Chapter three of intoxicated writing! At this point I was still sober enough to correct my misspellings etc. Have any of you guys got your Pottermore welcome email yet? The wait is making me insane! As usual, please review! :)

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111 (I KNOW! IT'S 11PM ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND I'M GETTING DRUNK WHILE TAKING THE PISS OUT OF YOUR STORY!)

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam" (Tom Satan Riddle. Gotta say, it isn't as stupid sounding as "Marvolo")

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan...do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) (Yes, she went about 15 years back in time, to when the 60-odd year old Voldemort was still in school. -.-) I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s) (Yes, because he was in school in the 80s, not hiding in Albania wanting his body back for world domination. Also, I went to Albania once. I wouldn't particularly want to go back)

"omg me too!" I replied happily.

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered. (AGAIN. I BET YOU'RE GONNA FUCK HIM TOO AGAINST A TREE NEXT TO A FLYING MERCEDES AND THEN PROFESSOR DIPPETT WILL BE ALL "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?")

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." (How would he know this if they're in the 80s?) he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

▒topic!" I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." (WHAT?) He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned. (Again, does he have some type of forward-Time Turner?)

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me (Trust me babe, it isn't making sense for the rest of us). "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik) (I DID NOT KNOW YOU SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE GOTHIC!) he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili. (TAKE A DEEP INHALE, ENOBOOBY!)

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!" (I love prep Dumbledore!)

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine ("SLYTHERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" He's turning into AVPM Snape!) and we're not preps."

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord." (Don't give it away you shit!)

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly. (…)

then suddenlyn... the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell. (DO YOU HONESTLY THINK SHE KNOWS WHERE SHE'S GOING WHEN THE FUCKING FLOOR JUST OPENED UP AND SWALLOWED HER YOU STUPID GOTH?)

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. (How can you try to remember things gothically?)

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that." (About what?)

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok. (Yeah, it's alright to swear at your teachers if they're goth)

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear. (NO, IT'S TEARS OF JAM!)

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby...I think im addicted to Voldemortserum." (IT'S LIKE MDMA, BUT VOLDEMORT-ER!)

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112