Second to last chapter people!
Gimli; I enjoyed the last part.
"I knew you would." *Beams at audience* "I own nothing!"
-
When they would look back on this, they would all joke about how comical the Sues and Stues looked when they rode into battle on silver or golden horses with their angel wings shedding feathers into the wind and their multi-colored eyes casting sparks of light.
But at the moment, none of them were gripped their own Swords of Sue Slaying tightly in anticipation. Feanor had spent the whole time that they were off on that mission making thousands of versions of the Sword. Their faces were set with determination and disgust. A war cry went up in Elvish. "Gurth `ni Sues! Gurth `ni Sues!"
And then they charged. Full out war raged between the vile, vomit-inducing Sues and those whom they wished to abduct and have babies with. It was...quite a *unique* battle.
Thackory was jumping around and slamming Teapots of Sue Slaying on Sues' heads, while Hatter was weilding an actual Sword of Sue Slaying to get his out of the way. Jack and his 'scurvy dogs' were carrying on like they would at an out-of-control party in Tortuga, not that it was an unexpected move on his part. Though the repetitive choruses of 'Fifteen men on a dead man's chest' did seem to be overkill.
The Oompa-Loompas and Munchkins were tiny and had only Daggers of Sue Slaying, but, like the Hobbits, they were underestimated and their sheer numbers overwhelmed many of the enemy.
Even the Sues that had powers were not much of a match for Mistofelees and his lightening. He blasted the Sues to distract them so that Aragorn could destroy them. The teamwork worked out well.
Snape had discovered that he could use his powers in this Canon, so he was Sectum Sempra-ing every Sue in sight. Though that did little good because the..ahem..*witches*.. just reformed. But it did stop them from moving around for a while, so it made them easier prey for the others.
Eddie had his blades changed by Feanor to ones that would masacre Sues with a single well-placed snip. And was giving many Stues a close shave with his up-graded razors. The two of them worked back-to-back.
Gimli, Legolas and Marie were in the midst of it all. Grinning, Gimli called out to Legolas. "That's seventy-six, Legolas!"
Marie smiled when she heard Legolas shout back. "One hundred, Gimli!"
Gimli shook his head. "I won't let an Elf get the best of me!" With that, he took his modified axe and chopped up the nearest Sue. "HAH! DIE!" He grinned in triumph.
"That's my Dwarf!" Marie crowed proudly, then she hacked a Stu into sections. She looked down at him thoughtfully. "Now, would he go best with peas or carrots?"
Legolas showed up next to her. "You may contemplate recipes later, Marie. Just keep fighting!" He bashed a Sue as he spoke.
"With pleasure." She replied, and went back to work.
The outcome was looking favorable for them..that is, it was until the ground began to shake. Marie lost her footing and stumbled back into Gimli, who kept her from falling. "Was that another Elemental Sue?" Legolas asked worriedly.
She shook her head. "No, those are all being occupied by Mister Mistofelees. That had to be something else, but what could possibly-" She looked up when they heard the roar.
It was huge. It was fluffy and it's eyes glowed red. "That's strange." Legolas said as cooly as if he were inspecting a particularly interesting bug. "I didn't know they had giant rabid Plot Bunnies."
"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn shouted. "YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
The Elf nodded and sprinted forward. He shot Sues down whenever they got in his way and started to climb the rabid Plot Bunny by using tufts of fur as handholds. The thing shook itself, trying to get free, but all it succeeded in doing was throwing its riders to the ground. Legolas got up to its back and fired arrows into its head, causing it to faulter and stumble clumsily into the other Plot Bunny that had appeared and crush it beneath its weight.
Gimli stomped as Legolas jumped down from the lumps of fur, which then shrank and shrank until there was nothing left. "I still say that only counts as one!" He huffed.
They glanced around the battlefield. There were still quite a few Sues still kicking, but the Canons clearly had the advantage again now that the rabid Plot Bunnies were gone. Marie sighed wearily. "It's going to be a long day." They didn't disagree.
The Canons cheered as Aragorn struck down the last Sue. They had won! Aragorn shoulders slumped tiredly, but he managed a bright grin.
"We should go look and see if we suffered any casualties." Marie suggested, she pointed to an Elf she recognized as from being from El Rond's Arda. "Like him."
El Rond shook his head. "Oh, no. He's not dead. He's just sleeping. That's my most trusted advisor, 'Rester. He's always sleeping on the job."
"And where's Lego-las?" Marie asked. "You know..Legolas's twin?"
"Oh,...he was blasted to pieces. They're trying to rebuild him, but putting all those Legos back in the right place is tough work. He might end up with an eye on his leg!" El Rond chuckled. "But he'll be fine. Other than him, I don't know of any others who were hurt."
That was when Snape dragged himself up to them. His face was covered in red lipstick kissy marks and he was holding his hand to a scratch that probably been made by an excessively long fingernail, judging by the chips of nail polish. "They tried.." He shuddered. "They tried to use my nose for..indescribable things...it was terrible." Then he collapsed.
"Yeaaaah...he's probably going to need therapy." Marie said, biting her lip. "I wonder what they tried to use his nose for?"
"Best not to dwell on it." Aragorn said quickly.
And then came Austin. His suit was torn and his glasses were askew. His face was covered in similar marks as Severus', but the color was hot pink. There was a deep laceration above his left eye and his other was blackened. "That was NOT groovey." He mumbled before fainting.
Was it wrong for them to laugh? Doesn't matter, they did anyway.
It was a good thing that they had some excellent medics on staff. Everyone who had an injury was taken care of and even Lego-las was finally set to rights, though for some reason he now had a mustache.
For those who had teeth knocked out, Willy Wonka's father was called on for help. And for the ones with injuries sustained through magical Sues, Madam Pomfrey was happy to lend her service.
Although, the battle had turned out pretty well despite all of that, the original representatives stood before one another with forced smiles on their faces. Even Hatter was solumn, his orange hair drooping a tiny bit and his electric green eyes had dulled.
Marie blinked back tears. "So, I guess we're done. You can all go back to your own Canons now."
Jack sighed. "I'll miss ya, luv." He toyed with his hat, which he held in his hands. "Well, tha' ain' entirely true. Fac' is..I'll miss all o' ya."
Snape swallowed some of his pride. "I'm not good with..feelings..but, despite what I may have said before, you lot are probably the some of the least idiotic poeple I know."
Soon, everyone had said their goodbyes and Gandalf had set up portals to take them home. Marie was suddenly struck by an idea, as she sometimes was, and stopped them all. "What if we all get together once a year, every year? We could have the reunion in a different Canon every time, and we could go in the order that we went in before." They smiled at the concept and eagerly agreed. It was something to look forward to.
Once everyone had dispersed and the only ones left were the Fellowship and Marie, they all began the walk back to Aragorn's home. Which, fortunately, was not too damaged by the long-ago battalion of Sues. The guards saluted their king and opened the battered wooden doors to let them back inside.
A few days later, Gimli finished his present for Marie and gave it to her on her birthday. She was elated and, after the party was over, niether of them were seen for a week. It was a fact that, when they did resurface, both were wearing matching silver bands enscribed with Dwarven runes. It was a happy ending for all of them.
AN3/
Elvish;
Gurth `ni Sues = Death to the Sues