CH. 8: Stallions Being Stallions
"Wow V!" Said an amazed Apple Bloom, "I've never seen anypony barf that much in mah life!" "Greeeat" I said wiping the remains of my emptied stomach off my face. For the record I had learned from my last unfortunate mistake I made with Scootaloo's driving by holding on the sides of the death cart that the fillies ride along in. Unfortunately I didn't realize how hard of a stop it would be, to put it bluntly, we stopped not on a dime but a gnats cunt hair, the end result forced what was in my stomach, which wasnt a lot mind you, to eject with the force of Samuel L. Jackson's acting presence...So it was a helluva upchuck as I saw the tree I hit about 10 meters away. "So uh, I guess we don't have to tell your sis and family EVERYTHING that happened right?" I asked with the most serious face I could muster at the time. "Course not V, I wouldn't dream of it." She replied with a rambunctious smile that told me otherwise. "Ugh its gonna be one of those nights." I thought to myself. Just then my nose was assaulted with a delicious aroma of cooked food, the effect immediately making my now bare, empty, stomach rumble very loudly. Apple Bloom took immediate notice and laughed, "Come on V race ya to tha supper table!" She sped off, quite quickly, to the Apple's house. "Oh no you don't!" I said as I kicked into my dad's patented 'baby mamma drama' patented sprint. After making it to the house first I supply apple bloom with my ' I beat you dance of shame' and then take her lead to the kitchen. "Well look who we got here!" Replied AJ, "Two ponies almost late for supper!" Looking at Apple Bloom we countered the concerned mare's tone with a doubly effective puppy dog face. The effects were felt, I imagined, as I saw AJ smile slightly, "Well like I said ALMOST late for supper." She then gestured her hoof to the table that was set for three ponies. "What about Mac and Granny?" Inquired the filly. "Macs got the day off tomorrow so he ate earlier and is hanging around the barn doin what he pleases. And Granny said somethin bout 'meeting' somepony out in town so knowing her it's either somethin strange or somethin embarrisin...Or BOTH." She stated. "Ohhh gotcha." Yawned Apple Bloom as she took her spot near the table.I, once again, followed the fillies lead taking a chair across from her. Before I sat down my senses beheld what could only be described as 'mana from heaven'.
Apple pie, fritters, and muffins to boot all steaming hot and smelling fresher than a Brazilian wax. "Oh sweet monkey giblets," I thought as drool escaped my lips, "REAL FOOD! Not shitty MREs or nasty ass chow hall slop but bona fide Betty Crocker back home with Mom and Pop FOOD!" I proceeded to grab a fork and dig in, making sure to avoid burning myself as I had done the day prior. "Wow" both replied two minutes later as I rubbed my belly and sipped at some cold apple juice. "What?" I said, "Something in my teeth?" I then started to use my tongue to feel for the rogue morsel soon to be devoured, only to be stopped by a laughing AJ, "Well shoot V ah only seen one other pony pack food like that before and that's Pinkie Pie!" Apple Bloom followed with her giggles, "Yup! You must have a real sweet tooth don't ya V?" Blushing slightly I replied with the obvious lying choice for this situation, "no...not really." "Yup as predictable as gravity V." I thought to myself begrudgingly. "Well since y'all finished off your plate so early, you mind washin' it off in the sink while me and Apple Bloom finish?" "Meh I guess, considering the food was that good." I answered back as I hopped off the seat, with plate in mouth, to the sink. Once finished I saw that the two mares were engaged in lady talk that I especially despised since I have nothing to add to those conversations and would most likely fall asleep if I bothered to try to pay attention. "Man I wish my dad was here, or one of the guys from my unit." I thought, "we'd bullshit and joke, crack some beers, smok...Holy fucking lightbulb!" "Hey AJ! Where did you say Mac was at?" i asked. "Oh over at tha barn I reckon, he usually hangs around there before his day off."
"Perfect" I replied running upstairs grabbing my supplies for the tasks ahead and leaving the two ponies in the dust. About a minute later a saw the lit barn and a slightly ajar door, using my head I pushed it open and looked inside. I saw Mac, looking relaxed, reading a book, and to his left what looked like a mason jar filled with a clear liquid that had bits of apples in it. "SCORE!" I thought, "I knew they had to had some Hooch around here somewhere!"
"Hey Big Mac!" I said loudly. Apparently he was really into his book, which was titled, Proper Speech for a Proper Gentlecolt, because he almost knocked his bottle of happy juice clear out of the barn, luckily he just fell over. "Holy Celestia! V! Dont creep up on me like that! Ya almost scared me ta death!"
"Wow sorry about that bud." I said sincerely, "I personally hate it when people creep up on me so I can relate." I added with a smile. "Soooooo whatcha got there?" I asked. He almost threw the book out of embarrassment but thought better of it and showed me the cover of his book. "Ya see i-" But I cut him off,
"Not that! The bottle!" "Oh ya mean this?" He said picking up the jar, "It's just some of our cider distilled and aged for a bit, its got quite a kick to it that's fer sure." "You don't say?" I said snatching a cig from my pack and lighting it. "Ahhhhhh" I said exhaling smoke after a deep drag. Big Mac caught a whiff and backed up, "The hay is that?" He said, "This? Well Mac my friend, this is a bit of mentholated goodness that we smoke back home." "Kinda stinks." He replied, "Meh" was my only answer, "Now then crack that jar open bud and lets drink!" Shrugging the smoke he obliged and a sour, pungent burn of high-proof alcohol invaded my nose. Taking a deep swig he passed it off to me saying, "One word of advice V, pace 'urself with this stuff." "I wouldn't have it any other way Big Mac my friend." A half hour later the jar was empty and myself and mac were drunker than a Alabama frat house. "Hey Mac," I said groggily, "What do ya call thish shtuff?" Smiling he replied, "Good shtuff I reckon." "Hahaahahahaah! Nice one brother!" I replied offering a high hoof and forgetting how small I was, received the love full-on and was knocked backwards. "Shorry bout that V." Replied the stumbling Mac helping me up. "Ish all good bro." Was what he received as a response to the act. "I wonder wha time it ish." I slurred, "I reckon ish bout midnigh." He observed almost cross-eyed at the Moon.
"Ugh I migh haff to hit tha hay shoon." I responded remembering the work Id have in the morning helping Scootaloo..."Wait a minute." I thought eyeing the jar that had a smidgen of the delicious beverage, "I wonder..." Approaching the jar and ignoring Big Mac's attempt to do a back flip I pulled out my Zippo and poured the liquor in the cap of the jar. The results were more than what I expected as I had a determined smile on my face. "Hey Mac! How much more of thish do you haff!?" "Uhhhhhh, I reckon' bout a dozen or two in tha cellar that are ready why ya ashk?" "Jusht wonderin brother, just wonderin."
AND THERE YA GO DRINKIN! GOTTA LOVE IT!