*AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hello! Nothing particularly happens between Toby and Katie in this chapter. I wrote this chapter carefully because I wanted you guys to get to know Katie and her personality a bit better. I wanted you to feel like you knew Katie like she was real so she would make more sense in future chapters. PLEASE REVIEW!
Chapter 4.
*KATIE'S POINT OF VIEW*
As I lay in bed that night I thought about today's events. I don't know what came over me. One minute I'm hiding from the world; hyperventilating when I come across too much contact. Next thing I know I'm in a stranger's house playing video games with him! What is up with me? I don't understand. I'm a very complicated girl. I over think everything.
My past made me who I am. I know they always say your past and background is what makes you. You know; primary socialisation and all that. But nobody ever really told me the norms and values of life. I just had to figure it all out for myself. Nobody told me how to cross a road properly, legally and safely. Nobody taught me about equality or how to socialise with people. I just had to figure it all out by myself.
My mother was awful. Evidently she had the capability to be a mother, but boy she did not have the capability to be a mum. When I fell over as a child and grazed my knee she never came to my aid. She never made my knee better with a magic kiss and place a band aid on top. She never carried me in to bed, tucked me in and read me a bedtime story until I fell in to peaceful sleep. She never told me she loved me. In the end she left me. Abandoned me. An innocent child left to wonder: where has mummy gone? Was it something I did? As for my father...well...I can't even bring myself to even think about him. He already fulfils my nightmares and made me who I am today. I just can't think about it...not yet.
Primary school was the only institution I ever enjoyed. I made friends, kept friends, and my biggest problem within school was if they had the right coloured crayon I wanted. Primary school was the only place I could go to where I felt safe and wanted. I didn't feel alone.
However, Secondary school was another story. As my previous friends grew older and got in to fashion and blending in with everyone else they began to realise I was different. They realised I would only hold them back and ruin their image. As a result of this, they stopped being my friend. They stopped asking me round for sleepovers and pretended they didn't know me. I spent all my years suffering through bullying and a number of times I just wanted to die. But I held on to the fact I'd never have to see them again after school ended.
I guess what I'm trying to do here is figure out what is happening to me and why Toby is making such an impact on my characteristics. I tossed and turned in the comfort of my bed running through my life events (carefully avoiding the main part: my father) and trying to almost be a physiatrist to myself.
I guess Toby made an impact on me because he didn't judge me. Not once did he look at me like I was weird and tried to avoid me. He did all he could to be friends with me and socialise with me and now he even wanted to hang out with me. He made it his mission to make me come out of my state and he succeeded. Nobody has ever made that much effort with me before. So why should I let go of that chance of a stable friendship? I need to let my guards down and begin to trust again. I will not let my past change my present and future in to a negative way that I don't wish to be.