The Real Don Quixote Chapter 4: Friends and Non-Lovers
This is a bit more Mac/Jim than anything else, and it's shorter because I really felt that Sorkin actually nailed the angst in this episode, so I don't really want to touch it.
"When you do propose to someone that's the ring that'll do it! Yeah…" And with that failed triumph of a last line, Mackenzie turned back to the door and left Will's office as fast as was humanely possible. She didn't see that thoughtful look on his face or him tearing up the receipt; she just wanted to remove herself from the moment, and fast.
Without looking left or right she made for her own office, desperate for some peace and stillness to soothe her buzzing head. This earned a few curious looks from around the bullpen, with most assuming that she and Will had simply had another tiff. Jim Harper, however, frowned; because Mackenzie wasn't looking upset, rather a strange mixture of confused and…there was no other word for it – broken. How anyone could be broken and be confused as to why did not make any sense to him. Mind you, oftentimes, Mackenzie McHale didn't make a lot of sense to him either.
Seeing that no one else was going to her aid, Jim dropped his pen warily on the desk, and wearily got to his feet, stretching out the kinks in his knees as he did so.
A few saw what he was doing and gave him looks as if to say "On your own head, pal." But he didn't care. He and Mackenzie were a lot closer than anyone gave them credit for.
Bracing himself for whatever he was about to find on the other side of that glass, Jim went to see if he could be of any help.
When he pushed the door open he found the hunched over figure of Mackenzie, leaning on her desk, head in her hands. She wasn't crying, but she wasn't moving either; and she did not acknowledge him, though he had made no attempt to be quiet. He walked over, laying a soft hand on her shoulder to let her know that he was there, and perched on the edge of the desk facing her.
"Anything I can do?" He asked softly, hunching down to try and catch her eye. She shook her head and he couldn't read the expression etched on her face. All he could tell was that, obviously, something Will-related had happened. She cleared her throat.
"Ever had a moment that just epitomises – where you realise just what an absolute idiot you've been?"
"All the time." He replied easily, shooting her a cheeky smile. She slowly raised her eyes to meet his, one hand still supporting her forehead, but there was a hint of bemusement, and she was clearly trying to keep the wry smile which was tugging at her lips, firmly inside.
"Sorry. Stupid thing to ask you." She managed dryly, amused. Jim laughed, pleased that he had at least managed to pull her out of her unhappy thoughts.
"Want to talk about it?" He frowned at his knees, certain he already knew the answer; but he just managed to catch the smile that finally managed to emerge from her lips. She looked up at him fondly and he returned the look. She covered the hand he had placed on her shoulder with one of her own, and sighed.
"Yes, James. The less said about your antics, the better."
He briefly closed his eyes in a now familiar exasperation. Before, in Afghanistan, he had thought that Mac felt she could tell him anything – anything that was worrying her; and he had thought that she had done so; they had been in it together.
Now he knew that although they were still the best of friends and, not to forget, a brilliant team – there were some things which meant so much to Mackenzie that she shared them with no one. They would remain locked in her heart until she worked out how to deal with them.
Squeezing her shoulder, he nodded at the appealing look on her face, reassuring her that he understood and would not press the matter any further. She immediately got up, pulling him into a hug. For a second he worried that he had become a sort of replacement for everything that Will should be, but he dismissed the thought almost immediately, wrapping his arms around her tightly and letting her rest her head on his shoulder. With or without Will, she and he would still be close. They had been through so much shit together. But he hated seeing her miserable like this. And if Will couldn't meet her half way, then he decided that he would be there until Will did. She just needed someone.
"Mac? We need to –" The two pulled away from each other as Will popped his head around the door. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Jim thought.
Jim was all for dropping the contact immediately, but Mackenzie reassured him by keeping a casual arm around his shoulder.
"The rundown?" Mac asked a slightly curious-looking Will – in an impressively calm voice, Jim thought. Will nodded, still processing the scene before him.
"Okay." Mac finally let go of Jim, and ruffled his hair, giving him a grateful smile and a wink as she passed by Will and out into the newsroom. He pushed himself off the desk to follow her, ignoring the questioning look from Will.
Although he had a lot of respect for the man, and he trusted his professional integrity, Jim highly suspected that he had gone and done something stupid which had then hurt Mackenzie…again.
Anyway…he was allowed to be a little bit biased.
For all you Charlie lovers out there, fear not! He'll be back in full force next chapter at a certain Anniversary party! :)