around Powers.

Powers struck a courageous pose. "Well, no, but I have fought with a sumo wrestler, drank poo water, and have my archnemisis turn out to be my brother. Man, if that ain't wickedly messed up, then I don't know what is, baby."

Snape pinched his nose in irritation. "Must you use the word 'baby' at the end of every sentence, Mister Powers?"

Austin grinned, causing them all to wince in horror again. "Call me Austin, Mister Powers is my father."

Marie leaned over and whispered into Hellboy's ear. "You see that look on Snape's face?" She pointed it out to him. Snape looked like he was sucking on a particularly rotten lemon, Red nodded and chuckled. "That means we're in for one heck of a show. Get ready for this next Canon to be the weirdest one yet."

Red shook his head at the idioticly grinning British spy. "Can't we just leave him here?" He said almost pleadingly. "The Sues wouldn't want to bother with him, he'd even annoy *them*."