A/N: Pretty long chapter, but you guys probably don't mind. I'm hoping to write a bunch of chapters in the next couple weeks just so I can have them to make update periods less long, so I'll try my best. Also this chapter hosts a special game of guess that pokemon, kudos to whoever guesses correctly XD
Chapter 3: In Which Some Things Just Can't Be Helped
"Welp, looks like the lever to the gate's broken," Kuni said, shrugging his shoulders. "Can't be helped."
"It can always be helped," Chibi replied smartly, replacing the broken lever with a swish of his brush. He felt like he was getting pretty good at this whole smart-alecky thing. And the celestial brush stuff too, he supposed.
"Oh hey look, it's fixed! Ahaha…"
Kuni's laugh trailed off and he took a couple rounds at the lever. His pride as a man wouldn't allow him to take a derisive stare-down from a puppy. No matter how hard he pushed or pulled, however, the lever wouldn't budge.
"Welp, this lever's not budging at all. Guess it can't be helped."
Chibi cocked his head suspiciously. "Are you sure you tried as hard as you co—"
"IT CAN'T BE HELPED."
"Hey dude's, what can't be helped?" A man with a pleasant yet unremarkably indistinctive face hovered behind them.
"Oh hey, Awesome Tarou," Kuni said. "We're trying to get into Hana Valley, but the lever's stuck."
"Ooh, that lever, huh?" Awesome Tarou rubbed his chin. "Yeah, dudes, that one's a toughie. It takes at least ten able-bodied men to open it! I did see something shiny go by, though."
"Something shiny?!" Kuni cried. "Chibi, we've gotta catch it! Shiny's are super rare!"
"Woooooaaah," said Chibi. "But wait, what's Awesome Tarou say about the lever? That lever's like Kuni's size, he's not that big."
"But anyway, you hear that, Mutt?" Kuni said, ignoring him. "We don't have ten able-bodied men at our disposal, so I guess we can't get in. Kinda sad for the girl, but I mean what can't be helped can't be helped."
"You just don't want to fight demons."
"NO…There aren't even ten people in Kamiki, so how would we get enough people?"
"We can enlist help from Yakushi can't we?"
"Nah, that's filled with old people and sick kids, it's not like we can ask them to help, come on Mutt."
"Well, I'm a god, so I can do whatever I want," Chibi said, ending the argument. "I'll open that gate no matter what."
Unfortunately, Chibi was actually only a godling and therefore not qualified to evoke the god title and all privileges associated. He didn't get to find out, though, because Susano interrupted them, hugging half of his huge stupid rock to his chest. With a manly "HURRR!" he threw the rock straight in front of the gate and brushed off his hands.
Kuni looked at Chibi and shrugged his shoulders. "Pops will be Pops."
"If by that you mean Susano is dumb, then yeah," Chibi said, slicing the rock in half again. For some reason only half of it disappeared.
"Hey, why'd you do that, little Fido!" Susano cried. "I was proud of that rock, too…"
"Dad, we won't be able to get into Hana Valley this way!" Kuni said. He gave Susano a thumbs up and mouthed thanks while Chibi was busy halving the huge stupid rock into a more manageable sized stupid rock.
An admirable effort, young nephew, said Tsuki, who was still in Susano's sword.
"Oh hey, Unlce Tsuki!" Chibi said, pausing his rock slicing for a moment. "Mom told me a lot about you. Do you still glow when the moon comes out?"
Ammy neglected to mention that this was a touchy subject for Tsuki and he didn't want to talk about it, but fortunately Kuni cut in and spared everyone's feelings.
"It's a good thing you're here, Dad! D'you think you can bust in there and grab a mirror for us? You always say it's a man's job to keep his promises, after all—and you're the greatest warrior of all time, so it should be no problem for you, right?"
"Oh, uh, yes, that's right!" Susano said. "That's all well and good, but uh…you see, I put that rock there to test you, of course! Not because I want to protect you from being skewered alive by demons or anything…uh, in any case, you've passed with flying colors, son!" Susano clapped Kuni on the back. "I'll just open the gate for you. Remember: Challenges make a real man!"
"Yeah!" Kuni replied, his sword shaking as he held it up in the air. He was hopeless, Chibi thought. "But Dad, the only problem is that the gate needs ten people to open!"
Susano holds the stupidity of ten men, if that counts for anything, said Tsuki. Apparently it did, because the lever creaked forward, lifting the gate.
"Oh," said Kuni.
"Heh," smirked Chibi.
Oh god, Tsuki said. My sister's raised this one to be just like her.
"Of course!" Chibi replied. "My mom is the best!"
With one last slash of the endlessly-halving rock, Chibi marched through the gate to Hana Valley, Kuni putting up a brave show at his heels.
"Hey, this isn't so bad!" Kuni said, looking around at all the grass and clear, sparkling water. "I mean, it could be worse. Wasn't it all cursed and gross and stuff a while ago?"
"Yeah, this is easy mode. We are kids after all." He slashed at another rock and pouted. "Why can I only cut rocks in half?"
After more slashing and a little exploring, they acquired some bones, some ink pots, and a lump of clay. Kuni played with the clay while Chibi continued up the path. He absently slashed at a particularly lumpy rock, and the thing made a weird boing sound and opened a giant eye in the center of its head.
"Bo-oing!" it said.
"WAAAGH!" screamed Kuni and Chibi.
"Message from Master Link!" said the weird rock statue, which was still bouncing rather disconcertingly. Suddenly Link's voice replaced that of the rock's and said, "Hey guys! I know all the fans love me and you guys miss me already so I've put these rocks up in random places so I can give you hints or some shit, I dunno. Also they call me master, isn't that cool?" He snickered.
"Wait, how did you set these up and everything? I was with you since the start of this story!" Chibi said, confused.
"I'm a time-traveling wizard of awesome with a wind-stirring baton-wand, that's how!" Link answered. "Uuuh, anyway, yeah, don't question it! I've gotta annoy Sakuya now, have fun kicking master ugly frog's ass, kids!"
There was a click like someone hung up a phone and then the rock gave one last bo-oing!
"Did he say frog?" said Kuni.
"It's okay, my mom told me he likes to joke around," Chibi assured him. "I'm sure there aren't any frogs—WAH, STOP HITTING ME, HWA!"
The little frog burst into a cloud of purple smoke, and they stared at the place where it disappeared for a minute or two, until Kuni whispered, "Is that the frog he meant?"
"If you want to go back, you can't," snuffed Chibi. "We still need that girl's mirror, remember? Also the sky is still purple and it bugs me."
So they continued along the path kicking little frogs' asses until they reached a cave with a mural on the wall depicting some weird transformation of balls into dangerously adorable plants. Chibi drew a sun in the empty spot hoping it would fix the weird purple sky for good this time, but instead it opened up a path underneath the mural, which didn't make much sense in terms of technology but Chibi was no expert and only a kid besides, so he paid it no mind.
Chibi and Kuni solved more teamwork puzzles and earned more lumps of clay than they did money, and finally came across a statue of a monkey.
"Look, Mutt, another constellation!" Kuni cried. It was less of a constellation and more of an outline of a monkey in the sky, but whatever.
"Child of the Sun Goddess, I am the Young Sakigami," said the baby monkey that appeared in a whirl of golden clouds. It twirled its toy drum, causing spiky music notes to dance around them. Chibi made sure not to touch them. They looked unnervingly threatening. "Use my power to BLOOM the world and make TREES and FLOWERS beautiful! Bloom all the things!"
"I think that was a subtle hint," Kuni whispered.
So they made their way systematically through the valley again, blooming every tree they came across. For their efforts, they cleared another path deeper into the valley.
Puzzles are weird, Chibi thought. He was new to the concept of adventure game puzzles, unlike Link and his mother, who were well-worn pros.
"Huh, looks like we can't go farther unless we make a bridge or something," said Kuni. "Can't be helped."
"You can stop saying that now," said Chibi. "I already have three brush techniques, it's like I'm a full god." He sliced down a couple giant tree trunks, but was at a loss for the third one, which had a gaping chunk missing from the side. He wasn't at a loss for long though. "Oh wait, I have Rejuvenation," he said. "So I guess I have four brush techniques." Everyone always forgets about Rejuvenation.
They finally reached the other side and halved a rock that was blocking some debris, which allowed a ball to float downstream. Chibi attempted to push it into the hole where it belonged, but unfortunately he wasn't aware of how terrible the ball-rolling mechanics were and spent a good ten minutes chasing the ball down the slope.
"No, just get into the spot!" he grumbled as it moved haphazardly from one side to the other without going in. "Kuni, can't you help me with this?"
"What? Oh, I'm busy," Kuni replied, shaping clay into perfect spheres.
Chibi sighed. His partner was useless.
After much struggling the ball finally made its way into the hole and a dangerously adorable baby plant appeared in the middle of the room. Luckily for Chibi and Kuni, this game was already so adorable that everyone automatically acquired an immunity to spontaneously materializing cute baby plants, and therefore were spared death by cuteness. The audience may not be so lucky.
"Oh crap, I don't know how to take care of baby plants!" Kuni said.
"Don't you just like, give them sun and water and stuff?" said Chibi. Luckily for him he was the son of the sun goddess, which by default also made him a sun godling. This was his cue to make the sky stop being purple forever. "Yesss," he grinned, as the sun turned the baby plant into a baby Sakuya tree. He quickly frowned when the sky was still purple. "Darn it, that means there's still more evil things."
"What?! More evil things? How can it get more evil than these frogs?" Kuni asked.
"I dunno, let's ask Link," Chibi said, slashing a weird eye rock.
"Bo-oing! Message from Master Link!" it said, and then in Link's voice, "Leap before you think!"
"Wow, that's terrible advice," said Chibi. "Well whatever. Let's go, Kuni!" He pushed Kuni down the hole and leapt after him, landing on his head.
"Ouch, thanks Mutt! Look, now we're in some scary place that looks suspiciously like a boss room!"
"UWAGH!" croaked something that sounded suspiciously like a boss. A giant lumpy red frog with an eye patch burst out of the river flowing underneath the sapling and slammed its webbed hands on the bank. "DID SOME FOOL COME TO CHALLENGE ME, EH?"
"Oh my god!" Kuni squeaked. "Chibi is that—is that toad a Canadian pirate?!"
"I didn't know such things existed!" Chibi replied in awe.
"THAT'S ALL IRRELEVANT, YAH?" rumbled the Canadian pirate toad. "ONLY THE DESCENDENT OF NAGI CAN DEFEAT ME, AND EVEN THAT'S LAUGHABLE EH!"
The toad guffawed. Kuni trembled.
"I—I…I'm not Susano's son! I can't do it!" he cried, scrambling away.
"Wait, you're not? You…lied to me?!" Chibi called after him, but Kuni was fast when he wanted to be.
"HUH, SO IT'S JUST YOU TA CHALLENGE ME NOW, EH LITTLE RUNT?" said Master Anura, pirate king of the toads. "HAVE AT IT!"
"O-Okay!" Chibi said, preparing himself. He was much too young to be fighting a boss so soon in his adventure. Even his mom didn't get to fight one until Agata Forest, at least.
Chibi spent most of his time running from Master Anura, who kept trying to squish him under his puffy cheeks.
"ENOUGH A THAT, FACE ME LIKE A MAN!" Master Anura bellowed, and leapt into the air with his giant belly button hanging out. Chibi slashed it because it looked bouncy and also kind of gross.
"HAUBLEH!" Master Anura spat, coughing up a giant ball onto the other bank. "YOU MADE ME SPIT UP THE SAPLING'S FRUIT! BUT YER NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS, EH!"
"That's a fruit?" said Chibi doubtfully. Suddenly Kuni came running back.
"Hey, I'm sorry for leaving you Mutt!" he called. "But I'm not Susano's real son, I'm adopted! That's why I'm so old even though it's only been nine months since your mom defeated Orochi and Yami and stuff!"
"Wait, what?! Things are moving way too quickly!" Chibi said, his mind spinning. "Isn't that something people reveal much later?"
"Can't be helped!" Kuni cried. "Anyway, let's kick this toad's ass together, Mutt!"
"Yeah!" Chibi said, grinning.
Kuni grunted as he hefted the fruit. "Um, actually, I don't know what to do with this ball! Guide me!"
Chibi sighed. Kuni wasn't very helpful at all.
After more powerslashing and guiding Kuni to the sapling roots, they defeated Master Anura.
"IMPOSSIBLE!" the toad croaked, before dissolving into ugly purple smoke. Something shiny soared through the air, and Kuni chucked a round piece of clay at it.
"Yes! Caught it!" he cried triumphantly. "Hey Mutt, I caught a shiny!"
"Oh wow, what kind?"
"Not sure," Kuni said. He picked up his pokeball and shoved it on his belt where five other balls of different color clay were also situated. "But it's probably the one the girl was looking for. I mean, it's kind of shaped like a mirror. And it's shiny."
The mirror-shaped pokemon jiggled. It was very cute. Kuni held it by the protruding stem so that its round yellow face was upside down.
"Buddy-buddy!" it said.
They died and revived in front of the guardian sapling, which was actually pretty convenient. Chibi bloomed the tree and Hana Valley burst into flowers and bunnies and bright blue sky, which was a great relief to him.
"Mission accomplished!" Kuni said, waving the pokemon around while it repeated buddy-buddy! "Let's get outta here! Not that I'm in any rush or anything, but you know, that girl's waiting for her mirror—er, thing."
"Yeah, this place kind of sucks," Chibi said. Apparently he also acquired his mother's taste of landscape. He made sure to bloom all the trees first though. Ammy would have been proud.