Chapter Ten: Fears Alike

When Flynn left us to go to the city it was like the tension mounted by tenfold. My mother had melted in his arms when he'd hugged and kissed her to leave but as soon as the door shut I saw her shoulders tense from behind and when she turned I saw the placid and calm look. At that I lifted my chin higher and continued to stare directly at her. I bet that scared the crap out of her. I was not like this the last time she had seen me—in person at least. The other night when she'd visited me via Floo Network in the common room was too brief and she had been acting the entire time. She had been prepared for that. This should had not been prepared for, so her guard was up in a flash.

It was weird, since dating Draco I had almost become an expert at reading people. Before this, before Draco, I would never have been able to pick out the emotions that were playing across my mother's face before she put her "actor's face" on, for her own daughter no less. Usually it was that family let guards down for other family, but no, it was the opposite with Madalynn. She would slip into her acting shoes any time she thought someone might get beneath that perfect skin of hers. I used to be the same—with the exception of Racquel who I'd known for years, and more recently, Draco.

"Sadie, what, may I ask, possessed you to come here?" she asked, smooth and steady as she stepped back from the front door and down the white tile steps that lead down into the living area.

I raised an eyebrow. "You mean you're not happy to see me, Mommy-dearest?"

Her actors face cracked briefly. "Don't toy with me Sadie!"

I turned away from her and walked towards the sitting area. I kicked off my heels and my feet breathed thankfully as they touched the cool tile. "Since you're clearly beyond beating around the bush, Mother, I'll tell you, plain and simple." I turned back and crossed my arms. "I'm here to give you an ultimatum."

She laughed shortly, "Ha, is that so?"

I did not waiver. "Yes, that is how it's going to be. You asked me to come down for your wedding at Christmas, correct?"

She nodded her head once.

"Well here it is then: I will come to your wedding, over Dad's, if you can tell me that you genuinely love this man and that you're not just putting on a façade to make him like you." I could already tell that she liked him far more than she had ever liked my father, but I wanted to see if she could pull down the act for me, her only child.

She rolled her eyes. "Really Sadie? That's just ridiculous. I don't have to prove it to you."

"Very well," I nodded, "then I shan't be coming to your wedding. Nor shall I tolerate your popping into my life every so often when you feel it's convenient for you. I am cutting you off, Mother."

"Cutting me off?" she laughed. "Don't be such a child!"

"So says the woman who can act petulant child to a T whenever she doesn't get the part she wants." She said nothing. "I'm not being a child. I'm making a choice. You don't get to decide anymore when I'm your daughter and when I'm not. I am not a stage-hand at your beck-and-call to hand you things whenever you want them."

"I do not—"

"You do too!" I cut her off. "'Come to my wedding on New Years!' Nothing more than that and it pisses me off."

"You're being completely unreasonable." She came over and stood behind the white sofa that I was standing in front of. The only thing between us was that white sofa, keeping us three feet apart from each other to prevent blood-shed.

"Am I? Is it so wrong to want a little involvement from my mother in my life when Iwant it? Is it so unreasonable to dislike not seeing my own mother for two years at a time? I really don't think so." I paused. "And is it so unreasonable for me to want to see my mother in her true form, no lies, no mask, no nothing, and know that she is actually happy?"

"Of course I'm actually happy," she snapped.

I rolled my eyes, "Right, now that's convincing. I'm not leaving until either I know you're happy, or you agree to never contact me again."

"Sadie, I am your Mother—"

"Madalynn, I am your daughter," I cut her off again, "and it sometimes shames me to admit it because I don't really know anything about you. You have conveniently kept yourself closed off from my. So what makes you think you deserve anything but the same courtesy? Take it or leave it."

I saw her falter for about twenty seconds before she turned on her heels in the direction of the hallway. "I'll make up the spare room for you," she called over her shoulder.

I sighed in frustration. She was a stubborn old bird but at least she hadn't turned me down right from the start. She was at least considering the ultimatum, which showed something for her character. Perhaps she really did care about me. Perhaps I wasn't just unfortunate furniture in her life that she had to deal with. Maybe I was more than baggage to her.

My mother never had been much of a cook, so for dinner she used the little magic she would concede to using and the kitchen utensils picked themselves up and danced around the pristine room, slicing and dicing and cooking. I sat on a bar stood watching the organized madness with a small smile. It reminded me of the nights at home when I was younger.

We'd always had a cook, but on the nights that he had the night off my mother would take over, usually out of necessity because my father was hungry and refused to cook anything himself. She would wink at me as she conducted the orchestra of our Victorian home kitchen. It was only after she'd moved out and I had started being at school 10 out of the 12 months of the year that my father sold the Victorian and bought the penthouse condo in the city. Despite all the bad memories I recalled, I also remembered many good times in that house. I was younger and naïve so perhaps they weren't actually as good as their reality, but I like to think that we were once a happy family.

"Cook much?" I asked.

She glanced my way briefly and then turned back to her magic. "Not often, no. This'll be the first time in the last month. Usually Flynn and I are out at a function or benefit performance."

"Not acting right now?"

"No, I've decided to break for the season," she sniffed. I rolled my eyes. "I have more important matters to attend to."

"Such as?"

"I have a wedding to plan, Sadie."

"Not hiring a wedding planner?" That would have been her usual taste I would imagine. She wasn't exactly someone to fuss with plans like seating or flower arrangements.

"Flynn didn't think it was necessary. We aren't inviting many people. Family, friends and a few select Theatre Union dignitaries. Simple."

"Is simple your style?"

That seemed to strike a nerve because everything in the kitchen halted what it was doing. She turned and looked me square in the eye. "I don't think you know me that well Sadie, to be making comments like that."

"First," I said, "it was a question, not a comment. And second, whose fault is that, Mother."

"I'm not having this conversation with you!" she turned back to the task of cooking via magic.

"Uh yeah, you kind of are," I remarked.

"Don't be a smart ass!" she snapped.

I admitted to myself that saying that was probably a little immature and I would try to not to do that in the future. There was something about my mother's nature that just brought out the worst in me. I wanted to act like a child again, and when she refused me something I would kick and scream until I got it. I had to remember that I was there as her guest though and that I wasn't trying to create a rift between us, but perhaps create some sort of stable bridge for us to communicate on.

I stood up from the stool and then walked over to the patio doors. Beyond the flagstone patio and oblong pool there was a wide expanse of greenery. The house was located on a hill and looked down over an expanse of rolling hills and short shrubberies. There were a few taller trees that stood at the edge of the house to create some shade over the pool area, but aside from that it was hills for miles.

I had been all over the world in my childhood with both my mother and father, but this was a much different place from anywhere I'd ever been before. I hadn't realized I'd spoke the words until my mother spoke from behind me. "Well you're a long way from England, of course it's different."

"You haven't been to England in years."

"I was in England last month, Princess." My eyes widened at the use of my nickname. When my father said my nickname it was in substitution of my real name, which he refused to call me anymore except in anger. When she said it though, there was almost a hint of affection.

"You were in England?" I blinked, suddenly upset. "And you didn't come to see me!"

"It's not all about you. I was only there for a few nights and didn't have enough time to get to you. Besides, England has…changed." She wrapped her arms around herself as if cold. "It's much different than I remembered."

It dawned on me. "Is that why you're staying here, Mum? Because of how dark it's gotten in England."

She nodded and for the first time I saw real fear spread across her face. I hadn't thought my mother could be afraid of anything, she was such a tough woman, and yet there, it was written plainly. "I remember the first time this happened. It rocked the very foundations of what we knew in this world. Some would call me a coward by running, but I see it as survival. If I had to stand and fight again I know I would not live to see the end. I'm not that strong. I'm an actress, and I'm good at what I do, but I would never be that good, if that's what it came down to."

There, those cracks in her resolve. It was the one genuine glimpse of the woman my mother was and I almost started crying. I held back though. I looked away. "At Hogwarts I feel safer, but even there the darkness has crept through the stone walls. I feel worse every time Dad makes me leave the school to go to the city for the weekend. It's like he's not even worried about this impending war. From the things they're saying in the Prophet, this war will change everything."

"Again."

"Sometimes I'd like to run away from my responsibilities there," I confided. "But I know that I only have so long before Dad can't order me around. But I would think that the fact You-Know-Who has returned would frighten him a little bit."

"It does," my mother replied quietly. I turned and she was smiling a little. Not sadistically, but knowingly, and with a little love for her ex-husband. "Your father was brought up in much the same way I was."

"How is that?" I asked.

"Come eat your dinner and I'll tell you."