Next chapter is going really slowly (aka Zerrat hasn't even started it) because real life stuff is taking up a lot of my time. And various other internet things like ff_land, and competitions, but it'll eventually come. I, uh, hope, since the next chapter is kind of scary to write. Maybe the new scene will kick-start me, huh?
Maw of the Abyss
"Big guy." Snow actually sounded impressed with the creature, as the spherical fal'Cie rolled on past their vantage point.
Sazh shrugged, stroking his moustache thoughtfully. "S'pose you could say that. Reckon it's compensating for somethin'?"
Fang was hardly in the mood for the usual playful banter, no matter that Snow and Sazh were two of the more light-hearted members of the group, and simply sighed.
"That's the fal'Cie Atomos. It must have been digging the subterra out, all these years."
Snow pounded his fist into his open palm, looking even more impressed with the fal'Cie now. "That a good thing?"
Fang shrugged, listening to the rumble of metal grinding down rock in the distance. "At the very least, the paths through the mountains are going to be clear. But after so many years…" She shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "The tunnels would probably go on forever. There could be a thousand different paths through this place, and only a small percentage of them could lead to Oerba. We might be down here forever."
She felt weary and flat, as she stared down at the tunnel that Atomos had been carving. Since Sazh's recounting of the War of Transgression, she'd been feeling heavy. Down. She always hated thinking back on that war, for just this reason. The memories made her itch to move, made her restless and paranoid and wonder where Vanille was, why Lightning hadn't been in contact yet. In her opinion, that War had shown too much blood for a person to see, without them going a little mad.
And that had been withoutthe shadow of Ragnarok breathing down the back of her neck, telling her that the War had been so much worse than she'd even recalled, that everything had been herfault in the end.
Fang stopped herself. She was notgoing to even consider the implications of having been Ragnarok, not until she had a good, long chat with Vanille. But it was so hard to keep pushing the thoughts away – every time she looked at the ruined, deserted tunnels, she knew that it might have been her fault that they were empty. Etro, but she didn't know if she'd scream, cry or go on a killer rampage.
She let out a slow breath, wishing that deep-seated feeling of mistrust would leave her alone already.
Yeah, 'not considering the implications'. Yeah freakin' right.
Snow, in the meantime, had gotten one of those damnable looks about him. One that was fierce, excited and deeply troubling, all rolled up into one. She had to wonder, how Lightning had kept him in order day in, day out. But what was that bonehead planning now?
"How 'bout we fast-track our quest, then? Put a little speed in it, you know what I'm saying?" Snow was grinning as he gestured to the deep, carved out tunnel that sprawled before them.
Sazh raised an eyebrow. It seemed he'd learned to be wary of that look of Snow's, too. "You can't be meanin' what I think you're meanin'."
"We hitch a ride on this thing!" Snow exclaimed, slapping Sazh on the shoulder as he knelt to take a closer look at Atomos' path. "Don't you wuss out on me, man."
The ground seemed to rumble around them, though by now, Atomos should have been leagues away. Fang looked over her shoulder sharply, her eyes narrowing as she scanned the dimly-lit cavern. Had it been just her, or had she heard something accompanying the rumble? She shifted her shoulders uncomfortably, but couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness that had settled over her. The ambient sounds in the subterra felt… different. But was it just her paranoia, or had something changed?
"Did anyone else hear that?" Sazh asked softly, and the way his fingers strayed to his dual guns betrayed his apprehension. So. Sazh had felt the change too. Fang straightened, every one of her senses desperate to pick out what was so different.
Snow cocked his head, looking confused. "Hear what?"
Fang pressed a finger to her lips, warning him to be silent.
"It sounded like…" she trailed off, still straining. The noise was coming from far away. Really far away. She closed her eyes then – it was the sound of old machinery moving, grinding into life after years of rust. But it was more than that – it was familiar in a way that she loathed.
She remembered fighting Cocoon on the surface of Gran Pulse, in the ruins of the Steppe's old city. Cocoon had gotten themselves a bunch of new sucker l'Cie, and a number of them had been cursed with Eidolons. Gran Pulse had deployed Fang, a number of other l'Cie, a whole battalion of soldiers, and a few anti-Eidolon war machines. She and the soldiers had had to pull out when Cocoon had started whopping them too badly, and the brass had pulled out the big cards.
She still remembered the screams and blood and smoke as the juggernauts had crushed and burned all in their path-
Fang's eyes snapped open, her entire body freezing with horror.
"That sounded like a juggernaut!" she spat, pivoting sharply and running back the way they'd come, back towards where she'd last seen Vanille. Lightning. Hope.
She could hear herself continue to talk as Sazh and Snow struggled to keep pace with her, her words a disjointed ramble. "I thought there weren't any left, there's been nobody to do maintenance on them for centuries, I'd never have let them otherwise, why the hell would they even go near one of those…"
No matter what her useless excuses, they were in danger, and it had been all Fang's fault that she wasn't there to stop it.
Etro, I should never have left them alone.
Even if Fang had burned her home with the powers of Ragnarok, she would still protect Vanille, and Lightning. She cursed silently. What the hell had Lightning been doing, engaging a bloody juggernaut?
But there was one thing that Fang was certain of, as she sprinted through the dark tunnels – Lightning wouldn't let Vanille get hurt, not while the soldier still drew breath. It was a grim consolation.
"Vanille, debuffs. Find a way to slow this creature down!" Lightning's voice was sharp as she hauled Hope back onto his feet. The boy looked up in surprise and relief, her sudden presence in his fight galvanizing him. She gave him an encouraging smile that she couldn't feel.
"Hope, we need buffs. All the edges you can give us!" Lightning eyed off the war machine, as it shuddered to life again before them, a red optic lens focusing on the small group of l'Cie for a moment. The more analytical side of Lightning noted that the machine – the juggernaut – was huge. No matter what advantages magic could give them, l'Cie would be hard-matched to win against something designed specifically to fight them. There was only one option, then.
"We gotta buy ourselves enough time to break through and get away from this thing," Lightning told them, keeping her voice level and calm, in spite of the cold grip of fear on her heart.
Hope, still out of breath and pale from his solo round with the juggernaut, nodded sharply. "Right!"
Vanille began to work her careful magic with defuffs, designed to clog the machine's circuits and disable the optic lenses. Satisfied, Lightning whirled at the sound of rust-worn gears grinding, and barely had enough time to hurl herself off to one side as a cannonball ploughed into the floor, where she'd been just moments ago. She rolled to her feet just in time to dodge another haymaker from the juggernaut, but with a curse she realized that she'd badly mistimed it.
The blow was just glancing, but even so, the force and momentum of the machine's swing smashed her into the wall.
Blinking back stars from her eyes, Lightning watched as Hope and Vanille ducked another wild swing from the machine. If it hit either Hope or Vanille, it would be lights out – there'd be no coming back from a hit like that. Even with l'Cie magic, it would difficult to heal a caved-in ribcage, especially in the middle of a fight like this.
Got to draw its attention, Lightning realized with a silent groan, and pushed herself to her feet. She didn't hesitate as she charged back into the fight, ducking a stab, a reverse hit, an uppercut from the juggernaut's bladed forearms, before slamming her blade into one of the shoulder joints. Her blade skittered harmlessly off the aged metal, and she swore. She felt the juggernaut lurch beneath her, smashing itself against the wall in an attempt to dislodge its foe.
Tch. No use. Lightning darted away before the juggernaut could crush her against the wall again, her mind working. This thing was tough, no two-ways about it. But there had to be a weakness, somewhere. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied Vanille, whose face was caught in intense concentration as she attempted to work her unique brand of status magic on the machine. If they couldn't weaken the thing soon, then…
Lightning had hesitated too long – flames roared out from some unknown compartment on the juggernaut's arms. Lightning dodged desperately, her heart in her throat as she realized that it wasn't going to be enough. Flames scorched her body, and Lightning dully realized that all the damaging heat had been sucked away, leaving only a warm wind stirring her hair. Eden, she'd been so focused on drawing the juggernaut away from her two allies, that she hadn't even noticed Hope's last-moment Shell spell.
There was no time to stop – Lightning launched herself at the juggernaut again, whirling in and out of range in rapid succession, ever fibre of her body focused on drawing the machine away from Hope and Vanille, to open a path so that at the very least, they'd have the option of running away. It was still too much of a risk to turn their backs on this thing, not when it had a cannon and a flamethrower with which to chase them down.
Hope alternated between keeping the buffs strong, shooting off rapid-fire magic and Thundaga spells that made the earth shake and the hair on the back of Lightning's neck to stir from the static. The kid was getting strong, now.
What's that? Lightning's eye caught on a tiny compartment on the back of the juggernaut as she whirled out of the machine's range again. Her breath came hard as she desperately launched herself into the air, watching with relief as the juggernaut's massive limb slammed into the iron plating and not her body. That couldn't have been a control panel, could it?
A plan slowly formulating in her head, Lightning landed heavily, a few feet away from the juggernaut. Bullets wouldn't do the trick, but maybe a blade shoved in that compartment could stop this thing's rampage. Her pulse pounded in her ears, sweat trickling down her forehead. She was tiring, and she couldn't let this fight drag on. Soon, her luck would run out, her body would slow just a fraction and that thing would catch her. It would kill her, and then it would start on Hope and Vanille.
Unacceptable.
Fang had been counting on her to protect them. No matter what Lightning's differences were with Vanille, it didn't change the fact that here, right now, Lightning would do everything she could to make sure that Fang's faith hadn't been misplaced, that Fang and Vanille would see each other again.
Even if, ultimately, she knew that she would always be second place to Vanille.
Lightning's eyes narrowed, and she straightened. She extended her blade as she sized the juggernaut up again, waiting for that opening she needed so badly. The machine paused, gears working, that soulless red lens drilling into her.
I have half a second after the cannon fires, Lightning noted as she stared the juggernaut down, nearly daring it to open fire at her. That's all I've got to work with.
The tense seconds stretched, and suddenly the machine pivoted. Lightning jerked, her eyes darting over her shoulder. Vanille was there, not twenty feet away. Vanille, her face still intent as she tried to cast some ancient form of detrimental magic. Why the hell wasn't she moving?
Damnit, Lightning thought savagely. She's trying to cast Death on the thing. But she's not going to have enough time. That thing's going to fire, and she's right in the way.
"Vanille!" Lightning cried out as the cannon exploded – Vanille looked up, and then threw herself to the side, just in time to dodge the incredible impact of the cannonball with the iron-plated floor. Lightning smirked slightly at that, turning back to the juggernaut and intent on taking her chance –
She felt the Protect barrier shatter around her, as the juggernaut's flame-wreathed haymaker hit her with maximum force.
White pain exploded in her chest and in the back of her head, and suddenly she was looking up at the juggernaut from the floor. She lay a good twenty feet away from where she'd been and crumpled up against the cavern's wall. Stars danced in front of her eyes, and she tried to blink away the creeping blackness at the edges of her vision.
Stupid, rookie move. I was too concerned with Vanille, didn't stop to consider what the juggernaut would do next. How the hell can that thing move so fast?
Her vision swam sickeningly, and she tried to push herself to get up and rejoin the fight. Pain stabbed through her ribs, through the back of her head. Lightning groaned, the blackness growing in her eyes. She was out of this fight, and it left Vanille and Hope to take on the war machine all alone.
As conscious thought fled, she noted that she hadn't even been able to help Vanille and Hope when it counted.
Lightning's body had impacted against the iron wall at a terrifying speed, and Vanille watched in horror as the woman twitched – and then didn't move at all. Vanille went cold. It was far too similar to everything she'd seen in the War of Transgression, too similar to everything she'd spent so long running from. It made her insides scream, and made her mind blank in horror.
"Light! Are you okay? Lightning!" Her voice rang out, echoing against the walls of the tunnel they'd been boxed into, and inevitably drawing the attention of the mechanical beast.
The only thing that stopped Vanille from rushing to Lightning's side with a high-powered curaga was the knowledge that the juggernaut's chilling, red optics lens was now fixed on her and Hope – one wrong move, one moment of inattention as she sent a cure over to the woman, and she'd be just like Lightning. Back before, she'd seen a lot of l'Cie lose out to war machines like this, even if this one was as badly maintained as an Oerban train line.
Hope's breath was coming hard as he seized Vanille's shoulder, as if he were afraid that she would make a break for Lightning. He didn't understand how much of a coward she really was, then, Vanille noted with a hint of self-reproach.
"We're gonna have to do this alone." His voice was low, but there was an undercurrent in his voice that spoke of bubbling hysteria. "She's out cold and we don't have the time to stop and heal!"
Vanille didn't take her eyes off the juggernaut, as it lashed out towards them again, with those terrifying, flame-wreathed limbs.
"What are we gonna do, then?" she demanded as she jumped back, just avoiding the mechanized arm that the juggernaut had slammed into the ground before her. She sent a flurry of useless ice magic in retaliation, anything to distract it for a moment.
Hope looked grim and pale, and she saw his eyes dart towards Lightning again. "We might have to just run."
Vanille stared at him, aghast.
"We can't just leave her!" she squeaked, and she scrambled back from another of the juggernaut's deadly, sweeping blows. "That thing will kill her, if it hasn't already!"
"I'm not saying that!" Hope hissed at her, never taking his green eyes off the juggernaut, as he continued to slowly back away. Pretty soon, they'd hit the far end of this room, and there'd be no room left to back away to.
"But – but if it comes down to it… that's what Light would want." He nodded to himself, then. "Light would want to live, but she wouldn't want to take us down with her."
Hope's expression was bleak, as if he wasn't convinced that they could manage even that small victory. Suddenly, those green eyes of his lit up. An idea? Vanille dared to be hopeful. Hope raised his wrist to his mouth quickly, activating the comm. link to the other group.
His voice was shaky as he roared into the microphone, "Beta, are you there?"
The radio crackled with static, but was otherwise silent. There was no response, no Snow to swear that he'd rescue them, no Sazh to tell her that it was alright, no Fang to give her advice on how to survive a little bit longer. She and Hope were alone down here, Vanille realized with a sinking heart.
The next few moments of Vanille's consciousness was a blur – just constant dodging of belching flames, haymakers that could knock her head clean from her shoulders, cannons that threatened to cave in her rib cage if she mistimed her evasions even a little. There was barely enough time to think, let alone cast a few stray cures, to heal Lightning enough to get back into the fray, to even the odds a little.
All she could think of, was how badly Fang was going to freak when she'd learned what had happened. Guilt made Vanille's stomach sink, as if she'd swallowed a tonne of lead. Fang would never, ever forgive her, if she just left Lightning to die here. Yes, Lightning was harsh and really didn't seem to like her no matter what she tried, but that didn't mean she deserved to die!
And Etro, what would it do to Fang? Fang would grow colder again, even though Vanille knew she'd keep on pretending that nothing hurt her. She'd grow isolated, hateful, and plain-old obsessed with that awful Focus again. Fang would hurt, and because of that, so would Vanille.
She didn't know how it had happened, but Fang really liked Lightning. Vanille hadn't even been sure her sister was capable of such things like romantic love anymore. Not after the War, not after the Focus and Ragnarok, but something had changed. The thought galvanised her. No, she couldn't – wouldn't – let Fang's feelings go to waste like this.
Cold metal hit her back, and suddenly Vanille knew that they were out of time and options. Nowhere to run, and nothing they were doing to the juggernaut was hurting it. Vanille took a shuddering breath, grabbing Hope's hand in a vice-like grip. Hope's face was fixed in a defiant scowl, his expression mirroring what Lightning's would have been. Even so, his fingers squeezed back.
A feral roar shattered Vanille's hopelessness, and there was the sound of metal being shorn, circuits sparking, and the thunder of the juggernaut's heavy steps as it was driven back. Vanille's eyes snapped open, just in time to see Fang land before her in a crouch.
Etro, Vanille had never been so glad to see Fang, not even on the Palamecia! Her sister's face looked thunderous, though, and Vanille didn't need any other hints to scramble out of the way, to let Fang deal with this new mess she'd made of the fight. Snow skidded to a halt next to the angry woman, and she saw Sazh wave to her as he also took aim at the juggernaut.
Not just Fang, Vanille realized. The rest of the family, too.
As the reinforcements moved to beat the juggernaut to a molten slag of metal, Vanille sprinted after Hope as he ducked past the mechanized beast's lunge, to reach Lightning's side. The light of her cure spell was already condensed in the palm of her hand long before she'd reached Lightning's side, and she released a quick flurry of magic as she knelt beside Hope. The boy's eyebrows were knit as he ran his diagnostics spell.
"Broken ribs, hit her head pretty bad in the impact," Hope mumbled as he completed his libra, his green eyes intense on the soldier's face as he rested his hand against her ribcage. Skin-to-skin contact helped the potency of the spell – it meant that he was taking no chances this time. Vanille let Hope's high-strength curaga work on Lightning's ribs, before she followed suit and took the unconscious soldier's head in her palms. Cooling light flowed from her fingers, and she saw the pained expression on Lightning's face ease.
Lightning took a laboured gulp of air, her blue eyes fluttering open, and almost immediately tried to rise to rejoin the fight. Hope merely pushed her back to the ground, and the soldier must have been weaker than Vanille had guessed, because it worked.
"Fang!" Lightning called out, before wincing and resting her hand against her ribs. "There's an exposed control panel on that thing's back!"
"I'll be handling it from here, Sunshine!" Fang roared back, pivoting and lashing forwards with her bladed lance to take out the juggernaut's optic lens. Vanille winced as she cast another cure spell – no matter how dangerous the opponent was, it looked like Fang now had a grudge to settle. The juggernaut's death would not be an easy one.
Snow, however, had wheeled around at Lightning's advice, and had spied the control panel at the back of the juggernaut. And while the war machine was busy taking on a Gran Pulse l'Cie that already knew all of its usual tricks, Snow ripped open the partially-exposed control panel and smashed his fist into the circuitry.
The juggernaut froze, and finally shuddered to a halt.
The cavern was strangely silent then, and the only sounds were those of gasping breath and sparking electricity. There was the thundering of rapid footsteps on rusted metal, followed by a dull thunk. Snow rubbed the back of his head, frowning down at Fang, as the woman lowered her fist.
"I totally had dibs on taking this bastard down," Vanille's sister told Snow, looking very, very serious – and then began to laugh. It was a laugh that seemed one part relief, one part paranoia, one part exhilaration. Vanille smiled, as she helped Lightning to her feet. So maybe Fang wasn't going to be all that mad, after all.
Snow just spread his hands and grinned. "Quick and the dead, Fang. Maybe you'll get your shot next time?"
In the wake of the battle with that damnable juggernaut, Fang had lingered at the back of the group, with Vanille and Lightning. Snow had dragged Sazh and Hope on ahead, probably to explain his hare-brained scheme with Atomos, and get some input on how he was going to stop something that was virtually unstoppable. Sazh's expression was resigned, while Hope was looking a little harassed by Snow's over-enthusiasm, by the time the three of them vanished into the dark tunnels ahead.
Fang had expected Vanille to hang back with her and continue to make excuses to what had happened, but her sister had just smiled, nodded towards Lightning, and skipped ahead to join the others. Fang watched her sister disappear into the darkness, and she smiled slightly.
Huh. Maybe those two did manage to patch things up, after all.
That smile faded as Fang reluctantly considered her own problems. Juggernauts and the subterra aside, sometime today, Fang would have to confront Vanille about that whole Ragnarok business. She'd have to learn the truth, and why her sister had lied to her for so long. It was a terrifying prospect, though Fang was loath to admit it.
A part of Fang wanted to confess her worry to Lightning, just like Lightning had shared those issues of hers last night. That had been a little therapeutic, right? But Etro, if she was remembering right, then would these Cocoon folk even consent to her being around? She'd scarred their world, had been the demon in all their little stories for centuries. Fang was exactly what Cocoon had feared all these years! That wasn't something that you could just dismiss out of hand.
Even so, it hardly mattered. That was what she kept telling herself. No matter how things went down with the rest of the l'Cie, Fang knew that she'd always stay with Vanille. That had been the way it had always been. Her and Vanille, against the world, against the fal'Cie of Cocoon. Who cared if it went back to that?
But honestly? Fang knew that things had changed now. Friendships and bonds had been forged through this nightmare, and she wouldn't be able to forget them so easily.
Fang looked over to Lightning. Walking stiffly and slowly, Lightning still looked sore from her run-in with the juggernaut, not that Fang could really blame her. She remembered the look on Hope's face, as he and Vanille had helped Lightning to her feet – Sunshine was lucky to have survived that battle at all. Fang had to admit, while she did admire that stubborn and daring streak in Lightning, there was only so much a woman could take.
Fang did wonder, though. How would Lightning react if she learned of Ragnarok, and the beast's role in Fang's past? A rejection from Lightning, as relaxed as Fang had tried to be about the whole thing… She knew it would be crushing.
Don't kid yourself, Fang told herself firmly, glancing across to the soldier's impassive face again. Lightning would get it. I did what I thought I'd needed to do, to save Vanille. She'd have done the same for Serah.
That was right. Even if Fang had been Ragnarok at the end of the War, even if she'd destroyed her home and her whole damn planet, there were still people who'd think she was still worth the time of day. Vanille, obviously. Then there was Lightning. Even the rest of the l'Cie. It was true, wasn't it? Fang set her jaw, refusing to accept the possibility of another alternative. She needed this to be true so badly, or the weight of her past could reach out and bury her alive.
But Lightning was still quiet, and had been that way ever since the fight with the juggernaut had ended. Was the woman just embarrassed about losing out to a war machine that had been designed to take out l'Cie and Eidolons? Etro, but the woman had some stiff-necked pride. Lightning done well just to survive the encounter, but try telling her that.
Lightning's silence was giving her too much time to think, and Fang didn't want to be left in the oh-so-pleasant company of her own thoughts. Lightning didn't look as if she'd be talking any time soon, so it was up to Fang to ease the tension.
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Fang announced with a false casualness, deliberately slowing her pace to a slow swagger. "You have the self-preservation instincts of a lemming running for a cliff, you know that? Bloody suicidal."
Lightning made a sound that could have been either annoyance, or amusement. "Just so you know, it picked a fight with me, first."
"Like the King Behemoth last night, right?" Fang snorted, letting a smile touch her lips again. This banter with Lightning was making her feel better already. "You're really something."
"I did what I had to do, and made a rookie mistake while doing it. It won't happen again," Lightning told her, a hint of self-reproach in her voice, and Fang nearly slapped the woman upside the head. She really was an over-proud Cocoon viper… it was far past time for Fang to take Sunshine down a few pegs, and she had just the barb that would do it.
"I dunno. It was a real sweet thing you did, but it was seriously idiotic, too." Fang's smile widened then, as she looked Lightning up and down, trying not to enjoy the way it made the other woman twitch. "That'd be something I'd expect from Snow, not you."
"I kept Vanille safe, didn't I?" Lightning stopped then, crossing her arms against her chest almost defensively, those blue eyes suddenly refusing to look at Fang.
"Yeah, and I knew you would, but-"
Lightning exhaled sharply, starting to move stiffly onwards again. "Then that's all that matters."
Fang rested her hand against her hip, frowning at Lightning's coldly dismissive tone. In front of the others, sure, she could understand that Lightning wanted to keep this whole business under-wraps. But alone? Fang didn't like the way Lightning was suddenly distancing herself again.
Maybe Fang was a little desperate to be proven right, that Lightning would still welcome her company even if Fang was Ragnarok. It was the only thing that she could think of, to close that sudden emotional chasm between them. Lightning's shoulders had tensed when Fang grabbed hold of them, and she thrust Lightning, roughly, against the subterra's wall. The other woman grunted at the sudden impact, but Fang closed the distance between them in a flash.
Fang leaned in close, the scent of roses and Lightning lulling her for a moment as she met the other woman's blue eyes. They were still defensive, perhaps a little annoyed at Fang's actions. Fang could feel Lightning's hands on her own shoulders, hesitating in the act of pushing Fang away. Well, that hesitation was more than Fang had hoped for – she'd been expecting to be shoved back and cursed at.
No, Fang decided, as she noted the reluctant blush colouring Lightning's cheekbones. She'd been wrong, after all. Fang didn't love their few kisses just for that look of melting coldness in Lightning's eyes, or for the way Lightning pretended not to enjoy it all. It was also for herself. When she was with Lightning, like this, so close and caught up in the whirlwind of emotion and lust, it was so much easier to live with what she'd done, easier to forget the past and live for the now, like she'd always tried.
"I suppose you think you'd be deserving a reward for your idiocy, Sunshine?" Fang asked her softly, letting her lips brush the other woman's ear. She felt Lightning shiver, felt Lightning's hands tighten against Fang's shoulders. Fang felt her own pulse quicken at the reaction, savouring the way Lightning hovered somewhere between denial and lust.
"Fang, I-"
Fang didn't let Lightning finish, and pressed her lips against the soldier's in a searing kiss. She felt Lightning's body go completely rigid at the first brush of skin, and Fang wondered if she'd read Lightning's body language wrong. Lightning had been wanting this, right?
Lightning's gloved fingers tightened in her sari, and then suddenly the other woman had dragged Fang down against her – hard. In spite of her surprise at Lightning's sudden fervour, Fang let herself respond just as forcefully, relishing the taste and texture of Lightning's lips, the unexpected fiery passion. Lightning's free hand pressed against the back of Fang's neck, tangling in the long hair and pulling Fang even closer.
Etro, Fang didn't know what had gotten into the soldier, but right now she couldn't care, because Lightning wasn't hesitating now. Fang moved her hands from the soldier's shoulders, to stroke her face and soft throat, threading through those soft spikes before reaching out to brace herself against the tunnel wall.
That Lightning trusted Fang, enough to expose her vulnerabilities like this to someone as dangerous as Fang was… Even if Lightning couldn't know of Fang's past as Ragnarok, the level of trust was both reassuring and intoxicating.
She needed more.
Fang dared to brush the tip of her tongue against Lightning's lower lip. She felt the other woman's response, tentative at first, but quickly growing more certain. Lightning was a damnably fast study at this kind of thing. Fang slowed the kiss down as she languidly explored the inside of the soldier's mouth, stifling a needy groan as Lightning pulled back slightly, as Lightning's teeth grazed Fang's bottom lip.
It had been far, far too long since Fang had been with another woman like this. Last night had been nice, but–
Fang felt Lightning's breath hitch. Suddenly the Lightning's hands were on her shoulders, and the soldier shoved her away forcefully, breaking the kiss. Fang stared at her in confusion, trying to read Lightning's body language, to figure out what the hell just happened. Lightning wasn't meeting her eyes again, and Fang's gut instincts screamed bad news.
"I'm… sorry," Lightning's voice was still hoarse and breathless from the kiss, her cheeks still flushed. Why could she look so beautiful, while saying something like that? "But I can't do this, Fang. I just… can't. This was a bad idea."
Fang was silent, letting the words lie between them. She was unsure that she'd heard Lightning correctly. After that kind of kiss, Lightning was putting a stop to it all? It was insane, it was unbelievable, it was-
Well, that's got to be a new record for you, Fang, a traitorous voice inside her laughed as she still reeled from Lightning's rejection. How quickly she came to fear you! Nothing more to be expected of Ragnarok.
"…should have seen it coming, really." Fang felt cold, a numbness spreading out from her centre and travelling fast. Normally, she would have just reached out and shaken Lightning, demanded why there'd been such a sudden change in attitude. But now, there was Ragnarok in her mind, the knowledge of all she'd done to Gran Pulse and Cocoon. This was her just reward.
The beast that scarred Cocoon and destroyed Gran Pulse couldn't be happy, after all. It was only right, wasn't it?
Lightning must have sensed her sudden anguish, because that defensive look in her blue eyes had softened. "Fang, just listen to me for a moment."
Fang turned her back on Lightning, on the heart-wrenching look in the other woman's eyes. Etro, it burned to look at the soldier and know that she'd been rejected so thoroughly.
It's a bad idea to take it up with Ragnarok. It's good that Lightning doesn't actually trust me, after all. Fang clenched her teeth, so hard that her jaw hurt.
"I gotta go," she told Lightning. As she jogged away, Fang forced herself not to look back. She still had Vanille, she reassured herself vehemently, and that was the most important thing. More, she still had the rest of the l'Cie. Family. New friends, people who would stick by her no matter what.
But Lightning had been the closest of them, and if she'd rejected Fang, just like that, then who was to say that the others wouldn't spurn her too? Self-doubt rose up, threatening to drown her. There was light at the end of the tunnel up ahead, and Fang fought to get herself under control again.
She had to talk to Vanille, sort this out once and for all. Fang stepped into the light of the flower-filled fissure, and braced herself.
Lightning closed her eyes, letting her head rest against the tunnel wall as she let out a shaky breath. She was still breathless from the furiousness of the kiss, from the sudden heat that Fang had sparked inside her. She hadn't meant to let it take over like that – she'd just wanted to savour that one last kiss. But that was all over now, and she'd finally put an end to this ridiculous relationship idea.
It was the best course of action, that much was undeniable. No more distraction, no more embarrassment and uncertainty. Those were the things that would turn her cie'th before her time. Either that, or they would simply get her killed. Lightning opened her eyes, staring at the murky ceiling.
But if it really had been the best course of action, then why did she feel so awful? She slammed a fist against the wall, her jaw tight as she tried to get herself under control. Logical, rational thought should always win out over her traitorous heart. Silently, she listened to the sound Fang's rapidly-retreating footsteps, until they were droned out by thudding of monsters and the grind of distant, rusted-up machinery.
Fang wasn't supposed to have taken this so hard. She was supposed to have just shrugged it off, like water off a flan's back. Lightning sighed as she began to slowly follow after Fang. Perhaps Vanille had been right, then. But she'd tried to let Fang down gently-
You did a great job of that, soldier. Kissing her like that, in easy view of the others, what was she meant to think?
-so Vanille couldn't ask any more of her than that. Fang had chosen not to listen to what Lightning had had to say, so Lightning could wash her hands off the mess.
She quickened her pace, and was relieved to see that the tunnel had finally ended. The warm, afternoon sunlight streamed gently into the caves, and she blinked away the discomfort in her eyes as she went from total darkness to light.
Snow, Sazh and Hope were leaning against the exit of the subterra, all eagerly watching something that was going on outside the cave's mouth. Snow glanced in her direction as she approached, holding a finger up to his lips in a quieting gesture when she opened her mouth.
After her disastrous conversation with Fang, Lightning was in no mood for Snow's little games, and she shot Hope a pointed look.
"Fang told us to wait here, while she had a talk with Vanille," the boy told her quickly, his expression grim. "Said it was private, and that she'd 'skin the idiot who interrupts'."
Lightning made a small sound of irritation as she crossed her arms over her chest. If Fang was taking it out on the rest of the l'Cie, then the other woman was sure to be in a foul mood. No need to guess who was responsible for that mood swing, either.
"So whatever it is, it's gonna be juicy," Sazh added, but he didn't look away from where the two Pulsian women were now talking. If she strained, Lightning could just make out the sound of Vanille's voice, carried to her ears on the light breeze. What were they talking about? Lightning's gut constricted painfully – had Fang gone running off to Vanille for comfort?
Snow snorted, restlessly thumping the subterra wall with a fist. "Whatever, I thought that Eidolon battle was pretty sweet. That thing had arms, man."
Eidolon battle? Fang defeated Bahamut back at the Ark. Lightning's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Then it must be Vanille's, not Fang's. Which means that they were talking about some problem of Vanille's, something bad enough that she'd need one of Etro's messengers.
"Very astute, son," Sazh replied dryly to Snow, as Lightning looked past the latter's huge shoulders and out into the sunlit fissure. Disappointingly, it wasn't the end of the tunnels, and was simply a small break, but it was a relief when all she'd seen was darkness, rocks and old robot militia for the last few hours. The subterra's split was filled with grass and delicate, white flowers. Fang and Vanille stood at the centre of the fissure, holding each other close.
Fang didn't look so shaken up, now that she was with Vanille. Lightning's stomach twisted. She remembered the look in Fang's eyes, the image vivid in her mind's eye. She didn't think she'd forget it for a very long time – a look that was all disbelief, hurt and guilt.
"Come to think of it, I've been wonderin' about those two. Reckon they're… you know?" Snow crossed two fingers of his hand, waggling his eyebrows dramatically. Lightning felt her anger spike again, and she shoved him into the tunnel wall. Snow didn't have the slightest clue of what he was talking about, but that kind of conjecture touched on a rawness that still lingered no matter what she kept telling herself. Her heart still disagreed with her mind, it seemed.
That would change, eventually. It always did.
"If you've got time to be gossiping, Snow, then you've got time to upgrade your Umbra patch," Lightning told him harshly, giving him a severe scowl and cracking her knuckles threateningly. Satisfied with Snow's muttered apology, she looked out into the flower-filled fissure again, towards where Fang and Vanille still held onto each other.
It shouldn't matter what the relationship between those two actually was – it wasn't her business. Not anymore.
Fang had been dead-on correct about who had been Ragnarok, all those years ago. The truth had been inescapable, even if she'd desperately tried to latch onto the hope that she hadn't been the destroyer of her own home. Fang squeezed Vanille's shoulder reassuringly again, to let her know that she didn't blame Vanille – not for letting Fang become Ragnarok, not for lying all this time. As far as Fang was concerned, Vanille was her sister and she was blameless. She was Fang's whole world.
I'd burn the world for her sake. She remembered telling Lightning that, back when they'd first met. At the time, she hadn't known that she already had.
But that didn't mean that Fang didn't blame herself for Gran Pulse's destruction. No matter what she'd been thinking or why she'd done it, no matter how hard she'd fought and killed in the War of Transgression, the genocide of her own people wasn't something that Fang could stomach. Not while sober, anyway.
And then there was Lightning. Maybe the woman had sensed that deep down, Fang was nothing but a fal'Cie's monster. She slackened her hold on Vanille, holding the girl at arms length. Fang smiled, but the expression felt fragile and hollow. Vanille's green eyes were still worried, even after all Fang's muttered reassurances – Fang supposed that her sister had always been able to read her like a book.
"Fang? What's wrong?" Vanille questioned her, softly.
"…it's nothing you need to concern yourself with, all right?" Fang didn't want to have to lie to her, so she simply dismissed the question out-of-hand, even if she wanted to scream. No, things were not alright. She was the beast that had wiped out Gran Pulse, scarred Cocoon, and she was not somebody Lightning trusted. Lightning, who she'd been so certain of, who'd made Fang feel a little more at peace with herself, a little less like a monster.
A gentle hand touched Fang's cheek, drawing her attention back to the present. Vanille had always had a way of doing that, of disrupting Fang's more morbid thoughts and reminding her that there was light and hope and something to fight for. Even if the whole world seemed dark and dreary, now. Exactly what did they hope to find at Oerba? Just another shell of a city? The brand on her shoulder stung warningly.
"Fang." Vanille's voice drew her back again, and suddenly the redhead was in her arms again. The tingling in her brand was forgotten as she heard Vanille whisper, "Please, just talk to me. You're too quiet. It's scaring me."
Ragnarok is meant to scare people, Fang wanted to tell her sister. It's the end of the world.
There was no need to stress Vanille with that grim observation, though, and Fang's voice was deliberately light-hearted when she finally spoke. "It's just a little much right now. This whole thing, that I was really Ragnarok… it's a lot to process."
Fang felt Vanille nod against her chest, but her sister didn't release her from the embrace.
"If it matters, you didn't do all of this on purpose. It was… it was an accident. The only thing you did was try to fill a Focus, because I was too scared."
Vanille still loved her, even despite knowing the awful truth. Fang nodded to herself, trying to convince herself of that. Lightning's rejection was nothing, nothing compared to the warmth of her new family. She just had to keep telling herself that.
"I know," Fang whispered against the top of Vanille's head, tightening her grip on Vanille's shoulder. She had to take what comfort she could. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the rest of the l'Cie emerge, blinking, from the shadows of the subterra. Of course, Lightning had led the way, and the woman didn't even spare Fang a glance as she began to order the rest of the group about.
Lightning. The name burned. Just more proof that Fang destroyed everything she loved, because she'd somehow ruined whatever she'd had with Lightning. It still hurt to look at the woman, and she could still feel the soldier's lips and supple body, see those half-smiles and flustered scowls –
Fang tore her gaze from the soldier. No, while Lightning was just there, she was now as far from Fang's reach as the stars in the sky. Desperate to look at something else – anything else – Fang's gaze feel on the white, Oerban flowers that had grown in the fissure. She knelt quickly, plucking two delicate stems from the ground and tucking the first one behind Vanille's ear.
Vanille's worried look didn't change though – she wasn't fooled by Fang's actions. She might not know what had just transpired between Fang and Lightning, but Vanille would guess. Etro, but the disappointment and concern in her sister's eyes was almost unbearable. Fang looked down, noting that the Oerban flower was now crushed between her fingers.
As she heard Lightning's sharp orders to begin to move on out again, Fang shouldered her bladed lance and let the smashed-up flower fall to the ground.
No matter how much she wished it wasn't so, the memories of being Ragnarok changed everything.