CH.4: Like A Moth To The Flame
After a pleasant enough sleep in the apples guest bedroom I was awoken abruptly by the sound of a rooster dutifully crowing his song.
"Shut your fucking mouth." I groaned still feeling tired from yesterdays events. I had to hand it to myself for a mild-mannered eloquent man like myself I was taking being a pony pretty well...Oh my god I need to pee! Looking around for a second door that might lead to a restroom I found only a closet filled with knick knacks of...Apples.."Damn," I thought "I get it you guys love apples." But back to the problem at hand...Hoof, whatever I gotta piss. Exiting the room and heading downstairs I saw that either no one was up or, this being a farm, everyone was busy working. So not wanting to bother anyone and being a polite guest I fought my natural randomness to piss in something lying around or out a window. Eyeing a screen door, and not wanting to be bombarded by a mountain of apples if I opened the wrong hatch, I figured it'd be better to head outside and ask someone. I saw AJ talking to a slightly smaller than me green pony. The conversation didn't last long because by the time I got to the door it was just AJ. "Hey AJ!" I yelled. "Well mornin' there V! If you're looking for breakfast you can check the icebox in tha kitchen!"
she replied. "Uh cool, but I was wondering where your Head was at." I said. Smiling she said "Well aint it obvious it's on top of my shoulders!"
..."Goddamn you Marine Corps brainwashing jargon I've come accustomed to using!" I thought. "No I mean your bathroom, I can't find it in here aside from a shower and sink." "Oh well shoot V why didn't u say so?" she laughed, "The outhouse is over yonder." "Okay...Hey which way is yonder?" I said crossing my hind legs out of extreme need to piss. AJ exhaled and pointed left to what looked like an olde timey port-a-shitter "Ohhhhhhh." I said blushing slightly, mental note V yonder is apparently left. After hauling some extremely fast ass I made it to the John. Entering I noticed immediately the smell of apples, "Wow totally not the smell I was expecting." I thought. "Either that or they really DO eat nothing but apples."
I realized with horror at the sheer obvious fact. Pushing that thought aside I looked at the toilet area. They had your standard asswipe, seat, and hole leading down so it looked safe and familiar enough for me to use without committing an embarrassing accident. So I went to undo my belt...oh yeah no belt, or pants or clothes..."My shame has been exposed for all the world to see!" I yelled. "Uhhh ya okay in there V?" I heard AJ in the distance.
"Uhhh yeah I just said, I can't wait until I pee!" "Okay well if y'all be needing me I'll be helping Big Mac near the barn." I heard her walk off and I exhaled a sigh of relief. Getting over being a nudist took about 5 seconds so now it was back to peeing. "I guess I could sit and pee." I thought but the only problem with that is I don't want my dangley bits to somehow touch whatever might be down in that hole...Yup im that paranoid when it comes to this subject. So hopping up and holding the sides of the walls I guesstimated my angle as best my high school math classes taught me, which was hardly anything considering how much I loathed math growing up. So I just stood there waiting...Huh I thought I would just go, OHHH MY GOD!
Well it seems I REALLY had to go and didn't really notice a stream of hot yellow justice raining up about an inch from my face and landing everywhere but the hole. "No no no-no no" I said, "Gotta aim gotta aim." Pulling some James Bond shit I was able to reflect the piss off the side and into the hole. After a minute of soul gratifying relief I was done and used most of the roll of asswipe to clean up the mess. "Ok note to self," I thought, "I now pee sitting down." Exiting the head my mech senses were tingling, someone was fixing something that s broken...And were doing a lousy job of it. I flew with the speed of Kenyans to the origin of the broken gear and saw a barn, a cart, AJ, and who I could only assume was her brother Big Mac. "Mech-an-ic powers activate!" I thought as I continued to haul ass towards them. Before Big Mac could say good morning I threw him over my shoulder thanks to the MCMAP training I was suckered into doing, and a mix of being in the zone. "V what the hey are y'all doing?!" Yelled AJ as she ran to her brother. But not 2 minutes later I had the cart upright, the split axle fixed by using a few wood screws and brackets against the body of the cart, and the wheels replaced. "Ahhhh," I exhaled, "There we go good as new." I said.
AJ stood with her mouth agape, "How did yall...Big Mac...The cart..." "Yeah I have that impact on ponies." I said smugly. AJ then turned to her groaning brother, "Get up lazy bones!
We can finally load up for market!" "What happened?" Groaned Big Mac. "I shoulder threw you like a sack of puppies and fixed your cart dude." I stated pointing at the cart. "Oh okay then," He said still slightly out of it, "Guess I'll be loadin them apples and goin ta market." He said stumbling woozily. "I gotta hand it to him he can really take a good throwing." I said to AJ. "Yeah he sure can," She said smiling, "And thanks again for yalls help V." "No prob I owed you guys anyway,
but if you excuse me I have a date with a filtered menthol beauty." I said walking back to the apple house. "Well ok th...beg your pardon?" AJ said head cocked in slight confusion.
FINALLY GET THAT SMOKE,HOPEFULLY. ALSO I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS CHAPTER AND CANT WAIT TO EXPAND MORE!
AAAAAAAAAANNNNNND I GOT 50 VIEWS! I HAVE NO IDEA IF THATS GOOD BUT WHO CARES! YAY!