A big thank you to everyone who has read. Too bad that they aren't many reviews. *sad face* doesn't matter because I have chapter 5 waiting for you. And I apologize for not updating for a week. Things have been crazy. So I will give you 2 chapters at once. What is the catch you say? No catch I just think you all deserve these chapters because I made you wait. So I will make these chapters longer too. Now please read on!
~Z
Disclaimer: I am not Scott Westerfeld or Suzanne Collins... Yes I know... Sad day for me... And everyone else who has to admit this...
The days go on and each day it feels like I'm slowly losing my mind more and more. Newkirk and Lilit don't seem to understand anything that is going on with me. Dr. Barlow finds it best that skip Therapy and go back to the apartment to think to myself. Volger continues to bother me and most days I try to strangle or maim him. I don't even fight with the guards anymore. President Hobbes and Mr. Rigby just leave me alone. Eddie and Adela don't question my actions when I leave during the middle of shooting. Klopp, Bauer and Hoffman don't ask questions. Some days I even tell Bovril to leave me alone.
Everyone seems to be so organized and put together here in District 13. The people walk to their appropriate places and behave. Even the little children behave and do what they are told. Everyone has their own schedules and they follow it with punctuality. I ignore the schedule half of the time and just find a closet and stay there until Lunch or Dinner. No one tells me that I need to stick to my schedule. The guards don't try to stop me when I leave places early or when I wander. Technically I'm still Mentally Disoriented. This plastic bracelet gives me an excuse to wander around District 13 without consequences.
I usually hear people whisper about me when I walk past them. He really must be losing his mind. They say. Or Poor Alek. It must be so hard for him. And my favorite: Why didn't they save that Deryn girl instead? She would have been a much better rebel. I don't talk back to them because I agree with these things. If they did save Deryn instead of me this Rebellion would have been a much better success. I'm too soft and polished. Deryn is rigid and rough. She could make you join her with only a few words. She is confident and determined. She can lead an army into battle. She is someone who people look up to. Mostly she wasn't afraid to challenge Telsa. And I admired her for that.
I lie on my bed and stare up at the cold, gray ceiling. There are a few cracks here and there. I try to make pictures out of them. I see a tree, a bird, and her face. It seems like I see her face everywhere. Everywhere I go I see her golden hair but I know she isn't really there. Sometimes when I look into mirrors it's almost like I can see her blue eyes looking back at me. At night it's like I can hear her snoring beside me but I know that isn't possible. When I walk through the halls I almost keep expecting her to jump out and tackle me. Even at lunch I almost expect to see her walk in and sit next to me. I wait and wait but it never happens. I almost keep wondering if this is something that the Capitol is causing but I know deep in my heart that I'm only imagining all of this. I want to believe that she is here but no matter how many times I tell myself that; it isn't true.
I look at my arm. Reflection will be in about half an hour. That means Bovril, Lilit and Newkirk will be here. I sit up and stretch. I run my finger through my hair. I should really stop thinking about these things. I have to. It's not healthy to be thinking like this. I go to the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. I look in the mirror. My face looks so pale and hollow. My eyes have rings around them since I don't sleep as much due to the constant nightmares. The nightmares are usually of me losing Deryn. They all happen differently but they outcome is always the same. Deryn is taken from me and there is nothing I can do about it. Every time I think she is safe she is ripped away from me. Every time I think that things are peaceful something appears and turns the world upside down. I hold the sides of the sink and steady myself. Stop thinking about this Alek. No matter how many times I repeat this sentence over and over in my head I can never obey it. My mind never listens. Images of Deryn always fly through my mind and there is nothing I can do to shut them off. I need her here.
"Alek?" I turn around and see Bovril along with Lilit and Newkirk standing in the doorway of the bathroom. They all give me sympathetic looks. I look down and see that my knuckles are turning white. I release the sink and head back into the main room. I sit on the bed and breathe deeply.
"Alek, is everything okay?" Newkirk asks as he sits on the other bed.
"By okay you mean...?"
"You know what I mean." he says in a serious tone.
"Normal or somewhat sane?" I ask.
"Neither." he says
"None of us will be normal or sane anymore." Lilit says.
"Good point. But no I'm not okay. Things will never be okay."
"We have to push through it together." she says.
"This isn't easy for any of us." Newkirk adds.
"I just don't know what to do anymore." I say.
"That's okay Alek, you have us." Bovril says as he hugs me.
I hug him back and hold him tight. I don't want to lose him too. "I know but in my mind I'm alone."
"Just know you're never alone with us here." Newkirk says.
"So please cut all the melodrama and just talk to us." Lilit cuts in with a pat on my hand and a smile.
"You guys are right." I say.
"After Dinner Hobbes wants us to go to the Command Room. He said it was something important." Lilit says.
The three of us walk down to the Command Room. People will get out of our way but we don't find that necessary. We don't want to be treated differently here. None of us know what Hobbes wants but we don't argue with his request. I open the door. Volger and Mr. Rigby are already in the room and conversing with Hobbes. I can feel my fists burning. I resist all urges to go and rip Volger's throat out. I sit down relatively far from him for his own safety. Hobbes sees us and exits from his conversation. He walks towards us.
"You must all be wondering why I called this meeting." he says.
"Not really but go on." Lilit says. That's Lilit for you, tactful and straight to the point.
"Anyways, we have received information from undercover agents in the Capitol. We have a lead on where Deryn and Fitzroy are being held." he says. My ears perk up at her name. I sit up straight in my chair and wait for his next words. "This will not be an easy mission. But I am asking you three if you would like to go."
"What if something goes wrong?" Newkirk asks.
"You will be grouped with a squad of professionals." he says.
"And if the place we search is a decoy?" I ask.
"Soldiers will be sent in ahead of time to assure if it is a trap."
"Eddie and Adela are going to follow us aren't they?" Lilit asks.
"Yes, I tried to tell them that it would be dangerous but Adela kept going on about they need some action footage." he says.
"She never misses the perfect opportunity to get us in action." Newkirk says.
"Nope," I chime in.
"No doubt about it." Lilit adds. "What if we don't all get out?"
"We would never try to send you three on a fatal mission." Hobbes says. The three of us exchange worried glances.
"So there is a possibility that this mission could be fatal?" I ask.
"A small chance but if things get out of hand we will evacuate immediately." he assures us.
"Are you positive that the location is legit?" Lilit asks.
"Yes, now are you three in out?" he asks.
"Let's do it." Newkirk says cheerfully.
"Might as well." Lilit sighs.
"Count me in too I guess." I say.
We now have Training added to our schedules. The rescue mission will be in a few weeks. I want these weeks to pass by so that we can get Deryn out of there. The sooner I get her out of there the sooner things can go back to normal. But things will never be normal. I need to accept that fact. As for Fitzroy maybe we can drop him off somewhere. I know that Lilit and Newkirk will agree with me. I'm sure someone will take him in. He is the heartthrob of Panem after all. Any Capitol woman will take him in without hesitation.
We all go to the training facility. There are other soldiers here. They don't pay attention to us. They all look young but then I remember why. Soldiers begin their training at the age of 13 here. And since the three of us are 16 we stick out from the others. Lilit is fast to learn things and she is the fit out of the three of us. Newkirk is smart and has good aim with a knife. As for me well I'm fast and no thanks to my countless hours of fencing, I can do pretty well in a sword fight. But since people don't do much hand-to-hand combat or fight within a close range I have learned how to throw spears and knives.
We all pile in the elevator go above ground. I haven't been above ground at all. I wasn't much of a nature person. But being trapped underground has made me crave fresh air and the feeling of grass and dry leaves under my shoes. The doors slide open and the air hits us. We fan out into the clearing. The sun shines down on us. I let it warm my face.
It feels amazing to be out of that hole. It was suffocating to be in miles underground. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I know everyone is thinking the same thing. I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of nature. Everything is so peaceful here. I feel serene and happy. Why can't I feel like this all the time? I don't want this moment to end.
"Three miles now soldiers!" yells our officer. Just my luck.
Everyone heads to the dirt path and starts running. The path is hidden in the forest and made to look concealed. The trees hide us from anyone who could be flying right above us. We wouldn't want the Capitol to try to bomb our Training sessions. I keep running with Newkirk. Lilit already left us. I may be fast but she has much better endurance than me. Newkirk is struggling to keep up. Every time I see him slow down I push him forward. After the first couple of times he stopped protesting and let me shove him.
We are almost done with our run. Then as soon as I see the end of the path I hear something. Not like the rustling of leaves or the wind but I hear a voice. Her voice. I freeze. I stop where I am. Newkirk stops with me.
"Alek we have to keep going." he says. I ignore him and try to find out where her voice is coming from. "Alek? Are you listening to me? We have to keep going." he says again. I wave him away. Now she's laughing.
"Do you hear that?" I ask him.
"Hear what?" he asks out of breath.
"Laughter. Her laughter." I say.
"Alek,"
"Shh!" I exclaim. I cup my hand around my ear and listen to her laughing.
"Alek." he says.
"There!" I point. "She's right there!"
"No she isn't." he says.
"Yes, she is. Right there I will go get her." I say as I start to walk off the path.
Newkirk grabs me by the shoulders and looks straight in the eyes. "Alek, get a grip. Deryn isn't here. You're imagining things."
"But-"
"No listen to me. Deryn is in the Capitol." he interrupts me.
"Not for long though." I say
"Yes but until then we have to accept the fact that she isn't here."
I stare out at the direction that I heard her laughter. I take a step but I stand there. "What if-"
"There is not what if. She isn't here."
I drop my shoulders and face the end of the path. "Fine, let's go." I mutter.
As I jog away I swear I can hear her crying and begging me not to go. And it's breaking my heart.
A/N: So what did you think? Suggestions are welcome. I really haven't thought this whole story through. So yeah... Well there will be more instances where Alek is going to hallucinate. And yes the rescue mission is on its way. If you have anything you want me to add to this story to make it better just tell me and I will see where I could fit it in. You may be thinking what is happening to Deryn at this point in time. Things will all be revealed in time. Maybe if this story goes well then I can do it in Deryn's POV.
Maybe if I get some reviews/comments then I won't kill someone... Well at least one person is going to die but maybe I can make their death less painful and sad... You have been warned... *insert maniacal laughter here*
Anyways see you all again soon!
~Z