Chapter Eight
BPOV – Present Day
I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. It was too soon. I wasn't ready for this yet. All my determination from seconds before evaporated as I sat frozen, staring at the person standing with Jazz in the doorway.
"Sorry ladies. I didn't realize that the pow-wow was still going on" Jazz broke the silence. He walked over to wrap his arms around Alice. I watched as he bent and brushed his lips over hers. The moment was very sweet and loving. It made me feel empty. I looked up to see Edward turn and walk towards the kitchen.
Should I follow him?
Yes! You need to talk to him
What if I can't? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What am I going to say to him?
That's a lot of 'What ifs'. Why don't you just stop thinking about it, grow a pair and go after him?
But-
No 'Buts' Go After Him!
And so I went. It was time.
EPOV – Present Day
Fuck my life.
When Jazz had turned up at my apartment an hour ago, I had still not worked through some of my anger. I had just woken from my nap feeling slightly better. Ok not better, but at least the headache was gone.
So, anyway, Jazz turned up on my doorstep mumbling something about 'women' and 'interventions'. I didn't understand any of the shit coming out of his mouth, but I knew better than to ask for an explanation so I let it be.
Now here I stood an hour later in Jazz's kitchen, having just walked into his place to find Bella and Alice having a heart to heart. I felt my heart clench at the red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks on Bella's face. It was all I could do not to go to her and wrap her in my arms and comfort her. I so badly wanted to, I felt the ache in my arms from the want, but the anger inside me was still simmering and was the reason I simply stood there and watched them pull apart at the sound of Jazz clearing his throat.
I watched as Jazz walked over to Alice and take her in his arms and kiss her. It was such a tender moment and I couldn't watch it happen so I turned and stalked off to the kitchen. I was standing with my back to the door, over the breakfast island my hands palm down, hunched over to ward off the pain lashing at my insides when I felt that all too familiar electric current at my back. Bella.
"Hi" She whispered. I closed my eyes as her voice washed over me
"Hey" I answered. I knew we had to talk, but I was still too angry and I knew I didn't want to do it with that running through my veins.
"Can we talk?" I sighed. It seemed that Bella was not going to give me the chance to calm down enough to have a rational conversation. I was still standing with my back to her. I couldn't bring my self to turn around and face her. I shrugged
"Sure" I heard her take a deep shaky breath and still I didn't turn to face her
"Edward, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I need you to understand that I-" she paused, taking another breath and continued "I wasn't in a good place back then and after what happened at Tanya's there was no way I could stay and watch you with her. It was too hard" I slowly turned to face her. I could feel the anger boil. This was her explanation? After eight years of no contact, no phone call, no email, no nothing, this was her apology?
I still didn't speak. I simply stared at her. I saw her take a step back from me and I knew that it was in recoil to the pain and rage on my face. I knew it was scaring her, but at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too angry.
"Edward? Please, talk to me. Please say something. I know you are angry, but please, we need to talk about this. Please-" I jerked my hand up, palm up to signal her to stop
"Isabella, I don't give two flying fucks what you think right now. Whether we need to talk or not is no longer your decision to make. You have made plenty of decisions about my life for me and no more" I paused to take a few calming breaths, as my therapist had taught me. Yes, I went to a therapist over this shit
"I have a lot to say to you, but now is not the time. When the time comes, I will come to you and trust me, there will be plenty of talking involved. I am not that boy anymore, which comes running every time you snap your pretty little fingers and we will do this my way this time, when I am ready, not when it suits you. Until then, we will continue as if we had not bumped into each other on those courthouse steps this morning. I will see you Friday night at Fickle, because my friends have also invited me and it's high time I actually did have some fun!" At that I spun and stalked out of the kitchen. I had to get away. I needed to move away from the situation or it could turn out a hell of a lot different to how I really wanted it to.
"Jazz, I'm gonna go to the office. I need to get the Spencer file sorted before the meeting next week. I'll see you later" I called into the family room as I passed
"Wait! I'll come with you. I need to pick up the Goodman file for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow" Jazz strolled out of the family room, searching my face carefully. I nodded and continued to walk to through the front door and into my car. I waited as Jazz said bye to Alice. I could see them whispering at the door, his head leaned into hers. I felt the pain lash at me again as I watched the obvious love and affection before me. I wanted that. I wanted it with Bella and there was no way that I could see for me to have it.
BPOV – Present Day
I stood frozen in the kitchen after Edward left. His harsh words swirled around in my head. He was right. He was not the same boy I had known eight years ago. No, now…now he was all man. Unbelievably beautiful, confident, sexy, angry man. And I was the reason for his anger. That thought alone hurt more than anything he had said. His pain cut me deep. He hurt, I hurt. It wasn't until Alice's tiny arms wrapped around my middle did I move or realise that I had tears streaming down my face
"I'm sorry, Bella" Alice whispered "I should have warned you that he was angry. I just never thought that he would-" I cut her off
"No Ali, He was right. I have made all the decisions. It's his turn now" I said morosely. I knew it to be true, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less. I gazed into Alice's eyes and suddenly it hit me. I hadn't even thought about Jake all day! I hadn't even spoken to him since the engagement party! What kind of fiancé was I? What did that say about my relationship with Jake? This was not good. I had a lot to think about now. There were many feelings coursing through me at the moment and I knew that unless I took a timeout I would eventually break.
I knew I needed to speak to Jacob, but the thing was, I didn't know what I wanted to say to him. The only thing I knew was that I did not love him and I was questioning my decision to marry him. Hell, I had been questioning it since he asked me. Why did I accept his proposal again? Oh right… because I am stupid and didn't want to end up alone and I didn't know Edward was here, so close and I also didn't know how he felt about me…
God, I was giving myself a headache from thinking so hard!
I sighed and told Alice I would call her later before I left to go wallow in my apartment.
I left Alice's apartment and made my way back to my own slowly. So many thoughts and feelings were still running rampant in my head; I couldn't sort through them yet. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn't so sure if that was what I should do.
The next day I woke early, not having slept more than a couple of hours. I had a breakfast meeting so I rushed around to get ready. I was nowhere near making a decision on my engagement, though the thoughts were still rolling around in my head. I needed to make a decision soon or I felt I may go insane from the thoughts and feelings going through me. Jake was and is a very good friend, my best friend, but the love I had for him was nowhere near the love I had for Edward. Whether anything happened between Edward and I was a moot point. I could not, no, I would not be one of those women who married for convenience and not love. It wasn't fair on any of us.
I arrived at the café where I was meeting my possible new client, Kate Bryant, and found that she was already there. I walked to the table as she looked up
"Good Morning, Ms Bryant, I am Isabella Swan" I held out my hand which she took and gave it a light shake
"Morning, Ms Swan. Please call me Kate" she smiled at me as I took the seat opposite her
"Kate it is then and please, call me Izzy" I gave my new name as I always did. The only decision I seemed to have made was to keep my 'Izzy' personality in my professional life. It was an easy decision to make. I sighed inwardly. Now if all my personal decision were easy to make!
"So, Kate, tell me why you require my services?" I asked
"My sister and I have been estranged for many years and our grandparents just passed on and left their estate to me solely. My sister is contesting the will so I need a lawyer to fight against her" Kate said in one breath, tears forming in her eyes. I reached out and placed my hand on hers
"I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents and I will be happy to represent you in this case, Kate" I paused, thinking about the possible scenarios that may come up in court. We sat for about half an hour discussing the case and exchanging contact information and sipping on our coffees, just then I felt the familiar electricity at my back and then I heard his soft velvety voice behind me
"Kate?" both Kate and turned to the voice and my breath caught in my throat
"Edward? How are you?" Kate got up and embraced Edward. I felt jealousy course through me. Edward hugged Kate back, but his eyes were on me, questioning.
"Oh, I'm sorry! Edward, this is my lawyer, Izzy Swan, Izzy this is a very old friend of mine, Edward Cullen" Kate waved her hand between us, I rose slowly and stepped in front of Edward, not sure if he wanted to make it known that we already knew each other or not. I saw many emotions running through his eyes for a moment before they turned expressionless.
"Bella." He said simply, nodding at me, his face set in stone, showing no emotion whatsoever
"Hi Edward" I said softly, not wanting to bring out his anger from yesterday. Kate was looking between us, confused and then I saw realization dawn on her face
"Oh my God! You're his Bella! Of course, why didn't I see it before! I mean you've changed so much from the photo, but still! The hair and the eyes! No wonder I thought you looked familiar when you came in!" I turned to Kate, now confused.
Photo? What photo? And did she just say 'His Bella'?
Before I could ask, Edward interrupted
"Kate, may I speak with you privately for a moment, please?" Kate nodded and followed him to the counter. I sat back down at the table and watched as they spoke quietly, Kate was gesturing wildly and Edward was shaking his head. Whatever was being said between them was not making him happy. I could see his cool demeanour slowly melting in the face of his anger. Suddenly I heard him shout
"NO KATE, SHE DID THIS TO US, NOT ME! I AM NOT READY TO FORGIVE HER JUST YET! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?" I would have doubted who he was shouting about if it wasn't for the fact that as he said it he gestured towards me. The café had gone quiet, all eyes bouncing back and forth between Edward, Kate and me. I rose slowly and gathered my things, getting ready to leave
"Izzy-" I turned to find Kate looking at me with sadness in her eyes. I could feel the tears forming in mine
"Kate, I will set up a meeting and email you the details for you to come into my office and sign the papers. I must go now. I have a 10am in the office. Call me if you have any questions before then. It was nice to meet you" I rushed through my words, trying to hold in the tears. Kate nodded and looked over her shoulder once at where Edward was standing by the counter breathing heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose before she enveloped me in her arms and whispered in my ear
"He will forgive you. He loves you, even if he won't admit it yet. He always has" she released me. I nodded in acknowledgement of her words, not quite believing them, and then I turned and fled the café before my tears could betray me.
By the time I reached my office I had calmed somewhat. I walked into the foyer and found Jaz sitting on the leather couches, obviously waiting for someone. He looked up and smiled brightly as I approached. He must have seen something in my face because his expression turned to concern
"Bella? What's wrong, darlin'?" his soft Texan accent still evident, even after all these years
"Nothing, Jazzy. I just had an emotional meeting is all" I said, smiling sadly. I saw understanding wash over his features
"What happened?" he asked softly
"I had a meeting with a new client, Kate Bryant and Edward turned up. Turns out he knew my client"
"Kate? Tanya's sister?" Jasper asked surprise colouring his tone. I looked up at him shocked
"She-she's Tanya's sister?" I whispered, Jaz nodded
"You didn't know?" I shook my head no
"Yeah, they haven't spoken in years. Kate moved away when we were in freshman year to live with her Grandparents as she and Tanya didn't get on. She changed her last name to her mother's maiden name to cut ties from her, I hear" I nodded, but I was still confused
"But how does she know Edward?" I asked, still feeling a little jealous. Huh, guess I was that type of girl, but only with Edward. I had to wonder what that meant for my relationship with Jake. Jazz looked at me for a long moment as if deciding on what to tell me, or how much to tell me. I sighed
"Just tell me, Jaz" Jasper nodded
"Well, we knew Kate in school, but we met up with her again when Edward and I went to Dartmouth. Edward and Kate dated for about four months, but they broke up when they realised that they loved each other, but weren't in love. Unfortunately, Tanya found out about them and went all gladiator on Kate. Kate nearly died. Edward was so mad! I have never seen him so angry; I thought he would actually kill Tanya, he was that mad, the only other time I saw him that angry was in high school when... Well anyway, Tanya got reported and kicked out of school and we didn't hear from her again until recently" my head was reeling from all the information I had just received. I felt so much hate towards Tanya at that moment. I liked Kate, she seemed like a good a person and Tanya just seemed to be evil. I had left eight years ago because of her and now she was back in my life. I would have to face her in court. I felt sick at the thought. I felt Jaz shake me gently
"Bella? Bella! Are you ok?" concern dripping through every word. I nodded
"I'm fine. I gotta get going, Jaz. I have another meeting in…" I looked at my watch, which read 9.50am "Shit! In ten minutes! I'll see you later, ok?" I turned to go and then something Jasper had said hit me. I turned back
"Jaz?"
"Hmm?"
"What do you mean 'until recently' when you said hadn't heard from Tanya since she got kicked out of school?" Jasper sighed
"She's back and Edward has had to take out a restraining order against her" I nodded again and turned to leave
"Bella?" I turned back and found Jaz looking at me, I could see him struggling with something for a moment before determination set in and he spoke
"He will see sense. I promise. But you need to make your decision about Jake. And soon" I stared at him, shocked. Before I could say anything Mr Aro, one of the partners called for Jaz. He gave me one last look and followed Mr Aro into his office. I shook my head and walked to mine, still in deep thought.
The rest of the week flew by in a flurry of meetings and paperwork. Today was Friday and Kate was coming in to sign off her papers to agree our representation. I looked at my watch and took a deep breath as a knock sounded on my door.
"Come in" the door opened to reveal Kate, she seemed to be talking to someone behind her. I stayed seated as I waited for her to finish her conversation. Kate walked in and I got up smiling
"Good afternoon Kate. I trust you are-" I stopped mid-sentence as I noticed the second person. The familiar electric current was running through me so I knew what I was seeing was true
"Izzy, I'm sorry, I brought Edward as he has ties to this case too and I was hoping you could use him as a character witness" Kate said. I nodded, not taking my eyes off of Edward, who was standing in the doorway looking anywhere but at me. I took a moment to collect myself, to put my professional mask back on and then spoke
"That's fine Kate, come in, have a seat and lets get started" I gestured to the two seats in front of my mahogany desk and sat in my chair. My voice sounded shaky even to my own ears.
Kate and I started talking about the case as Edward sat quietly. He had not spoken at all since the meeting began, but every so often I felt his eyes on me. I, however, chose not to look at him. This distance between us was killing me, but I was being professional.
EPOV – Present Day
I watched Bella as she and Kate conversed. I was amazed at how professional she was, despite the slight shake in her voice when she first saw me in the doorway. I looked around her office as they talked. It was light and airy. On one side there was a huge window with the most amazing view of the city; on the opposite side there was a bookshelf with what must be at least a hundred books. I chuckled to myself. She always had loved to read. The wall behind her held her diplomas and degrees along with a beautiful painting of a meadow. I did a double take and realised that the painting was of our meadow back in California. Next to the picture was a framed photo of six people. I got up to get a closer look. I was shocked. It was a picture of our gang.
It was taken on the first day of senior year. I remembered the day clearly. We had all met at the beach, as was our ritual for all our first days; we had a breakfast picnic as we said our goodbyes to summer and hello to the start of a new school year. We had just finished our picnic when we all paired off to take a walk. Alice was on Jasper's shoulders, Rose was on Emmett's and Bella was on mine, we all had huge smiles on our faces and looked happy and relaxed. A kind old couple had taken the picture for us. I had a copy of it on my desk back at the office. This was the last one taken of all of us together. Bella had left five months after this was taken. Our gang had never been the same after that. I had never been the same.
I felt many emotions running through me at that moment. The memories were bittersweet. A part of me was happy that she kept this as a fond memory and another part of me was so angry that the reason this was a bittersweet memory was her. I felt her stand at my back before she spoke
"It was a good day, please don't make it something wrong" she said softly, pain in her voice. She still knew me well. I turned slowly to face her, vaguely aware that Kate was still in the room
"It was a good day, but I'm not the one that has made it something wrong" I replied my voice equally soft. She inhaled sharply at my words and I could see the tears forming in her eyes and I felt my heart rip at the sight. I sighed and pulled her into my arms
"I missed you, Kitten. Always. But you did something so wrong that I don't know if I can forgive you for it yet" I held her as she sobbed softly into my shirt. I felt tears running down my face as well. I never could see her cry without crying myself
"I know, Tiger and I'm so, so sorry. The only excuse I have is that I was young and stupid. I missed you everyday" she said into my shirt. I couldn't help but smile a little as she used my nickname from school in response to my use of hers. All to soon she pulled back and looked up at me, her expression soft
"Still can't see me cry, huh?" she said, teasingly, I snorted. She had always teased me about it. I shrugged
"Never could, you know that" I answered. She, of course, blushed. I ran my fingertips over her cheek lightly, feeling the familiar tingle run through my fingers and up my arm. It felt good to speak to her like the good old days, but I knew we had a lot of things to hash out and now was still not the time to do it. I sighed and untangled my arms from around her waist. I immediately felt cold at the loss of her touch
"I promise, we will talk, Bell, but not here, not now. I'm not ready" I said gazing into her beautiful chocolate brown orbs. She nodded and bit down on her lip causing my body to react. I stepped back from her before I could give in to urge to kiss her and turned towards Kate, who was looking at us with a soft expression.
"Are you done here, Kate?" I asked. She nodded and turned to Bella
"Are we done, Izzy?" she asked
"Yes, Kate. We will need to meet again next week. I'm sorry about being unprofessional just now. Oh and, please call me Bella. All my friends do. Izzy is my professional name" Bella smiled tentatively. Kate's answering grin was bright
"No need to apologise, Bella. I completely understand. I will see you next week. Just email me the time and place" Bella nodded and turned to me
"You will need to come in too if you are to be a witness on this case. I will need to get your statement done so that I can submit it to court. Oh and, I need your contact information so that I can give you details of the meetings and court dates and such. I mean, that is if you are willing-" I put my hand over her mouth before she could go any further in her ramblings. I couldn't help but chuckle, she looked so cute.
"Bell, its fine. Here's my card with my contact information and my cell number" I wrote my cell and my house line on the back of my business card and handed it to her.
Kate and I left after Bella promised to call on Monday with details of our next meeting. I however would be seeing her tonight at Fickle, but I didn't bring it up. I was so lost in my thoughts as we walked to the car that I didn't hear Kate call my name at first. It wasn't until she tugged on my arm did I stop and look at her
"You love her" Kate said simply. I looked at her for a moment
"Yes" I answered. I watched as Kate studied my face for a moment
"You need to forgive her, Edward. Let the past go. You can't change it, look to the future" I sighed. I knew she was right but I was having a hard time following through on it. Even if Bella and I became friends again, it would be hard for me not to want more from her and she couldn't give that to me. She was engaged
"I know, Kate and I am trying, believe me, I am trying, but what for? I love her, but I can't have her. She's engaged" Kate looked surprised
"She is?" I nodded and Kate whistled
"Wow, how stupid is this situation? I mean she loves you and you love her, but she's engaged to someone else?" Kate shook her head, I looked at her surprised
"What do you mean she loves me?" I asked. Kate sighed and looked up at me in annoyance
"God, men are so dense sometimes! I mean she loves you just as you love her. It is so obvious! How can you not see it! It's plain as day every time she looks at you!" I pondered this for a moment
"And by the way…Kitten? Tiger?" Kate asked with an amused look on her face, I grinned
"Yeah, we always called each other that. I called her Kitten coz when she's angry she scrunches up her nose and looks more like a cute little kitten than anything else and you can see the flashes of anger in her eyes and she turns bright red, I mean she blushes at anything but when she's angry, she gets these bright red spots on her cheeks and it so adorable like a kitten, so the name stuck. She always called me Tiger in response, I never knew why though" I shrugged
"Oh. My. God" Kate breathed, I looked at her confused
"What?" I asked
"Don't you see it, Edward?" Kate asked, her eyes were as wide as saucers, I shook my head, no
"No, see what?" I asked again
"You loved her even then, you just didn't know it. You have loved her from the beginning!" Kate was practically bouncing on the spot. She reminded me so much of Alice at this moment and then her words hit me. I had been in love with my best friend from day one.
"No way" I whispered to my self, not realising that Kate heard
"Way. Ok, answer me this. When you used to see her back then, how did you feel? Be honest" I answered without hesitation
"Complete" Kate squealed and jumped up to hug me. I laughed as well as I realised that what Kate had said was true. I had loved her then. It explained why her separation had hit me so hard. Why I had never felt right afterwards. Why I had been so angry at her.
Now all I had to do was forgive her and make her see that she was engaged to the wrong person. Easy as pie, right?