CH. 9: A Dash of Inspiration Pt.1
"Ughhhhhhh, fucking panda bears." I said as I opened my eyes to find myself back in the guest room the Apples had provided me so graciously with. "What in the holy name of balls happened last night?" I thought, straining past the light migraine I would have to suffer through until coffee could be provided. Looking downward I saw Big Mac sprawled completely out on the bedroom floor with more jars strewn around randomly. "Ohhhhh yeah," I began aloud, "After my awesome idea, we decided to congratulate my awesomness...So I suggested drinking more...Damn im just full of good ideas lately." "Is that what ya call this?" asked a slightly miffed AJ. "No I call this a hangover." pointing a hoof to my noggin. "And what do ya call that?" she asked pointing to Big Mac's useless heap of a body. "Hmmm Id say a textbook definition of a light weight."
I replied scratching my sides, "Now then if you'll excuse me madam," I started grabbing my "borrowed" belt for a morning smoke, "I have some work to get done." "Not so fast mister!" said an unamused AJ, "Ya can at least wake Macintosh up for me, so I can get started with the chores?
Just cuz he's got the day off don't mean he can sleep it away." The stallion must have known we were talking about him, but instead of a verbal reply he answered with the RANKEST bust of ass id ever encountered, it was like goat curry night back in Afghanistan all over again. "Ohhhhhh God!" I coughed AJ simply turned tail and fled, "Well I'll leave y'all to it then! And if you're gonna keep that belt ya should at least get it fitted!" "Hmph it's not that loose...Well it is hanging off my ass a little more than I like...Wait was she staring at my ass?! Did she not care im wearing Macs belt?!" I thought to myself, then a fresh wave of ass hit my nostrils..."Fucking shit Mac, the hell is wrong with your ass?!" I said aloud to the red stallion, to no avail. "Alright dude come on wakey-wakey." I said,
while poking him in the head. "Ohhhh crab apples...V? What in tarnation happened?" "I have no idea bro, but im pretty sure it involved more of that cider." I said pointing at the scattered jars. "Ughhh what time is it asked a bloodshot Big Mac." "Hmmm, id guess about half past morning." I stated while staring at the picturesque setting outside the window before me. "Come on Mac let's get some grub." I said, helping the behemoth of a stallion off the floor and down the stairs. At the kitchen table I saw a bowl of various apples and grabbing the biggest one proceeded to shove it into Big Mac's mouth "Eat up crazy." I told him while placing him on a chair, I then proceeded to do the same. After a few apples we both looked slightly refreshed and even big macs ass evacuations were starting to be tolerable. "Ahhhh, oh crap! Mac ive been meaning to ask you, do you guys have a scrap heap or something like that around here?" I asked remembering the task that was to be done today. "Uhhh, yeah right past the outhouse in a lil clearin, why?" "I promised one of Apple Bloom's friends to help her with her scooter I guess its to impress somepony or something." "Ahh I reckon it's probably Rainbow Dash he said grabbing another apple. "Yup that's the one!" I declared hopping off the chair and heading for the door. Outside I took a deep breath of the fresh air...and thought, "Nothing would be better than a smoke right now." Obliging my craving I lit up and continued to the supposed clearing. What I stumbled upon was a mechanics wet dream, a large mound of scrap, salvage, and parts covering about a half-acre of cleared land. Smiling widely I took my time finding the proper fittings, bolts, nuts, screws, and what I would have to use to Jerry rig the Frankenstien-esque creation I had in mind for Scootaloo and her, soon to be badass, scooter. A few hours later and I was lighting another smoke looking at what I had created. It was a little banger engine accompanied with a small battery hookup in total id say the whole setup was only ten pounds, maybe less, and I even fashioned a chained belt and appropriate wheels for the little fillies scooter. "Wooooooow." I heard from behind me. "Agghhghghhh!" I screamed swallowing my cig. "Cough, hack, -ack, the cough, wrong hack, you?" I wheezed trying to dislodge the obstruction only to swallow it. The fillies were all their, staring at the engine with much curiosity. "What is it?" asked Scootaloo, "Its whats going to make your scooter that much faster." I proclaimed giving it a little tap for good measure. "Speaking of which do you have it with you?" "Yup! Right here!" she replied, as she somehow David Blained the contraption out of nowhere. "How the he-
nevermind, here let me mount this up." I asked, taking the scooter I began the task of setting it up. About fifteen minutes later I had it all mounted and ready to go. "Alright that should..Do it." I said tightening the last bolt on the frame. "Now all you got to do is add the fuel...Got it." I responded as I finished adding the alcohol mix to the small tank. "Alright Scoots," I began, "You gotta remember this baby will only run for a few hours so keep an eye on the tank." I said pointing to the metal container on the side. "When its low just add some of this and DONT drink it! Youll get sick." I finished, eyeing her sternly. "Got it!" she said saluting me. "Wow if this was back on Earth I would have told her to NOT salute me like an officer...I WORK for my paycheck." I thought to myself. The little filly then hopped on the scooter then stopped and began to look around, "Uhhhhhh, how does it start?" she asked, "Oh yeah!" I said, "You got to pull this cord and put your hoof down on that pedal on the side to go faster." "Okay" she replied slightly hestingly as she bit on the start cord and gave it a yank. And then it happened with a slight roar followed by a gentle purr it was alive...By god it was alive! Cue maniacal laugh track, etc., etc. "Wow!" the fillies exclaimed in unison and wonder. "Wow V you did it, you were able to Jerry rig an engine out of random bits of scrap, an apple peeler, and even a wierd milker that I hoped was used on cows for the fuel injectors. Yup you thought of it all engine, starter, batteries, fuel pump, brak-...OH FUCK A DUCK!"
I realised while simultaneously shouting, "SCOOTS WAIT!" too late, she had already hit the gas pedal. "Awesooooooome!" she shrieked happily.
"Wow" I said aloud, the scooter was going at fifty, maybe more, without a single hiccup, but I snapped out of it when I heard her cry out, "V how do ya stop it?!"
"Uhhhhhhh lemme think!" I said with much stress that didn't seem to help the fillies confidence as she went wide-eyed with fear. "Shit if she crashes at that speed shell need more than a hello kitty band-aid and some ice cream to feel better." I thought. Suddenly an idea came to me, "Scoots!" I yelled, "Your wings! Use your wings!" "Ok!" she replied fearfully. With a buck of her shoulders she threw the tiny appendages open and, sure enough, she was able to slow to a rolling stop, just feet away she would have hit a BADLY placed pitchfork, tractor, and what looked like ACME style bear traps..."Seriously?!
Who keeps that crap just lying around!?" I thought as I approached the filly. She looked a little shaken after the whole ordeal but when I neared her she let out a cheer of praise to me, "V! That was awesome! The stopping part was a little...Crazy but everything else was great! Girls did you see how fast I went? I can't wait till Rainbow gets here!" and, as if on cue, I was blown over by a multicolored gust of whoosh that would have put fast itself to shame.
"What the shit nuts?!" I exclaimed covering my head. Looking up my senses were befuddled by what I beheld. Standing proudly, with wings outstretched,
was a sky blue, rainbow maned pony with determination in her eyes and a cocky smile plastered ear to ear. "Wow," I thought as the fillies surrounding here began giving her high hoofs, "Shes almost exactly like me the confidence, the charisma, the coolness...What an amazing asshole."
IT TOOK ME A BIT BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO SACK UP AND SPLIT THE CHAPTERS INTO PARTS CONSIDERING THE LENGTH IT WOULD BE( IVE DECIDED TO KEEP THE CH. UNDER 2000 WORDS) THAT BEING SAID TO ANSWER THE RANDOM GUEST THE TERM "ASS-TITS" COMES FROM MY BUDDY TAYLOR WHO, WHILE BEING SOBER MIND YOU, HAD NIPPLES TATTOED TO HIS ASS CHEEKS...THE POSITIVE BEING HE HAS CHANGED HIS WAYS COMPLETLY FOR THE BETTER! THE REASON BEING HE WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO TO JAIL WITH HIS CURRENT STATE OF ASS-TITS. IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TERMINOLOGY PLEASE ASK AWAY AND ILL GLADLY ANSWER! SAME GOES FOR THE STORY! LEMME KNOW IF SOMETHING IS BUGGING YOU ABOUT THE STORY AND ILL SEE TO CHANGING IT UP AND MAKING CORRECTIONS.