I haven't updated in forever! I really don't want this to end! It's so much fun to write this, and I'm so glad you all enjoy it. The next three chapters after this are drunk commentaries again, fun fun fun!

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

I wook up in da coffin de next day (7am wakin' up in the morning…). Draco waz gone. I got up and put on (…gotta get dressed, gotta go downstairs) a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end (There is a spellcheck in every word processing program, right?). There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees (Well I'm wearing straight-leg jeans and a red knitted oversized sweater…). There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth (I love that Hollywood is more accepting to cross-dressers and same-sex relationships). I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots (I'm sorry, this HAS to be a troll. Stilton boots? Your boots were made out of cheese? And smelly cheese at that!). Suddenly... Sorious cocked on da doorn (COCKED ON THE DOOR? Did he whack his wang on it or something?). I hopened it.

"Hi Ibony." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor▓s office." (I wouldn't mind if Sirius Black said that to me, without the Professor Sinister's office bit. TMI?)

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice (I think her depressed voice is like Ross Geller in the early series of Friends when he used to do the "…hi" greeting). I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence (Hmmm… sex with Draco Malfoy or listen to MCR? Hard choice…). I came anyway. (Yes you did, you are a ho fo' sho)

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily. (Hang on… didn't we decide Sirius was her dad a few chapters back? INCEST! INCEST!)

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way (… wut?). "They r in Abkhazian now, lol." (That's a gothic thing to say, I hear Goths saying "lol" all the time)

I laughed evilly.

"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered. (Who is Vampira again? Has Harry had a sex change?)

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize (SHE DOES KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, DOESN'T SHE?) moaned sexily (I think Sirius is having an orgy, as Tara would say). "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas." (Cool, a gothic film for gothic children)

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there (Well, you are in her office…). She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic (What picture?)

She wuz drinking some Volximortserum. (Shame on you!)

She took out da Pensiv (THE PENISY? DOES THAT SAY PENISY? What is even better is that Microsoft Word recognises the word "penisy"!) and the time-torner.

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!" (This reminds me of 8 Simple Rules when Bridget broke up with Donny on the videotape his parents sent to his Navy college and she was like "I think we should see other people, good luck at war and stuff, BYE!")

And then...I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around...I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula (Gotta grab my bowl, gotta have cereal… I've been wishing there was a part in this chapter where I could say that!) It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes (They are the gothiest shoes around. Forget New Rocks, you need baseball shoes!). He looked just like Charlyn Manson (Is that supposed to be Marilyn Manson or Charles Manson, or a mixture of both?). I noticed...he was drinking a portent.

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." (Ha, slut) Satan said. "He▓s da Portents teacher...Ebony?"

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat." (LMFAO, THE EXERCISE! "And bend, and stretch, hold in your abs, and projectile vomit! Feel that burn!")

"Yah?"

"Well...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?" (CUH-LIFF HANGER!)