Okay, so when I wrote the next... 6(? I think. I write a batch in one go) commmentaries I was slightly hungover (I didn't even have that much to drink! What's going on?) so my patience with this poor excuse for literature is even less than usual.
AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz. (I honestly didn't even bother to read that)
All day I wondered what the surprise was (Probably his penis). Meanwhile, I pot on (Here we go again) a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots (I could do with some compact books, I'm always putting on powder to keep greasy skin at bay. Oh, she meant combat boots?). MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one (If I were My Chem, I wouldn't risk it. I mean, Voldemort could turn up again and I wouldn't want to be in close proximity to Tara. I mean Enoby). I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited (That makes no sense. You slit your wrists while you moshed, presumably getting blood all over the walls, but you felt excited?). Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes (But you already got dressed! And really, do we need to know the clothes were black? We get it by now, you're gothic) and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom (Geddit, cuz I'm goffic?). I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again ("Dear God, please let the person at the door be Draco so we can consummate our teenage relationship yet again because I know how much you approve of sex outside marriage. Amen").
"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." (Did you just invite him to rape you?) I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo ("Hey, children, if you see Snape of Lupin, invite them to rape you because they're paedophiles!" WHAT? REALLY? NO DUMBLEDORE, YOU GET THEM THE HELL OUT OF THE SCHOOL! And also, isn't she seventeen, so it's not paedophilia if she's that age).
"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) (OH DEAR LORD, I THINK I'M GOING TO PEE MYSELF WITH LAUGHTER OVER THE CLEVERNESS OF PUTTING "HELL" IN "ACTUALLY"!) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. (What the hell?)
"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.
"Fuker." He said, gong away.
Well anyway, I put on (Fuck my life) some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went (Away to die?). Den I gasped...Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 (Please don't do this to Dobby, I beg of you)
"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying (Yeah, poor Dobby!). Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps (Not the fact that they are grown men and they more-or-less forced a House Elf to watch?). (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) (Surprise surprise)
"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) (Yes, but not the other several thousands of words in here)
"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.
"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. (So if he said "Can I have some condemns to have sex with Snape?" you would've said yes?)
"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then...I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. (It is preferable to be naked when you have sex, yes)
"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"
"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them (Is this like that bit in Family Guy where Mickey Rooney steals other people's scabs?) and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.
"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.
"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." (Resetting the orgasm counter again, kids) Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"
Then... he showed me his flying car. I gasped (If I had a pound for every time she gasps in this thing…). It was a black car. He said his dogfather (Did anyone else have the theme tune for The Godfather start playing in their heads then? "You come to me on the day of my puppy's obedience classes?" Does he leave Hippogriff heads in the beds of his enemies?) Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. (What a fucking lick ass)
...I gasped. (I think you should see a doctor about this breathing problem you have, it sounds like asthma)
We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. (Well, it is an MCR concert!)
Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed (You really shouldn't be moshing if you have breathing difficulties), looking at da band.
I almost had an orgasim (The Lord is testing me). Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ...And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. (Serves you right, you bitch! You cheated on your sexah boyfriend with his ex after you wanted him to come to your room and fuck you! Slut.)