own nothing!
Snape; *Grumble* I can't believe you did that to me.
"Shut up. At least they didn't pull out your stuffing like they did to poor Scarecrow."
Snape; You're despicable.
"Nope. I'm Melda,*holds out hand to shake* Nice to meet you."
-
The tiny, hairy arachnid crawled up to Marie's foot. Her eyes went wide and she let out a little 'eep'. She turned on her heel and, to the amusement of her friends, climbed atop Gimli. "Ewwww!"
Legolas grinned. "Save her from the nasty spider, mellon nin."
Gimli squashed the thing under the toe of his boot with a snort. "I've seen bigger."
"Thanks, love!" Marie leaned foward and gave him a peck on his nose. She smiled, her face appearing upside-down to him. "Did I ever tell you that you make a lovely perch?"
"No, I don't recall you ever saying that to me, lass." Sighed Gimli, though he hid a smile under his beard.
"Do you mind if I stay up here awhile?" She asked. "You know, just in case there are more spiders." She glanced around, suspiciously scanning the ground as if she expected to find it teeming with them.
"For a small while, then I'll have to set you down." He told her.
She nodded and sat straight up. From this vantage point she noticed something off in the distance. "Legolas." The Elf looked up from his examination of his bowstring. "Can you tell me what that is?" She pointed at the dark cloud of what seemed to be birds.
Legolas held his hand above his eyes to keep the sun from casting a glare on his vision."What in the name of the Valar?" He swore quietly.
"What do your Elf eyes see?" Aragorn inquired.
"It looks like..like.."
"Spit it out, Legolas! We can't stand here all day!" Gimli demanded.
"It looks like..monkeys with wings!"
Jareth rolled his eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."
"This is no jest. There truly are monkeys with wings in the east!"
"Marie, what did I tell you about giving the Elf too much sugar?" Gandalf said in a warning tone.
Legolas rounded on them, glaring harshly. "I'm telling the truth!" He insisted.
"Why don't we just go and check it out?" Willy suggested. "It's the same way that Snape went, so we might as well."
"That's a fair point." Mused the White Wizard. "Very well, on we go."
They treked through the wilderness of Oz. It was easy going for the most part, not much in the way of roots or over-turned stones to trip them up. That is, it was until they came upon the forest.
It was eerie, and strange birds with glowing red eyes croaked at them. "I would turn back if I were you." Marie read. "Well, you're a sign, so you can't be me. So there." She stuck out her tongue at the offending bit of enscribed wood.
"Marie, we all know your sanity is questionable. No need to emphasize it by talking to a sign." Gandalf chuckled.
"My sanity isn't questionable..I know very well that I am completely insane." She retorted, then shivered and huddled close to her Dwarf. "This place is creepy."
"And I thought Legolas was prone to stating the obvious." Snarked Jareth, which earned him a glare and a handful of musty leaves thrown in his face. He just laughed.
That was when they heard the yelling. "GET OFF OF ME! I SWEAR, YOU BLOODY SHIT-PICKERS I'LL HAVE YOUR HIDES FOR MY WINTER COAT IF YOU DON'T PUT ME DOWN!"
"Snape!" They all said at once. "We've got to help him!" Marie said, her voice betraying her panic
They ran as hard as they could towards the sounds, which they were getting closer to, judging by the increase in volume.
They entered a slight clearing in the dead trees just in time to see the flailing figure of Severus Snape being hauled off by..yep, you guessed it..flying monkeys.
"See?" Legolas said triumphantly. "I *was* telling the truth."
"We've got to find out where they're taking him!" Arwen watched the receeding form of the professer. "Who knows what those awful things will do to him!"
They ran in the direction they had seen the monkeys fly in, and soon a dark castle loomed in front of them. They hid in the rocks as they observed the monkeys take Snape into one of the high towers. Then, looking below, they saw the guards patrolling the drawbridge. "How are we going to get through them?"
They were so engrossed in pondering this puzzle that they didn't notice the guards that had snuck up behind them. Legolas, at the last minute, sensed them and drew his bow. They took out the guards with no trouble. Willy was quite skillful with his cane, after all. And Hatter was okay when it came to throwing rocks at peoples heads.
Marie looked down at the unconcious guards. "Is anyone thinking what I'm thinking?"
"We take their costumes?" Todd asked.
"Exactly."
"EW!" Willy exclaimed loudly as he pulled the pants off his guard. "This one is wearing his monday underwear!"
"So?" Jack said as he shimmyed into his own set of trousers. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Today is Saturday." Willy said grimly with a disgusted shudder.
"Okay, that's just yucky." Marie said. "Hatter, you know all about Hats, could you help me with this?" She pointed to the tall, fuzzy, black headgear that was the cause of her irritation. He gladly helped and then they were ready to storm the castle!
They fell in easily with the guards, who were finishing up their last round of pacing the entrance. A real guard poked Marie with his elbow. "Hey, Jim, where've you been?"
"Uhhh...c-coffee break." She forced her voice to go as deep as it could.
"Oh, well, you'll need it. The old witch is vicious tonight..she's still sore over being melted. But personally I thought it was about time she had a bath!" The guard guffawed heartily and slapped Marie on the back. This pitched her forward and caused her ill-fitting hat to slide off her head and bounce to the ground. She, however, went rolling and hit a wall, stopping mid-roll and therefor, upside-down.
"Ow..if I were a cartoon, my eyes would be going in circles." She went a little green. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Hey!" The guard, who was a little slow, finally noticed that Marie wasn't his friend. "You're not Jim!"
"No, she isn't!" Agreed Pippin as he and Merry helped Marie to her feet. "RUN!" They both screamed at the others.
"She'd better not be hurt, or they'll have a Dwarf to answer to!" Gimli huffed as they ran along. The guards gave chase all throughout the castle, upstairs and downstairs, even through the basement, for the persistant guards would not relent.
Eventually, somehow, they all ended back up where they'd started. "STOP!" Screamed a witchy-sounding voice. A green woman in billowing robes that could have rivaled Snape's and a pointy hat, stomped down the stairs. "What is the meaning of this?" She asked one of the guards, gesturing at the group.
"They're intruders. They've intruded on the castle." Said the not-so-bright guard who thought Marie was his friend Jim.
She rolled her eyes and strolled down the steps. "I'm the Wicked Witch of the West..blah, blah, blah.. cackle, cackle, cackle..evil threat..blah, blah, blah." She came to a standstill in front of them and crossed her arms. "Look, I'm not having a good day. Last week, I was melted by some farm girl from Utah-"
"Wait, wasn't Dorothy from Kansas?" Marie asked, confused.
The witch snorted. "Oh, she was from Kansas, all right. KANSAS CITY, UTAH! The little FINK!" She yelled suddenly, then pinched her nose and held up her hand. "Sorry, sorry...I'm off my game..I haven't done my yoga yet, and I'm just..I'm sorry, all right?" She burst into tears and clung to the front of a Legolas' tunic. "It's just that horrid man up there! He's..just so..so much more..EVIL..than I am! And it's driving me nuts!"
"We'll gladly take him off your hands for you, if you let us go." Marie bargained, laughing inside all the while.
The Wicked Witch looked at her through tear-dusted lashes. "You would do that for me?" They all nodded. The Wicked Witch clapped her hands joyously. "Thank you! You don't know what a pain in the butt he is!"
Marie smirked and glanced around at her friends, who held similar knowing expressions. "Oh, I think we have some idea."
"I mean, he's been here all of five minutes and he's just so despicable! He called me grass green!" She sobbed. "And everyone knows I'm a pine!"
"Ummm...right." Marie edged away from the wailing witch. "So where is he?"
"Up there." The witch pointed just as the door at the top of the stairs flew open. Out strutted Professer Severus Snape. And he was looking majorly pissed.
"FINALLY! I WAS WONDERING WHEN THE *HELL* YOU ALL WOULD GET HERE!"
"I wonder if his voice ever gets hoarse from all that yelling and cursing." Hatter said thoughtfully to himself.
So it was that they had Snape back and the helpful gratitude of a Wicked Witch. Aragorn, ever the sweet-talker, managed to sign her on board for the ever-growing army just by agreeing that she was indeed a 'pine' and not a 'grass green'. After that, they headed out to find the ruby slippers.
It kind of makes you want to pity them, doesn't it?