CH.5: Smoke Break
Walking to the apples front porch and upon entering their cheery home I headed directly for the guest room. And there, almost eyeing me mischievously, on the dresser were my smokes and lighter. "Finally" I exhaled grabbing a smoke and putting it in my mouth, I then tucked my Zippo behind my ear. "I could just light up here." I thought but after a few seconds of deep thought I decided against it, "Nahhh last thing I want is my hosts to think im some sort of asshole." I mulled over in my mind. So, with a bit more haste added to my step, I hauled ass to the porch, eyed a nice rocker, hopped up, and planted my butt cheeks firmly in place.
Cig in lips, lighter in hooves, and just a flick from finally beating my day and a quarter craving...This was it! "Thanks again V!", AJ said as if she appeared out of thin air. Reacting so I replied with the following, "Sweet Jesus!" Then fell off said rocker, crushing my smoke with my eyeball,
"AAAAAAAaaaghhhhhh! My eye!...MY SMOKE!" Followed from my mouth. "Are y'all ok?!" Said a concerned, approaching AJ. "Nooooooooo"
I whined, "Noooooooo I'm not okay, now I have to get another damn cig!" If there's one thing I hate more than pandas and dolphins its wasting smokes.
"A cig?", replied AJ, "Ya mean one of them there white sticks you had in y'alls mouth?". "Yes'" I mumbled' "They help me relax, and think, I usually have one...
Or six after I do something like eat or work...Or tie my shoe." I said plainly. "Well V I'm sure I can just head inside and grab you one, I gotta head in and start fixing lunch in a bit anyway." She said smiling politely, "Where y'all got em at?" She asked. Huh ya know these ponies aren't as bad, or crazy, as I thought.
"Well there on the dresser in the guest room in a little box that's green on bottom and white on top." I said describing my penchant for a particular brand of menthol goodness. "Well y'all just lemme set things up in the kitchen and I'll come back out with one of those cig things." She said heading inside. "Thanks again AJ!" I called as she left. Sitting back on the rocker I admired, for once despite my natural pessimistic attitude, the scenic place I found myself in. "You know'" I thought to myself, "This definitely kicks Afghanistan square in the nuts when it comes to looks." But while I relaxed I didn't notice the three smaller flashes to my left. And while I began to rock rhythmically to my relaxed breathing I was immediately tackled of the chair by three small blurs.
It was then I realised just how Big Macs poor red ass felt when I shoulder threw him not an hour ago. "Oww." I replied as I was being put into a choke hold,
half an arm bar, and what I can assume was a poor attempt at a bear hug. "I think I got him!" Cried the green pony I saw earlier today. "Well teach you to mess with one of Cutie Mark Crusaders family!" Cried a light brown pony. "Yeah...you big jerk-face!" Yelled a white one. It was then that, once again the Corp's training kicked in as I shrimped to the side, curled up, and broke out of their holds. "Hey!" The ponies cried in unison. "Hey yourself," I said, "Whats with the aggravated assault?" I queried. The white pony stepped up looking a lil shaken, "Me and Scootaloo saw what you did to Big Mac earlier when we were coming over to get Apple Bloom!" She cried gesturing to, who I now assumed to be Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. "You tell him Sweetie Belle!" Yelled Apple Bloom backed by what looked to be a very pissed Scootaloo. "Yeah what kind of Colt does that?!" Your lucky we don't tell on you!" Yelled Scootaloo. Staring at them blankly for a few seconds I began what I could only assume to be my introduction that I'll have to make from now on, which included how I'm not a damn 'Colt' but an adult...or Stallion I guess. By the time it was all said and done the three looked a little less pissed, which was good...I guess. "Well ok but why did y'all throw my brother?" Asked Apple Bloom with a concerned look in her eye. I shrugged "I was in fixing mode." I said, "When I see something busted I kinda have to fix it."
"Riggggggghhhht" Replied Scootaloo sarcastically. Just then her eyes lit up, "Wait you can fix stuff?!". "Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh I think we already established that." I remarked. "Perfect!" She squealed, "Now we have somepony to help us!" "Wait what?" I said, but before I knew it I was being dragged by my mane and front legs to god knows where. Its was while being dragged that I remembered AJ and of course my precious smokes. "Nooooooooooo!" I cried but despite my resistance I found myself being dragged still by three determined fillies. "Uggggghhhhh," I thought, "And THIS is why I hate kids."
WOW! ITS BEEN A BIT SINCE MY LAST UPDATE BUT TRAINING HAS BEEN...A TEENSY BIT HECTIC. TOPPED 100 VIEWS! SOOO HAPPY FOR THAT! BUT PLEASE DONT FORGET TO FOLLOW AND REVIEW SO I CAN MAKE A BETTER STORY FOR YOU READERS! THE MORE OF THE TWO I GET THE BETTER THE STORY WILL BECOME!