*AUTHOR'S NOTE* Please take note that although I have this set in American I am using English terms such as using the English schooling system as opposed to the American way. I do live in England and don't have much knowledge on the American education system so I would probably mix things up if I tried that way! So please make an exception for me ^-^ thanks!

Chapter 9.

*KATIE'S POINT OF VIEW*

"When I was in Primary school my last year was really tough for me. It all built up and up and up inside. I had troubles at home, my siblings were the worst teenagers ever, and people just didn't seem to like me. There was this one person I was friends with; his name was Nathan. He would always put me down. I would be told I'm ugly; my family were messed up and make fun of things like how bad I was at mathematics. Nevertheless I couldn't keep away from him because I still wanted to be friends so I just continued to be put down. My self esteem was practically non-existent. In the end I broke down and smashed his head against a wall; causing to him to black out"

I studied Toby's face carefully to see how he would react but he didn't. He just kept quiet and kept staring at me contently.

"I didn't mean to do it. I don't know what came over me! Just all that pressure...all that hate. It just got to me y'know? And that's when I began to feel...suicidal. I never would have done it because I'd never do that to my family no matter how painful it got. Nevertheless it didn't stop me from imagining doing it. I used to..." I took a deep breath. "I used to pinch myself until I bled to imagine what pain I could feel. I used...I used to wrap things around my neck to imagine how it would feel to hang myself. I hated my life that much."

"But anyway" I carried on; brushing off what I just said. "When I left Primary school I was looking forward to a new start in Secondary school. Nobody knew my past; I could actually make friends again. But that didn't work out"

"To cut a very long story short I spent all my years in education bullied. I got called stereotypes, made fun of by my looks, beat up and threatened. I had been shoved in to walls, punched and spat on. I received hate online and everything. There was no escape. But then that's when I discovered a way to deal with my pain. How to get rid of the emotional pain I had building up inside. This explains my arms."

Then I did something I would have never done before and would most likely never do again. I wanted Toby to understand the full extent of what I went through and see all the consequences of it. Without thinking I pulled my top off slowly not caring that I was topless with just a bra on in front of a male. Despite my sudden half nakedness Toby did not flinch or look even surprised. He just watched my body and took in the full extent of it all.

"After a long night of reading comments on the internet of bullies criticising everything about me...I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed and cried; I punched the walls. That is when I got the idea. I went downstairs, in to the kitchen, and picked up a knife. I remember pulling my sleeve up slowly and breathing deeply with nerves. I remember finally plucking up the courage to slice the knife slowly along my arm. I remember the blood. I remember how it felt. It felt amazing. The pain that drowned me then made me feel better than I had felt all night. Dealing with physical pain is much easier than emotional pain"

I took a break to catch my breath from so much talking and to see how Toby was doing. Toby just looked like a blank canvas waiting to be painted on. I couldn't even begin to predict what he did next. How could I possibly expect him to understand such an unhealthy addiction?

"You're beautiful Katie. You're a beautiful person inside and out". Toby reached his hand towards me and run his index finger over the scars on my left arm. I shivered under his touch and kept my eyes on his finger with trailed each and every scar.

"Each and every scar means something Katie. Each one has a story behind it. But that is the past Katie. You're an amazing person and I want you to believe that".

Before I knew what was happening, Toby leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. He then slowly pushed me back and I fell on the bed gazing in to his eyes. Toby leaned down and kissed my left wrist. I trembled underneath him and my trembling only got worse. Toby continued to kiss my wrist and led up to my forearm; kissing each and every scar. All I could focus on was his lips which were tracing each and every pale white line.

He reached my left shoulder. But Toby wasn't finished. He moved over to my right arm.

"Toby..." I whispered shakily. But he didn't reply. I didn't know what I was trying to say to him. Nothing else made sense anymore, but only that moment in time.

He began kissing my right shoulder and eventually worked his way down to my wrist. It was like he was planting life in to all my scars again.

After Toby had finished he leaned up and kissed my lips. This time I was prepared.

I kissed him back slowly whilst tears began to fall from my eyes. I was happy, I was sad, I was every emotion.

"Don't be ashamed of your scars Katie. They are what make you as a person. They're beautiful and so are you" Toby murmured on my lips.

"T...thank y...you" I stuttered out.

I didn't want Toby to go and sleep on sofa. But luckily for me he mutually felt the same. Toby led back on my bed and held out an inviting arm to me. I instinctively fitted myself in his arm leaning trustingly against his chest. Toby kissed the top of my head.

"You're beautiful" was his last words that night.

As I lay in his arms I thought about everything that had happened. Toby was unique; he wasn't like anyone I have ever met in my life. He wasn't one of those bullies. He didn't put me down. He made me learn to love my scars. And that I did. He was right- those scars made me who I am today and I should be proud of that. I shouldn't want to be someone else- that's just a waste of a person.

However, he didn't allow me to finish my story of why I am the way I am. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but now looking back at our conversation I am glad he stopped me in my tracks. It would have been stupid to tell the rest.

I was made to vow not to tell anybody else that deep and dark secret.

I was sworn to confidentiality.

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* So how was it? Please review! This chapter is a chapter I have been waiting to write for weeks. And when I finally got to it- it took me hours! It is just this chapter meant so much to me. This chapter involves some true stories in it with true experiences. I really hope I could get across Katie's character. I hope she makes sense to you now.