A/N: We are so sorry for the late delay! We truly are! We have had this written for a while, but we just needed time to add some more, edit it, blah blah blah. Yes, blame school for all this. Oh and Fannatix101, in response to your question, Will is only broken-hearted in the heat of the moment. One last thing, I changed my name from ShadowhuntingNephilim123 to this new name. If any of you are wondering why, there's an explanation on my profile lol. Anyways, without further adieu, here's the next chapter! It's long, only because there's a lot of explanation, so we are so sorry if it gets boring!
Disclaimer: We are not Cassandra Clare, but we sure wish we were!
Chapter 2 - Shadows of the Past
Will had safely returned to the Institute. He made no mention of his visit to Paris, nor did he seem to be in any mood to discuss his trip with anyone at the Institute.
"You never told me about Paris," Jem said to him a few days after Will had returned to the Institute. "Nor did you bring me anything back- that's just shameful William." Jem gave his friend a crooked smile.
Will grinned. "Forgive me old friend. It was quite a trip," he responded vaguely. His eyes seemed to be a million miles away, and he talked as if his heart wasn't up for it. "You would like Paris though, Jem," he added. "You need to go sometime."
Jem gave his parabatai a stern look. "Will," he said again, a sense of gravity weighing his voice.
"Fine," Will gave in, "I went to Paris because I needed some alone time. You know, after the shock of seeing my sister." And the fact that you're engaged with the person I love the most, the woman that means everything to me, Will thought to himself.
Jem smiled. "Well, if you ever need to go out alone, at least inform us better next time." And he laughed, and Will laughed with him, although his mind was not up for it.
Two and a half months later...
It had been almost two and a half months since they last discussed Will's sudden disappearance. It was now mid-October. London had never been so gray outside. The crisp autumn wind blew the multi-colored leaves off their branches, forming heaps and piles in the courtyard of the Institute. The weather outside was beginning to cool down, so the members of the Institute spent their times indoors most of the time. Tessa had been preoccupied with the wedding plans, in which Cecily helped her out with, or with her training. Gideon Lightwood continued to train Sophie, but also helped Tessa and Cecily out. Will and Jem would come and go and join in whenever their assistance was necessary. Gabriel had completely stopped coming to the Institute. In fact, ever since Benedict Lightwood had that scandal of his, little was heard from either him or his son. It was literally as if they had disappeared, but everyone knew they were still there; they would still attend Enclave meetings, but that was all that everyone saw of them.
Will tore his eyes away from the window to avoid looking out at the bleak weather. He was seated in a sofa in the library, a copy of Pride and Prejudice open on his lap. It was not his sort of book; he admired Austen's writing style, but Will wasn't a fan of sappy love stories. He was reading it because he knew it was one of of Tessa's favorites. Maybe he could learn to love this book, like he did with A Tale of Two Cities. Only Tessa had taught him that.
Will tried to read, but could not concentrate on the words on the page. His mind was elsewhere. He thought about that one day, a week after he had returned from Paris. He felt that he should explain things to Cecily; she was his sister after all. It was time he told her the truth of his past. He recalled telling Tessa that he would tell people about the 'curse' at his own pace, and thought it best if he told Cecily. Will had kept his distance from his sister; he wasn't very happy with the idea of her becoming a Shadowhunter. However, since she was his only family, he thought it was best if she knew.
Will remembered making his way to her room. Her room was located on the same corridor as Jem and Tessa's, just a few door down from Tessa's. Everyone was around each other, and Will felt like a loner, for his room was on the opposite side of the Institute in one of the towers. Will had gently knocked on her door, when Cecily's sweet voice answered, "come in." Will entered into her barren room, since she had only been at the Institute for nearly two weeks. Cecily had already began to assimilate naturally into the Institute and blended in with the other members, that her presence no longer foreign to Will.
Cecily looked up expectantly at Will as he entered her room. "Cecy, I've been wanting to tell you..." Will began.
"Yes Will?" Cecily asked her brother ever so gently.
"Do you remember anything of that day?" Will gulped, trying to find the right words.
"Will, you have to be more specific if you want to be going anywhere with this conversation," Cecily said sarcastically, "I haven't got all day." Will just stared. "Well, if you're not going to say anything, then I'm off to bed."
"No!" Will said, trying to stop her. He shut the door moved towards her and sat at the edge of her bed, patting the bed, gesturing her to sit beside him. Cecily, clad in her white nightgown, sauntered over hesitantly and sat down next to him. Will looked gravely towards the door, afraid that anyone might barge in the middle of their conversation. Will took a deep breath before telling Cecily everything:
"It was that day. It was rainy; we were living in Wales. Remember? I was twelve," Will continued. "I wandered into father's study and was looking through his relics from his days as a Shadowhunter. I came across a pyxis.
Will stopped speaking. His eyes were faraway, reliving the memory all over again.
"And?" Cecily interrupted quietly.
Will tore his gaze away from the wall and his eyes met Cecily's. "And out popped a demon."
Cecily's eyes widened. Though she had spent very little time in the world of the Shadowhunter world, she knew the terrible things demons could do.
"Its name was Marbas," Will added with a look of pain plaguing his handsome features. "He cursed me, saying that anyone who loved me would die, starting with Ella. Do you recall the day that Ella died?" Will let out a short, humorless laugh. "It was the day after I opened the pyxis, and I knew the truth, even if it hurt: the curse was real. I fled that night, swearing never to return. I found myself settling her in the Institute. For five years I lived with this curse. Can you believe it? Five years. I had to keep anyone who came close to me as far away as possible. So I told them falsehoods, the nastiest lies I could think of."
Cecily looked up at her brother in shock, her blue eyes as big as saucers. She finally found the courage to speak, and said, "you said you lived with it for five years. What happened now? Is it gone."
"There was no curse, Cecy." Now Will sounded angry. "I sought Magnus Bane, who helped me conjure up Marbas. He was a weakened demon; the curse was entirely false." Will's shoulders relaxed, as the tension of telling his sister relieved him.
"But Will, why now? Cecily couldn't hide the anger masking her voice. "Why did you wait five years before relieving yourself the curse? Do you know how painful those five years were for me? It was terrible Will. You have no idea. Waking up everyday and finding that Ella would always be dead and you would always be gone. You couldn't have figured all this out earlier?"
"I... I don't.. I can't." Will had no idea what to tell her. He couldn't tell her that it was about Tessa.
Cecily seemed to be reading his mind though. "There's only one thing I can think of that changed. It's that shape-changer girl? Isn't it? Miss Gray. I see the way you look at her. You love her, don't you?"
Will felt himself nod. His heart yearned for Tessa. But he knew he should be happy, for Jem's sake; he had never seen his brother so joyful in his life. "People do anything for love," said Will, "I just thought I would never be one of those people. Now, all of this is useless. She's engaged to Jem and I can't have her. All because of this stupid curse." Will kicked at the floor in frustration.
Cecily gently laid her hand on Will's shoulder. "But you haven't lost everything," she said, as softly as she could, "I'm still here for Will. All that you thought you wasted hasn't been thrown away. I love you Will, and I always will." Will's eyes lit up and he pulled his little sister into an embrace; he had at least part of his own family now.
Will suddenly looked up at a noise in the library, breaking him of his reverie. Church had entered and came to sit beside Will on the couch. Will distanced himself from the cat; Church sure loved Jem, but couldn't stand anyone else. His habit seemed to be biting people, so Will resisted the urge to stroke the cat. He stared straight ahead and felt his mind drifting again.
A week after he had informed Cecily of the truth, Will found his legs guiding him to the drawing room, where Henry and Charlotte were discussing plans of what to do next in their never-ending search for Mortmain. Sophie was hovering around them. Will felt dreadful pulling himself into that room; it always sparked memories of his last conversation with Tessa.
"Will," Charlotte looked at him with a startled expression, "I did not expect you to come here." Even Henry, who was fiddling with one of his inventions, set it down to give Will a surprised look.
"Charlotte. Henry," Will began, trying to think of how to tell them appropriately, "well, even you Sophie," he nodded in her direction. "As you might have observed, my behavior has dramatically changed over the past couple weeks." Oh God, why do I have to sound so pathetic? So stupid. There has to be a better way, Will thought to himself.
"Yes, Will, it has been most apparent. We thought it might have been something along the lines of demon pox, since you were very... ah... contented when you found out about Benedict Lightwood," Charlotte said, betraying no emotions.
"Well I was happy that I was right about demon pox, but that's not what I came to tell you," Will took a slight pause before continuing, "when I was twelve living in Wales, I opened a pyxis in my father's office. It unleashed a demon, who cursed me, telling me that anyone who loved me would die, beginning with my sister. I believed it, for my elder sister, Ella, died that night, so I fled and came here. Upon my arrival to London, I was fitting into a new family, and I had to keep you all at arms length." Will hesitated; he could not tell them of his love for Tessa. No one needed to know about that. "I couldn't bare living with this curse any longer, so I sought Magnus Bane and he helped me summon the demon that cursed me, Marbas. When he was successful, Marbas revealed there was no curse, and I was a fool to believe it. All my five years have gone to waste, and I have lost everything." Will felt exhausted, but somewhat relieved after telling his story to nearly everyone at the Institute.
Then, something unexpected happened. Charlotte walked over and pulled Will into a warm, motherly embrace. Shock ran through Will, and by the time he recovered, Charlotte drew away, a joyous look on her face.
"Thank you for telling us William," she smiled at him. Henry came over to her side, "no matter what, you have always been a part of our family." Henry was beaming at Will, and shook his hand, while Sophie, for a change, cast a softened glance rather than her signature scowl. Will was beginning to feel better about telling everyone the truth. Well, almost everyone.
Will pulled his attention back to his book. It was no use; he was not going to be like Darcy and get the girl of his dreams, much less propose to her since she was already betrothed. Engaged to Jem. Jem. His best friend, his blood brother, his parabatai. Jem. Will had told him of his curse only a week ago. It had been only a week ago since they had discussed Will's condition of the curse.
Will had come back from his nightly walk around the vicinity of the Institute. He had walked through the corridor that was all too familiar to him. On the left was Tessa's door, and across from that was Jem's. Will gently pushed it open, to see Jem moving away from the window and towards his violin case, stowing his violin away. Jem's silver features looked almost white in the pale moonlight.
Will didn't even make a sound when Jem spoke, "Will, Will. Is that you?" Will smiled at that. They were all too familiar with each other.
"Mind if I come in?" Will inquired hesitantly. Jem nodded in response and Will entered the room, plopping himself on an armchair next to the bed. Jem came to sit across from Will on his bed.
"Isn't it marvelous?" Jem's eyes glistened. His eyes seemed to be normal, the silver irises and the black pupils about equal to each other. "Soon, after all this mess is cleared out and Mortmain is found and defeated, Tessa and I will be married. I couldn't think of anything better in my life. Other than becoming your parabatai of course."
"Yes, it is," Will managed to choke out. The thought of the two of them getting married made him sick to his stomach. But he should not let that overwhelm him; he had to put on his act and pretend to accept it. Pretending shouldn't be hard; he had been doing so for the past five years anyways. He should be an expert by now.
"So what is it you wanted to tell me?" Jem asked, snapping away Will's thoughts.
"How do you know I wanted to tell you something? I could have been here to admire your violin playing," said Will lightly.
Jem snorted, "But you hate my violin playing. William, tell me what's bothering you." He looked up at Will with such love, love that only Jem could feel for Will and Will could reciprocate.
Will fiddled around with his fingers. He rarely got nervous around Jem. "Do you remember when you and Tessa became engaged?" Thinking those words to himself was hard enough, but speaking them aloud was like poison. Will had to get used to this now; he had to stay happy. For Jem, and for Tessa.
Jem laughed. "Of course I remember. It was a particularly happy day for me," he added with a grin.
Will forced a smile. "Yes, well, around that same time I found out something as well. Something extremely troubling, yet liberating."
Jem raised an eyebrow. "This wouldn't have to do with all your late night errands and running about would it?"
Will ignored Jem's question, he was still trying to find the right words to say. Will swallowed slowly and finally met Jem's gaze. He took a deep, shaky breath and told Jem everything. Everything involving the curse, everything about his family, everything about the weight that had been crushing him for so long. When Will was done, he let out a final breath, glad to be relieved of the burden following him everywhere. He looked straight at his parabatai, dark blue eyes meeting glistening silver eyes.
Will waited for Jem to respond. But there was nothing. Silence. Was Jem mad at him?
Finally, Jem spoke, "I'm not mad at you William, if that's what you're thinking." Will silently laughed to himself; Jem knew him so well that he could literally read Will's thoughts. "It's just I always knew this about you," Jem continued, "that there was something more to your… your insanity, your aloofness. I always believed there was a greater good to you, and there truly is. There always has been. I told you earlier that your walls are beginning to break, and they have. Now it's time for the new William Herondale to emerge."
Will shook his head one more time and returned back to his book. He tried to concentrate again on Pride and Prejudice, but he just was not up to it. He was already broken-hearted, and reading a love story would not repair the crevices in his heart. He reflected on all the people he told his curse: Tessa, Cecily, Charlotte, Henry, Sophie, and Jem. He definitely felt more free than before, because he could roam around the Institute without being bitter, uncaring, and callous. However, he could not be completely open; he had to pull together the mask of the old Will Herondale, the one who was aware of the 'curse', when he was around Jem and Tessa. No one needed to see and know of his love for Tessa. Will's thoughts drifted to A Tale of Two Cities and how for Sydney Carton, despite his strong feelings for Lucie Manette, he learned that if he loved someone enough, he would learn to let them go. And Will told himself the same about Tessa.
A/N: So there you have it! Such a relief to be done with this chapter... finally. Yes scold us all you can because of this super late update. So what did you guys think? We promise there will be more action and fun in the next chapter. Also, the ending with Jem we did not get from Cassie Clare. We wrote this before she put the deleted scene up, for those of you who were wondering.
Well until next time!