Hey guys! I hope you all had really awesome Holidays and New Years! I'm currently writing this while on the train to university. It's a 40 minute journey so I thought I'd write the first chapter of commentary for 2012.
AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111 (I don't want to know whether or not I'm truly goffik or not thanks)
Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. (Of course it was. Is this going to be like her descriptions of clothes, but for a car?) On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. (Well, what else was it supposed to say? You're so predictable, put some more effort in!) I went in it seduktivly (How can you get into a car seductively? I might practice this later on). Stan (Stan? Shunpike?) started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan) (Really? I thought he was named after... hang on, who is Satan now anyway? Is it Voldemort? I lose track), kuttting, musik and being goffik. ("Do you cut?" "Yeah." "Do you like MCR?" "Yeah." "I love being goffik." "Me too.")
"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed (Shouldn't he say "Oh me!" as he is called Satan? But now we know once again who Satan is, huzzah!) as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy) (I she writing her own narration here? "Tara goes and has sexual intercourse with a bisexual male")
"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena."(I totally decided you were a whiny emo bitch when I heard that you weren't going to kill yourself because you heard Helena) I said in a flirty voice. "...Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" (He should do, since for some reason the truth potion – if that's what it is in this story – is named after him!)
"Well..." he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod." (Vampire as in Edward Cullen – ha ha – or Dracula? I thought vampires don't have blood? Or are we talking Harry "Vampire" Potter's blood?)
Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. (Why is it so important that even the cinema is black? Does it exclusively show horror films or something?) Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist (Reagan is on a thigh master and projectile vomiting over her mother who is telling her she needs to do cardio as well as strength for a full workout). In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol (She hasn't even seen the Exorcist has she? Unless the boy is actually the crucifix...?). Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. (Yes but in a previous chapter you established that you were a sadist but stopped hurting someone in order to be nice to them or something...)
While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar (I'm holding in my breath right now to not burst out laughing on the train! A TNBC cigar! Not a blunt then, seeing as you were smoking weed earlier? But oh my god, that is so horribly cliché and cringeworthy) sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. (Did you unroll it? What am I talking about, of course not!) I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag (Emily the Strange? Oh dear...). Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere. (Trying to hold back from bashing my head against the tray table here...)
"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd (Noticed that he was with you?). "Enoby gess what?"
I new that the amnesia had worked. (I KNEW months ago that you can't spell. Sorry, I was trying to take the piss out of "new" but had to go past-tense to make it work)
"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. (I'm so confused. It's like watching Inception for the first time all over again) "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u." (CHEAT! LIAR!)
"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly (He wanted to drug you, you daft hoebag!). And den... he tok of my cloves (… of garlic?) sexily and we started 2 make out (In the cinema? When, I'm sorry, "The Exercise" is on? That being said, I know some people who have done worse than that in the cinema. Anne Summer's parties reveal many secrets... but I digress). I tok of his shit (I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING COMBUST WITH LAUGHTER ON THIS TRAIN! YOU TOOK OFF HIS SHIT?). He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 (Does Gerard have a six pack?) We frenched.
"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. (NO, SHE HAS MORALS YOU CUM-DUMPSTER!)
"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly... I attaked her suking all her blood. (Oh lord!)
"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped (I'm sorry, but this has to be deliberate!) koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether (No... I want to vomit just reading about this!). Satan and I started to walk outside. (Naked?)
"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.
"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car. (Oh my god, I completely forgot about her being a vampire with all the other bullshit that was going on)
"Siriusly?" he gasped. (If this were Tumblr, I would add my "Siriusly" GIF here)
"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. (You probably smell like man-places, whore)
"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?" (No, in the end, Reagan gets a personal trainer and it isn't the fun and frolics of her attempting to use the treadmill by herself at a high speed anymore)
"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time (Yes, you do have a boyfriend). We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol. (Who do you reckon wears the most makeup: Ebony or Manson?)
"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers (I did the fingers down my throat). I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way (I'm looking fed up right about now). I almost got an orgaism!1 (Somebody, PLEASE tell her about sex!) Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.
"I wood like to peasant...XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. (You got onstag? YOU MOUNTED JAMES POTTER? HE IS LILY'S, YOU BITCH!)
"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy (When I get into uni I'm going to go into the darkroom and swallow all the chemicals because I can't take this shit any more! Or wait for the next 125 to Paddington and jump in front of it!). Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation (Fuck me... This is stupid). "I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak. (… Draco will hear about this? Because she'll go forward in time and tell his son...?)
"OMFG!1" yielded James (What is James' gothic name again? Ah, so he actually was there then!). "Wut the fuck?"
"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.
"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.
"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"
"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.
"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. (Ladies... keep it together!)
"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. (Who's Samaro again? I get so confused)
"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. (Laughing silently on a morning rush-hour train...)
And den...I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 (What? How do you do that? Usually when I'm at home writing commentaries, when she comes out with stupid shit like this I'll try to do it to see what it's supposed to look like. I had to hold myself back from doing it then)
"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak. (Good. But of course she didn't die)
As there's only about six chapters left after this, I've began to think about what other stories I could write commentaries for as i've enjoyed writing this so much. I found a Twilight one called "Twila, the Girl who was in Love with a Vampire" (or something like that), so when I finish this I'll make a start on that one. I hope you'll join me there too!