Chapter 2: Stand Up

Friday Part II

After five minutes of no gagging, I finally stood up shakily. Flushing the toilet, I washed my hands before rinsing out my mouth and running water across my face. After drying myself I gazed into the mirror. My bloodshot eyes and the bags underneath them emphasised my pale face. Looking sickly, I grew morose.

As if Demetri would ever leave Sarah for this.

I looked dead.

My once bright, green eyes now seemed dull and murky to me.

I sighed as I unlocked and opened the bathroom door, wanting nothing more than to collapse in my bed and sleep forever. Unfortunately that seemed unlikely when I noticed Demetri was still here. Although he was now dressed again, he sat on the edge of my bed with his head in his hands. He must have heard me come back in as he lifted his eyes to me. I gasped almost silently at the sight, never had I seen such an apologetic and regretful expression on his beautiful face. But although it was a sight never seen, I mustered up my courage, knowing it was for the best.

"Listen D," I began with a weak voice. Clearing my throat I looked away from him, "I know what we've been doing was for both of us. But I'm not sure I want it anymore."

His eyes watched me curiously as he tilted his head. "What do you mean Edward?"

"I mean…you need to find someone else," I choked on the last bit, "I can't be this…thing for you anymore. I can't be a toy for you to use whenever you want it. I don't want this anymore," I whispered.

Suddenly the cocky smirk was back as he shook his head, "You're lying Edward, of course you want this. You want me. You always have and you always will."

"Maybe I do," I nodded, "But although I may want you, may love you, I don't want this. I can't be with someone who doesn't care for me at all, who won't leave their girlfriend or come out of the fucking closet. Not even for me but for themself. I want someone who wants me, and isn't afraid of admitting it."

He smirk turned evil as he narrowed his eyes. "You'll never want someone more than you want me and you know it. If I ever need you, you'll come to me. You can't resist me Edward, don't deny it." He stood up, putting on his suit jacket as he grinned. "No matter what, you'll always come back to me."

I glared at him in defiance, anger and hatred for him rising, "No, I won't. I'm done Demetri! I'm finished. Don't message me. Don't call me. You can stay in your fucking closet with your fucking girlfriend. Because I'm not going to reply, and I'm not going to be your booty call ever again." I breathed deeply as I finished, my energy was almost out completely. I needed rest, I was so tired.

He chuckled, but I noted the nervous edge to it. "Sure Ed, we'll see."

We both remained still as I tried to keep my emotions in check and he continued to exude his cocky, arrogant demeanour. It was so confusing being in love and being attracted to someone so…mean. I felt the tears wanting to come back, so I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes as I prepared myself to do something I never thought I would.

"Get out," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, what?" he took a step closer to me as he tilted his head.

"Get. Out!" I screamed, shocking both myself and him.

"Edward-"

"Get out! Now!" I walked over to my apartment door and opened it. He slowly realised that I was being serious.

When he reached the door he looked at me; his smirk in place as his grey, once kind eyes, amusedly stared, "You actually thought I would come out, that I would leave my Sarah for you?" he taunted. My heart was being ripped open, but I steadied my breathing as I looked up at him.

"No. That's the point Demetri," I said as I felt a betraying tear fall. I saw him watch the movement as it travelled down my cheek and off my jaw. "I know you'll never come out or break up with your girlfriend. You're a closeted, selfish prick and a dead end," it hurt me to be so harsh to someone I felt strong feelings for. But I needed this, I needed this to move on. "You'll never truly care for someone more than yourself, yet you'll never be true to yourself and admit you're a homosexual. You'll never take risks. You're a coward Demetri, and I've realised that any time spent with you is a waste." Since my eyes had moved to the wall, to the floor and to the door, I shifted them again to see his face.

I wondered if he'd punch me; with the amount of anger showing in his eyes and in the set of his scowl, I didn't want to risk it. Even if I wouldn't feel any more pain, I didn't want to have to explain a black eye at work tomorrow.

Before giving him a chance to speak or hurt me anymore, I surprisingly was able to push him the rest of the way out my apartment before shutting and locking the door. As soon as I did, I collapsed against it, tears falling freely as sobs racked my body. Some part of me worried that I would soon regret this, that I would want him back even if it was for him to just fuck and use me. At least then, I would be able to feel him. In me, on me, around me.

I slowly stood up and made my way back to my bed. As soon as my eyes closed, sleep found me.