I'm bored and I can't be assed to do work, so here's chapter nine. :) I won't post another chapter until I get ten good vons! No, I'm joking. I won't post another chapter until I get ten good reviews! :P
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! (We can tell. You've probably never picked up a book before in your life) dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now (He never liked Harry in the first place!) is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything (What's everything? He had no everything? He was invisible?) started flying towards me on a broomstick! (As opposed to a Boeing 747) He didn't have a nose (You said this before) (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic (You can just tell these things, you know). It was… Voldemort! (So it was basically Voldemort from the movie)
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. (Imperius is the name for the curse, when you cast it you say "Imperio", you ludacris fool)
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. (Because Hermione – sorry – Bloody Mary's cat fell on him?) I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (That just doesn't make sense)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes (Sexah eyes? Lmfao!) and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden (No, he looks like Harry). I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. (Which wizards call: "A silver wand Muggles use to kill each other with" see Prisoner of Azkaban)"No! Please!" I begged.
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" ("If thou wilt not be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet", or something like that. Seriously, who does she think Voldemort is? Shakespeare? Is he going to kill Vampire with the power of iambic pentameter?)
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. (I love this! That's the face I've got on right now!) "I hath telekinesis." (Like a poltergeist) he answered cruelly "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. (Looking back occasionally and frowning)
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" (Scared and mad and exclamation mark-y)
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (His eyemakeup looked like a star? What?) (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. (Or his eyeliner looked like a cross between how Gerard and Joel do theirs? Oh, I get it now. Instead of using "a cross between" because she's goffik she used "pentagram". Yeah, I did not get that. That was just stupid. Stop trying to prove you're a goth, Tara!)
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered. (I'm surprised that he was like "I'M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!" all My Chem like)
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. (Walking and Frenching at the same time!)