Chapter Twelve

BPOV

The next two weeks flew by in a haze of work, family, friends and Edward. Edwards surprise party went off without a hitch and he had loved it. I had called Charlie and told him about the incident and needless to say, he was livid and concerned. I also told him about Edward.

Flashback

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad, it's me"

"Hey Kiddo! How are you?"

"I'm god, Dad. You?" I knew he would hear the hesitance in my voice right away

"What's wrong, kid?" I sighed

"Dad, we need to talk" I took a deep breath, knowing that the coming conversation was going to be hard

"Dad, I broke it off with Jake. It wasn't right. I didn't love him like- well I don't love him"

"You don't love him like what Bella?" his voice was quiet, but I heard the underlying tension. I had made this call to come clean, so I would stick to the truth

"I don't love him like I love…Edward" I whispered. I heard Charlie take a deep breath

"I see. This is Edward Cullen you are talking about, correct? Edward from school?"

"Yes" I whispered again

"Hmm…and the fact that you haven't seen Edward in what, eight years and may never see him again didn't play a factor in your decision?" Charlie was being calm. Too calm

"I have seen him again, Dad. He's here. In New York. We're together" I held my breath as I waited for the inevitable reaction

"WHAT?" Charlie screamed

"We're together and have been for near two months now"

"Why, then, am I only hearing about this now? And what about Jake? How could you break his heart like that? That boy loves you so much! He worships the ground you walk on! He lives for your smile! He-"

"Jacob Black does not love me! A person who loves you would not treat you the way he has treated me! A person who loves you would not slap you in public as a show of possession! A person who loves you would not barge into your home, your sanctuary and attack you!" I stopped speaking abruptly as I realised that I hadn't meant to tell Charlie all this in this manner. He was quiet for a few seconds

"He did what?" I sighed again and told Charlie the whole story from beginning to end. Starting from that fateful day eight years ago, right up to the day of Edward's birthday two weeks ago. Charlie was livid. The last thing he said to me before hanging up on me was

"I'll kill him for this!" I, of course panicked and tried calling him back immediately, but his phone was engaged.

Later in the day, Charlie called me back

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kid" I breathed a sigh of relief

"Dad, are you ok? You didn't do anything rash, I hope?" He chuckled

"No, sweetheart. I merely had a few choice words with Billy. I also called your mother, so you might want to call her" I groaned

"Dad! Why? You know she's just going to panic, right?"

"Which is why I just told you to call her"

"Fine, but you owe me for this!" I huffed, Charlie merely laughed and said goodbye, but not without a parting shot

"I want to see Edward. And soon, got it, kid?" I gulped and agreed.

Oh lord, nothing good could come from that meeting!

End Flashback

And so now here we are. Edward and I waiting to board our flight to LA. I was bouncing my leg in nervous anticipation, while Edward, ever the epitome of calm was sitting next to me, happy as Larry, reading today's paper. How could he be so calm at a time like this? I was a bundle of nerves. I had not been back to LA since my father's wedding to Sue. What Edward didn't know was that I had seen him on those visits.

He had not seen me, but I had seen him. Both times

I knew I needed to tell him, but I really had no idea how so I kept quiet as the memories of those days surrounded me. I was lost in these memories when I felt Edward squeeze my hand to indicate that we were now boarding. I got up and followed him onto the plane, still lost in thought. As we sat in our seats, waiting for the plane to take off, Edward turned to me

"Are you ok, Kitten? Is this the first time you're going back?" he looked at me in concern. I shook my head and his eyes widened in surprise

"It's not?" he asked incredulously. I sighed and lifted my eyes to meet his

"No, it's not. I've been back twice since" I whispered, afraid to see his reaction. I watched as his eyes darkened in anger before he controlled his reaction

"When?" he asked curtly. I sighed again. I knew this would hurt him and I had hoped that it would not bring back his anger, maybe I was wrong. Oh well, time to come clean. We had after all agreed to have no more secrets between us. I took a deep breath then explained

"The first time was after high school graduation, I came to visit Charlie before starting college. I lasted two days that time. I saw you and left that same day" I said quietly, watching him warily. The anger had not left his eyes, although when he spoke, he did so softly, calmly

"Why?" I shrugged

"I saw you and shut down. I went to the diner to pick up lunch for Charlie and I saw you there with Esme and a another girl…you had your arm around her shoulders" his eyes lost some of the anger in them as understanding dawned

"You mean Siobhan, my cousin? She visited us that summer" he arched one eyebrow. Now my eyes widened in surprise

"Oh. Maybe I should have stopped when Esme tried to catch me then" I chuckled

"Wait, mom saw you?" I nodded

"Yes, she saw me as I tried to run out of the diner, but I was faster" I said in remorse, my eyes dropping to my lap. Edward lifted my face up with his finger under my chin

"Yes. You should have. I would have loved to have seen you" he murmured. He wrapped his arm around my waist and hoisted me onto his lap as soon as the seatbelt sign blinked out

"And the second time?" he asked. I closed my eyes as I remembered that visit, again another hard one. The worst one. It was after that one that I refused to go anymore, pleading with my dad to visit me in New York instead. It was junior year of college…

"I visited again junior year of college for Charlie and Sue's wedding" I sighed and looked away momentarily to gather my thoughts. Yes, I had seen him again and as the last time he was with another girl, but this time, he had been kissing her. I had completely shattered then. I was catatonic by the time I reached home, causing Charlie to send me home to New York early. Again. I took a deep breath and tightened my arms around Edward, as if to assure myself of his presence in my life now before I explained about the darkest moment in my life without him

"I went to a club with Alice and Rose the night after Charlie's wedding, we were staying for a few days while Charlie and Sue were heading out on their honeymoon. We had been there a while and I needed to go to the bathroom. I went alone as Ali and Rose were on the dance floor. I…I saw you as I came out of the bathroom. At first I considered stopping and saying hello, but you were…uh…you…you were busy" I felt the tears well as I recalled that moment. The pain and loss I felt came crashing down on me again. My body stiffened to ward of the emotions and Edward felt it and tightened his arms around me, pulling me closer

"I remember that night. Em had dragged me out and I got seriously drunk" his hoarse voice caused me to look up at him, he also had tears in his eyes. He knew what I was talking about. He brushed his thumb over my cheek. His eyes pleading with me to forgive him, I shook my head, dropped my eyes and continued

"I don't recall walking back to the bar area, I don't even remember Alice and Rose finding me or the ride home. I had shut down completely, gone catatonic. I don't remember anything after that point. Not Charlie finding me curled up on my bed, not the flights back home, nothing. I stayed like that for months. Alice told me afterwards that I moved, talked, ate, slept but I wasn't there. I believe the phrase she used was 'walking dead'. She let me be for a while, but she finally got fed up and sent me to a shrink" I paused to take a breath, still not looking at Edward. I knew this would be painful for him and I was right

"Oh god…" I heard him whisper, his voice thick with tears. I finally looked up and found his eyes closed, but the pain was clearly etched on his features. Tears were running unchecked down his cheeks. This time, I brushed my thumb across his face to wipe them away

"Hey, it's ok. I survived. I'm here now, you're here now. It's in the past" I whispered. He shook his head and slowly opened his eyes. His beautiful green orbs were now red rimmed and bloodshot. I smiled at him to show him that I was ok and I watched as he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He took a deep breath before he spoke

"I'm so sorry, Kitten. You should never have had to see that. I was…was in such a dark place myself back then. So angry. At everything and everyone" he paused and looked at me warily

"I suppose I should tell you the whole sordid tale of my past, huh?" he said, raising one eyebrow. I raised one in return. I was suddenly nervous. I couldn't speak so I simply nodded. Sure we had had our 'talk', but we had not discussed what we had done or where we had been, emotionally in the last eight years. It seemed that now was the time

"When you left, I shut down too. I never spoke your name; I left the room if you were brought up in conversation. I couldn't handle it. Soon everyone learned not to talk about you in front of me, lest I should walk away again or worse, lash out. I was angry, so angry. At you, at me, at everyone involved. I pushed everyone away in a twisted way of thinking that they would just hurt me too" he smiled ruefully at me

"At the spring formal, I took Tanya. I think I did it to piss our friends off more than anything. It worked. They were all shocked and annoyed at me, so much so that I could actually feel their anger roll off them. But still they didn't say anything. Well, Rose did. She had a few choice words for me, but I simply laughed and walked away. I turned my back and walked away from our friends" he paused as if to gather strength then continued

"I slept with Tanya that night. The first time. Not my most proudest moment, but then I wasn't thinking clearly" I sucked in a large breath. I had known this, but to actually hear it from him made it so real and it hurt to hear. He rubbed soothing circles up and down my back as if reacting to my distress subconsciously, but he didn't stop speaking

"A few days later, Ali laid into me in the cafeteria. Tanya and I…well…we had hooked up in my car, so we must have looked it when we walked into the lunch room. Alice stormed up to us and reamed into Tanya first. I told her to stop, so she turned on me. That was the first time anyone had said your name in front of me in months. She told me what happened the day you left. What Tanya had done and said. I was so angry that I could have hit her. That was the only time I actually contemplated hitting a woman" he chuckled darkly, I stayed silent. Although it hurt to hear all this from him, it was helping too

"I walked away from her, after telling her that I would never be hers. I kind of flew off the handles then. I drank heavily, I tried drugs, I fucked hard. Anything to stop the pain of losing you, but none of it helped. The pain was always there. Just before graduation my parents finally got fed up and sent me to a shrink too" he smirked at me then and I smiled back. My mind was going over what he told me, running a mile a minute and must have seen that on my face because he placed a reassuring kiss on my forehead before he continued

"Dr Regis was good. She helped me a lot. I let go some of the rage in me and calmed down a lot. But the rage was replaced with an emptiness that nothing filled. No drink, no drugs and no girl could fill it. I cleaned up, graduated and went to college, but I was a shell of my former self. I dated around some, but no one compared so it never went beyond the first or sometimes the second date. They were never enough" I had tears running down my cheeks as I listened to him. I had hurt him so badly. I had hurt us both, all because of one insignificant girl's twisted thoughts and words. I was brought out of my thoughts when I realised that Edward was still speaking

"I met Kate in one of my business classes and we got on great. We dated for about four months, but it never got serious. She knew about you. I told her and she became a good friend instead of a girlfriend" he stopped speaking and stared at me as if to gauge my reaction. I smiled at him reassuringly, urging him silently to continue. I should have known better. What he said next broke my heart

"Do you remember the plans we made for our 21st birthdays?" he asked. I nodded. We had always planned to go to Las Vegas and get drunk. Legally. We had planned to fly over, all six of us and stay in the Bellagio Hotel for each of our birthdays. My birthday was the last, after all the others. We planned to gamble and drink in an all night bender. Instead I had spent it drunk in my apartment off campus, drowning in my memories of him. I had almost died of alcohol poisoning that night. That and the two dozen pills I had taken in effort to stop the pain. It was lucky that Alice had come home when she had

"Do you know what I did on the night of my 21st?" I shook my head. He gazed at me for a moment longer before he dropped his eyes and whispered

"I got drunk and slit my wrist" I gasped, my hand coming up to cover my heart. I watched as he pulled off the Cullen Crest wristband he always wore to reveal a long scar across his right wrist. I traced the scar softly with my fingertips. I made my own admission then

"I got drunk and swallowed two dozen pills for my 21st" his head snapped up to meet my eyes. We stayed locked in each others eyes for a long while, reading each other's emotions and offering comfort to the other silently. Even after all these years, we could still hold a full blown conversation with our eyes. The captain's voice over the intercom broke our connection. We were being prepared for landing so I slid off of Edward's lap into my own seat and buckled up. We still had not spoken. Neither one of us looked at the other again as the plane landed. We were both lost in our thoughts.

As we stepped off the plane and out of the airport into the LA sunshine, Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. He held me for a long while, still not speaking. We stood there comforting each other with our presence. No words were needed. We said everything we needed to with our bodies. I could feel his love for me in each of his heartbeats. I could feel his sorrow for my pain in each breath he took and I'm sure he could feel mine in return. Maybe this is what had been holding us back from making love. We had been dating now for two months, but we had yet to make love. I had always felt as if we each were holding back. I was certain now that we had been.

Our discussion and admissions, though hard, had freed me in some way. I felt lighter for the first time in eight years. I could feel that Edward was the same. His body was more relaxed

"I love you, Kitten" he whispered. Finally breaking the silence

"I love you, Tiger" I replied with a smile

EPOV

As I held Bella in my arms under the warm LA sun, I felt freed. I felt light and I felt her love for me. Our conversation on the plane had been the hardest thing to have. But it was necessary too. In the two months that we had been dating, I had been holding back, we both had. The pain and hurt from our past was still there. I now felt that we had cleared the air in so many ways.

I knew I loved her, but I couldn't bring myself to make love to her. Not while I still held some of the residual hurt and anger against her. My body wanted her in all ways possible, but my mind kept holding me back. Telling me to protect myself; to not get hurt again. After that talk, I felt my mind, body and soul had finally aligned. We had both gone through so much pain and suffering to get to where we are now. I was happy that I finally got to tell her everything. All the drinking, the drugs, the girls and my attempted suicide, all of it were out in the open. I was shocked and pained to hear all that she had gone through too. Though, in an odd way I was glad that we had gone through all of that. It led us to where we are now.

I felt Bella's love surround me and a revelled in it. It calmed me, grounded me and lightened me in more ways than one.

"C'mon, Tiger, Charlie's waiting on us for dinner" Bella whispered. I could hear the smile in her voice and it warmed my heart. She hadn't judged me on my past, she simply accepted it. I pulled back and released her from my arms and simply took her hand and led her to the rental counter, where we picked up the keys for our car.

20 minutes later we pulled up outside Chief Swan's two story detached house. It hadn't changed much in eight years. The porch swing was still in the same place. Bella and I had sat on that swing many a time and just talked about anything and everything. We had shared so many things on that swing. I had told her about my first crush in sophomore year. She had told me about her first crush on that same swing. We had talked about music, books, life and philosophy on that swing.

The white wood panelled front was still white. The windows still had the pale blue shutters, the window boxes full of colourful flowers, however, were new. I turned to Bella and pulled her hand up to my lips

"Ready, Kitten?" I brushed my lips across her knuckles and inhaled her ever present sweet scent, trying to calm my nerves. I knew the Chief had liked me back in school, but after all the trouble I had caused after Bella left, I wasn't so sure he still liked me and that thought made me nervous. Bella smiled up at me

"Ready, Tiger" I released her hand and got out, going round to her side to open her door. I helped her out of the car and stood for a moment just looking at her. She was still smiling up at me and I couldn't help my answering smile as I looked down at her. I saw her eyes flicker to something over my shoulder. I turned and found the Chief standing on the porch watching us, his arms folded over his chest. I gulped and started walking towards him, my hand still in Bella's. It was now or never, I guess.

"Hey Dad!" Bella released my hand to wrap her arms around her dad. I watched as the chief's face softened as he gazed down at his daughter, his love for his only child very evident

"Hey Kiddo! How was the trip?"

"It was ok. You know, the usual, there was a plane, there was bad food, an even worse in-flight film, a very bumpy landing, etc, etc" Charlie threw his head back and laughed

"Only you, Kid!" he released Bella and turned to me "Hello, Edward" he held out his hand. I took it and gave a firm but short shake

"Hello, Chief. How are you?"

"Eh, getting old" I shifted under his stare. It seemed as if he was judging whether I was high or not. I wasn't. I hadn't touched drugs since I got clean six years ago, but that didn't mean that the chief hadn't forgotten all the times he caught me at my worst. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bella looking back and forth between us. She stepped forward and placed a hand on her dad's arm

"Is Sue inside, dad? Shall we head in?" she said softly. Charlie finally looked away from me down to her and nodded. We followed him in. I sighed quietly. I knew there would be a conversation coming soon and I wasn't so sure I wanted to have it yet. I knew it needed to be had, but that didn't mean I had to like the idea of having it, did it?

Sue was in the kitchen when we walked in. She came out, wiping her hands on a dish towel on her shoulder. Bella ran into her embrace and both women were squealing like young school girls. I watched Bella's face lit up with excitement and smiled. She looked absolutely beautiful on any normal occasion, but when she looked like that, she looked positively like an angel. My angel. I turned as I felt a hand on my shoulder. The chief nodded towards the living room. I followed him in and sat opposite him. I waited for him to speak and I didn't have to wait for long

"So…You and Bella?" I glanced up and found the chief watching me intently. I nodded

"Yes, sir"

"How long?"

"Nearly two months now, sir"

"Hmm…" that was all he said. The silence fell between us again. It was quiet except for the TV playing in the background.

"Edward?" I looked back at the chief

"Yes, chief?"

"I have to ask…are you…are you still using?" I raised my eyebrow in surprise. Surprised that he had come right out and asked. But then the chief never was one to mince words. I shook my head

"No, sir. I've been clean for six years now" he nodded towards the kitchen

"And does Bella know about your past habits?"

"Yes, sir. I told her on the plane. We had a very long conversation. Though I didn't go into details, I did tell her the gist of it" he nodded again

"I think maybe you should tell her the full extent, Edward. Don't you think she has a right to know?" I leaned back into the sofa and sighed, running my hand through my hair

"Yes, she does. But I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have. I can't see her cry anymore" I said softly. I kept my eyes on the TV

"You really love her, don't you?" I nodded. I finally looked from the TV to Charlie

"Yes sir, I do. She is my everything. She is my life, my air, my heart. It kills me to see her cry and she has cried so much because of me already and I don't know if I can do that to her anymore" the chief gazed at me for a few moments, not speaking. I held his gaze, refusing to look away. I don't know what he was looking for, but he must have found it because after what seemed like hours he finally nodded and turned back to the TV.

Charlie and I sat in silence, watching TV until Sue and Bella walked in, arm in arm, chatting away happily. I looked up and was, once again struck by the pure beauty radiating from my Bella. She glanced my way and smiled wide. She released Sue's arm and made her way towards me. Sitting next to me on the couch, taking my hand in hers

"Sue, how rude of me. This is Edward Cullen, my boyfriend. Edward, this is Sue" I stood up and shook Sue's hand

"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am" Sue blushed

"Wow, Bells, you were right, he is a gentleman!" I looked at Bella and raised an eyebrow, wondering when she had spoken about me to Sue. Bella blushed beautifully and looked away. I chuckled under my breath

"Well, manners are very important to my mother and she never let my brother and I forget it" I said to Sue

"In that case, you are definitely a credit to your mother" Sue replied. Sue then turned to Charlie

"Charlie, dinner's on. Will you not invite our guest to the table?" Charlie stood up. I was expecting him to simply ask me to join him, but I was surprised when he spoke

"Sue, darling, I have known Edward since he was a child. He is no more a guest here than Bella is. He has eaten here more times than I care to count, so no, I won't invite our guest to dinner, however, I will invite the boy I knew to come and eat" there was a beat of silence, this was the most I had ever heard Charlie speak. All of a sudden Bella flew into her father's arms

"Thank you, Daddy" I heard her whisper. The chief nodded, but kept his eyes on me. His brown eyes conveying what his mouth could not say. 'I forgive you your past indiscretions, but don't hurt my girl'. I nodded in acknowledgment.

After dinner, Charlie and I were sat on the porch swing as the girls were inside clearing up

"So, Edward, what do you do now?"

"Jasper and I own our own company. Architecture"

"So you did finish school? Where did you go?"

"Dartmouth. Yes, I finished. Second in my class actually"

"Well done, son. I'm glad things worked out for you" I nodded in thanks for his praise. I hadn't realised until now how much it actually meant to me

"Did Bella tell you about the time she came back here for my wedding to Sue?" I stiffened, the pain breaking free again at the memory of what Bella had told me on the plane

"Yes, sir, she did" I said shortly, trying to control my breathing and hold in the pain

"And? Did she tell you what happened after?" I nodded again

"Did she tell you about her 21st birthday?" I nodded again, the pain now positively lashing at me, making my breathing ragged. I clutched my chest in hopes of stopping the pain from spreading. Charlie laid his hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture

"It's ok, son. It was her choice and not your fault. I don't blame you. You weren't in the right frame of mind either" I took deep breaths to calm myself, using the techniques Dr Regis had taught me. How he had known exactly what I was feeling was a mystery

"Did my family ever tell you about my 21st birthday?" I asked, my breathing calming slightly. Charlie shook his head

"I was in such a dark place back then. All those plans we had made, all those promises, lost because of one mistake, one person's screwed perspective of me and our relationship. I had tried everything to make the pain of losing her go away. I didn't know at the time that I felt so much pain because I loved her, but feel it I did. It felt as if someone had taken my heart and ripped it clean out of my chest" I stared out into the yard as I spoke, the memories of the past washing through me

"So what happened on your 21st birthday?" I turned and looked Charlie in the eye

"I got drunk and slit my wrist" I stated simply, my voice emotionless. I watched as a slew of emotions crossed Charlie's face. Anger, sadness, fear, more anger, pain, sympathy and then finally acceptance. It all flashed across his face in mere seconds

"You and Bella are alike in so many ways, it's frightening. It's no wonder you two are so good together" he smiled slightly at me, I tried to smile back, though it probably looked more like a grimace

"Emmett found me. He took me to hospital and then hardly let me out of his sights for months afterwards" I laughed darkly "in fact; he hasn't let me out of his sights for eight years now. He really is his brother's keeper"

"That must have been hard for him to see" Charlie stated matter of factly, I nodded

"It was. He went to a psychiatrist for a while afterwards too. He had nightmares for years" I heard two gasps behind me and turned to find Bella and Sue standing in the doorway with their hands over their mouths. Both had identical expressions on their face of stunned disbelief. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Bella, rocking her slightly

"He-he never said anything. I never knew what he went through. Oh god, what did I do?" her voice rose in slight panic with each word. I pulled back slightly and saw tears in her eyes. I shook my head

"He's ok now. I'm ok now, baby. We're ok" I gently wiped her cheeks and cupped her face in my hands. Bella looked up at me and I saw pure love shining in her eyes. I leaned down and brushed her lips with my own. I felt her smile against my lips and I smiled in response. I would have deepened the kiss but I heard a throat clear behind me and realised that Charlie and Sue were still there. I stepped back, unwrapping my arms, but keeping one arm around her waist

"Wow. No one has ever been able to calm her so quickly, not even her dear old dad here!" Sue exclaimed, looking shocked. I started to speak, but Charlie beat me to it

"I never could, Sue. I never could. It was always Edward; he was the only one who could ever calm her down and make her smile. Even back in school" Charlie smiled softly first at his daughter and then at me. He nodded at me and walked inside. I understood his nod. It was the nod of a father giving his approval to a man who was taking his daughter from him. It was the nod of the Police Chief; giving the boy he once knew forgiveness for his past indiscretions. It was the nod of a father to the man he now took as his son. It was that one nod that filled me with pride and peace.